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Honest guv.
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I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.
Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Yes. Although I don’t like being vocally honest with others because I don’t like offending people, and honesty usually upsets someone.
So I tend to think it and not say it, unless specifically asked.
I’m honest with myself. I’m aware of my faults. |
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By *bw44DDWoman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Absolutely. I’ve been told I’m too honest before. Not sure how that’s possible. I’d never be rude or upset someone but honesty is massively important to me in every aspect. I would also personally much rather someone be honest with me than lie. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always honest, only way I know how to be. Everyone that knows me, knows when they come to me I'll give my honest views on a situation whether they like to hear it or not. I appreciate the same in return from others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in"
I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer. |
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"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in
I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer. "
I'm always honest *as far as possible* with myself. I think people have a hard time distinguishing between honesty and their opinion and when it's appropriate to keep your mouth firmly shut.
In other words unless someone asks you for the truth or you really think it's appropriate to tell it...shut the fuck up.
Sorry for my language |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I'm brutally honest to myself and like to think I am then honest to others.
Although I think there can be a line where honesty and self-preservation cross and blur the lines. For example I can mask my lack of self confidence and so am not being honest but then I usually tell people important to me  |
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
No i lie to everyone about everything including myself did i ever tell you i once dived out of a shuttle as it flew into space cos i dropped a 5er out of my pocket and im tight with money
Ps thats the truth honest |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Yes I'm honest but only on an honest-to-know basis. But I'm candid enough to satisfy both parties."
Honest-to-know. Very good Nerolatte.  Candid is a good choice of words, that implied directness and straightforward way of being I respect. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.
Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest "
I do know that Prey.
Little trivial technical lies I can understand. There's no point in hyperfixating on the minutiae is there? I don't think anyone is honest 100% of the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I’m honest. And I’d rather be honest and true (even the ugly stuff) than a fake and a liar.
At least those who stick around and still like me are the ones who wanted the real me and not the version they had imagined and I had to keep up with. You know?
Friends don’t lie.
*one for the geeks.  |
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"I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.
Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest
I do know that Prey.
Little trivial technical lies I can understand. There's no point in hyperfixating on the minutiae is there? I don't think anyone is honest 100% of the time. "
When has no point in hyperfixating ever prevented a hyperfixation?
There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.
Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.
Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest
I do know that Prey.
Little trivial technical lies I can understand. There's no point in hyperfixating on the minutiae is there? I don't think anyone is honest 100% of the time.
When has no point in hyperfixating ever prevented a hyperfixation?
There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.
Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course."
This is interesting. I'm on the spectrum and the concept that people lied to my face to let me gently or conceal the truth for another reason was hard to understand. I don't think they did it for my benefit.
It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.
So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me' |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.
Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.
This is interesting. I'm on the spectrum and the concept that people lied to my face to let me gently or conceal the truth for another reason was hard to understand. I don't think they did it for my benefit.
It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.
So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'"
Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.
I'm on the spectrum as well, I don't think people are aware of how jarring that dissonance between the truth and the lie can be; say in conversation something is discussed - like I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake. Later they'll say how much they enjoyed that strawberry milkshake and it's just... like a discordant chord is being repeatedly slammed.
It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic  understanding.
I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.
Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.
This is interesting. I'm on the spectrum and the concept that people lied to my face to let me gently or conceal the truth for another reason was hard to understand. I don't think they did it for my benefit.
It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.
So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'
Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.
I'm on the spectrum as well, I don't think people are aware of how jarring that dissonance between the truth and the lie can be; say in conversation something is discussed - like I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake. Later they'll say how much they enjoyed that strawberry milkshake and it's just... like a discordant chord is being repeatedly slammed.
It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic understanding.
I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film."
My status status today is 'The only thing in life that's black an white is dalmatians' I will edit shortly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the past I was a big people pleaser which was mainly down to self worth issues.
After my divorce I had to do a lot of self reflection and self exploration.
After years of work I'm honest and direct about everything, owning my light and shadow aspects.
I think that when you hide from truths you just create cracks for trauma and/or insecurities to grow like tumours.
Also, as part of an ENM relationship honesty is a must for maintaining a healthy balanced relationship |
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I'm as honest to myself as I can be, given my implicit bias towards my own point of view. I do try to practice self-reflection.
Towards others I'm honest to a point, but not if that honesty causes unnecessary hurt. I'd rather say nothing than be hurtful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm another spectrummy person. I hope I'm now honest with a good dose of tact throw in, but I used to just be honest, sans tact, and that tended to go down like a lead balloon. I was never one of those people who delight in causing disharmony under the guise of "just being honest", it always mortified me to have offended anyone. Withholding truths in order to spare people's feelings was a tough and confusing learning curve as an autistic kid/teenager.
Nell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh, and something that REALLY confused me was discovering that when you tell people you're very honest they immediately think that you're lying and not to be trusted  |
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"There's a thread currently running that's got me thinking about honesty.
Are you honest? To yourself, to others? Even the "ugly" stuff. Is honesty important to you?"
I'm always honest, can't abide liars 
Honesty is the best policy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in
I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer.
I'm always honest *as far as possible* with myself. I think people have a hard time distinguishing between honesty and their opinion and when it's appropriate to keep your mouth firmly shut.
In other words unless someone asks you for the truth or you really think it's appropriate to tell it...shut the fuck up.
Sorry for my language"
don’t. It turns me on seeing you like this |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Chorley, Eng |
"There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.
Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.
This is interesting. I'm on the spectrum and the concept that people lied to my face to let me gently or conceal the truth for another reason was hard to understand. I don't think they did it for my benefit.
It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.
So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'
Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.
I'm on the spectrum as well, I don't think people are aware of how jarring that dissonance between the truth and the lie can be; say in conversation something is discussed - like I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake. Later they'll say how much they enjoyed that strawberry milkshake and it's just... like a discordant chord is being repeatedly slammed.
It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic understanding.
I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film."
Totally relate to you both too. Also ND ADHD.
I am very very honest with myself. And I prefer to spend time with people who are honest and can handle honesty. But I am also kind. I am not splurting my honesty everywhere. If you ask if you look good in something I will be kind but honest based on my opinion. You don't ask me I won't say anything.
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I'm another spectrummy person. I hope I'm now honest with a good dose of tact throw in, but I used to just be honest, sans tact, and that tended to go down like a lead balloon. I was never one of those people who delight in causing disharmony under the guise of "just being honest", it always mortified me to have offended anyone. Withholding truths in order to spare people's feelings was a tough and confusing learning curve as an autistic kid/teenager.
Nell"
That is indeed the other side of it. It was difficult to understand why saying what was obvious was considered rude or inappropriate. It would a lie to say that I still don't struggle with this. |
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"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in
I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer.
I'm always honest *as far as possible* with myself. I think people have a hard time distinguishing between honesty and their opinion and when it's appropriate to keep your mouth firmly shut.
In other words unless someone asks you for the truth or you really think it's appropriate to tell it...shut the fuck up.
Sorry for my language don’t. It turns me on seeing you like this"
From what I have read Mr P you are experiencing a peak in your turned onness. |
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It took me a long time to realise there were shades of grey. I still find a lot of things are very much one way or the other, but almost everything has elements of the other side if you overthink it to death. |
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"There's a thread currently running that's got me thinking about honesty.
Are you honest? To yourself, to others? Even the "ugly" stuff. Is honesty important to you?"
Lies and mistruths are part of life. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Yes. Although I don’t like being vocally honest with others because I don’t like offending people, and honesty usually upsets someone.
So I tend to think it and not say it, unless specifically asked.
I’m honest with myself. I’m aware of my faults. "
It can do. But, and I don't mean this as a slight, isn't it better to give people that choice sometimes?
You answered the other question! Thank you, x Knowing yourself fully isn't easy, I don't think we ever do - we're far too nuanced and fluid. You can be aware of less than negative traits (as well as positive ones) though. |
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By *igjonny090Man
over a year ago
blackpool and Manchester |
I tried to hide stuff for years about myself and it all ended up screwing me up mentally and physically, now I’m an open book honest as I can be and avoid anything that may be considered a lie unless it’s unavoidable |
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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago
Beyond the Wall |
Any one claiming they are always honest, is not being honest. Honesty is not always the best policy. The truth can hurt, a lot.
So its less so much about how honest are they being with me, or me with myself, and more about what are the implications to me around any potential dishonesty. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.
Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.
This is interesting. I'm on the spectrum and the concept that people lied to my face to let me gently or conceal the truth for another reason was hard to understand. I don't think they did it for my benefit.
It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.
So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'
Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.
I'm on the spectrum as well, I don't think people are aware of how jarring that dissonance between the truth and the lie can be; say in conversation something is discussed - like I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake. Later they'll say how much they enjoyed that strawberry milkshake and it's just... like a discordant chord is being repeatedly slammed.
It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic understanding.
I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film.
My status status today is 'The only thing in life that's black an white is dalmatians' I will edit shortly."
What about zebras?
And 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid'? 
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not honest all the time and can be guilty of saying things people want to hear so I don't create conflict.
Although I do think people can be a bit self righteous about "being honest all the time and telling it like it is". They're genuine, but a genuine twat/knobend/child that lack tact |
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Of course honesty is the foundation of good relationships and good communications with others, not forgetting being honest with yourself too. However as was said before there might be times when its appropriate to say nothing at all, or even embelish the truth slightly, if you are going to cause a big upset and distress and what you are actually not entirely honest about is no a biggy at all. A little white lie or a zipped mouth can sometimes save someone a lot of heartache. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I'm not honest all the time and can be guilty of saying things people want to hear so I don't create conflict.
Although I do think people can be a bit self righteous about "being honest all the time and telling it like it is". They're genuine, but a genuine twat/knobend/child that lack tact"
Ah yes definitely! It happens a fair bit in life doesn't it? Also "genuine" doesn't actually mean right, even if they think they are.
There was a thread Pickles did about caring about how people view you or something? I really want to find that. |
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