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Naughty step an "act of violence"
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"An education charity in France has claimed that disciplining children by sending them to a “naughty step” can be considered a “violent” punishment. " I'm sure they could argue that it is capable of creating emotional or psychological injury... personally though, I think that having no consequences to our actions is more damaging in the long term. Cal | |||
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"Or to see a steps tribute act " Immediately call Social Services. | |||
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"Fab naughty step? Fuck me you'd never get upstairs, it'd be cluttered " Yes can’t talk about it but yes there’s a fab time out step ha ha | |||
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"Or to see a steps tribute act " that's extreme violence to the ear drums | |||
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"Or to see a steps tribute act that's extreme violence to the ear drums " A "tragedy" if you would | |||
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"Or to see a steps tribute act that's extreme violence to the ear drums A "tragedy" if you would " lol I can think of a parody to that song  | |||
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"An education charity in France has claimed that disciplining children by sending them to a “naughty step” can be considered a “violent” punishment. I'm sure they could argue that it is capable of creating emotional or psychological injury... personally though, I think that having no consequences to our actions is more damaging in the long term. Cal"  | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!)" | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!)" There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. " Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”  | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*” "A fucking good hiding There, i said it | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. " Please do enlighten us as to this other way | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*” "Aw come on Dan. I tried to stay away but these kind of comments trigger me. | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*” "You never know what’s going on with someone else. | |||
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"Fab naughty step? Fuck me you'd never get upstairs, it'd be cluttered " Depends on who you are | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. " I totally agree with this but I do also think there are times when a child needs to be able to go somewhere to calm down. When they are in an excited state then whatever you do is only going to exacerbate it. A short timeout allows the blood to stop boiling (for everyone ) and reflection to take place so I think the step does have its uses. | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. " Some absolutely sound advice there, how do you go about putting it into progress? Genuinely I'm absolutely useless at this parenting thing, I try the soft gentle talk, with the I understand you feel like this, or it's ok to get angry etc, but it hardly ever works and the naughty step does get used, not often though luckily, but I've zero idea how to deal with the tantrums and pushing buttons, even worse the back chat (takes after her dad she does  )
Mrs | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
A fucking good hiding
There, i said it"omg you'll be punished now lol  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
A fucking good hiding
There, i said it" | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
A fucking good hiding
There, i said it"Kids are short of a crack | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. " This is wise and gentle, every word. Thank you. I try to live by this as much as possible, too. And I've a child of my own and have taught teenagers for 20 years, so I know it works. My mother put it well: 'Say yes whenever you can. But when you say no, mean it.' | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
A fucking good hiding
There, i said itomg you'll be punished now lol "Probably, this isnt my first rodeo | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. I totally agree with this but I do also think there are times when a child needs to be able to go somewhere to calm down. When they are in an excited state then whatever you do is only going to exacerbate it. A short timeout allows the blood to stop boiling (for everyone ) and reflection to take place so I think the step does have its uses." Absolutely, and so do we as adults. It doesn’t need to be an enforced place though, it can be something that works for both sides. | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
A fucking good hiding
There, i said itomg you'll be punished now lol
Probably, this isnt my first rodeo"I agree with you, a good hiding is a bit strong but a crack round the head is appropriate, didn't do me any harm | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. Some absolutely sound advice there, how do you go about putting it into progress? Genuinely I'm absolutely useless at this parenting thing, I try the soft gentle talk, with the I understand you feel like this, or it's ok to get angry etc, but it hardly ever works and the naughty step does get used, not often though luckily, but I've zero idea how to deal with the tantrums and pushing buttons, even worse the back chat (takes after her dad she does )
Mrs "It’s hard to know, not being there, because we’re all so different. Can I pm you? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. This is wise and gentle, every word. Thank you. I try to live by this as much as possible, too. And I've a child of my own and have taught teenagers for 20 years, so I know it works. My mother put it well: 'Say yes whenever you can. But when you say no, mean it.'" Pick your battles, and once you’ve picked it, then don’t back down, but the battles have to be absolutely worth it. I bet there are a few people muttering, you fucking hippy under your breath out there
Be the parent you wanted to have  | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
A fucking good hiding
There, i said itomg you'll be punished now lol
Probably, this isnt my first rodeo
I agree with you, a good hiding is a bit strong but a crack round the head is appropriate, didn't do me any harm "I definitely don't endorse violence but sometimes I've seen kids push their parents to the limits so badly that it's nearly justified Smack on the hand or bum I don't think is as bad but personally not for my children | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
Aw come on Dan. I tried to stay away but these kind of comments trigger me. "For clarity, I’m not dismissing the kids or those that genuinely do have conditions. My sympathy and empathy in those situations. This is about parents that let their kids run amok with no consequences. And very liberally say they’re over active or whatever while they sit there looking at their phones … | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!)" Lost count of the number of times a mother has said to me about their ill-disciplined, rude, obnoxious, loin fruit that they’re waiting to get their little prince statemented… ….drops coat at door mother picks it up, says bye, kid ignores her. I tell her to put it back down. Tells kid to come back, pick it up hand to mum, say thank you and say bye. And you know what, for the life of me, [SARCASM MODE] I can’t work out where the problem is. | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) Lost count of the number of times a mother has said to me about their ill-disciplined, rude, obnoxious, loin fruit that they’re waiting to get their little prince statemented… ….drops coat at door mother picks it up, says bye, kid ignores her. I tell her to put it back down. Tells kid to come back, pick it up hand to mum, say thank you and say bye. And you know what, for the life of me, [SARCASM MODE] I can’t work out where the problem is." Haha spot on | |||
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" Be the parent you wanted to have "I'm lucky. I'm trying to be the parents I did have. 'Try. Fail. Try again. Fail better.' | |||
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" Be the parent you wanted to have
I'm lucky. I'm trying to be the parents I did have.
'Try. Fail. Try again. Fail better.'
"Love this | |||
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"Anyone advocating violence against children need to take a long, hard look at themselves. Why do adults (who are the ones who have responsibility for children) go straight to "whack 'em over the head" if it appears that a child isn't doing what we think it should be? When you balls up at work, should your boss be giving you a solid left hook? When you nip through that red light, should PC Plod give you a bloody nose? No. Violence breeds violence. I smacked my son (now 20) once. Only once. I never did it again and I have never done anything like that to my 5yo daughter. We're doing very well so far, behaviour wise. Absolutely no need for it at all."
Same here, my kids are genuinely lovely. | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse" It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
"Fear is not a valid method of "controlling" children. If a parent needs to rule with fear, I'm afraid they've failed. | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
"The parents are to blame yes agreed, bit kids can be right little cunts sometimes and can test the patience of a saint | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
Fear is not a valid method of "controlling" children. If a parent needs to rule with fear, I'm afraid they've failed. "My Mum (single parent on breadline - free school meals and all that) didn’t fail me. At all. So what is the magic bullet that gets kids to behave when they’re acting up like brats then? We’ve all seen it out and about. | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
Fear is not a valid method of "controlling" children. If a parent needs to rule with fear, I'm afraid they've failed.
My Mum (single parent on breadline - free school meals and all that) didn’t fail me. At all.
So what is the magic bullet that gets kids to behave when they’re acting up like brats then?
We’ve all seen it out and about. "There’s a middle ground between bashing kids and letting them do what they want. | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
Fear is not a valid method of "controlling" children. If a parent needs to rule with fear, I'm afraid they've failed.
My Mum (single parent on breadline - free school meals and all that) didn’t fail me. At all.
So what is the magic bullet that gets kids to behave when they’re acting up like brats then?
We’ve all seen it out and about. "My mother was also a single parent, she liked to whack me and leave deep welts on my legs. I wouldn't mind, but I was a nice and well behaved child. I hate my mother (not just for that, for the entire shambles she made of bringing me and my brother up and for the abhorrent person she is - long story). I was mainly brought up by my Grandparents, because my mother prioritised other things. My Grandparents HAD used smacking etc with their children but interestingly they never did and never NEEDED to, with me and my brother. Do you know what they did? They listened to us, they set clear and reasonable boundaries, they explained WHY we could or couldn't do XYZ and they never once broke a promise. We have an almost 6-yo little girl here. No-one has ever or will ever hit her (unless she's assaulted in the street or something). Is she just a magically well behaved child? Or has ensuring secure attachment from Day 1, gentle and responsive parenting resulted in this? I don't know, but I know that the one time I smacked my son, I felt like I'd failed. I felt evil and the look on his face of loss of trust and respect was palpable. My son has always been able to come and talk to us about absolutely anything at all. Nothing off limits. That's another thing - telling children to go away, shut up, stop asking questions etc because you find it irritating. That's exactly what parents SHOULD be doing. And no, I've never been a stay at home parent. I've always worked FT and so has Mr KC, so whatever we have been able to do, it's not because we've been home with our kids 24/7. There's no need to repeat the mistakes of the past. | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
Fear is not a valid method of "controlling" children. If a parent needs to rule with fear, I'm afraid they've failed.
My Mum (single parent on breadline - free school meals and all that) didn’t fail me. At all.
So what is the magic bullet that gets kids to behave when they’re acting up like brats then?
We’ve all seen it out and about.
My mother was also a single parent, she liked to whack me and leave deep welts on my legs. I wouldn't mind, but I was a nice and well behaved child. I hate my mother (not just for that, for the entire shambles she made of bringing me and my brother up and for the abhorrent person she is - long story).
I was mainly brought up by my Grandparents, because my mother prioritised other things. My Grandparents HAD used smacking etc with their children but interestingly they never did and never NEEDED to, with me and my brother. Do you know what they did? They listened to us, they set clear and reasonable boundaries, they explained WHY we could or couldn't do XYZ and they never once broke a promise.
We have an almost 6-yo little girl here. No-one has ever or will ever hit her (unless she's assaulted in the street or something). Is she just a magically well behaved child? Or has ensuring secure attachment from Day 1, gentle and responsive parenting resulted in this? I don't know, but I know that the one time I smacked my son, I felt like I'd failed. I felt evil and the look on his face of loss of trust and respect was palpable.
My son has always been able to come and talk to us about absolutely anything at all. Nothing off limits. That's another thing - telling children to go away, shut up, stop asking questions etc because you find it irritating. That's exactly what parents SHOULD be doing.
And no, I've never been a stay at home parent. I've always worked FT and so has Mr KC, so whatever we have been able to do, it's not because we've been home with our kids 24/7.
There's no need to repeat the mistakes of the past."Love, love, love this | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!)" I'm curious what you mean by conditions and why you put it in inverted commas? | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse It is a difficult one .. you’re absolutely right. When I was a kiddie and misbehaved I was warned. If I *continued* I got a little bit of a smack on the back of my legs that might have stung for a couple of seconds.
But the fear of that meant I rarely misbehaved after a warning so it was rarely used.
I was lucky. I guess others not so and as you say there’s a line that can be crossed.
The difficulty is what is appropriate then?
There HAS to be consequences otherwise no punishment is viable.
I’ve seen people say “don’t do that or you won’t have any cake”.. they continue and invariably STILL get the cake later. Kids quickly learn that the threat is hollow!
It’s the parents I blame … not the kids!
Fear is not a valid method of "controlling" children. If a parent needs to rule with fear, I'm afraid they've failed.
My Mum (single parent on breadline - free school meals and all that) didn’t fail me. At all.
So what is the magic bullet that gets kids to behave when they’re acting up like brats then?
We’ve all seen it out and about.
There’s a middle ground between bashing kids and letting them do what they want.
"I’ve not advocated bashing kids. I’ve said parents need to follow through with punishments (which could be taking their xBox away, not having that cake, not watching that cartoon or whatever). When I’m out and about I see kids running amok and misbehaving and the parents do fuck all to stop it. I’ve (honestly - 100% true!) seen kids deliberately breaking eggs in shops and the parents did NOTHING. There needs to be a fear of “something” (an actual consequence of their actions) otherwise kids quickly learn they can do what they want. They’re smart like that! | |||
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"The only problem is, there's a fine line between discipline and abuse" I think the blur is caused by the subjectivity of what is reasonable and what isn’t. I am a parent and i found in the early years deprivation of something they value to be the way forward- they do something I don’t like then I will do something they don’t like - like a favourite toy would be confiscated which hit home way more than a smack ever would - as they got older they needed a lift somewhere - that lift would sadly not be forthcoming ( on the isolated occasion that they ever did something so heinous as to deserve it) mostly they were amazing and i instilled nothing comes for free in life - so if you want something - do something in return - so a conversation would be Dad can I get a lift later - I’ve washed the tea dishes and X dried them. I never had to ask them to bring dirty clothes down or help out as both me and their Mum had full on full time jobs and mine took me away a lot. So I had it easy I guess. As they hit teens and the smartass period- they found me to be the most inventive and creative punisher - I couldn’t confiscate an X box they had bought and paid for with their own money - but I could confiscate the electricity to power it. They actually laughed and said - we will never win will we? I said nope I have much more experience of being petty and childish than you.. ask your mum!! | |||
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"Kids are generally not to blame for the behaviour they show, it is the parents raising them. You don't usually see toddlers/young children acting in aggressive ways,mouthing off at people and swearing their heads off as the "norm". All those behaviours are learnt as they grow up. I have 3 children, 13,11,4 Not once have I ever had to smack,shout or put them in certain places deemed "naughty steps" ever. I am strict with discipline, it's sometimes rare to see with other parents. If I say no, it means no and they know that. If I ask them to do a chore,tidy away something they will do it. It's extremely rare any of them will push it and behave in a really bad way. I've only ever treated them like a person and one that was very wanted, so often you hear parents say " you're getting on my nerves today, I wish I never had you" whilst stood at the school gates. Then they wonder why a child won't behave for them. Respect works both ways, they'll never show it, if you also don't give it either. " 3 kids 13 11 & 4 - what made you choose those names?? | |||
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"Kids are generally not to blame for the behaviour they show, it is the parents raising them. You don't usually see toddlers/young children acting in aggressive ways,mouthing off at people and swearing their heads off as the "norm". All those behaviours are learnt as they grow up. I have 3 children, 13,11,4 Not once have I ever had to smack,shout or put them in certain places deemed "naughty steps" ever. I am strict with discipline, it's sometimes rare to see with other parents. If I say no, it means no and they know that. If I ask them to do a chore,tidy away something they will do it. It's extremely rare any of them will push it and behave in a really bad way. I've only ever treated them like a person and one that was very wanted, so often you hear parents say " you're getting on my nerves today, I wish I never had you" whilst stood at the school gates. Then they wonder why a child won't behave for them. Respect works both ways, they'll never show it, if you also don't give it either. " Very well said! Especially the last two paragraphs. | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*”
Aw come on Dan. I tried to stay away but these kind of comments trigger me.
For clarity, I’m not dismissing the kids or those that genuinely do have conditions. My sympathy and empathy in those situations.
This is about parents that let their kids run amok with no consequences. And very liberally say they’re over active or whatever while they sit there looking at their phones … "Ignore my kasy posts seems you've already answered it. That's one special ability you've got there to conduct a psychological assessment on such a brief encounter. And yiu are dismissing those kids. Signed. A kid that played up continually bevause no fucker knew he was autistic. Least of all random passers by | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. Some absolutely sound advice there, how do you go about putting it into progress? Genuinely I'm absolutely useless at this parenting thing, I try the soft gentle talk, with the I understand you feel like this, or it's ok to get angry etc, but it hardly ever works and the naughty step does get used, not often though luckily, but I've zero idea how to deal with the tantrums and pushing buttons, even worse the back chat (takes after her dad she does )
Mrs
It’s hard to know, not being there, because we’re all so different.
Can I pm you? "Yes of course, it would be much appreciated, stressed out mum here | |||
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"Kids are generally not to blame for the behaviour they show, it is the parents raising them. You don't usually see toddlers/young children acting in aggressive ways,mouthing off at people and swearing their heads off as the "norm". All those behaviours are learnt as they grow up. I have 3 children, 13,11,4 Not once have I ever had to smack,shout or put them in certain places deemed "naughty steps" ever. I am strict with discipline, it's sometimes rare to see with other parents. If I say no, it means no and they know that. If I ask them to do a chore,tidy away something they will do it. It's extremely rare any of them will push it and behave in a really bad way. I've only ever treated them like a person and one that was very wanted, so often you hear parents say " you're getting on my nerves today, I wish I never had you" whilst stood at the school gates. Then they wonder why a child won't behave for them. Respect works both ways, they'll never show it, if you also don't give it either. " | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) I'm curious what you mean by conditions and why you put it in inverted commas?" It could be anything .. depends how the parents choose justify their children’s continued bad behaviour. It’s like a drop-down box of excuses. We’ve all seen unruly kids out and about with increasing frequency and parents do nothing to control them. In our village petty crime like graffiti, littering, smashing up bus stops, setting things on fire etc is really on the rise. But there seems no consequence just excuses for bad behaviour. No, I’m not denying some kids DO have special conditions if that’s the trap you’re trying to get me to fall into. But it’s too easy for parents to say that knowing full well that’s there’s no comeback without making you sound like an absolute cunt! It’s a very easy card to play, when in fact the parents are simply enabling bad behaviour. | |||
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"Kids are generally not to blame for the behaviour they show, it is the parents raising them. You don't usually see toddlers/young children acting in aggressive ways,mouthing off at people and swearing their heads off as the "norm". All those behaviours are learnt as they grow up. I have 3 children, 13,11,4 Not once have I ever had to smack,shout or put them in certain places deemed "naughty steps" ever. I am strict with discipline, it's sometimes rare to see with other parents. If I say no, it means no and they know that. If I ask them to do a chore,tidy away something they will do it. It's extremely rare any of them will push it and behave in a really bad way. I've only ever treated them like a person and one that was very wanted, so often you hear parents say " you're getting on my nerves today, I wish I never had you" whilst stood at the school gates. Then they wonder why a child won't behave for them. Respect works both ways, they'll never show it, if you also don't give it either. 3 kids 13 11 & 4 - what made you choose those names?? "Thingy 1 Thingy 2 Thingy 3 Were already taken | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) I'm curious what you mean by conditions and why you put it in inverted commas? It could be anything .. depends how the parents choose justify their children’s continued bad behaviour. It’s like a drop-down box of excuses. We’ve all seen unruly kids out and about with increasing frequency and parents do nothing to control them. In our village petty crime like graffiti, littering, smashing up bus stops, setting things on fire etc is really on the rise. But there seems no consequence just excuses for bad behaviour. No, I’m not denying some kids DO have special conditions if that’s the trap you’re trying to get me to fall into. But it’s too easy for parents to say that knowing full well that’s there’s no comeback without making you sound like an absolute cunt! It’s a very easy card to play, when in fact the parents are simply enabling bad behaviour. " It's an equally easy card to play, dismissi g a random kids health and the struggles their parents have as the kid being a little shit and the parents being shot parents. But such are the joys of ableism | |||
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"A serious question to all you parents,what would you do if your child phoned the police because you had chastised them,kids talk in school and there have been countless reports of children phoning the police on their parents But how would you feel if it happened to you for clipping your kid round the ear " Embarrassed and angry. Neither of us ever hit our children though. We are grown adults in control of our actions and both know you don't use physical violence against people smaller and more vulnerable than yourself | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) I'm curious what you mean by conditions and why you put it in inverted commas? It could be anything .. depends how the parents choose justify their children’s continued bad behaviour. It’s like a drop-down box of excuses. We’ve all seen unruly kids out and about with increasing frequency and parents do nothing to control them. In our village petty crime like graffiti, littering, smashing up bus stops, setting things on fire etc is really on the rise. But there seems no consequence just excuses for bad behaviour. No, I’m not denying some kids DO have special conditions if that’s the trap you’re trying to get me to fall into. But it’s too easy for parents to say that knowing full well that’s there’s no comeback without making you sound like an absolute cunt! It’s a very easy card to play, when in fact the parents are simply enabling bad behaviour. " This is really interesting to read. I quote In our village petty crime like graffiti, littering, smashing up bus stops, setting things on fire etc is really on the rise. To be those things are not petty crime but criminal behaviour and wholly unacceptable. I also think as parents/ caregivers WE set the standards that the next generation is likely to follow. One of my children is "on the spectrum" and had special needs in the sense that I could not apply the normal rules that would apply to the others. They were no angels but I never had to use physical force to raise them. All children knew (and still know today) right from wrong and that bad behaviour has consequences. And therein lies the problem. If we ignore or, worse still, reinforce bad behaviour, how can we possibly expect better behaviour? | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) I'm curious what you mean by conditions and why you put it in inverted commas? It could be anything .. depends how the parents choose justify their children’s continued bad behaviour. It’s like a drop-down box of excuses. We’ve all seen unruly kids out and about with increasing frequency and parents do nothing to control them. In our village petty crime like graffiti, littering, smashing up bus stops, setting things on fire etc is really on the rise. But there seems no consequence just excuses for bad behaviour. No, I’m not denying some kids DO have special conditions if that’s the trap you’re trying to get me to fall into. But it’s too easy for parents to say that knowing full well that’s there’s no comeback without making you sound like an absolute cunt! It’s a very easy card to play, when in fact the parents are simply enabling bad behaviour. " The problem with parenting is there is no textbook, no school lesson that prepares you for it, life doesn’t prepare you for it so you’re giving someone totally unqualified for the job - the most important job in the world - and we beat ourselves up because we are just trying our best. Do some allow bad behaviour- or are they just so exhausted, overwhelmed and out if ideas they just want to get to the end of the day….? I find it hard to judge when you haven’t been in their shoes…much as i want to sometimes. | |||
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""Spare the rod and spoil the child" as they say. Whilst physical punishment may no longer be appropriate, the absence of discipline does a child a huge disservice. Kids need defined boundaries, and a clear message when they are crossed." Absolutely. Replace the word discipline with firm fair guidance and you have it 100%..... sorry 5% because the major part is the model they learn from. | |||
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"A serious question to all you parents,what would you do if your child phoned the police because you had chastised them,kids talk in school and there have been countless reports of children phoning the police on their parents But how would you feel if it happened to you for clipping your kid round the ear " Wouldn't happen...... IF and thats a massive IF....I was the type of person that had to resort to smacking someone round the head, then I'd seriously give my own head a wobble as it would be me with the serious issues not the child. I'd deserve to get myself arrested for it. | |||
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It isn't true kids simply model what they see. Some kids just go through weird patches. Our eldest turned into something from a horror movie for a little while when he was 3 or 4. Couldn't actually get him on the naughty step! No reason for it, it's just the inner beast that lurks within and ever so now and again it still pops out during a rugby match Mostly he's completely placid and rational.
Our youngest used to sit himself on the naughty step and then sit their grinning about it 
We just tried to be fair in how we told them off/punished/rewarded and always took the time to talk it all through and make sure they understood why there was an issue. Sometimes that included admitting we'd been unfair or got it wrong.
I don't think the naughty step is physical abuse, depending on how you put them there of course! | |||
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"Anyone advocating violence against children need to take a long, hard look at themselves. Why do adults (who are the ones who have responsibility for children) go straight to "whack 'em over the head" if it appears that a child isn't doing what we think it should be? When you balls up at work, should your boss be giving you a solid left hook? When you nip through that red light, should PC Plod give you a bloody nose? No. Violence breeds violence. I smacked my son (now 20) once. Only once. I never did it again and I have never done anything like that to my 5yo daughter. We're doing very well so far, behaviour wise. Absolutely no need for it at all." Agreed! My ex used to say a smack never did me any harm! I used to look at him and think really? X | |||
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"Anyone advocating violence against children need to take a long, hard look at themselves. Why do adults (who are the ones who have responsibility for children) go straight to "whack 'em over the head" if it appears that a child isn't doing what we think it should be? When you balls up at work, should your boss be giving you a solid left hook? When you nip through that red light, should PC Plod give you a bloody nose? No. Violence breeds violence. I smacked my son (now 20) once. Only once. I never did it again and I have never done anything like that to my 5yo daughter. We're doing very well so far, behaviour wise. Absolutely no need for it at all. Agreed! My ex used to say a smack never did me any harm! I used to look at him and think really? X"  I often hear people say this and think ' I'll be the judge of that' | |||
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"A lot of the time we expect standards if behaviour form our kids that we don’t hold ourselves. We spend so long worrying about what other people think they we forget to look at our kids, and see them. They are little people with huge emotions and they quite often just have no idea who to process them. It’s our job to help them, validate them, and mirror the right way. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I was a rubbish parent when they were younger, but kids find all your triggers and jump up and down on them like a trampoline. It’s our job to heal those triggers so they don’t impact on our kids, as much as we can. I totally agree with this but I do also think there are times when a child needs to be able to go somewhere to calm down. When they are in an excited state then whatever you do is only going to exacerbate it. A short timeout allows the blood to stop boiling **(for everyone )** and reflection to take place so I think the step does have its uses." ** Agree with this. I need to give myself more timeouts at work. | |||
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"So there’s now almost no forms of punishment that’s acceptable? SuperNanny will be spinning in her grave (even though she isn’t dead) Is it any wonder kids these days are uncontrollable brats that don’t listen to a word anyone says (usually explained away by them having a ‘condition’ rather than just being unruly and naughty!) There is another way, which doesn’t involve antiquated methods of punishment. Not all kids are unruly if the naughty step/physical punishment isn’t used. Well whatever it is that works, I wish the parents around the supermarkets and restaurants etc around here would use it more often. Child misbehaves .. “oh Timmy DON’T do that!” .. Child continues to misbehave .. “oh just ignore him, he’s got *insert condition used as excuse*” "I agree. I really don't believe that so many kids have xyz. Some, sure. But I think some parents just use it as an excuse to let their kids run around and cause havoc. And this then makes it a joke and people don't believe when the child really does have xyz and needs more understanding/ care. Also makes it shit for the good parent with the xyz child as everyone think the parent is shit.  | |||
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"If you have to resort to physical violence to get your kids to listen to you then you're already doing something wrong. I've not ever laid a finger on my daughter and she's far from a little shit. Sure, she plays up every now and then but what kid doesn't. She's respectful, kind with manners and has a lot of understanding for other people. I do disagree the naughty step is violence. It's literally giving them a small time out with no distractions. If you're using the method correctly there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. You've got to find the perfect balance. I know of many parents who are too gentle and that's no good and causes so many issues. But I won't ever agree or think it's acceptable to physically punish your child. " I would prefer to call timeout a timeout rather than refer to a "naughty" step. I suppose I see it a bit like a dunce's hat? However, I agree it's not violence. | |||
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"If you have to resort to physical violence to get your kids to listen to you then you're already doing something wrong. I've not ever laid a finger on my daughter and she's far from a little shit. Sure, she plays up every now and then but what kid doesn't. She's respectful, kind with manners and has a lot of understanding for other people. I do disagree the naughty step is violence. It's literally giving them a small time out with no distractions. If you're using the method correctly there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. You've got to find the perfect balance. I know of many parents who are too gentle and that's no good and causes so many issues. But I won't ever agree or think it's acceptable to physically punish your child. I would prefer to call timeout a timeout rather than refer to a "naughty" step. I suppose I see it a bit like a dunce's hat? However, I agree it's not violence." The word naughty is problematic in itself. The behaviour is naughty, but not the child. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " I agree. | |||
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"If you have to resort to physical violence to get your kids to listen to you then you're already doing something wrong. I've not ever laid a finger on my daughter and she's far from a little shit. Sure, she plays up every now and then but what kid doesn't. She's respectful, kind with manners and has a lot of understanding for other people. I do disagree the naughty step is violence. It's literally giving them a small time out with no distractions. If you're using the method correctly there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. You've got to find the perfect balance. I know of many parents who are too gentle and that's no good and causes so many issues. But I won't ever agree or think it's acceptable to physically punish your child. I would prefer to call timeout a timeout rather than refer to a "naughty" step. I suppose I see it a bit like a dunce's hat? However, I agree it's not violence." I've always called it the naughty step to be honest. I've never even thought too much about it but I see where you're coming from. A few days ago my little one kept trying to break her broom we bought her. She had several warnings, then we put her in the naughty corner for 3 minutes so she could sit and reflect on what she did. I don't think naughty is a damaging word in itself unless you're seriously drumming that into your child's head and making them feel worthless. | |||
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"If you have to resort to physical violence to get your kids to listen to you then you're already doing something wrong. I've not ever laid a finger on my daughter and she's far from a little shit. Sure, she plays up every now and then but what kid doesn't. She's respectful, kind with manners and has a lot of understanding for other people. I do disagree the naughty step is violence. It's literally giving them a small time out with no distractions. If you're using the method correctly there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. You've got to find the perfect balance. I know of many parents who are too gentle and that's no good and causes so many issues. But I won't ever agree or think it's acceptable to physically punish your child. I would prefer to call timeout a timeout rather than refer to a "naughty" step. I suppose I see it a bit like a dunce's hat? However, I agree it's not violence. The word naughty is problematic in itself. The behaviour is naughty, but not the child. " See as I said I get where you're coming from but I dunno I think that's overthinking it. And for me, I'd never see that as a word that could damage my daughter or cause any issues. | |||
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" The word naughty is problematic in itself. The behaviour is naughty, but not the child. See as I said I get where you're coming from but I dunno I think that's overthinking it. And for me, I'd never see that as a word that could damage my daughter or cause any issues." What effect does labelling the child have though, when you can name the behaviour instead. You can’t see what’s going on inside their head when you’re doing that? | |||
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"Or to see a steps tribute act " I thought a tribute act was they jizzed off the stage | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " Perhaps they think what's the point in behaving, I'll just get hit the first bad thing I do. Parents who hit often don't reward the good behaviour or even treat the child like a little actual person. | |||
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"There is a massive difference between physical punishment and abuse. And when talking about discipline they need to be separated in my opinion. I was physically abused by my parents and the ramifications have been significant. My grandmother giving me a smack on the bum because I persisted in touching the Rayburn was not. I can only remember once her hitting me and looking back I can see why she did it. The one smack on the bum hasn't impacted me negatively. The abuse has and still does. And in all honesty the emotional abuse has had the biggest impact on me. So I can see why some may say it doesn't cause harm. If it was a one off. Even though it's not something I would ever do. " | |||
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"I encountered an example last Tuesday of parenting today .. (some, not all parents) I was out with my mother who walks with a stick, she’s 85. As we approached a young girl pushing a pushchair with a child in she had her head in her phone. Two children approx 5/7 trailed behind. I politely commented ‘lady with a stick coming up’ so she was aware She didn’t raise her head, she carried on walking and consequently stopped short of wiping my mother out! Mother had stopped because she isn’t quick enough to get out of the way Said young girl swore at my mother for getting in the way of her pushchair!! I did say I had tried to warn her but she swore at me too! The kids just looked on as if it was the norm 1. Parents don’t seem to see it as wrong to swear infront of their kids anymore therefore the kids learn to do it 2. Most kids seems to come second best to a mobile phone and get ignored - you see it ALL THE TIME, everywhere 3. Discipline in any shape or form seems to be in the minority 4. *some* Kids today seem to have very little respect for themselves, their parents, their peers, their surroundings It’s not just parenting skills that sometimes lack, it’s the society we now live in that shows little respect. Don’t get me into a discussion about policing either! " this, I mean kids will actually stay 3 abreast walking along pavement and make you walk in the road | |||
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"I think it's like anything and everything, it can be damaging when there's just action and no proper communication and understanding. " Hit the nail on the head there Peach. | |||
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" The word naughty is problematic in itself. The behaviour is naughty, but not the child. See as I said I get where you're coming from but I dunno I think that's overthinking it. And for me, I'd never see that as a word that could damage my daughter or cause any issues. What effect does labelling the child have though, when you can name the behaviour instead. You can’t see what’s going on inside their head when you’re doing that? " I don't think it has any effect, hence why I call it the naughty corner. I sit and explain to her why she's going to the naughty corner. She wouldn't feel any differently if I called it the timeout corner. It's literally just a name for somewhere to reflect when she's misbehaved. As I said, for me, that's really pushing it and overthinking a word. I am not doing my daughter any harm by using the word naughty. I don't need to see inside of her mind to know that if that's what you're implying. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. Perhaps they think what's the point in behaving, I'll just get hit the first bad thing I do. Parents who hit often don't reward the good behaviour or even treat the child like a little actual person. " Yes exactly. My brothers are great examples of that, and now you see the same behaviour happening with their kids. My mum was abusive. My brothers would all rebel whereas I went the opposite way and it destroyed so much of my confidence and caused a lot of issues I'm still getting over. It's never OK to get physical. It doesn't provide anything positive. | |||
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"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " I have to disagree with this so so much. Yes I've seen how this kind of attitude passes from generation to generation. But there's a whole host of people who break the mould and do better for themselves and their families. You from your writings here are an example and I know many many more in my life outside fab. We shouldn't imply that generational abuse cannot be overturned and that it's pointless to try. There is hope and many do it. | |||
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" The word naughty is problematic in itself. The behaviour is naughty, but not the child. See as I said I get where you're coming from but I dunno I think that's overthinking it. And for me, I'd never see that as a word that could damage my daughter or cause any issues. What effect does labelling the child have though, when you can name the behaviour instead. You can’t see what’s going on inside their head when you’re doing that? I don't think it has any effect, hence why I call it the naughty corner. I sit and explain to her why she's going to the naughty corner. She wouldn't feel any differently if I called it the timeout corner. It's literally just a name for somewhere to reflect when she's misbehaved. As I said, for me, that's really pushing it and overthinking a word. I am not doing my daughter any harm by using the word naughty. I don't need to see inside of her mind to know that if that's what you're implying. " I’m not implying anything. I’m saying you don’t know what’s going on inside her head, it may be absolutely fine, it may not. You’re also not labelling her naughty, it’s the corner that is, I’m not sure it’s the same thing. I’m also not criticising you or anyone, we are all always doing our best, as our parents hopefully did before, the best they could with the tools they had, but stopping and examining what we do, is that ever a bad thing? | |||
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"Too many do gooders in the world. No wonder there are so many feral and undisiplined children with no respect around today. " Actually there are too many kids having kids with zero support networks. They fall through the cracks and are just left to get on with it. Then schools are left to pick up the pieces. Gentle positive mothering used to be taught down through generations, but when an abusive mother is doing the teaching its all to easy to see why kids are dysfunctional. I was damn lucky my gentle mothering grandma who never raised a hand to me, saved me from an abusive mother who used her hands on me whenever she could. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " When you say physically punished what do you mean exactly? I think there's a line between punishment and abuse that may get blurred in your comment. I think those that suffered physical harm might get a bit upset with what you have said. It prickles me a little. T | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. I have to disagree with this so so much. Yes I've seen how this kind of attitude passes from generation to generation. But there's a whole host of people who break the mould and do better for themselves and their families. You from your writings here are an example and I know many many more in my life outside fab. We shouldn't imply that generational abuse cannot be overturned and that it's pointless to try. There is hope and many do it. " I never said that it can not be overturned. I've broken the cycle and I know it can be done. I was stating that from my experiences growing up in poverty and witnessing physical abuse often, most people would go the opposite way to what yourself and I have. As you said, it passes generation to generation and it's not always easy to break free from. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. I have to disagree with this so so much. Yes I've seen how this kind of attitude passes from generation to generation. But there's a whole host of people who break the mould and do better for themselves and their families. You from your writings here are an example and I know many many more in my life outside fab. We shouldn't imply that generational abuse cannot be overturned and that it's pointless to try. There is hope and many do it. I never said that it can not be overturned. I've broken the cycle and I know it can be done. I was stating that from my experiences growing up in poverty and witnessing physical abuse often, most people would go the opposite way to what yourself and I have. As you said, it passes generation to generation and it's not always easy to break free from. " Fair enough, but the sweeping statement you wrote. It hit a nerve for someone who endured abuse and broke the cycle. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. When you say physically punished what do you mean exactly? I think there's a line between punishment and abuse that may get blurred in your comment. I think those that suffered physical harm might get a bit upset with what you have said. It prickles me a little. T" I did use the wrong word there so I do apologise. It's almost like I am saying it's acceptable by using the word punishment. I guess it's still something that's stuck in my head maybe, as for me it was always punishment and deserved. But it's quite obviously abuse and that's what I meant. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. I have to disagree with this so so much. Yes I've seen how this kind of attitude passes from generation to generation. But there's a whole host of people who break the mould and do better for themselves and their families. You from your writings here are an example and I know many many more in my life outside fab. We shouldn't imply that generational abuse cannot be overturned and that it's pointless to try. There is hope and many do it. I never said that it can not be overturned. I've broken the cycle and I know it can be done. I was stating that from my experiences growing up in poverty and witnessing physical abuse often, most people would go the opposite way to what yourself and I have. As you said, it passes generation to generation and it's not always easy to break free from. Fair enough, but the sweeping statement you wrote. It hit a nerve for someone who endured abuse and broke the cycle. " I can understand why since it was only one side of it, but I never meant it like that. | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. When you say physically punished what do you mean exactly? I think there's a line between punishment and abuse that may get blurred in your comment. I think those that suffered physical harm might get a bit upset with what you have said. It prickles me a little. T I did use the wrong word there so I do apologise. It's almost like I am saying it's acceptable by using the word punishment. I guess it's still something that's stuck in my head maybe, as for me it was always punishment and deserved. But it's quite obviously abuse and that's what I meant. " No need to apologise, I just wanted to clarify rather than react knowing others may have felt the same as I did. I broke the cycle. But there's always that saying lurking in the background that will make you feel judged. 'the abused become the abusers' it's simply not true and creates a stigma that really shouldn't exist at all. You words felt the same as that saying, hence me being prickled by them. T | |||
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"Coming from a childhood where I was beaten often, put down veebally the whole way through my childhood , I can say I would have not seen the naughty step as violent. My idea of violent is very different. However I have mixed views on it, I think a child can feel shunned when sent to the naughty step. My son doesn't respond well to that all. It upsets him in a far greater way so I don't do it. I have other ways if I need to to distract him and effectively take a time out without him knowing that's what it is. I'll then talk through it all after. He's much more responsive. That being said my kids hardly ever need a timeout and I only have to change the tone of my voice for them to know to stop. Feeling shunned can be very damaging. I was effectively shunned as a child quite consistently. I can see why it could well be banned. T" I wasn't given the naughty step but was told to "get out of my sight, I can't be near you" or "i dont want to lay eyes on you until ive calmed down" (how the fuck was I meant to know how long that would be?) quite regularly. I was never told the reason why. "Because I said so" or "because I won't be responsible for my actions' was the closest I got to an explanation. That led me to feel confused and rejected. On edge and unloved. I have struggled for a long time with people pleasing towards those I care about out of fear of rejection to the point I lose myself. Communication has been a huge focus on rearing my son. We talk about feelings, emotions, even if it's to say we feel a way and don't necessarily understand why or how to deal with it effectively and healthily | |||
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"Coming from a childhood where I was beaten often, put down veebally the whole way through my childhood , I can say I would have not seen the naughty step as violent. My idea of violent is very different. However I have mixed views on it, I think a child can feel shunned when sent to the naughty step. My son doesn't respond well to that all. It upsets him in a far greater way so I don't do it. I have other ways if I need to to distract him and effectively take a time out without him knowing that's what it is. I'll then talk through it all after. He's much more responsive. That being said my kids hardly ever need a timeout and I only have to change the tone of my voice for them to know to stop. Feeling shunned can be very damaging. I was effectively shunned as a child quite consistently. I can see why it could well be banned. T I wasn't given the naughty step but was told to "get out of my sight, I can't be near you" or "i dont want to lay eyes on you until ive calmed down" (how the fuck was I meant to know how long that would be?) quite regularly. I was never told the reason why. "Because I said so" or "because I won't be responsible for my actions' was the closest I got to an explanation. That led me to feel confused and rejected. On edge and unloved. I have struggled for a long time with people pleasing towards those I care about out of fear of rejection to the point I lose myself. Communication has been a huge focus on rearing my son. We talk about feelings, emotions, even if it's to say we feel a way and don't necessarily understand why or how to deal with it effectively and healthily " I feel you. I had the same done. Banished to my room and told I wouldn't get dinner. Never a reason and never explained. You end up feeling like a burden or problem and that just breathing angers them. I couldn't send mine to the naughty step easily, I would feel like I had become the parent I had. To me it's just another way of saying go away. I talk through everything with mine. And reassure them too. It's the only way in my eyes. T | |||
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"I haven't read all the thread, but can't sit on my hands for this one
"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes "so let's meet all our children's needs it's the only way, let's not show them right from wrong, let's not use the naughty step which incidentally I don't believe works anyways, let's not punish them at all let's reward them for good etc etc I don't believe teenage boys respond to any of that, I believe that without some form of punishment they will become brats, lead by example put your rubbish in the bin, don't smoke or drink, don't swear and don't work all the hours under the sun to finance the ever increasing amount of money required to run your home. Be there for your children, take them places, play sport with them, read to them etc etc make that the norm and above all don't be on your phone 24/7 | |||
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"I haven't read all the thread, but can't sit on my hands for this one
"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes so let's meet all our children's needs it's the only way, let's not show them right from wrong, let's not use the naughty step which incidentally I don't believe works anyways, let's not punish them at all let's reward them for good etc etc I don't believe teenage boys respond to any of that, I believe that without some form of punishment they will become brats, lead by example put your rubbish in the bin, don't smoke or drink, don't swear and don't work all the hours under the sun to finance the ever increasing amount of money required to run your home. Be there for your children, take them places, play sport with them, read to them etc etc make that the norm and above all don't be on your phone 24/7 "There is a middle ground between beating them and allowing them to do what they want you know. And my teenage boys respond well to praise, who doesn’t? | |||
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Wacking your child is lazy parenting. Taking time to help them understand stuff and figure things out, that takes time and effort.
As for being a do-gooder parent - I'm happy with that.
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"I haven't read all the thread, but can't sit on my hands for this one
"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes so let's meet all our children's needs it's the only way, let's not show them right from wrong, let's not use the naughty step which incidentally I don't believe works anyways, let's not punish them at all let's reward them for good etc etc I don't believe teenage boys respond to any of that, I believe that without some form of punishment they will become brats, lead by example put your rubbish in the bin, don't smoke or drink, don't swear and don't work all the hours under the sun to finance the ever increasing amount of money required to run your home. Be there for your children, take them places, play sport with them, read to them etc etc make that the norm and above all don't be on your phone 24/7
There is a middle ground between beating them and allowing them to do what they want you know.
And my teenage boys respond well to praise, who doesn’t?"well are they behaved when not with you maybe they are but for the most part certainly in this area most kids are brats, undereducated, phone addicted, rude and absolutely no interest in anything, its our job as parents to show them what's out there in the world and to encourage them to explore it, I think I did a great job with my daughters but I still got some things wrong but they are respectful and can talk to adults and do all the right things but omg the kids around Devon are so opposite to that. | |||
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"Just take away there divices to interact with their mates online and that will hurt them more than a belt" That doesn't work for a very young child. Children need supportive parenting from the very start, from Day 1. I believe there's some truth to the old saying "give me the child at 8yrs old and you'll give me the man/woman". Early imprinting of positive behaviour and reinforcement is the key, including at the youngest ages when some people think it doesn't matter what they do. Just because a baby cannot talk or walk or whatever does not mean they are dumb. It's all part of their development. | |||
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"I haven't read all the thread, but can't sit on my hands for this one
"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes "Very well put and so true! (I don't necessarily agree with home schooling though) | |||
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"Interesting thread with some touching posts. I'm sure physical punishment is no answer to anything although prolonged mental abuse can be just as painful and damaging. More so sometimes as it can be more insidious and harder to identify as abuse. Not sure I agree with totally child centric methods though, there are times when adult needs do take precedence and learning compromise and patience is valuable." Child centred methods and learning compromise and patience are not mutually exclusive. Being a good parent means helping and guiding your child towards those key life skills (and a zillion more skills!) | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. " How come so many of them are dicks then? | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. " I just wanted to add something to this comment I made earlier as I know it upset a few people and I've been thinking about it this afternoon. I never ever for a second meant that when you're abused you don't stand a chance and you're doomed to be a piece of shit and there's no point in changing. I never even thought I was implying something that awful, but I understand now how it could come across like that. Being physically abused doesn't shape you into a wonderful person. And most of the time, it's incredibly difficult to break away from that part of your life as it effects you so much. But there are exceptions, I've grown myself into a wonderful person and so have many others here who have shared their feelings. I just didn't think to dive into that side when I originally commented because I read comments above about how a good slap etc is all that is needed to turn kids into obedient angels. But it's not like that at all, it causes more behavioural issues, often which reflect in the behaviour these people are complaining about in the first place. I don't ever believe for a second you're doomed to be a cunt when you grow up in such a hostile environment. I would hate for anyone to think that's what I meant. It's just a sad reality that it's the case for many people who experience a life like that. It's passed down and so many don't change. | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then?" And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks! | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then?" there not maybe a few are but would they not of been diks anyway? | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!" Even if that's so that makes a strong argument against any value of physical punishment. The 'didn't do me any harm' crowd always seem to be lazy bastards that in reality had fuck all involvement with their kids. | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!" I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. " If you did sonething wrong at work, would it be okay for your manager to hit you? | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. " "I'm not a fairy" "I learned respect" Hmmmm, I'm not sure those 2 comments are complete compatible | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks! Even if that's so that makes a strong argument against any value of physical punishment. The 'didn't do me any harm' crowd always seem to be lazy bastards that in reality had fuck all involvement with their kids." maybe that's just the people you know . You can't judge everyone the same | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. "I'm not a fairy" "I learned respect" Hmmmm, I'm not sure those 2 comments are complete compatible " Says it all | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. I just wanted to add something to this comment I made earlier as I know it upset a few people and I've been thinking about it this afternoon. I never ever for a second meant that when you're abused you don't stand a chance and you're doomed to be a piece of shit and there's no point in changing. I never even thought I was implying something that awful, but I understand now how it could come across like that. Being physically abused doesn't shape you into a wonderful person. And most of the time, it's incredibly difficult to break away from that part of your life as it effects you so much. But there are exceptions, I've grown myself into a wonderful person and so have many others here who have shared their feelings. I just didn't think to dive into that side when I originally commented because I read comments above about how a good slap etc is all that is needed to turn kids into obedient angels. But it's not like that at all, it causes more behavioural issues, often which reflect in the behaviour these people are complaining about in the first place. I don't ever believe for a second you're doomed to be a cunt when you grow up in such a hostile environment. I would hate for anyone to think that's what I meant. It's just a sad reality that it's the case for many people who experience a life like that. It's passed down and so many don't change. " My father hit me when my brother was out of order and when I was out of order, I was the oldest so I should know better, I've turned out a well adjusted adult with good values, I never hit my kids didn't need to because I was there a lot when they were growing up, I nurtured them, I taught them that having a personality is a good thing in life, I taught them sports, I taught them that there are many countries out there to explore and they have explored, my father taught me right from wrong obviously their are those that abused it but it was I think a good thing because many parents today don't have a clue about parenting or how to teach them right from wrong bloody naughty step what the hell is that lol | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. "I'm not a fairy" "I learned respect" Hmmmm, I'm not sure those 2 comments are complete compatible " it's true the younger generation are all soft compared to the older generation..and the next generation will be even softer. Mental health is more rife in the younger lot than the older generation. Or maybe the older generation don't complain about it as much they just crack on with life more. | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. "I'm not a fairy" "I learned respect" Hmmmm, I'm not sure those 2 comments are complete compatible Says it all "what does it say ? | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. "I'm not a fairy" "I learned respect" Hmmmm, I'm not sure those 2 comments are complete compatible it's true the younger generation are all soft compared to the older generation..and the next generation will be even softer. Mental health is more rife in the younger lot than the older generation. Or maybe the older generation don't complain about it as much they just crack on with life more. " Ahh the old mental health is a weakness line... You really aren't proving that "being pasted all the time" did you no harm with arguments like that | |||
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*also applies to some adults* | |||
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"I haven't read all the thread, but can't sit on my hands for this one
"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes so let's meet all our children's needs it's the only way, let's not show them right from wrong, let's not use the naughty step which incidentally I don't believe works anyways, let's not punish them at all let's reward them for good etc etc I don't believe teenage boys respond to any of that, I believe that without some form of punishment they will become brats, lead by example put your rubbish in the bin, don't smoke or drink, don't swear and don't work all the hours under the sun to finance the ever increasing amount of money required to run your home. Be there for your children, take them places, play sport with them, read to them etc etc make that the norm and above all don't be on your phone 24/7
There is a middle ground between beating them and allowing them to do what they want you know.
And my teenage boys respond well to praise, who doesn’t?well are they behaved when not with you maybe they are but for the most part certainly in this area most kids are brats, undereducated, phone addicted, rude and absolutely no interest in anything, its our job as parents to show them what's out there in the world and to encourage them to explore it, I think I did a great job with my daughters but I still got some things wrong but they are respectful and can talk to adults and do all the right things but omg the kids around Devon are so opposite to that. "Well are they behaved when not with you maybe they are but for the most part ..... most kids are brats, undereducated, phone addicted, rude and absolutely no interest in anything ...... | |||
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"lol 'fairy'. I think that's enough. Good luck "good luck with what ? I don't need luck thank you | |||
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"I haven't read all the thread, but can't sit on my hands for this one
"Beneath every bad behaviour is a feeling. And beneath every feeling is a need. Meet the needs rather than focus on the behaviour and we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom" (plaigarised from somewhere)
Uncomfortable truth is that bad behaviour is unmet needs.
That kid playing up in the pub, irriating you. They are bored, fucked off if you like, and don't want to be there. It is your need as the parent to be in the pub not theirs. They would probably rather be climbing a tree or running around. So the child misbehaves and the parent rather than accept they are asking the kid to do something they either cant or dont want to, would rather blame the kid for being naughty, rather than admit they are not meeting their childs needs.
I agree with Hippychick, model the behaviour we want to see.
I have become a militant homeschool mum on this subject. I have all the memes so let's meet all our children's needs it's the only way, let's not show them right from wrong, let's not use the naughty step which incidentally I don't believe works anyways, let's not punish them at all let's reward them for good etc etc I don't believe teenage boys respond to any of that, I believe that without some form of punishment they will become brats, lead by example put your rubbish in the bin, don't smoke or drink, don't swear and don't work all the hours under the sun to finance the ever increasing amount of money required to run your home. Be there for your children, take them places, play sport with them, read to them etc etc make that the norm and above all don't be on your phone 24/7
There is a middle ground between beating them and allowing them to do what they want you know.
And my teenage boys respond well to praise, who doesn’t?well are they behaved when not with you maybe they are but for the most part certainly in this area most kids are brats, undereducated, phone addicted, rude and absolutely no interest in anything, its our job as parents to show them what's out there in the world and to encourage them to explore it, I think I did a great job with my daughters but I still got some things wrong but they are respectful and can talk to adults and do all the right things but omg the kids around Devon are so opposite to that.
Well are they behaved when not with you maybe they are but for the most part ..... most kids are brats, undereducated, phone addicted, rude and absolutely no interest in anything ......"exactly but I think its getting much worse | |||
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"You know, people act like being physically punished as a kid shapes you into this wonderful person. But surprisingly, most people I know who were hit as kids have turned out to be the ones with no respect for others. Perhaps they think what's the point in behaving, I'll just get hit the first bad thing I do. Parents who hit often don't reward the good behaviour or even treat the child like a little actual person. Yes exactly. My brothers are great examples of that, and now you see the same behaviour happening with their kids. My mum was abusive. My brothers would all rebel whereas I went the opposite way and it destroyed so much of my confidence and caused a lot of issues I'm still getting over. It's never OK to get physical. It doesn't provide anything positive. "
And also to your later clarification post. | |||
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 Fuck off.
Most kids I meet are great. Polite, clever, interesting.
Just maybe the problems with you. | |||
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"If there naughty they are getting a good hiding simples. None of this don't hit your children nonsense. This is what's wrong with the ?? everyone's gone soft. The older generation all got good smack across the arse or back of the head and never done us any harm. How come so many of them are dicks then? And of course non of the generation who haven't been smacked aren't dicks!I'd say this younger generation are more diks than our generation . I'm 45 I got pasted all the time but I learned respect and manners and I'm not a fairy who moans and thinks I'm owed something off the world. "I'm not a fairy" "I learned respect" Hmmmm, I'm not sure those 2 comments are complete compatible it's true the younger generation are all soft compared to the older generation..and the next generation will be even softer. Mental health is more rife in the younger lot than the older generation. Or maybe the older generation don't complain about it as much they just crack on with life more. Ahh the old mental health is a weakness line... You really aren't proving that "being pasted all the time" did you no harm with arguments like that" well am I suffering mental health ? No ? Do I go Dr's needing tablets to function ? No ? Do I go Dr's everything I cough or have an ache or pain ? No am I fit and healthy in body and mind ? Yes. Am I thriving and living my best life ? Yes iam so no getting a good hiding when I was naughty or cheeky didn't do me any harm. It made me a strong minded hard working and happy individual and so are my kids so hate on me all you like . Facts are facts it might not be everyone's opinion but its mine and I will give it! Is this not what forums are all about? Doesn't mean your right and I'm wrong or vice versa . And don't go around changing what I said cos I never said mental health is a weakness! It is an illness though and I feel for those who genuinely have a mental health illness. I think alot these days are using it as an excuse for instance goin out on a weekend and sniffing or takin xtc or speed wotever then having a cum down is different from a mental illness | |||
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"I'm from the 'didn't do me harm generation' only the reality is it did. I grew up hating my parents. I still do. My kids don't hate me. And all the grumpy old farts going on about how bad young people are today... Fuck off.
Most kids I meet are great. Polite, clever, interesting.
Just maybe the problems with you."I agree, and I have a lot of interaction with kids. | |||
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"I'm from the 'didn't do me harm generation' only the reality is it did. I grew up hating my parents. I still do. My kids don't hate me. And all the grumpy old farts going on about how bad young people are today... Fuck off.
Most kids I meet are great. Polite, clever, interesting.
Just maybe the problems with you."grumpy old facts pmsl your older than me .. I know I don't look my age do I. That's cos I'm doing great and happy ?? | |||
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"I'm from the 'didn't do me harm generation' only the reality is it did. I grew up hating my parents. I still do. My kids don't hate me. And all the grumpy old farts going on about how bad young people are today... Fuck off.
Most kids I meet are great. Polite, clever, interesting.
Just maybe the problems with you.grumpy old facts pmsl your older than me .. I know I don't look my age do I. That's cos I'm doing great and happy ?? "farts did you mean | |||
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"I'm from the 'didn't do me harm generation' only the reality is it did. I grew up hating my parents. I still do. My kids don't hate me. And all the grumpy old farts going on about how bad young people are today... Fuck off.
Most kids I meet are great. Polite, clever, interesting.
Just maybe the problems with you.grumpy old facts pmsl your older than me .. I know I don't look my age do I. That's cos I'm doing great and happy ?? farts did you mean "predictive text lol | |||
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"I'm from the 'didn't do me harm generation' only the reality is it did. I grew up hating my parents. I still do. My kids don't hate me. And all the grumpy old farts going on about how bad young people are today... Fuck off.
Most kids I meet are great. Polite, clever, interesting.
Just maybe the problems with you.
I agree, and I have a lot of interaction with kids. "I've just spent my entire day interacting with young people aged 16+ and some of them, it was to talk about poor attendance. To the individual, they were polite, reasonable and considerate. One lad (17) had written a list of questions to ask ahead of the meeting because he wanted to be organised. This is reflective of the vast majority of my interactions. | |||
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"I learned to behave by thinking "that bloody hurt, I won't do that again" after mum & dad gave me a smack. Don't rule out the loony lefties trying to adopt this naughty step rule as the uk norm in future!" You may have missed that boat... by about 20 years. | |||
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"I learned to behave by thinking "that bloody hurt, I won't do that again" after mum & dad gave me a smack. Don't rule out the loony lefties trying to adopt this naughty step rule as the uk norm in future!" exactly that's how I got raised and my brothers and sisters. And we are all happy we are all respectful we have good manners and morals. We are not soft arses neither when times get tough we don't buckle and moan or have weeks off work feeling sorry for ourselves. We don't go Dr's every week wanting pills and potions to make us think we are OK. We went molly coddled as kids and I think it put is all in good stead cos life's hard and if your soft you will struggle and this is what seems to be the case . You can see it generation after generation getting weaker and weaker | |||
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