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Tell me an awful joke

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By *stella OP Woman over a year ago

London

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Dishes

Dishes who?

Dishes Sean Connery

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the playpark?

To get to the other slide.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s green and yellow and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

How many ears do aliens have?

Three: The left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a unimportant elephant?

A irrelephant

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By *UNKIEMan over a year ago

south east

What type of monkey will you find in a minefield

A BABOOOOM

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By *ryandseeMan over a year ago

Yorkshire

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 eggs boiling in a pan one says to the other it's hot in here the other egg replies

Wait till you get out of here you get your head smashed in

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

2 vultures eating the carcass of a clown.. one turns to the other and asks ... does this taste funny to you?

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By *unkerbobMan over a year ago

belfast

Fuck me there are some sad bastards on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

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By *idnight RamblerMan over a year ago

Pershore

What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhino?

'ell if i know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have the three Ds… Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Autism…

I’ll show myself out

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

[Removed by poster at 25/05/22 20:48:16]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh"

Someones been watching Ghostbusters

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By *yron69Man over a year ago

Fareham

"Fuck me there are some sad bastards on here"

Miserable gits too..

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

2 fish in a tank ... 1 asks the other .. do you know how to drive this thing?

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

2 muffins in the oven

“Bloody hell it’s hot in here”

“Holy shit a talking muffin!”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fuck me there are some sad bastards on here"

I don’t get it? Can anyone please explain the punchline?

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

"I have the three Ds… Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Autism…

I’ll show myself out

So you know what DNA stands for?

The National Dyslexics Association

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By *tinerant scribeMan over a year ago

County Durham

"My dog has no nose."

---'How does he smell?'---

....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have the three Ds… Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Autism…

I’ll show myself out

So you know what DNA stands for?

The National Dyslexics Association "

Oh yes been a member many years

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By *yron69Man over a year ago

Fareham

Einstein sent in his Theory of Relativity. The University replied “about time too..”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Continuing with sean connery..

Sean Connery came round to mine the other day & helped me with some DIY.

After we'd finished, we tried placing items onto what we'd just constructed.. but sadly it all came crashing down at once.

I heard sniffling & looked over to sean & asked "..What up?"

With tears in his eyes, he replied "I'm ashamed of my shelf" .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why couldnt the chameleon change colour?

Because it had a reptile dysfunction

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By *istalloverCouple over a year ago

Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance

I think we both have monkeypox

What makes you ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh say that

I have no idea a a a a a a a

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I filled out a form for HR at work. It asked who I would want to be contacted in an emergency. I said 'A really good Doctor'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse

Being dyspepsic i resemble that comment

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener

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By *ean counterMan over a year ago

Kettering

I went to a job interview today and the man asked whether I could perform under pressure? I said I'd give it a go and went "dum dum de la der dum, PRESSURE, pushing down on me"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when your nailing them

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I have the three Ds… Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Autism…

I’ll show myself out

So you know what DNA stands for?

The National Dyslexics Association

I dunt get thiss joke ?

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan over a year ago

Willenhall

If at first you don't succeed...

...don't try skydiving.

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By *rucking-HellMan over a year ago

Northampton

Why do Frenchman not have two eggs for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

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By *inballs99Man over a year ago

Blackheath

Wjy does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella ?

FO DRIZZLE !

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By *inballs99Man over a year ago

Blackheath

Two snow men standing in a park one says to the other "can you smell carrot" !

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a duck on his head.

Ths psychiatrist says can I help you?

The duck says yes. Get this guy off may arse.

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

A guy walks into a bar

Ouch

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By *tinerant scribeMan over a year ago

County Durham

""My dog has no nose."

---'How does he smell?'---

...."

Did nobody remember the punchline?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why did the chicken cross the playpark?

To get to the other slide. "

Why did the pervert cross the playpark?

He was stuck inside the chicken

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By *inballs99Man over a year ago

Blackheath

""My dog has no nose."

---'How does he smell?'---

....

Did nobody remember the punchline?"

(Really badly)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Boris Johnson is Prime Minister!

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

""My dog has no nose."

---'How does he smell?'---

....

Did nobody remember the punchline?"

Terrible!

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

What did the grape say as he was being trodden on?

Nothing but he did let out a little whine.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

English, Irish and Scotsman walk into a bar.

Bar person says "Is thus a joke?"

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By *osey WalesMan over a year ago

Surrey

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one asks the other " Can you smell fish"?

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By *rivervaderMan over a year ago

bolton

Walking down the road a woman asks have you got a light cock

I reply no only in the bath

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By *arker secrets 321Man over a year ago

West Bromwich

2 cannibals eating a clown

The 1 turns 2 his mate and asks

Does this clown taste funny x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My doctor just told me I need help because I’m a compulsive liar.

Then she locked the surgery door and sucked me off

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By *L9269Couple over a year ago

Newport

Lorry load of wigs fell over

The police are combing the area off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a man walking through a pile of leaves?

Russel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse

Being dyspepsic i resemble that comment "

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By *aveandSue1Couple over a year ago

Doncaster

What do you call an engineer in a car factory (in the1970s!)? Morris

What do you call an apprentice in a car factory?.........Morris Minor

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to have a job at a zoo circumsising the elephants. The wage was terrible but the tips were huge

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By *urhiddendesireCouple over a year ago

Darlington

The price of petrol is so astronomical at the moment

I put vodka in the lawnmower

Now the grass is half cut

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

""My dog has no nose."

---'How does he smell?'---

....

Did nobody remember the punchline?

Terrible!"

My dog has no dictionary.

How does he spell terrible?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you find Will Smith after a snowstorm?

Look out for the fresh prints...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Woman driving home after a Fab event gets stopped by the police and asks to do a breathyliser test.

The policeman looks for a minute as the crystals change colour and says to the woman 'Looks like you've had a few stiff ones tonight'.

The woman says 'Yes, but I never had anything to drink'.

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By *ark RumMan over a year ago

Bucks

Why was the sun angry with the sea?

Because it didn't wave

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

What kind of dog looks at your leg?

A pekinese!

Mrs TMN x

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By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple over a year ago

here & there

Knock knock:

Whose there?

I did ap!

I did ap who….

Sorry but the kids love it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Knock Knock

Man United

Well you did say awful lol

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By *rucking-HellMan over a year ago

Northampton

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Dave!

Dave who?

Dave broke down in tears as he realised his gran's Alzheimer's had worsened.

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By *ig Ted 66Man over a year ago

Hinckley

I thought that training for my new job as an Airport baggage handler would be fairly simple?......

...but actually, there was quite a lot to take on board.

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By *yourselfMan over a year ago

Heworth

Teacher asked me to name something beginning with D that I'm not very good at,

Spelling I replied

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you get in touch with a fish .. drop him a line

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was asked what was heavier, the collected works of Shakespeare or a prison full of inmates.

I think the prose outweigh the cons.

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By *ockandkeyCouple over a year ago

Aylesbury

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put the wrong sock on!!

Here all week!!

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By *ockandkeyCouple over a year ago

Aylesbury

What does a dildo and tofu have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.

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By *mily36CWoman over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing

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By *anLondonMan over a year ago

London

Life is like a penis...

...Often hard for no reason.

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