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My boyfriend broke up with me
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x"
Sorry, what was that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x
Sorry, what was that "
I said, I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I came home with a note from my girlfriend on the fridge saying : this doesn’t work.
I opened the fridge, the light went on though. "
How weird is that  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x
Sorry, what was that
I said, I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x"
You look fine what are you worried about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Emmm ok this is a hard one as I kind off detect a joke but at the same time I don’t want to laugh or anything just incase it isn’t
Ok awww hugs op if it’s not a joke you deserve better
It’s ok though have a little cry wipe away the tears and let loose and have a awesome time
Till someone comes along that deserves you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Emmm ok this is a hard one as I kind off detect a joke but at the same time I don’t want to laugh or anything just incase it isn’t
Ok awww hugs op if it’s not a joke you deserve better
It’s ok though have a little cry wipe away the tears and let loose and have a awesome time
Till someone comes along that deserves you "
I normally go for awkward silence whilst looking for exit sign |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x
Dude ... Really?  "
Too soon? Do you think she needs some space? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She sent me a letter which started 'Dear John' I didn't read it my name is Paul. Never did find out why she wasn't home. "
Reminds me of the young ones scene
“They’re probably bills”
“WHO’S BILL?” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
Omg I am figuratively pissing myself at the people in this thread. Serious face  "
You and me both |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x
Dude ... Really?
Too soon? Do you think she needs some space?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know
I'm sorry to hear this, OP. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener x
Dude ... Really?
????????
Too soon? Do you think she needs some space?
"
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My girlfriend just left me too.
She said she was sick of constantly having to ask me to do the household DIY.
As she slammed the door as she stormed her way out, it fell off the hinges.
That’ll teach her… |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What’s the difference between a chicken leg and a penis?
Not sure, but you wanna go for a picnic?"
I’ll bring the chicken legs, you bring the penises |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out "
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?"
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon |
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?"
I heard you just have to stick your dick in the chicken bucket |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon"
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
I heard you just have to stick your dick in the chicken bucket "
Don’t pretend you’ve never seen it happen in KFC |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
I heard you just have to stick your dick in the chicken bucket "
That’s a step up from warm apple pie |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure? "
So suspicious of an innocent picnic |
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
I heard you just have to stick your dick in the chicken bucket
Don’t pretend you’ve never seen it happen in KFC"
Only when I look down at my bucket, anyone fancy KFC? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure?
So suspicious of an innocent picnic "
Anything else besides chicken legs and a penis? |
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
I heard you just have to stick your dick in the chicken bucket
That’s a step up from warm apple pie"
You can't get away with apple pie in public |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure?
So suspicious of an innocent picnic
Anything else besides chicken legs and a penis? "
…………… No |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure?
So suspicious of an innocent picnic
Anything else besides chicken legs and a penis?
…………… No"
Ah what the hell, I’m in.  |
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"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure?
So suspicious of an innocent picnic "
What has KFC and your pussy got in common?
There'll be fingers, lickin' and it'll be good |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
It’s a picnic not fucking Farmageddon
That’s what you’re telling me, how can I be so sure?
So suspicious of an innocent picnic
What has KFC and your pussy got in common?
There'll be fingers, lickin' and it'll be good"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry to hear that.
If you had heard it, maybe he would have stayed.
"
He keeps shouting “you never listen do you”
Such an aggressive way to start a conversation |
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"It's at times like this, trapped in an airlock on a Vogon demolition ship with a man from Betelgeuse, about to be thrown into the airless frozen vacuum of space, that I wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was a boy."
"Why? What did she say?"
"I don't know. I didn't listen."
OP, I'd turn my hearing aid off for you.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
""It's at times like this, trapped in an airlock on a Vogon demolition ship with a man from Betelgeuse, about to be thrown into the airless frozen vacuum of space, that I wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was a boy."
"Why? What did she say?"
"I don't know. I didn't listen."
OP, I'd turn my hearing aid off for you. "
What was that, I wasn’t listening |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My girlfriend asked if I noticed anything different about her hair so I took the easy way out and did a triple back flip into a volcano.
"
Best one so far |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
My ex wife left me because she said she couldn't remember the last time we had sex.
I blame the chloroform myself.....
It wasn't just that. She said it was also because of my obsession with The Monkees.
I thought she was kidding...
...and then I saw her face.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He said I never listen. And some other shit, I don’t know "
My ex once asked me if I'd heard a word she'd been saying. I thought to myself "That's a funny way to start a conversation" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why have I got people in my inbox asking me if I’ve fucked a woman yet?
Give me chance, my boyfriend’s only just broken up with me  "
There are people on your inbox? Oh my
I suggest you use “send to all” x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My ex wife left me because she said she couldn't remember the last time we had sex.
I blame the chloroform myself.....
It wasn't just that. She said it was also because of my obsession with The Monkees.
I thought she was kidding...
...and then I saw her face.
A"
(monkey) |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"My ex was an amputee. We argued incessantly to the point I had to leave. He said it was all my own fault, that I didn't have a leg to stand on. Bit rich coming from him, if you ask me "
An old girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back.......
A |
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"You just need a threesome with a chicken and a monkey...thatll help you forget your boyfriend as youll be thinking what the fucks this weird shit Ive got into now "
Did someone say monkey?
I'm in |
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"My ex was an amputee. We argued incessantly to the point I had to leave. He said it was all my own fault, that I didn't have a leg to stand on. Bit rich coming from him, if you ask me
An old girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back.......
A"
I think some people find the disability humour too much  |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"What kind of fucked up picnics do you have that involve chicken legs and penises.
Do you want to find out
Do I need to sign a waiver or anything before I agree?
I heard you just have to stick your dick in the chicken bucket
Don’t pretend you’ve never seen it happen in KFC"
it certainly tastes like it at the one in Torquay |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"My ex was an amputee. We argued incessantly to the point I had to leave. He said it was all my own fault, that I didn't have a leg to stand on. Bit rich coming from him, if you ask me
An old girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back.......
A
I think some people find the disability humour too much "
It's something a lot of people can't handle.
Mainly amputees.......
A |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My ex girlfriend hates being called my ex when I’m with her in public.
If I’d have known that, I wouldn’t have spent a fortune getting married
"
Be prepared to spend a fortune on a divorce |
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My ex broke up with me when i told her id done a poo which weighed exactly 2lbs. She said thats rubbish how can you guess that exact - i said based on size and density I guessed exactly 2lbs - then i put it on the scales - i was bang on!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex broke up with me when i told her id done a poo which weighed exactly 2lbs. She said thats rubbish how can you guess that exact - i said based on size and density I guessed exactly 2lbs - then i put it on the scales - i was bang on!!! "
! |
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"My ex wife left me because she said she couldn't remember the last time we had sex.
I blame the chloroform myself.....
It wasn't just that. She said it was also because of my obsession with The Monkees.
I thought she was kidding...
...and then I saw her face.
A"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A farmer friend of mine got a letter from his finance company ref his new tractor. Apparently he failed to keep up the payments on it and they where going to reposses it.....The letter started JOHN DEERE. |
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