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Anxiety in swinging
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Do you have it? Do you get it?
I’m not talking about a bout of nerves or insecurities, although they can be symptomatic of it, I’m talking about the feeling of anxiety, sometimes a physical sensation.
How do you manage the situation and bouts of anxiety? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I always get nervous before meeting someone new "
I do too. I think that it’s a positive thing, it’s a sign that I care about the persons opinion and makes me at my best.
Not all anxious feelings are bad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m strange.
I get nerves if I’m meeting someone new. But I can get by on adrenaline and bravado.
Put me in a room full of new people and I get so cripplingly anxious, that I’ll bolt before I even get through the door. |
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I always get it before going to a club. Wondering what the crowd is going to be like, whether it's going to be easy talking to people or is it going to be hard work and if I do recognise anyone to chat to, being overly aware of hanging onto them throughout the night because talking or anyone else is that scary.
I definitely need to be in the right mindset and prepared to go through that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always get it before going to a club. Wondering what the crowd is going to be like, whether it's going to be easy talking to people or is it going to be hard work and if I do recognise anyone to chat to, being overly aware of hanging onto them throughout the night because talking or anyone else is that scary.
I definitely need to be in the right mindset and prepared to go through that."
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I have anxiety issues sometimes, and they have flared up the past few months. Went to a club for hogmanay and that was the first time I'd experienced it there, found it difficult to speak to anyone. Hope it doesn't happen again |
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I get occasional anxiety flare ups, when I'm overthinking on my day to day errands, and carry an infinity cube for a grounding.
Never had it with swinging though, I guess it's because I let my brain take a pause, and my personality take over |
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Hello OP 
I do suffer with anxiety from time to time, but pretty much never with swinging. I think it's because I'm leading with my uninhibited pleasure seeking self rather than my more thinky day-to-day self.
What about you?
Mrs TMN x |
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I find people in this lifestyle to be alot less judgy, we are all here for a similar reason. I feel alot less insecure because I figure the people that meet us are happy to meet, see, touch me/us so I can drop my guard a little and enjoy feeling accepted and wanted, something I never feel in real life ever. Therefore my anxiety levels are through the roof on a day to day basis, something I take medications for however if we go to a club I feel so much calmer, liberated and validated so the anxiety mostly melts away.
In a strange old way fab has saved me a little bit.  |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
No, quite the contrary, it’s my release, my happy place.
I have suffered from very intense anxiety for as long as I can rember… my first ever memories come from very anxious moments. I get plenty of anxiety at home and work- I certainly don’t need it at my swinging/fab/playtime! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate feeling like the fate of the conversation or whatever rests with me. That pressure exhausts me just thinking ahead to a meet.
I love being with a person who has a really calm air of authority and I know they don’t have a need to fill every millisecond with inane chatter.
It's a rare find |
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I get extremely anxious whenever I’m going to something like a vanilla party or a wedding. Especially if I don’t know anyone. I find it very difficult to strike up meaningful conversation with people I don’t know.
Somehow it’s ok with fab. I suspect because I know we all have one thing in common and I’ll have one subject I can use in conversation. From there it tends to flow and I can be confident with myself. |
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Considering I suffer from social anxiety from just going to meet mates in a pub, I am often looking for a reason to cancel the meeting as I am walking up the garden path to the persons house. Most of the time I can settle the nerves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find people in this lifestyle to be alot less judgy, we are all here for a similar reason. I feel alot less insecure because I figure the people that meet us are happy to meet, see, touch me/us so I can drop my guard a little and enjoy feeling accepted and wanted, something I never feel in real life ever. Therefore my anxiety levels are through the roof on a day to day basis, something I take medications for however if we go to a club I feel so much calmer, liberated and validated so the anxiety mostly melts away.
In a strange old way fab has saved me a little bit. "
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I suffer from Anhedonia which on one hand is difficult because I don't have the ability to get excited about anything in advance,whether that is a trip away, a concert or a fab meet.
Similarly there is no lasting effect afterwards.
However it also means I don't experience anxiety or nervous anticipation as such.
I'm used to it at this stage but if given a choice I would much prefer to deal with the anxiety if it meant I could experience the joy of anticipation again. |
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I had crippling anxiety before my last meet, to the extent that I was wanting cancel and just to get into bed and curl up into a ball.
Thankfully a lovely Forumite gave me a bit of a pep talk on WhatsApp that afternoon and I overcame it  |
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"I like the nervous excitement feeling. Anxiety.. nope I’m a big girl xx "
Yep. Those butterflies. The anticipation. The rush when you smile at each other. The breathless first kiss. All of it. It’s part of the fun. A big part. |
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Yep, I get it too but not crippling.
I try not to over think it but I do worry about other people’s expectations.
I’ve had the pleasure to meet such lovely people and always honoured when they invite me, but I’m not a over strong dom guy and fear I may disappoint if that’s what they are expecting.
I suppose this is where the profiles and conversations before are important.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m so anxious to meet anyone I don’t meet anyone.
I live in hope I can overcome it someday but if not, I have already made a peace with myself my sex life is over."
I think the COVID lockdown made a lot of people go into their shell’s a bit , it can be hard to get back Into the “small talk” mode , I think I have spent my entire life anxious of one thing or the other - money/ body shape / exams etc , like you I’ve wondered if my sex life is over , if it happens think I will need a few G and T’s for Dutch courage … I envy those that don’t go through negative feelings, but totally relate to those comments on hear
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Oh yes. Body confidence fine. I'm comfortable in my body, no hang ups. But lots of social anxiety. Being on the spectrum is a big part of that. Not just in terms of how it effects me socially but also in terms of memories of social difficulties past.
How I deal with it. Mainly experience in a social setting. Often the result of years of putting myself out of my comfort zone to learn. Doesn't mean it's still not difficult. In fact it's completely exhausting. Until I'm totally comfortable with someone or they share a specific intrests it's like a massive game of chess to me. People don't realise because I mask it well. But sometimes the cracks do show and I do something wrong or look like a weirdo (all though my perception of this is probably a lot worse than it looks to others). But it's not so bad once I know others accept me for the weirdo I am. So naturally I have anxiety and I believe for good reason to be fair.
But I love this lifestyle and can't always get rid of the anxiety however well I drill for it. So all I can do is dive in dragging it with me. Its a far better option depriving myself of this lifestyle due to fear.
Also when I do get overwhelmed by anxiety, noise/activity or things not going to plan I simply take a time out. By this I will make a little excuse and go find somewhere quiet to regroup for 5 mins and then reenter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get anxiety even just chatting in the forum 
Haha, yep. "
Funnily enough I'm happy here.
I think it's because you can dip in and out. Gather your thoughts. Delete. Edit. As you wish & only if you wish.
Stuck face to face I feel trapped.
Social claustrophobia |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stuck face to face I feel trapped.
Social claustrophobia
So you want the seat nearest the exit when we meet up? Got it. "
Trapped in the awkwardness ...to be propping up the convo and not get the dreaded blank space between the ears through stage fright |
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