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I Speak To The Animals….
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Yea verily; Dr Doolittle here and I talk to animals and shit (the latter figuratively I mean; I don’t actually talk shit….although many may beg to differ…but fuck them ‘cause I don’t require sectioning….yet)
Anyhoo; I’m offering you all the chance of a lifetime:
I will teach you fluency in communication to any animal species of your choosing.
All you have to do is say which species of animal you’d like to converse with and why.
Off you go my fine folks  |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Yea verily; Dr Doolittle here and I talk to animals and shit (the latter figuratively I mean; I don’t actually talk shit….although many may beg to differ…but fuck them ‘cause I don’t require sectioning….yet)
Anyhoo; I’m offering you all the chance of a lifetime:
I will teach you fluency in communication to any animal species of your choosing.
All you have to do is say which species of animal you’d like to converse with and why.
Off you go my fine folks "
a great white whale  |
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"Yea verily; Dr Doolittle here and I talk to animals and shit (the latter figuratively I mean; I don’t actually talk shit….although many may beg to differ…but fuck them ‘cause I don’t require sectioning….yet)
Anyhoo; I’m offering you all the chance of a lifetime:
I will teach you fluency in communication to any animal species of your choosing.
All you have to do is say which species of animal you’d like to converse with and why.
Off you go my fine folks a great white whale "
Like what you did there  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes. |
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"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes."
 Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes.
Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’ "
What does it mean when they turn their ass to me. |
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"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes.
Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’
What does it mean when they turn their ass to me."
It roughly translates as: ‘I have no further usage for you human.’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I talk to animals more than people sometimes. I have few animals friends in the neighbourhood and when I bump into the owners they usually get less attention than their pets.
Cats were done. So perhaps storks/other migrating birds. I would love to ask about their travels. the logistics and all.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Goose, please. I really want to know what they're saying to each other as the fly overhead in v formation because I'm nosey. I suspect it's something like: "Are we going the right way? Why is Gavin in front again? He took us to fucking Svalbard last year instead of Greenland!!!". |
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"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes.
Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’ "
Sounds about right..  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
My newest addition to my fur family, my big boy, my big German shepherd Rottweiler cross. I’d ask him if he’s ok and if he’s happy with us.
He came from the same litter as my big girl (who we had from a puppy). My big boy went to another family (someone we work with) only he was too much for them (they said he was destructive etc). They wanted rid of him. So we took him on and he and his sister still remembered each other, and it’s been happy days since.
He is a gigantic cuddle monster and loves to be loved, I adore him (I adore all my dogs) he just oozes love and it makes my heart sing.
But sometimes I worry that he may miss his past family. So I’d like to check with him. See what he says. |
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"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes.
Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’
Sounds about right.. "
What about moles I have one in my veg patch and I'd like to tell it to fuck off |
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"My newest addition to my fur family, my big boy, my big German shepherd Rottweiler cross. I’d ask him if he’s ok and if he’s happy with us.
He came from the same litter as my big girl (who we had from a puppy). My big boy went to another family (someone we work with) only he was too much for them (they said he was destructive etc). They wanted rid of him. So we took him on and he and his sister still remembered each other, and it’s been happy days since.
He is a gigantic cuddle monster and loves to be loved, I adore him (I adore all my dogs) he just oozes love and it makes my heart sing.
But sometimes I worry that he may miss his past family. So I’d like to check with him. See what he says."
I’m quite sure that he wouldn’t change the loving home he is in now for anything |
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"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes.
Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’
Sounds about right..
What about moles I have one in my veg patch and I'd like to tell it to fuck off "
Message from the mole: ‘I’m really sorry guvnor; I’m as blind as a bat see, and my sense of direction is comparable to that of the late George Best after a three day binge….’   |
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"I'm conversant with dog talk. But I would like to communicate with horses to find out why they are scared of their own shadow. While I'm here can I also get the cat pack. I want to know why they are all assholes.
Luckily, cat is one of the easiest languages to pick up; If a cat is looking directly at you it is invariably saying one of three things:
1. ‘Feed me human! Now!’
2. ‘Worship me you subordinate human!’
3. ‘As lowly and disagreeable as your species is, I nonetheless require to sit on your lap human. You will sit motionless for the duration of my slumber.’
Sounds about right..
What about moles I have one in my veg patch and I'd like to tell it to fuck off
Message from the mole: ‘I’m really sorry guvnor; I’m as blind as a bat see, and my sense of direction is comparable to that of the late George Best after a three day binge….’ "
 
If he came out and played football like George best I'd forgive him. |
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