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Change one thing about you
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
"The cycle of going to bed too late and waking up feeling shattered and promising myself to go to bed earlier.
Only to forget and repeat "
Time and time again. It’s okay though, I’ll get a early night tomorrow to make up for it |
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"The cycle of going to bed too late and waking up feeling shattered and promising myself to go to bed earlier.
Only to forget and repeat
Time and time again. It’s okay though, I’ll get a early night tomorrow to make up for it"
I keep telling myself I will do the wake up at 5am in thing..... Once.
Was good but oh God the bed is so hard to leave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you could change one thing about you what would you change? "
Nothing I'm happy and comfortable in my own skin, and accept the whole of who I am, how I am and what I am  |
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"I would just love to have a little bit longer legs 
But then you’d just be Bird."
I still wouldn’t be Bird or Big Bird I can assure you both. I will still be incredibly little. Just perhaps I might make 5 feet tall |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Frankly, it's a bit late at this stage, but I would have changed my given name at birth; for reasons that I cannot disclose here, my given name caused me a lot of problems when I was very younger and I do not identify with my name.
In the FFL, French Foreign Legion, new recruits are given another name; that would have suited me. |
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I can learn to live with my physical insecurities, but I would like to bring back the person I used to be.
The fun, lively, care-free version who had dreams and saw everything in a positive light.
An abusive ex left me with PTSD and permanent mental health issues. I feel like I'm a shell of who I was and there is no light in my eyes any more and I don't think I could it would even be possible to feel and love the way I used to. |
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"I can learn to live with my physical insecurities, but I would like to bring back the person I used to be.
The fun, lively, care-free version who had dreams and saw everything in a positive light.
An abusive ex left me with PTSD and permanent mental health issues. I feel like I'm a shell of who I was and there is no light in my eyes any more and I don't think I could it would even be possible to feel and love the way I used to."
That must make for sad reading for your husband |
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"My hair,I would love thick luscious hair"
Good shout I would add that for myself more than a big bum as it goes. I forgot about my hair scalp issue as so used to living with human lace hair sewn In since I transition a decade ago  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My hair,I would love thick luscious hair
Good shout I would add that for myself more than a big bum as it goes. I forgot about my hair scalp issue as so used to living with human lace hair sewn In since I transition a decade ago "
I've always had very thin hair ,nothing improves it sadly |
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"I can learn to live with my physical insecurities, but I would like to bring back the person I used to be.
The fun, lively, care-free version who had dreams and saw everything in a positive light.
An abusive ex left me with PTSD and permanent mental health issues. I feel like I'm a shell of who I was and there is no light in my eyes any more and I don't think I could it would even be possible to feel and love the way I used to.
That must make for sad reading for your husband "
Love was probably the wrong word as I don't mean in a romantic sense (although my Husband certainly had his work cut out for him!). I mean love of life, people, hobbies, interests, etc.
It is hard to find the kind of genuine enjoyment in things I used to love because I associate joy or excitement with something bad. I think they will come with consequences or I constantly question my worth or deserving of them and it sets off a war inside my head.
I have been with my Husband for 12 years and he has never hurt me, but I still flinch when he makes sudden movements. I disregard my own feelings or wants because I feel they aren't important, I can fly off the handle with any little criticism, any sort of raised voice will put me into flight mode, I struggle to make my own decisions, and I fight a lot of internal battles.
It is not intentional, it is just how I have been conditioned and although I am not as bad as I was, there are remnants that will probably always remain, no matter what.
I have learned how to cope with it but it doesn't mean it isn't there, and luckily for me, my Husband understands me enough to know it isn't personal, and he does not expect me to "baby" him by putting on an act.
I am happy, but I will probably never be the person I was before the abuse. |
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"I can learn to live with my physical insecurities, but I would like to bring back the person I used to be.
The fun, lively, care-free version who had dreams and saw everything in a positive light.
An abusive ex left me with PTSD and permanent mental health issues. I feel like I'm a shell of who I was and there is no light in my eyes any more and I don't think I could it would even be possible to feel and love the way I used to.
That must make for sad reading for your husband
Love was probably the wrong word as I don't mean in a romantic sense (although my Husband certainly had his work cut out for him!). I mean love of life, people, hobbies, interests, etc.
It is hard to find the kind of genuine enjoyment in things I used to love because I associate joy or excitement with something bad. I think they will come with consequences or I constantly question my worth or deserving of them and it sets off a war inside my head.
I have been with my Husband for 12 years and he has never hurt me, but I still flinch when he makes sudden movements. I disregard my own feelings or wants because I feel they aren't important, I can fly off the handle with any little criticism, any sort of raised voice will put me into flight mode, I struggle to make my own decisions, and I fight a lot of internal battles.
It is not intentional, it is just how I have been conditioned and although I am not as bad as I was, there are remnants that will probably always remain, no matter what.
I have learned how to cope with it but it doesn't mean it isn't there, and luckily for me, my Husband understands me enough to know it isn't personal, and he does not expect me to "baby" him by putting on an act.
I am happy, but I will probably never be the person I was before the abuse."
One of most genuine heartfelt posts. I am sorry that you still struggle from what happened in the past to you. I felt really sad reading it and I normally don't comment much unless it's a cake or dinner thread but wanted to wish you all the best.I hope you find ways to feel even better in the future and keep making progress and as you say bring back the person you used to be. That would be the best way to show those that hurt you before that you are strong and better than them.
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By *ip2Man
over a year ago
Near Maidenhead |
"...I associate joy or excitement with something bad...
"
Gosh, that was a heck of a story. It must have taken courage to write that. I'm glad to hear you've improved and feel happy, if never the same as before. |
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