FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Unread messages?
Unread messages?
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By *r. E! OP Man
over a year ago
Grantham |
As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The classic dilemma for the single man this, isn’t it?
The standard advice is no reply means not interested.
But then some ladies / couples get inundated and can’t read every message they get.
If it’s deleted - then the message is clear, not interested.
But unread? Have they seen it and ignored it? Or simply missed it? Repeatedly messaging is frowned upon obviously, but what if they just haven’t seen your message?
Ooh what to do!?
Bookmarking  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say twice if you really liked them. If they’re lazy like me and often bulk delete they may see it the second time and respond. Maybe not straight away though. Leave it a while x"
THIS! |
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"As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox?"
That’s why I stopped messaging and just wink. Make it clear in my profile I don’t message for this very reason, and let winks do the work |
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"I’d say twice if you really liked them. If they’re lazy like me and often bulk delete they may see it the second time and respond. Maybe not straight away though. Leave it a while x"
I’ll send my amazing work of art message to you again then shall I?  |
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"As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox?
That’s why I stopped messaging and just wink. Make it clear in my profile I don’t message for this very reason, and let winks do the work"
See I never look at those. I keep thinking maybe I will though. But then I forget  |
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"I’d say twice if you really liked them. If they’re lazy like me and often bulk delete they may see it the second time and respond. Maybe not straight away though. Leave it a while x
I’ll send my amazing work of art message to you again then shall I? "
Haha I do skim for messages from folk I know. Although I may miss them sometimes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The classic dilemma for the single man this, isn’t it?
The standard advice is no reply means not interested.
But then some ladies / couples get inundated and can’t read every message they get.
If it’s deleted - then the message is clear, not interested.
But unread? Have they seen it and ignored it? Or simply missed it? Repeatedly messaging is frowned upon obviously, but what if they just haven’t seen your message?
Ooh what to do!?
Bookmarking "
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that most ladies and couples get so many messages they can't deal with. Some profiles yes absolutely but for me personally I delete a message or leave it unread because I can't be bothered to deal with it or reply or I don't want to. It's not because I get too many I can't and don't see them. |
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Some profile’s do mention about missed messages & feel free to send again if that’s the case try again, ultimately if you don’t see this in a profile and you haven’t received a response it’s a no 
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We tend to delete one liners and pornoesque fantasy messages. Well written but unsuitable messages usually get a thanks but no thanks reply.
If the same unsuitable profile messages us repeatedly we then have no option other than to block them. |
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"The classic dilemma for the single man this, isn’t it?
The standard advice is no reply means not interested.
But then some ladies / couples get inundated and can’t read every message they get.
If it’s deleted - then the message is clear, not interested.
But unread? Have they seen it and ignored it? Or simply missed it? Repeatedly messaging is frowned upon obviously, but what if they just haven’t seen your message?
Ooh what to do!?
Bookmarking
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that most ladies and couples get so many messages they can't deal with. Some profiles yes absolutely but for me personally I delete a message or leave it unread because I can't be bothered to deal with it or reply or I don't want to. It's not because I get too many I can't and don't see them. "
Do you feel that by purposely leaving it unread yoir making it hard for guts to decipher what’s happened?
A deleted message is a clear “no Thankyou”
Unopened leaves room for other possibilities
If you delete it and that message again, they are completely in the wrong
If it’s unopened, I can see why they might assume it’s been missed and message again
Do we all want to be as clear as possible with our intentions on here? Or no? |
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A female on here was asking for something that I was willing to give and I messaged her
She never opened it
Later reading her status she was frustrated she only got time wasters
And asked again
It became clear my message had simply been swallowed up and lost |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The classic dilemma for the single man this, isn’t it?
The standard advice is no reply means not interested.
But then some ladies / couples get inundated and can’t read every message they get.
If it’s deleted - then the message is clear, not interested.
But unread? Have they seen it and ignored it? Or simply missed it? Repeatedly messaging is frowned upon obviously, but what if they just haven’t seen your message?
Ooh what to do!?
Bookmarking
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that most ladies and couples get so many messages they can't deal with. Some profiles yes absolutely but for me personally I delete a message or leave it unread because I can't be bothered to deal with it or reply or I don't want to. It's not because I get too many I can't and don't see them.
Do you feel that by purposely leaving it unread yoir making it hard for guts to decipher what’s happened?
A deleted message is a clear “no Thankyou”
Unopened leaves room for other possibilities
If you delete it and that message again, they are completely in the wrong
If it’s unopened, I can see why they might assume it’s been missed and message again
Do we all want to be as clear as possible with our intentions on here? Or no? "
Not at all as I have no obligation to read any messages and how I manage my account and my inbox is on me. |
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I would suggest to give it a week or so and send one further message, but would also include something along the lines of ‘just in case my last message got missed…’ No more messages after that though
If your message has been read and deleted, definitely don’t bother messaging again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would suggest to give it a week or so and send one further message, but would also include something along the lines of ‘just in case my last message got missed…’ No more messages after that though
If your message has been read and deleted, definitely don’t bother messaging again "
^ this. Close the thread!  |
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"The classic dilemma for the single man this, isn’t it?
The standard advice is no reply means not interested.
But then some ladies / couples get inundated and can’t read every message they get.
If it’s deleted - then the message is clear, not interested.
But unread? Have they seen it and ignored it? Or simply missed it? Repeatedly messaging is frowned upon obviously, but what if they just haven’t seen your message?
Ooh what to do!?
Bookmarking
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that most ladies and couples get so many messages they can't deal with. Some profiles yes absolutely but for me personally I delete a message or leave it unread because I can't be bothered to deal with it or reply or I don't want to. It's not because I get too many I can't and don't see them.
Do you feel that by purposely leaving it unread yoir making it hard for guts to decipher what’s happened?
A deleted message is a clear “no Thankyou”
Unopened leaves room for other possibilities
If you delete it and that message again, they are completely in the wrong
If it’s unopened, I can see why they might assume it’s been missed and message again
Do we all want to be as clear as possible with our intentions on here? Or no?
Not at all as I have no obligation to read any messages and how I manage my account and my inbox is on me. "
We have no obligation to anything really. No one is obligated to be polite on here, but we would hope so
I’d hope people are clear with their intentions on here. And purposely not deleting a message you’ve seen but aren’t interested in is making those intentions less clear
Much like being polite, I think being clear on intentions makes the site better, so I try to do that. |
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"I would suggest to give it a week or so and send one further message, but would also include something along the lines of ‘just in case my last message got missed…’ No more messages after that though
If your message has been read and deleted, definitely don’t bother messaging again
^ this. Close the thread! "
I give good advice!  |
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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago
Boo's World |
Couple of times , make it a decent message that stands out as well.
Once you've got a ridiculous amount of message sat unread it's easier to delete and start again so most of the time it's not intentional to ignore people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would suggest to give it a week or so and send one further message, but would also include something along the lines of ‘just in case my last message got missed…’ No more messages after that though
If your message has been read and deleted, definitely don’t bother messaging again "
This seems really sensible to be. Ive had some guys send strings of messages. 6+ sometimes. Sometimes in quite short spans of time too, getting more and more frustrated despite the fact i wasn't even online at the time.
It just comes across as pushy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The classic dilemma for the single man this, isn’t it?
The standard advice is no reply means not interested.
But then some ladies / couples get inundated and can’t read every message they get.
If it’s deleted - then the message is clear, not interested.
But unread? Have they seen it and ignored it? Or simply missed it? Repeatedly messaging is frowned upon obviously, but what if they just haven’t seen your message?
Ooh what to do!?
Bookmarking
I think it's a bit of a fallacy that most ladies and couples get so many messages they can't deal with. Some profiles yes absolutely but for me personally I delete a message or leave it unread because I can't be bothered to deal with it or reply or I don't want to. It's not because I get too many I can't and don't see them. "
Me too! I could easily read them all, and probably reply.
I just can't be arsed. |
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"I would suggest to give it a week or so and send one further message, but would also include something along the lines of ‘just in case my last message got missed…’ No more messages after that though
If your message has been read and deleted, definitely don’t bother messaging again
This seems really sensible to be. Ive had some guys send strings of messages. 6+ sometimes. Sometimes in quite short spans of time too, getting more and more frustrated despite the fact i wasn't even online at the time.
It just comes across as pushy. "
Yeah, same. I never mind one message and a follow up a while later, but it’s when they send multiple strings of messages or seem to be watching and waiting for you to read their messages and send another one straight away when you don’t reply - then they get a nice block instead |
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"As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox?"
If I do t want the message or person messaging I block them.. I get a lot max limits amounts so I miss some and it's not personal sometimes it's one line messages from a lot of one line people so I bulk delete rather than individual delete.
So I'd say message again |
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"Couple of times , make it a decent message that stands out as well.
Once you've got a ridiculous amount of message sat unread it's easier to delete and start again so most of the time it's not intentional to ignore people "
Exactly this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes it can get lost and I'm guilty of bulk deleting so I can miss messages. But on the whole if you message twice and get no response, take that as a no and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would suggest to give it a week or so and send one further message, but would also include something along the lines of ‘just in case my last message got missed…’ No more messages after that though
If your message has been read and deleted, definitely don’t bother messaging again "
Defined this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Funnily enough this was a shower thought for me this morning. Do women even know that if you message someone and don’t get a reply, the site warns you against repeat messages? Obviously most men see this on a regular basis. If it’s someone I already chat to I tend to ignore it as I expect they have a lot of messages and may not have seen it yet. If I have misjudged it, well they have a block button..
If it’s a first message and they don’t reply I tend to leave them alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say twice if you really liked them. If they’re lazy like me and often bulk delete they may see it the second time and respond. Maybe not straight away though. Leave it a while x"
This as one of ladies I message who lives miles away she often bulk deletes and puts the bulk delete in her status, I am thankful for her replying when my message gets read, even if she is busy with hundreds more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just keep firing them more and more and more…. I’d say at the very least 1 per day. Maybe up it to 2/3 at the weekends as they might not be working so therefore would have more time to spend on fab answering messages. It’s the law of averages right more you send the more likely they’ll respond?
Hope this works for you buddy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox?"
What? I'm supposed to message them????? |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox?"
Someone sent us a message the other week asking to meet, despite the contents of the first paragraph in our profile.
A few other similar messages from others followed.
I put a status up asking if we'd accidentally used invisible ink in our profile text.
The first guy then messaged again to apologise for not reading our profile.
He's message twice since.
We've never replied.
So I'd say message once. No reply doesn't change that. Message again and run the risk of pissing someone off.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing worse when you're inbox is clogged up
And someone thinks oh they've missed my message, their inbox must be full. Oh I know I'll send another message to make their inbox even more full |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As many profiles get inundated with possibly hundreds of messages, how many times would it be acceptable to message the same profile. As it’s hard to tell if you’ve just been ignored or it’s got lost in the ether that is their inbox?
That’s why I stopped messaging and just wink. Make it clear in my profile I don’t message for this very reason, and let winks do the work
See I never look at those. I keep thinking maybe I will though. But then I forget "
Nope never look at winks or friends requests |
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I say don't ever allow anyone to treat you in an off-hand way. Whether through their laziness, or because they are spoiled for choice, or for any other "reason". All you have is your dignity, brother! Never sacrifice that |
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I think it's more a case of what frequency you do it at. Messages can be unseen and caught up in a bulk delete even if it's from somebody the recipient would like, so I can conceive of circumstances where trying again can be appropriate.
I would say that waiting six months before trying again wouldn't class as harassing somebody. There's no point in sending one a week later because the recipient is likely to have enough messages in general.
Just be respectful. If you have read a profile, think you are a good match and can write a decent message (these criteria don't apply to most people though!) then send a follow-up a few months later. At least, that wouldn't bother us. |
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