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Thoughts on 'no luck'
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"I think it's a numbers game on here Topsy. Single men outnumber all other groups, probably 4 to 1. Single girls are, by all accounts, inundated with messages all day every day, so unless a profile really stands out, it must be like putting your hand blindly into the cookie jar. Eve" I'd say considerably higher than 4 to 1, I'd say at least 100 to 1 | |||
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"I think it's a numbers game on here Topsy. Single men outnumber all other groups, probably 4 to 1. Single girls are, by all accounts, inundated with messages all day every day, so unless a profile really stands out, it must be like putting your hand blindly into the cookie jar. Eve" Last time I sat down and properly counted, single men outnumbered everyone else by 26 to 1. That's local to me, though; numbers may be different elsewhere. | |||
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"I think it's a numbers game on here Topsy. Single men outnumber all other groups, probably 4 to 1. Single girls are, by all accounts, inundated with messages all day every day, so unless a profile really stands out, it must be like putting your hand blindly into the cookie jar. Eve" See now, I've been her over ten years and I don't think it's anything to do with numbers, more like expectation. IRL, I have learned to never potentially be negative to a man for fear of retribution that I could never stop. Even as a child I was very careful where I sat on the bus because of the gropers. As an adult I've learned to manage my behaviour in order to stay safe which means, even on a sub conscious level, men 'get away' with the stuff that makes us wary but here? We can ignore or rebutt with impunity and men are just not used to it. And yes, I'm generalising about men. | |||
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"I haven't had any luck since I came back on, I would class my self as average in the looks department lol so it's understandable when the women have there pick. I don't do t down hearted by it, their loss . I've had some great chats with women tho. Patience is what's needed on here." It's not a womans loss if they don't want to meet you. | |||
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The only unlucky thing I’m on fab is when you find some one you connected with and they are miles away. | |||
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"I personally think it comes down to 2 things and I will probably get shot down from both sides here but I’m willing to take the risk. From the messages I’ve seen and have read from our couples account I can’t imagine for the life of me that a large proportion of men would act in public the way they do in here. There is some entitlement going on for sure. I have a penis, you are on a sex site so therefore I need to our little to no effort in. The other part is that we live in a society of zero appreciation for men as a whole. The expectations placed on men are ridiculous. Look at all the videos that have gone viral lately. Who do you talk to? For example and so many men so no one, I’m a man. Men are expected to behaviour a certain way and be a certain way. Fab only makes this worse. So yes men do get disheartened by Fab. We put ourselves up for rejection more times that we would in any other aspect of life. How many times have we all read the phrase that if this thread had been written by the opposite sex the outcome would of been very different " May I ask for examples of the certain behaviour please? | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. " Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. | |||
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"I personally think it comes down to 2 things and I will probably get shot down from both sides here but I’m willing to take the risk. From the messages I’ve seen and have read from our couples account I can’t imagine for the life of me that a large proportion of men would act in public the way they do in here. There is some entitlement going on for sure. I have a penis, you are on a sex site so therefore I need to our little to no effort in. The other part is that we live in a society of zero appreciation for men as a whole. The expectations placed on men are ridiculous. Look at all the videos that have gone viral lately. Who do you talk to? For example and so many men so no one, I’m a man. Men are expected to behaviour a certain way and be a certain way. Fab only makes this worse. So yes men do get disheartened by Fab. We put ourselves up for rejection more times that we would in any other aspect of life. How many times have we all read the phrase that if this thread had been written by the opposite sex the outcome would of been very different May I ask for examples of the certain behaviour please?" I think the greatest one is that men are expected to ‘man up’ otherwise they would somehow lose their identity or masculinity. Men are raised to not show feelings and emotions, to be able to take harmful jokes or even abuse. Look at the Jonny Depp case. It’s causing a storm partly because a man is acussing a woman of abuse. Why wasn’t he man enough to stand up to her? We don’t hear why wasn’t a woman, woman enough to stand up to a man? | |||
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"I haven't had any luck since I came back on, I would class my self as average in the looks department lol so it's understandable when the women have there pick. I don't do t down hearted by it, their loss . I've had some great chats with women tho. Patience is what's needed on here. It's not a womans loss if they don't want to meet you." Very true indeed . | |||
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"There's a big difference between it effecting your ego and effecting your mental health. If it's effecting your mental health it's time to take a step back, this place isn't for them." Oh I agree but I'm hypothesing on the why. Why are so many men angry or negatively mentally affected because women don't reply to a message or Dog forbid, leave a message unread? | |||
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"I personally think it comes down to 2 things and I will probably get shot down from both sides here but I’m willing to take the risk. From the messages I’ve seen and have read from our couples account I can’t imagine for the life of me that a large proportion of men would act in public the way they do in here. There is some entitlement going on for sure. I have a penis, you are on a sex site so therefore I need to our little to no effort in. The other part is that we live in a society of zero appreciation for men as a whole. The expectations placed on men are ridiculous. Look at all the videos that have gone viral lately. Who do you talk to? For example and so many men so no one, I’m a man. Men are expected to behaviour a certain way and be a certain way. Fab only makes this worse. So yes men do get disheartened by Fab. We put ourselves up for rejection more times that we would in any other aspect of life. How many times have we all read the phrase that if this thread had been written by the opposite sex the outcome would of been very different May I ask for examples of the certain behaviour please? I think the greatest one is that men are expected to ‘man up’ otherwise they would somehow lose their identity or masculinity. Men are raised to not show feelings and emotions, to be able to take harmful jokes or even abuse. Look at the Jonny Depp case. It’s causing a storm partly because a man is acussing a woman of abuse. Why wasn’t he man enough to stand up to her? We don’t hear why wasn’t a woman, woman enough to stand up to a man? " I hear you. It's fast becoming outdated though, I'm 61 and my son and grandsons have never been expected to hide their emotions and are positively encouraged to show them. The vast majority of people will say the same. I think peer pressure and the media is the culprit. | |||
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"Personally, I'm thankful there is more men than women on here. I mean, id never pull the hot guys in real life. Also, who are these women that get 100s of messages a day. I've had 5, literally, 5 today. " I'm attempting to find out if some men are so badly effected by not even being acknowledged here because IRL they have nice interactions with women. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A | |||
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"There's a big difference between it effecting your ego and effecting your mental health. If it's effecting your mental health it's time to take a step back, this place isn't for them. Oh I agree but I'm hypothesing on the why. Why are so many men angry or negatively mentally affected because women don't reply to a message or Dog forbid, leave a message unread?" Because humans need validation from other humans. When they don't get it, their insecurites come to the forefront and assume it is for a negative reason. | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. " Based on what you are saying, the flip side of this is that some women use this site as a way of punishing men for the way they have been treated irl? Or at least sticking 2 fingers up at them and saying not in here buddy? There are obviously a lot of angry people on this site and some of that is displayed daily on the forums. That anger often results in broad sweeping statements and opinions on both men and women but as already said above there is a big disparity in the reactions to that anger depending on who the op happens to be. No one could ever argue that women get pulled by other women as often as men for their opinions. How many times have men challenged women on these forums and been told they must not like women as a result? When was the last time a woman challenged another woman and accused her of misogyny or misandry? Men are frustrated because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. | |||
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"Personally, I'm thankful there is more men than women on here. I mean, id never pull the hot guys in real life. Also, who are these women that get 100s of messages a day. I've had 5, literally, 5 today. I'm attempting to find out if some men are so badly effected by not even being acknowledged here because IRL they have nice interactions with women." I personally don't get offended by it... But can see why others do. This isn't like real life where you'd have half a chance at chatting up someone you fancy, you can't even get to the flirt lol | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A" I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. " The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived. | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. Based on what you are saying, the flip side of this is that some women use this site as a way of punishing men for the way they have been treated irl? Or at least sticking 2 fingers up at them and saying not in here buddy? There are obviously a lot of angry people on this site and some of that is displayed daily on the forums. That anger often results in broad sweeping statements and opinions on both men and women but as already said above there is a big disparity in the reactions to that anger depending on who the op happens to be. No one could ever argue that women get pulled by other women as often as men for their opinions. How many times have men challenged women on these forums and been told they must not like women as a result? When was the last time a woman challenged another woman and accused her of misogyny or misandry? Men are frustrated because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. " Women possibly do and why shouldn't they? Although women often say that a respectful message from a man who has read her profile will get a nice reply, even if it's a no thanks. All the other messaged are blocked, deleted or replied with retaliation and we get thread after thread written by men demanding replies dictating it's bad manners not to. If a man in the street tells me to 'smile babe' or does anything deliberately, vaguely lewd, I smile and get the fuck out of there. He's been rewarded for that behaviour whilst I'm rattling through the safety measures in my head, desperately hoping he won't follow me. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived." I masking specifically about mens reactions to not getting the attention they want and why it causes them such mental anguish. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived. I masking specifically about mens reactions to not getting the attention they want and why it causes them such mental anguish." Because mens mental health is more fragile than anyone would let on or even care about is the simple answer | |||
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"I haven't had any luck since I came back on, I would class my self as average in the looks department lol so it's understandable when the women have there pick. I don't do t down hearted by it, their loss . I've had some great chats with women tho. Patience is what's needed on here." What are they losing? | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. Based on what you are saying, the flip side of this is that some women use this site as a way of punishing men for the way they have been treated irl? Or at least sticking 2 fingers up at them and saying not in here buddy? There are obviously a lot of angry people on this site and some of that is displayed daily on the forums. That anger often results in broad sweeping statements and opinions on both men and women but as already said above there is a big disparity in the reactions to that anger depending on who the op happens to be. No one could ever argue that women get pulled by other women as often as men for their opinions. How many times have men challenged women on these forums and been told they must not like women as a result? When was the last time a woman challenged another woman and accused her of misogyny or misandry? Men are frustrated because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Women possibly do and why shouldn't they? Although women often say that a respectful message from a man who has read her profile will get a nice reply, even if it's a no thanks. All the other messaged are blocked, deleted or replied with retaliation and we get thread after thread written by men demanding replies dictating it's bad manners not to. If a man in the street tells me to 'smile babe' or does anything deliberately, vaguely lewd, I smile and get the fuck out of there. He's been rewarded for that behaviour whilst I'm rattling through the safety measures in my head, desperately hoping he won't follow me. " That’s sad you feel like that. You must have had some bad experiences with men to feel like that  | |||
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"In my experience theres no such thing as luck " It’s not a word I use either. It’s too often used in the wrong context  | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. Based on what you are saying, the flip side of this is that some women use this site as a way of punishing men for the way they have been treated irl? Or at least sticking 2 fingers up at them and saying not in here buddy? There are obviously a lot of angry people on this site and some of that is displayed daily on the forums. That anger often results in broad sweeping statements and opinions on both men and women but as already said above there is a big disparity in the reactions to that anger depending on who the op happens to be. No one could ever argue that women get pulled by other women as often as men for their opinions. How many times have men challenged women on these forums and been told they must not like women as a result? When was the last time a woman challenged another woman and accused her of misogyny or misandry? Men are frustrated because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Women possibly do and why shouldn't they? Although women often say that a respectful message from a man who has read her profile will get a nice reply, even if it's a no thanks. All the other messaged are blocked, deleted or replied with retaliation and we get thread after thread written by men demanding replies dictating it's bad manners not to. If a man in the street tells me to 'smile babe' or does anything deliberately, vaguely lewd, I smile and get the fuck out of there. He's been rewarded for that behaviour whilst I'm rattling through the safety measures in my head, desperately hoping he won't follow me. " I agree with you. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived. I masking specifically about mens reactions to not getting the attention they want and why it causes them such mental anguish." I can't and won't speak for other men but until I turned 50 I couldn't look a woman directly in the eye due to my own self esteem issues. I've never said anything "vaguely lewd" to any woman I didn't know and who hadn't initiated that level of conversation. As far as I concerned I was invisible for all those years. I moved passed that by the time I joined here but I'm sure many have had similar issues and have not escaped it and then to be constantly ignored in here is just a continuation of real life. I doubt very much if any man who is used to manipulating women irl would be the type of man to openly discuss his MH or the causes of any issues. Those guys are usually too busy manning up. | |||
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"I personally think it comes down to 2 things and I will probably get shot down from both sides here but I’m willing to take the risk. From the messages I’ve seen and have read from our couples account I can’t imagine for the life of me that a large proportion of men would act in public the way they do in here. There is some entitlement going on for sure. I have a penis, you are on a sex site so therefore I need to our little to no effort in. The other part is that we live in a society of zero appreciation for men as a whole. The expectations placed on men are ridiculous. Look at all the videos that have gone viral lately. Who do you talk to? For example and so many men so no one, I’m a man. Men are expected to behaviour a certain way and be a certain way. Fab only makes this worse. So yes men do get disheartened by Fab. We put ourselves up for rejection more times that we would in any other aspect of life. How many times have we all read the phrase that if this thread had been written by the opposite sex the outcome would of been very different " Expectations on women are far more than on men, from how we act, dress, wear our hair, weight, make up, sexual partners etc The only reason fab works in women's favour is because there are so many men on here than women, not because women are better than or treated better than men | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. Based on what you are saying, the flip side of this is that some women use this site as a way of punishing men for the way they have been treated irl? Or at least sticking 2 fingers up at them and saying not in here buddy? There are obviously a lot of angry people on this site and some of that is displayed daily on the forums. That anger often results in broad sweeping statements and opinions on both men and women but as already said above there is a big disparity in the reactions to that anger depending on who the op happens to be. No one could ever argue that women get pulled by other women as often as men for their opinions. How many times have men challenged women on these forums and been told they must not like women as a result? When was the last time a woman challenged another woman and accused her of misogyny or misandry? Men are frustrated because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Women possibly do and why shouldn't they? Although women often say that a respectful message from a man who has read her profile will get a nice reply, even if it's a no thanks. All the other messaged are blocked, deleted or replied with retaliation and we get thread after thread written by men demanding replies dictating it's bad manners not to. If a man in the street tells me to 'smile babe' or does anything deliberately, vaguely lewd, I smile and get the fuck out of there. He's been rewarded for that behaviour whilst I'm rattling through the safety measures in my head, desperately hoping he won't follow me. That’s sad you feel like that. You must have had some bad experiences with men to feel like that "Of course, me and my peers every day of our lives. I can't tell you specifics as a child or the thread gets pulled but from being a 10 year old in 1970, I learned how to not be a target in public and not let any simple male interaction escalate to something they would have control over. Getting the right seat on the bus was crucial, covering up was crucial, smiling was crucial and even today, as a 61 year old, all those remain crucial. | |||
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"I personally think it comes down to 2 things and I will probably get shot down from both sides here but I’m willing to take the risk. From the messages I’ve seen and have read from our couples account I can’t imagine for the life of me that a large proportion of men would act in public the way they do in here. There is some entitlement going on for sure. I have a penis, you are on a sex site so therefore I need to our little to no effort in. The other part is that we live in a society of zero appreciation for men as a whole. The expectations placed on men are ridiculous. Look at all the videos that have gone viral lately. Who do you talk to? For example and so many men so no one, I’m a man. Men are expected to behaviour a certain way and be a certain way. Fab only makes this worse. So yes men do get disheartened by Fab. We put ourselves up for rejection more times that we would in any other aspect of life. How many times have we all read the phrase that if this thread had been written by the opposite sex the outcome would of been very different Expectations on women are far more than on men, from how we act, dress, wear our hair, weight, make up, sexual partners etc The only reason fab works in women's favour is because there are so many men on here than women, not because women are better than or treated better than men" I've been here over ten years and it's hardly ever worked in my favour! | |||
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"I haven't had any luck since I came back on, I would class my self as average in the looks department lol so it's understandable when the women have there pick. I don't do t down hearted by it, their loss . I've had some great chats with women tho. Patience is what's needed on here. What are they losing?" Could have worded that a bit better I must admit.. More of some ones gain than another person's loss. | |||
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"I personally think it comes down to 2 things and I will probably get shot down from both sides here but I’m willing to take the risk. From the messages I’ve seen and have read from our couples account I can’t imagine for the life of me that a large proportion of men would act in public the way they do in here. There is some entitlement going on for sure. I have a penis, you are on a sex site so therefore I need to our little to no effort in. The other part is that we live in a society of zero appreciation for men as a whole. The expectations placed on men are ridiculous. Look at all the videos that have gone viral lately. Who do you talk to? For example and so many men so no one, I’m a man. Men are expected to behaviour a certain way and be a certain way. Fab only makes this worse. So yes men do get disheartened by Fab. We put ourselves up for rejection more times that we would in any other aspect of life. How many times have we all read the phrase that if this thread had been written by the opposite sex the outcome would of been very different Expectations on women are far more than on men, from how we act, dress, wear our hair, weight, make up, sexual partners etc The only reason fab works in women's favour is because there are so many men on here than women, not because women are better than or treated better than men I've been here over ten years and it's hardly ever worked in my favour!" It works in mine for the most part but I don't date/interact with men in real life so I use it purely for that aspect But I can understand why some women don't find it great on here x | |||
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"I don’t buy into the whole luck thing. You’re either desirable to someone or you’re not. I think a majority of the fellas that complain about ‘no luck’, generally speaking, put no effort into attracting people. Because they have more luck IRL because some manipulate a situation or women to get what they want? Because some will do whatever they want to get a sexual thrill to the expense of the person they haven't consented? I know I bang on about non consensual knicker sniffing, flashing, wanking at work etc and they do it, but they can't do it here. Based on what you are saying, the flip side of this is that some women use this site as a way of punishing men for the way they have been treated irl? Or at least sticking 2 fingers up at them and saying not in here buddy? There are obviously a lot of angry people on this site and some of that is displayed daily on the forums. That anger often results in broad sweeping statements and opinions on both men and women but as already said above there is a big disparity in the reactions to that anger depending on who the op happens to be. No one could ever argue that women get pulled by other women as often as men for their opinions. How many times have men challenged women on these forums and been told they must not like women as a result? When was the last time a woman challenged another woman and accused her of misogyny or misandry? Men are frustrated because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Women possibly do and why shouldn't they? Although women often say that a respectful message from a man who has read her profile will get a nice reply, even if it's a no thanks. All the other messaged are blocked, deleted or replied with retaliation and we get thread after thread written by men demanding replies dictating it's bad manners not to. If a man in the street tells me to 'smile babe' or does anything deliberately, vaguely lewd, I smile and get the fuck out of there. He's been rewarded for that behaviour whilst I'm rattling through the safety measures in my head, desperately hoping he won't follow me. That’s sad you feel like that. You must have had some bad experiences with men to feel like that
Of course, me and my peers every day of our lives. I can't tell you specifics as a child or the thread gets pulled but from being a 10 year old in 1970, I learned how to not be a target in public and not let any simple male interaction escalate to something they would have control over.
Getting the right seat on the bus was crucial, covering up was crucial, smiling was crucial and even today, as a 61 year old, all those remain crucial."That’s awful. Sorry you went through all that | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived." Topsy - I wish I could remember whatever I wrote. But I've written shitloads over the years. 
To the chap above. You're trying to argue against the original point with a separate issue, much like the 'whatabouttery' you see on social media whenever anyone challenges the government and the reply with 'but labour'!!
The original question relates to a common theme where men state on the forums that a lack of replies is affecting their enjoyment and use of the site and that often it's claimed that single men are perceived as a PITA, rude, abusive, unwelcome etc. and that couples and single women have a superiority complex that puts them on a higher pedestal than mere men. Sometimes, as stated, it's claimed that this affects their mental health too.
You're trying to counter that point with a separate issue completely - that women complain of no shows and ghosting. Yes this goes on. But no shows and ghosting equally affects men too. And they also complain of those scenarios on here too, pretty much as frequently as women.
What single women don't tend to do is post threads saying they're being ignored, not replied to, or that they are in some way seen as less welcome on site and that this rejection is affecting them mentally. Most likely because their issues are different and they're not experiencing the same problems as their male counterparts.
When Topsy says I once stated 'it's not a numbers game' I suspect I'd said something like this.
Anyone can be successful and enjoy the site, whether male or female. The numbers of each gender aren't a disadvantage unless you let them be.
For men it's actually easy to stand out from your peers if you try. Nothing that any other man on site does reflects you, your behaviour or your personality. Only you can ever represent you - it's why I generally avoid profile advice threads as that encourages copycats, fake personas and makes it hard to get to know the real person behind a profile. So it doesn't matter how many other men are on-site. The good profiles are easy to spot when lined up against the average, the mediocre and the plain terrible. The lack of effort others put in helps those that do try their best.
The number of men is a bigger issue for women. It's often claimed they are spoilt for choice. They may be in one way, but the volume of profiles actually makes it bloody hard for women on here, whether they are proactive and search themselves, or they sit back and wait for incoming messages. Either way they have a lot more work to do to find profiles they're interested in.
It's no easier for couples. When you have two people in a profile you have double the number that need to be attracted/interested in someone. Couples meeting couples? That's four people that need to be happy. It's a miracle any of them ever meet!
Negative behaviour isn't exclusive to either gender. But your 'chicken and egg' argument doesn't fit this issue I'm afraid, at least in my mind. It may suit an argument of why some things happen but I suspect it happens more in theory than practice. You're attributing negative male behaviour to female behaviour based on previous male behaviour - effectively one big vicious circle. If that was really the case then nobody would be meeting.
Again. One persons behaviour on site doesn't reflect on another's. You can't blame people's attitudes towards you on what someone else has done or said. That's an easy cop out.
Regardless of the numbers the only person that affects your 'success' on here is you. So whether you're one of a thousand, or ten thousand or just ten....if your behaviour and interactions don't attract or interest others then that's 100% on you and nobody else.
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"In my experience theres no such thing as luck It’s not a word I use either. It’s too often used in the wrong context "sorry i was going all jedi master there | |||
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"If I bought a lady her shopping I’d at least expect to give her a fingerblast and have a little feel of her tits. " Before or after you leave the supermarket? | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived. Topsy - I wish I could remember whatever I wrote. But I've written shitloads over the years.
To the chap above. You're trying to argue against the original point with a separate issue, much like the 'whatabouttery' you see on social media whenever anyone challenges the government and the reply with 'but labour'!!
The original question relates to a common theme where men state on the forums that a lack of replies is affecting their enjoyment and use of the site and that often it's claimed that single men are perceived as a PITA, rude, abusive, unwelcome etc. and that couples and single women have a superiority complex that puts them on a higher pedestal than mere men. Sometimes, as stated, it's claimed that this affects their mental health too.
You're trying to counter that point with a separate issue completely - that women complain of no shows and ghosting. Yes this goes on. But no shows and ghosting equally affects men too. And they also complain of those scenarios on here too, pretty much as frequently as women.
What single women don't tend to do is post threads saying they're being ignored, not replied to, or that they are in some way seen as less welcome on site and that this rejection is affecting them mentally. Most likely because their issues are different and they're not experiencing the same problems as their male counterparts.
When Topsy says I once stated 'it's not a numbers game' I suspect I'd said something like this.
Anyone can be successful and enjoy the site, whether male or female. The numbers of each gender aren't a disadvantage unless you let them be.
For men it's actually easy to stand out from your peers if you try. Nothing that any other man on site does reflects you, your behaviour or your personality. Only you can ever represent you - it's why I generally avoid profile advice threads as that encourages copycats, fake personas and makes it hard to get to know the real person behind a profile. So it doesn't matter how many other men are on-site. The good profiles are easy to spot when lined up against the average, the mediocre and the plain terrible. The lack of effort others put in helps those that do try their best.
The number of men is a bigger issue for women. It's often claimed they are spoilt for choice. They may be in one way, but the volume of profiles actually makes it bloody hard for women on here, whether they are proactive and search themselves, or they sit back and wait for incoming messages. Either way they have a lot more work to do to find profiles they're interested in.
It's no easier for couples. When you have two people in a profile you have double the number that need to be attracted/interested in someone. Couples meeting couples? That's four people that need to be happy. It's a miracle any of them ever meet!
Negative behaviour isn't exclusive to either gender. But your 'chicken and egg' argument doesn't fit this issue I'm afraid, at least in my mind. It may suit an argument of why some things happen but I suspect it happens more in theory than practice. You're attributing negative male behaviour to female behaviour based on previous male behaviour - effectively one big vicious circle. If that was really the case then nobody would be meeting.
Again. One persons behaviour on site doesn't reflect on another's. You can't blame people's attitudes towards you on what someone else has done or said. That's an easy cop out.
Regardless of the numbers the only person that affects your 'success' on here is you. So whether you're one of a thousand, or ten thousand or just ten....if your behaviour and interactions don't attract or interest others then that's 100% on you and nobody else.
A"It's also worth noting that even if a women complains of no shows doesn't mean she should meet with you because you say you're going to turn up | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well " Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! " Advertise may be the wrong word but its still valid, you wouldn't know if someone has a decent personality or not if they're not 'advertising' themselves in a positive light | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! " I can't give myself away | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! Advertise may be the wrong word but its still valid, you wouldn't know if someone has a decent personality or not if they're not 'advertising' themselves in a positive light" Of course you would, part of having a decent personality is knowing what to say or write so others can figure you out and want to interact with you more | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! I can't give myself away "Thats why I got a refund | |||
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"If I bought a lady her shopping I’d at least expect to give her a fingerblast and have a little feel of her tits. Before or after you leave the supermarket? "Before. She could drop me off at the pub on the way home then  | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! " But that's exactly what it is, an advertisement doesn't mean your selling something it is providing information and drawing attention to something. | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! Advertise may be the wrong word but its still valid, you wouldn't know if someone has a decent personality or not if they're not 'advertising' themselves in a positive light Of course you would, part of having a decent personality is knowing what to say or write so others can figure you out and want to interact with you more "I don't know if you've realised but you've agreed with me despite trying to start an argument because you have an issue with the word 'advertise' | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! Advertise may be the wrong word but its still valid, you wouldn't know if someone has a decent personality or not if they're not 'advertising' themselves in a positive light Of course you would, part of having a decent personality is knowing what to say or write so others can figure you out and want to interact with you more
I don't know if you've realised but you've agreed with me despite trying to start an argument because you have an issue with the word 'advertise' "I have no issues with anyone and I don't argue with anyone, its how you are taking the comment thats all. Have a fabulous evening | |||
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"When I first joined fab I came across a lovely man He wasn't gym fit, he was my height and he was 15 years older than my preferred age. He generally was not the type of man I would usually go for How ever his profile and pictures were engaging and intriguing so I messaged him first (yes it does happen) and we ended up meeting. This man was (still is) very very successful on fab, we could only meet once a week as he was usually busy with other fab meets on other days (confirmed by his verifications so I knew he wasn't exaggerating) Success on this site is not all about looks/body type it's how you portray and advertise your self. If more men understood this is would make the site easier for them and for women as well Need to replace "advertise" yourself with "having a decent personality". None of us should be or are for sale! But that's exactly what it is, an advertisement doesn't mean your selling something it is providing information and drawing attention to something." Apparently it's not | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived. Topsy - I wish I could remember whatever I wrote. But I've written shitloads over the years.
To the chap above. You're trying to argue against the original point with a separate issue, much like the 'whatabouttery' you see on social media whenever anyone challenges the government and the reply with 'but labour'!!
The original question relates to a common theme where men state on the forums that a lack of replies is affecting their enjoyment and use of the site and that often it's claimed that single men are perceived as a PITA, rude, abusive, unwelcome etc. and that couples and single women have a superiority complex that puts them on a higher pedestal than mere men. Sometimes, as stated, it's claimed that this affects their mental health too.
You're trying to counter that point with a separate issue completely - that women complain of no shows and ghosting. Yes this goes on. But no shows and ghosting equally affects men too. And they also complain of those scenarios on here too, pretty much as frequently as women.
What single women don't tend to do is post threads saying they're being ignored, not replied to, or that they are in some way seen as less welcome on site and that this rejection is affecting them mentally. Most likely because their issues are different and they're not experiencing the same problems as their male counterparts.
When Topsy says I once stated 'it's not a numbers game' I suspect I'd said something like this.
Anyone can be successful and enjoy the site, whether male or female. The numbers of each gender aren't a disadvantage unless you let them be.
For men it's actually easy to stand out from your peers if you try. Nothing that any other man on site does reflects you, your behaviour or your personality. Only you can ever represent you - it's why I generally avoid profile advice threads as that encourages copycats, fake personas and makes it hard to get to know the real person behind a profile. So it doesn't matter how many other men are on-site. The good profiles are easy to spot when lined up against the average, the mediocre and the plain terrible. The lack of effort others put in helps those that do try their best.
The number of men is a bigger issue for women. It's often claimed they are spoilt for choice. They may be in one way, but the volume of profiles actually makes it bloody hard for women on here, whether they are proactive and search themselves, or they sit back and wait for incoming messages. Either way they have a lot more work to do to find profiles they're interested in.
It's no easier for couples. When you have two people in a profile you have double the number that need to be attracted/interested in someone. Couples meeting couples? That's four people that need to be happy. It's a miracle any of them ever meet!
Negative behaviour isn't exclusive to either gender. But your 'chicken and egg' argument doesn't fit this issue I'm afraid, at least in my mind. It may suit an argument of why some things happen but I suspect it happens more in theory than practice. You're attributing negative male behaviour to female behaviour based on previous male behaviour - effectively one big vicious circle. If that was really the case then nobody would be meeting.
Again. One persons behaviour on site doesn't reflect on another's. You can't blame people's attitudes towards you on what someone else has done or said. That's an easy cop out.
Regardless of the numbers the only person that affects your 'success' on here is you. So whether you're one of a thousand, or ten thousand or just ten....if your behaviour and interactions don't attract or interest others then that's 100% on you and nobody else.
A"Except I'm not arguing a different point. The original question was why do men claim that not getting replies or the replies they want then claim it is affecting their mental health? My point above was that womens reactions to them in general affect their mental health. If a man who is feeling vulnerable reads a thread like this and picks up that it doesn't really matter what he puts in his messages because the experience of some women mean that in their eyes he is already a possible aggressor then of course that will have an affect on him. There's no point asking why men struggle with communication or what triggers their anger if we try and say this all happens in a vacuum. It obviously doesn't. They are angry and frustrated for a reason just as some women get angry and frustrated when they don't get the reaction they expect or hope for. Ignoring the fact that peoples issues are often caused by other people or their relationships with other people is actually part of the problem. On a site such as this men are told to be themselves but some of those selves are not condusive to communicating online so they try to emulate others and fail miserably and that increases their feelings of inadequacy. My point about no shows is in relation to the fact that while more men start threads about not getting replies, it is usually women who start them about no shows. More often than not the men complaining about entitlement will be torn to shreds while the women who are equally frustrated and just as angry get a more positive response which for many men is a major issue in itself. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. The same question could be asked of women who have repeated no shows or are constantly ghosted in here. Many of them have claimed it is affecting their mental health. Unfortunately that creates a chicken and egg effect because the more they speak of how the site is affecting their MH issues and the more erratic their general behaviour is on the forums and in private messages the greater the chance of more men changing their minds and not turning up. There is often a perception on here that it is only men's behaviour and words that have a negative affect on how they are perceived. Topsy - I wish I could remember whatever I wrote. But I've written shitloads over the years.
To the chap above. You're trying to argue against the original point with a separate issue, much like the 'whatabouttery' you see on social media whenever anyone challenges the government and the reply with 'but labour'!!
The original question relates to a common theme where men state on the forums that a lack of replies is affecting their enjoyment and use of the site and that often it's claimed that single men are perceived as a PITA, rude, abusive, unwelcome etc. and that couples and single women have a superiority complex that puts them on a higher pedestal than mere men. Sometimes, as stated, it's claimed that this affects their mental health too.
You're trying to counter that point with a separate issue completely - that women complain of no shows and ghosting. Yes this goes on. But no shows and ghosting equally affects men too. And they also complain of those scenarios on here too, pretty much as frequently as women.
What single women don't tend to do is post threads saying they're being ignored, not replied to, or that they are in some way seen as less welcome on site and that this rejection is affecting them mentally. Most likely because their issues are different and they're not experiencing the same problems as their male counterparts.
When Topsy says I once stated 'it's not a numbers game' I suspect I'd said something like this.
Anyone can be successful and enjoy the site, whether male or female. The numbers of each gender aren't a disadvantage unless you let them be.
For men it's actually easy to stand out from your peers if you try. Nothing that any other man on site does reflects you, your behaviour or your personality. Only you can ever represent you - it's why I generally avoid profile advice threads as that encourages copycats, fake personas and makes it hard to get to know the real person behind a profile. So it doesn't matter how many other men are on-site. The good profiles are easy to spot when lined up against the average, the mediocre and the plain terrible. The lack of effort others put in helps those that do try their best.
The number of men is a bigger issue for women. It's often claimed they are spoilt for choice. They may be in one way, but the volume of profiles actually makes it bloody hard for women on here, whether they are proactive and search themselves, or they sit back and wait for incoming messages. Either way they have a lot more work to do to find profiles they're interested in.
It's no easier for couples. When you have two people in a profile you have double the number that need to be attracted/interested in someone. Couples meeting couples? That's four people that need to be happy. It's a miracle any of them ever meet!
Negative behaviour isn't exclusive to either gender. But your 'chicken and egg' argument doesn't fit this issue I'm afraid, at least in my mind. It may suit an argument of why some things happen but I suspect it happens more in theory than practice. You're attributing negative male behaviour to female behaviour based on previous male behaviour - effectively one big vicious circle. If that was really the case then nobody would be meeting.
Again. One persons behaviour on site doesn't reflect on another's. You can't blame people's attitudes towards you on what someone else has done or said. That's an easy cop out.
Regardless of the numbers the only person that affects your 'success' on here is you. So whether you're one of a thousand, or ten thousand or just ten....if your behaviour and interactions don't attract or interest others then that's 100% on you and nobody else.
A
Except I'm not arguing a different point.
The original question was why do men claim that not getting replies or the replies they want then claim it is affecting their mental health?
My point above was that womens reactions to them in general affect their mental health. If a man who is feeling vulnerable reads a thread like this and picks up that it doesn't really matter what he puts in his messages because the experience of some women mean that in their eyes he is already a possible aggressor then of course that will have an affect on him.
There's no point asking why men struggle with communication or what triggers their anger if we try and say this all happens in a vacuum. It obviously doesn't.
They are angry and frustrated for a reason just as some women get angry and frustrated when they don't get the reaction they expect or hope for.
Ignoring the fact that peoples issues are often caused by other people or their relationships with other people is actually part of the problem.
On a site such as this men are told to be themselves but some of those selves are not condusive to communicating online so they try to emulate others and fail miserably and that increases their feelings of inadequacy.
My point about no shows is in relation to the fact that while more men start threads about not getting replies, it is usually women who start them about no shows.
More often than not the men complaining about entitlement will be torn to shreds while the women who are equally frustrated and just as angry get a more positive response which for many men is a major issue in itself.
"Your points have all been valid and I agree with most of them | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" Pretty much. Most guys get more actions from going out on a Friday night than they do on here Even really attractive, chatty, charming guys that would do great on a night out get ignored here It’s just the way the site is. Lots of couples/women only want the absolute 10/10 best. Lots are on here an ego boost. Lots from boredom. Lots have zero intentions of ever meeting. Just the way the site (and online dating) is. | |||
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" On a site such as this men are told to be themselves but some of those selves are not condusive to communicating online so they try to emulate others and fail miserably and that increases their feelings of inadequacy. My point about no shows is in relation to the fact that while more men start threads about not getting replies, it is usually women who start them about no shows. More often than not the men complaining about entitlement will be torn to shreds while the women who are equally frustrated and just as angry get a more positive response which for many men is a major issue in itself. " Point 1. If a man's personality isn't condusive to communicating online then they are setting themselves up for a hard time just by using a site such as this. Harsh as that may sound it's no different to anyone attempting a task that they aren't mentally or physically capable of - the odds are they won't be successful and that their time spent trying will result in frustration, disappointment and a negative impact on their lives. Which begs the question - why do they join the site when their actions are highly likely to result in increased feelings of inadequacy? They're setting themselves up to fail from the outset. Point 2. Threads about 'no shows' are a completely different kettle of fish to threads about 'being ignored' or 'not getting replies to messages'. For a no show to have occurred there will have been conversation and interaction, some form of planning and an agreement to meet. None of which occur if you're not getting a reply in the first place - hence two completely separate issues. Men complaining about 'entitlement' may well be torn to shreds. The same way any single female or couple would be whenever displaying that belief. Nobody is entitled to anything on here except respect and courtesy. Which still needs to be earned, rather than assumed, will be lost dependant on behaviour and isn't related to any form of reply. Women complaining about no shows will get the same 'more positive' responses the same way men would, because the frustration is caused by a different issue completely. That shouldn't be a 'major issue' to any man that wouldn't be equally annoyed had plans been made for a meet and he's been left stood up. The two situations simply aren't comparable, nor are they specifically linked to either gender. I've yet to see a woman complaining about not getting replies to messages, but I'm sure that happens on Fab. A | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . " No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online?" You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about . | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about ." I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place. The ones at their wits end should check their entitlement. | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about . I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place. The ones at their wits end should check their entitlement. " Oh wow!  | |||
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"I haven't had any luck since I came back on, I would class my self as average in the looks department lol so it's understandable when the women have there pick. I don't do t down hearted by it, their loss . I've had some great chats with women tho. Patience is what's needed on here. It's not a womans loss if they don't want to meet you." And that kind of attitude is why you don't get meets on here. In real life, their dick isn't the first thing we see and I bet they wouldn't say half the things to someones face like they do in a msg. Men cock block themselves. These aren't my words, but explains it well ""Men don't understand that if they would just be nice normal people and get to know them we would happily shag them. That's all I want tbh but it is SO HARD to find a man that is just cool and normal and can give good conversation and has respect and cares what you want etc. Finding a man to have sex with is no problem, it's the QUALITY of the man that is hard to find I would happily entertain the idea of a regular dick appointment if said dick was attached to an intelligent and respectful and trustworthy man."" | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about . I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place. The ones at their wits end should check their entitlement. "
I get the feeling you’re not a huge fan of men in general? | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about . I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place. The ones at their wits end should check their entitlement. " Agreed. If this is your tipping point then there’s a bunch of big things wrong in your life you should address/blame before not getting replies on here. I think “effecting my mental health” has become a bit of a buzz phrase these days. People are throwing it around over trivial shit. I can’t imagine anyone with a life, friends, hobbies, etc etc would be truly effected from not getting replies on here. They say the last straw broke the camels back, but it’s the million straws underneath it that matter. If fabs is your last straw, take a long hard look at all the others first. It’s a swingers site ffs | |||
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"I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place." .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .“~., . . . . . . . .. . . . .,.-”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-., . . . . .. . .. . . ..,/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”:, . . .. . . . .. .,?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\, . . . . .. . . . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,} . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`^`.} . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:”. . . ./ . . .. . . .?. . . __. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :`. . . ./ . . . . . . . /__.(. . .“~-,_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`. . . .. ./ . . . . . /(_. . ”~,_. . . ..“~,_. . . . . . . . . .,:`. . . . _/ . . ... .{.._$;_. . .”=,_. . . .“-,_. . . ,.-~-,}, .~”; /. .. .} . . ... .((. . .*~_. . . .”=-._. . .“;,,./`. . /” . . . ./. .. ../ . . . . . .\`~,. . ..“~.,. . . . . . . . . ..`. . .}. . . . . . ../ . . . .. .(. ..`=-,,. . . .`. . . . . . . . . . . ..(. . . ;_,,-” . . .. . ../.`~,. . ..`-.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\. . /\ . . . .. . \`~.*-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..|,./…..\,__ ,,_.. . . . }.-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . .. . ..`=~-,_\_. . . `\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\ . . . . .. . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . `:,, . . . . . . . . . . . . . `\. . ..__ . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`–==“ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _\. . . . . ._,-%. . . ..`\. | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about . I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place. The ones at their wits end should check their entitlement. " Oh dear i never said that. the OP hinted that men may be finding it easy off line hence there frustration online or that's how a read that particular part of her post I was just saying that if it was so easy for men off line why is suicide amongst men at a all time high and growing faster than any other group but hay ho your entitled to your opinion just like anyone else in the world . | |||
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"May I ask OP have you ever been completely ignored over and over again shunned by your work colleagues made to feel not welcome . There has been studies on the effects of being shunned by a social group and its been proven to be harmful to the person being shunned mental health . it can even lead to violence out bursts , examples can be found I .E he was a social out cast had no friends was shunned and humiliated by everyone one day he just walked into the class room and opened fire then he turned the gun on himself. When guys on here are getting no responses it can seem like your being shunned excluded by the community your trying to join. this will effect anyone's not just mens mental wellbeing and can be magnified if you don't have a rich social life away from the group that you perceive is shunning you. Fab is advertised as a social swinging group these men just feel like the group is shunning them especially the woman of the group . I have got many a message privately from guys saying thank you for your advice fells your a good egg after I'm shown some compassion when responding to a forum post made by them . No, I've never been shunned by a large group IRL and most people aren't, are they. I've been shunned plenty of times online though. What compassion do you offer those shunned online? You would be surprised OP how common shunning is most teenage suicides have a element of shunning involved in them . By responding with kindness to a post where someone is clearly at there wits end as to what's going wrong .I'm far from perfect I can and do get my pants in a twist sometimes other the behavior of others but that's normal a sign I'm tired so I take a step back away from places like these sites for the rest of the day . . I think it's very easy to think men have a easy life offline but other a period of 11 years I know of 5 men who took there own lifes yet I know of no woman who has during the same time frame . Not friends of mine but I knew them well enough to say hello if I saw them out and about . I'd like to suggest that if getting no replies from women and couples on a swinging site is potentially driving men to suicide, then they already ill and should not be here in the first place. The ones at their wits end should check their entitlement. Oh dear i never said that. the OP hinted that men may be finding it easy off line hence there frustration online or that's how a read that particular part of her post I was just saying that if it was so easy for men off line why is suicide amongst men at a all time high and growing faster than any other group but hay ho your entitled to your opinion just like anyone else in the world ." I am the OP and not once did I suggest men have it easy anywhere. My suggestion is that because every interaction they have IRL is acknowledged in some way, is being ignored here (only because it is safer for women to ignore men online) causing them to write threads admitting it's affecting their mental health and ego? | |||
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"Haven’t read the whole thread (there’s football on the telly and this thread seems terribly long, so priorities, right?) but the OP could be on to something. In real life everyday engagements it’s more one to one isn’t it, the ladies haven’t got 50 men trying to speak to them at once, hence we get more attention. Without wishing to make light of mental health issues I think we’re in times where any setback in life, however large or small, seems to cause mental health issues. We seem to have lost the art of resilience. If you’re going to have such issues from being ignored on here then my simplistic advice is move away from Fab. However there’s no real great magic bullet to getting replies if you’re a male in here. Just don’t be a dick when you message. It really is that simple. Not everyone will reply, but chances are some will… " I agree with you - I will always reply to a crafted message which means somebody put some thought into it. But "hi" and "how's you" really does not cut it. SO you are spot on. Chance of getting a reply is proportionate to the effort put in | |||
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"Haven’t read the whole thread (there’s football on the telly and this thread seems terribly long, so priorities, right?) but the OP could be on to something. In real life everyday engagements it’s more one to one isn’t it, the ladies haven’t got 50 men trying to speak to them at once, hence we get more attention. Without wishing to make light of mental health issues I think we’re in times where any setback in life, however large or small, seems to cause mental health issues. We seem to have lost the art of resilience. If you’re going to have such issues from being ignored on here then my simplistic advice is move away from Fab. However there’s no real great magic bullet to getting replies if you’re a male in here. Just don’t be a dick when you message. It really is that simple. Not everyone will reply, but chances are some will… I agree with you - I will always reply to a crafted message which means somebody put some thought into it. But "hi" and "how's you" really does not cut it. SO you are spot on. Chance of getting a reply is proportionate to the effort put in "Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick? | |||
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"Haven’t read the whole thread (there’s football on the telly and this thread seems terribly long, so priorities, right?) but the OP could be on to something. In real life everyday engagements it’s more one to one isn’t it, the ladies haven’t got 50 men trying to speak to them at once, hence we get more attention. Without wishing to make light of mental health issues I think we’re in times where any setback in life, however large or small, seems to cause mental health issues. We seem to have lost the art of resilience. If you’re going to have such issues from being ignored on here then my simplistic advice is move away from Fab. However there’s no real great magic bullet to getting replies if you’re a male in here. Just don’t be a dick when you message. It really is that simple. Not everyone will reply, but chances are some will… I agree with you - I will always reply to a crafted message which means somebody put some thought into it. But "hi" and "how's you" really does not cut it. SO you are spot on. Chance of getting a reply is proportionate to the effort put in
Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick?"It is not in itself being a dick, I agree. But if somebody wants to make contact they should at least glance at the profile. If said profile clearly states that they expect a proper message ... then I guess you could say it is at the very least.... not tuning in to the environment. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" I think it's self entitlement personally. Most put in zero effect and expect an abundance of 'riches'. C | |||
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"I think two things. First a surprisingly fair men display mentalities, behaviour and traits that are not attractive. Now obviously attraction is subjective but something are fairly universal. Second it's very difficult to truly get across the real you online. I think a lot of men do think themself great guys and are actually great guys. So naturally the lack of interest is disheartening to this self image. But it may more be to do with how they come across online that let's them down. This factor is not exclusive to men. As a single and part of a couple over the years I met singles and couple who profiles I am put off by but when I've bumped into them at clubs turns out they're fantastic (and vice versa). Now despite bad profiles to some extent women and couples get a free pass because the commodity of pussy. But in the cut throat world of a single guy the inability to properly represent yourself online is disastrous. Personally that's why I prefer to meet people at parties and clubs." This | |||
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"Haven’t read the whole thread (there’s football on the telly and this thread seems terribly long, so priorities, right?) but the OP could be on to something. In real life everyday engagements it’s more one to one isn’t it, the ladies haven’t got 50 men trying to speak to them at once, hence we get more attention. Without wishing to make light of mental health issues I think we’re in times where any setback in life, however large or small, seems to cause mental health issues. We seem to have lost the art of resilience. If you’re going to have such issues from being ignored on here then my simplistic advice is move away from Fab. However there’s no real great magic bullet to getting replies if you’re a male in here. Just don’t be a dick when you message. It really is that simple. Not everyone will reply, but chances are some will… I agree with you - I will always reply to a crafted message which means somebody put some thought into it. But "hi" and "how's you" really does not cut it. SO you are spot on. Chance of getting a reply is proportionate to the effort put in
Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick?
It is not in itself being a dick, I agree. But if somebody wants to make contact they should at least glance at the profile. If said profile clearly states that they expect a proper message ... then I guess you could say it is at the very least.... not tuning in to the environment. "Perhaps in that instance, it's the person behind said profile that could do with adjusting their expectations | |||
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"Haven’t read the whole thread (there’s football on the telly and this thread seems terribly long, so priorities, right?) but the OP could be on to something. In real life everyday engagements it’s more one to one isn’t it, the ladies haven’t got 50 men trying to speak to them at once, hence we get more attention. Without wishing to make light of mental health issues I think we’re in times where any setback in life, however large or small, seems to cause mental health issues. We seem to have lost the art of resilience. If you’re going to have such issues from being ignored on here then my simplistic advice is move away from Fab. However there’s no real great magic bullet to getting replies if you’re a male in here. Just don’t be a dick when you message. It really is that simple. Not everyone will reply, but chances are some will… I agree with you - I will always reply to a crafted message which means somebody put some thought into it. But "hi" and "how's you" really does not cut it. SO you are spot on. Chance of getting a reply is proportionate to the effort put in
Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick?
It is not in itself being a dick, I agree. But if somebody wants to make contact they should at least glance at the profile. If said profile clearly states that they expect a proper message ... then I guess you could say it is at the very least.... not tuning in to the environment.
Perhaps in that instance, it's the person behind said profile that could do with adjusting their expectations "If you are saying that in this instance I should lower my expectations (apologies if I misread you) then I would argue that I should not lower expectations. People have a choice to read my profile and either message me because they like what they read/ see... or they do not. I would not think I should adapt my profile to an audience. Did I understand you correctly? | |||
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"Personally, I'm thankful there is more men than women on here. I mean, id never pull the hot guys in real life. Also, who are these women that get 100s of messages a day. I've had 5, literally, 5 today. " I'm the same whenever folk talk about 100 messages a day I am rare to get any, though I have a feeling my profile puts off the majority of men who are just looking for a quick shag! | |||
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"Haven’t read the whole thread (there’s football on the telly and this thread seems terribly long, so priorities, right?) but the OP could be on to something. In real life everyday engagements it’s more one to one isn’t it, the ladies haven’t got 50 men trying to speak to them at once, hence we get more attention. Without wishing to make light of mental health issues I think we’re in times where any setback in life, however large or small, seems to cause mental health issues. We seem to have lost the art of resilience. If you’re going to have such issues from being ignored on here then my simplistic advice is move away from Fab. However there’s no real great magic bullet to getting replies if you’re a male in here. Just don’t be a dick when you message. It really is that simple. Not everyone will reply, but chances are some will… I agree with you - I will always reply to a crafted message which means somebody put some thought into it. But "hi" and "how's you" really does not cut it. SO you are spot on. Chance of getting a reply is proportionate to the effort put in
Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick?
It is not in itself being a dick, I agree. But if somebody wants to make contact they should at least glance at the profile. If said profile clearly states that they expect a proper message ... then I guess you could say it is at the very least.... not tuning in to the environment.
Perhaps in that instance, it's the person behind said profile that could do with adjusting their expectations
If you are saying that in this instance I should lower my expectations (apologies if I misread you) then I would argue that I should not lower expectations. People have a choice to read my profile and either message me because they like what they read/ see... or they do not. I would not think I should adapt my profile to an audience. Did I understand you correctly? "I wasn't aiming at you specifically | |||
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"Another thought just popped up. Messages from men that are crude, nasty, threaten violence, self entitled demanding and downright frightening. They can do that because there is no retribution." Except they get blocked then create new accounts to play games which I believe half just try their luck and hope a woman's desperate. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" Then I would say that this site is no different to any other form of meeting site or app… be that friends thru dating thru swinging thru sex site And if that is going to be an issue, don’t use them! Sorry to be blunt… if the possibility of rejection of any kind is too much.. that’s not an issue that anyone can help with! Sometimes you have to be able to help yourself help yourself! If you can’t do that at even it’s most basic level… then I don’t believe anyone can help But it has to start with a mindset that you are owned nothing in life… and you have to be able to put your best foot forward while also being realistic and pragmatic | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Then I would say that this site is no different to any other form of meeting site or app… be that friends thru dating thru swinging thru sex site And if that is going to be an issue, don’t use them! Sorry to be blunt… if the possibility of rejection of any kind is too much.. that’s not an issue that anyone can help with! Sometimes you have to be able to help yourself help yourself! If you can’t do that at even it’s most basic level… then I don’t believe anyone can help But it has to start with a mindset that you are owned nothing in life… and you have to be able to put your best foot forward while also being realistic and pragmatic " I like this very much. And while I understand rejection (perceived or otherwise ) is never an nice emotion.... it is something we need to accept as part of life? | |||
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"I don't agree with it being anything do with with luck. Everyone knows there are way more men than women, but, there are things that can be done to make sure a message is read and replied to. Facepics are usually the ones O reply to the most. I get it's frustrating to be ignored, but it happens to both men and women on dating apps. It's just here there is a forum where men can say how pissed off they are about it. Same would be said if women could say that about dating apps (probably) I genuinely feel this place frightens women off. " Agreed as well. It does not frighten me though, I feel frustrated more than anything that people do not appear to read my profile if that makes sense? | |||
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"I don't agree with it being anything do with with luck. Everyone knows there are way more men than women, but, there are things that can be done to make sure a message is read and replied to. Facepics are usually the ones O reply to the most. I get it's frustrating to be ignored, but it happens to both men and women on dating apps. It's just here there is a forum where men can say how pissed off they are about it. Same would be said if women could say that about dating apps (probably) I genuinely feel this place frightens women off. Agreed as well. It does not frighten me though, I feel frustrated more than anything that people do not appear to read my profile if that makes sense?" Yeah frighten not the best word, more like 9 times out of 10 I get the ick from some of the things I see... | |||
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" Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick?" No… but if you get a ton of messages with the same monosyllabic refrain… how are you standing out from A.N.Other? It’s doesn’t scream I’ve thought about what I am writing!! Let’s be real here… there is thinking with their brains.. and thinking with their genitalia…. Too many people here think they can get away with just the latter! I hate to keep banging on that it’s a mindset thing… but it truly is…. You are not going to like everyone, everyone is not going to like you Every answer is a no until told otherwise You are owed nothing is something looks at your profile, or does not answer your unsolicited post!!! People think that this site is different because it deals with sex… it’s not! Last time I checked… your body, your choice, your rules!!!! Dating sites and apps are no different… the only difference is that you are conning someone who may be looking for a relationship when you are just looking for sex… this is just more upfront so you can’t really pull that BS here | |||
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" Is saying hi and asking how you are, being a dick? No… but if you get a ton of messages with the same monosyllabic refrain… how are you standing out from A.N.Other? It’s doesn’t scream I’ve thought about what I am writing!! Let’s be real here… there is thinking with their brains.. and thinking with their genitalia…. Too many people here think they can get away with just the latter! I hate to keep banging on that it’s a mindset thing… but it truly is…. You are not going to like everyone, everyone is not going to like you Every answer is a no until told otherwise You are owed nothing is something looks at your profile, or does not answer your unsolicited post!!! People think that this site is different because it deals with sex… it’s not! Last time I checked… your body, your choice, your rules!!!! Dating sites and apps are no different… the only difference is that you are conning someone who may be looking for a relationship when you are just looking for sex… this is just more upfront so you can’t really pull that BS here " Perfectly put! | |||
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"But women moan about dick pics and also about not having no face pics and also people not turning up lol x " tBH I do not want a dick picture as a representation of a guy. It bores me. I want to meet a real person.... not a dick if that makes sense? | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Then I would say that this site is no different to any other form of meeting site or app… be that friends thru dating thru swinging thru sex site And if that is going to be an issue, don’t use them! Sorry to be blunt… if the possibility of rejection of any kind is too much.. that’s not an issue that anyone can help with! Sometimes you have to be able to help yourself help yourself! If you can’t do that at even it’s most basic level… then I don’t believe anyone can help But it has to start with a mindset that you are owned nothing in life… and you have to be able to put your best foot forward while also being realistic and pragmatic I like this very much. And while I understand rejection (perceived or otherwise ) is never an nice emotion.... it is something we need to accept as part of life? " Of course it's part of life! Some people - male and female are out there gregarious socialisers, most others are not. Some people become this artificially with support from alcohol and drugs. You find your place in the pecking order and you work up or down | |||
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"I don't agree with it being anything do with with luck. Everyone knows there are way more men than women, but, there are things that can be done to make sure a message is read and replied to. Facepics are usually the ones O reply to the most. I get it's frustrating to be ignored, but it happens to both men and women on dating apps. It's just here there is a forum where men can say how pissed off they are about it. Same would be said if women could say that about dating apps (probably) I genuinely feel this place frightens women off. " | |||
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" Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" There comes a time on Fab when people will realise after they start interacting with the people that they get on with, they start to ignore those that first ignored them 
And probably in the real world too.
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"I don't agree with it being anything do with with luck. Everyone knows there are way more men than women, but, there are things that can be done to make sure a message is read and replied to. Facepics are usually the ones O reply to the most. I get it's frustrating to be ignored, but it happens to both men and women on dating apps. It's just here there is a forum where men can say how pissed off they are about it. Same would be said if women could say that about dating apps (probably) I genuinely feel this place frightens women off. " I’d say there’s definitely a luck element to fabs. Especially if you follow the rules set out by fabs. How many message do women get a day? How many get buried and never seen due to the volume of new messages bumping it up the bottom? I could craft the perfect message, with great pics attached, and all to a person that would be a perfect match. And it could get lost in a sea of “FAF?” Messages. That’s just bad luck And by fabs own rules, no reply = not interested. So I should assume they aren’t interested and never message them again. That’s entirely based on luck. Messages can get missed due to bad luck. Most guys think they are being ignored when messages go unopened, they aren’t. There’s a much higher chance your message just got lost in a sea of other messages. Entirely based on a lucky “did she happen to open mine”. After that I think there’s other luck elements. Are you catching her on a good day? Or a day when she’s annoyed/tired/stressed? That’s luck And by fabs own rules. You get to send 1 message. No reply = not interested = no more messaging. So you got one chance | |||
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"I don't agree with it being anything do with with luck. Everyone knows there are way more men than women, but, there are things that can be done to make sure a message is read and replied to. Facepics are usually the ones O reply to the most. I get it's frustrating to be ignored, but it happens to both men and women on dating apps. It's just here there is a forum where men can say how pissed off they are about it. Same would be said if women could say that about dating apps (probably) I genuinely feel this place frightens women off. I’d say there’s definitely a luck element to fabs. Especially if you follow the rules set out by fabs. How many message do women get a day? How many get buried and never seen due to the volume of new messages bumping it up the bottom? I could craft the perfect message, with great pics attached, and all to a person that would be a perfect match. And it could get lost in a sea of “FAF?” Messages. That’s just bad luck And by fabs own rules, no reply = not interested. So I should assume they aren’t interested and never message them again. That’s entirely based on luck. Messages can get missed due to bad luck. Most guys think they are being ignored when messages go unopened, they aren’t. There’s a much higher chance your message just got lost in a sea of other messages. Entirely based on a lucky “did she happen to open mine”. After that I think there’s other luck elements. Are you catching her on a good day? Or a day when she’s annoyed/tired/stressed? That’s luck And by fabs own rules. You get to send 1 message. No reply = not interested = no more messaging. So you got one chance " Yeah fair point, there is an element of luck to it. | |||
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"I've never understood why some males on here get upset by lack of replies, or rejection as some believe it to be. To insinuate that their mental health could suffer because of this is silly and quite pathetic. If your ego bruises easily Fab is definitely not the place to be. " Are the women who often start threads about how this site and others affects their mental health pathetic as well? Obviously some people have learned how to play particular cards that suit their agenda but this thread isn't actually about advising men how to improve their profiles or make more effort. It asked why some men claim that getting no replies is affecting them but once again any suggestions as to why they may feel that way is quickly dismissed by telling them they shouldn't be here if they are so weak minded. I'm genuinely curious how the thread would have gone if a man told women that they shouldn't join sites like this if they are a bit delicate. That they are already ill and it's their own fault for not accepting that and they are just making themselves worse. I stick by my chicken and egg comment above. People feel like shit and try to find ways of escaping that only to be told they really are shit and so on and so on. Mental health is a serious subject and some people use it to their advantage but is that really an excuse to have a dig at men who aren't really acting any differently to a lot of women who are affected by responses or lack of that they receive? This thread is a perfect answer to a previous one asking why men don't speak up about their issues. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" I dont see myself as wanted or desired either here or irl. But I've come to terms with that now. | |||
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"I've never understood why some males on here get upset by lack of replies, or rejection as some believe it to be. To insinuate that their mental health could suffer because of this is silly and quite pathetic. If your ego bruises easily Fab is definitely not the place to be. Are the women who often start threads about how this site and others affects their mental health pathetic as well? Obviously some people have learned how to play particular cards that suit their agenda but this thread isn't actually about advising men how to improve their profiles or make more effort. It asked why some men claim that getting no replies is affecting them but once again any suggestions as to why they may feel that way is quickly dismissed by telling them they shouldn't be here if they are so weak minded. I'm genuinely curious how the thread would have gone if a man told women that they shouldn't join sites like this if they are a bit delicate. That they are already ill and it's their own fault for not accepting that and they are just making themselves worse. I stick by my chicken and egg comment above. People feel like shit and try to find ways of escaping that only to be told they really are shit and so on and so on. Mental health is a serious subject and some people use it to their advantage but is that really an excuse to have a dig at men who aren't really acting any differently to a lot of women who are affected by responses or lack of that they receive? This thread is a perfect answer to a previous one asking why men don't speak up about their issues." My thoughts exactly. I actually thought to myself wow. There was that thread the other day about men’s mental health and now I see this! | |||
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"I've never understood why some males on here get upset by lack of replies, or rejection as some believe it to be. To insinuate that their mental health could suffer because of this is silly and quite pathetic. If your ego bruises easily Fab is definitely not the place to be. Are the women who often start threads about how this site and others affects their mental health pathetic as well? Obviously some people have learned how to play particular cards that suit their agenda but this thread isn't actually about advising men how to improve their profiles or make more effort. It asked why some men claim that getting no replies is affecting them but once again any suggestions as to why they may feel that way is quickly dismissed by telling them they shouldn't be here if they are so weak minded. I'm genuinely curious how the thread would have gone if a man told women that they shouldn't join sites like this if they are a bit delicate. That they are already ill and it's their own fault for not accepting that and they are just making themselves worse. I stick by my chicken and egg comment above. People feel like shit and try to find ways of escaping that only to be told they really are shit and so on and so on. Mental health is a serious subject and some people use it to their advantage but is that really an excuse to have a dig at men who aren't really acting any differently to a lot of women who are affected by responses or lack of that they receive? This thread is a perfect answer to a previous one asking why men don't speak up about their issues." Reading this thread I've actually been stunned by some comments one in particular was well vile and shows a complete lack of empathy towards others and had a man written it he would have been absolutely ripped apart on here but because it was a woman it was largely ignored.Typical fab hypocrisy.Sometimes I wonder why some women and men are even on here when they obviously dislike the other gender so much all they can do is belittle them and act as though their feelings and mental health mean so little.But then act as though everyone should be showing them sympathy because of what they say they have been through. Sorry but respect should work both ways on here it's definitely not a one way street and of you are a cockwomble of either gender don't act shocked when you get the same treatment back . So many posting on be kind threads and mental health treads etc on here yet don't practice what they say on those.But yet again fab hypocrisy at its finest. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" Other way round. Men are normally ignored, but this is "a sex site" where people are "looking for men for sex". Thus they think it will be easier on here and still get rejected / ignored. It comes from a place of ignorance, but it's ultimately their own fault. | |||
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"I've never understood why some males on here get upset by lack of replies, or rejection as some believe it to be. To insinuate that their mental health could suffer because of this is silly and quite pathetic. If your ego bruises easily Fab is definitely not the place to be. Are the women who often start threads about how this site and others affects their mental health pathetic as well? Obviously some people have learned how to play particular cards that suit their agenda but this thread isn't actually about advising men how to improve their profiles or make more effort. It asked why some men claim that getting no replies is affecting them but once again any suggestions as to why they may feel that way is quickly dismissed by telling them they shouldn't be here if they are so weak minded. I'm genuinely curious how the thread would have gone if a man told women that they shouldn't join sites like this if they are a bit delicate. That they are already ill and it's their own fault for not accepting that and they are just making themselves worse. I stick by my chicken and egg comment above. People feel like shit and try to find ways of escaping that only to be told they really are shit and so on and so on. Mental health is a serious subject and some people use it to their advantage but is that really an excuse to have a dig at men who aren't really acting any differently to a lot of women who are affected by responses or lack of that they receive? This thread is a perfect answer to a previous one asking why men don't speak up about their issues. Reading this thread I've actually been stunned by some comments one in particular was well vile and shows a complete lack of empathy towards others and had a man written it he would have been absolutely ripped apart on here but because it was a woman it was largely ignored.Typical fab hypocrisy.Sometimes I wonder why some women and men are even on here when they obviously dislike the other gender so much all they can do is belittle them and act as though their feelings and mental health mean so little.But then act as though everyone should be showing them sympathy because of what they say they have been through. Sorry but respect should work both ways on here it's definitely not a one way street and of you are a cockwomble of either gender don't act shocked when you get the same treatment back . So many posting on be kind threads and mental health treads etc on here yet don't practice what they say on those.But yet again fab hypocrisy at its finest. " Well said! | |||
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"I've never understood why some males on here get upset by lack of replies, or rejection as some believe it to be. To insinuate that their mental health could suffer because of this is silly and quite pathetic. If your ego bruises easily Fab is definitely not the place to be. Are the women who often start threads about how this site and others affects their mental health pathetic as well? Obviously some people have learned how to play particular cards that suit their agenda but this thread isn't actually about advising men how to improve their profiles or make more effort. It asked why some men claim that getting no replies is affecting them but once again any suggestions as to why they may feel that way is quickly dismissed by telling them they shouldn't be here if they are so weak minded. I'm genuinely curious how the thread would have gone if a man told women that they shouldn't join sites like this if they are a bit delicate. That they are already ill and it's their own fault for not accepting that and they are just making themselves worse. I stick by my chicken and egg comment above. People feel like shit and try to find ways of escaping that only to be told they really are shit and so on and so on. Mental health is a serious subject and some people use it to their advantage but is that really an excuse to have a dig at men who aren't really acting any differently to a lot of women who are affected by responses or lack of that they receive? This thread is a perfect answer to a previous one asking why men don't speak up about their issues. Reading this thread I've actually been stunned by some comments one in particular was well vile and shows a complete lack of empathy towards others and had a man written it he would have been absolutely ripped apart on here but because it was a woman it was largely ignored.Typical fab hypocrisy.Sometimes I wonder why some women and men are even on here when they obviously dislike the other gender so much all they can do is belittle them and act as though their feelings and mental health mean so little.But then act as though everyone should be showing them sympathy because of what they say they have been through. Sorry but respect should work both ways on here it's definitely not a one way street and of you are a cockwomble of either gender don't act shocked when you get the same treatment back . So many posting on be kind threads and mental health treads etc on here yet don't practice what they say on those.But yet again fab hypocrisy at its finest. " Absolutely nailed it Bo | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored?" I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol" So any thoughts on the non gym going women or those that have let themselves go and don't make any effort? Personally I wouldn't meet anyone who admitted to being obsessed with anything and especially looks. Their own or others. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol" I don’t consider it ‘lowering my standards’ because a ripped body isn’t what makes my tits tingle
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"Born under a bad sign….. if I didn’t have bad luck, I would have no luck at all….
The only unlucky thing I’m on fab is when you find some one you connected with and they are miles away. "Damn those miles. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol So any thoughts on the non gym going women or those that have let themselves go and don't make any effort? Personally I wouldn't meet anyone who admitted to being obsessed with anything and especially looks. Their own or others. " Physical appearance also isn't indicative of whether someone has "let go" (what does that even mean?!) I'm fat. I have a fat tummy. But I go to the gym. I do Parkruns by wheelchair faster than many people on foot. I'm doing a 10k in two weeks. I play wheelchair basketball (full matches, no subs). I don't sit eating shit all day. I have a pretty solid upper body but the lower half looks like a car crash. Doesn't mean I don't try to take care of my health. I couldn't care less if my physical appearance was classed as acceptable or not to random people online. I also wouldn't want to meet people who say they are obsessed with looks (of theirs or others) | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. " Because we want attention and interaction as much as anyone else. And after a while, we start to think it must be something we are doing wrong, the same as anyone would if they get ignored all the time (talking about genuinely decent people only, rude and crass people and messages deserve it) | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. Because we want attention and interaction as much as anyone else. And after a while, we start to think it must be something we are doing wrong, the same as anyone would if they get ignored all the time (talking about genuinely decent people only, rude and crass people and messages deserve it)" But to quote Mick Jagger - you can't always get what you want. This is the issue with online contact sites. Simply joining one doesn't entitle anyone to anything, nor guarantee that you'll get what you seek - response, interaction, conversation, meets or anything at all. You may not be doing anything wring at all. But that doesn't mean people have to respond in any way. If, as many have said, being on a site like this is causing stress, frustration, angst, depression, mental health issues or any other negative issue in your life then the logical and simple solution is to step away and stop using it. Whether you're a single male, single female or a couple. Why people continue to do things that cause them harm is beyond me. A | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. Because we want attention and interaction as much as anyone else. And after a while, we start to think it must be something we are doing wrong, the same as anyone would if they get ignored all the time (talking about genuinely decent people only, rude and crass people and messages deserve it) But to quote Mick Jagger - you can't always get what you want. This is the issue with online contact sites. Simply joining one doesn't entitle anyone to anything, nor guarantee that you'll get what you seek - response, interaction, conversation, meets or anything at all. You may not be doing anything wring at all. But that doesn't mean people have to respond in any way. If, as many have said, being on a site like this is causing stress, frustration, angst, depression, mental health issues or any other negative issue in your life then the logical and simple solution is to step away and stop using it. Whether you're a single male, single female or a couple. Why people continue to do things that cause them harm is beyond me. A" Isn't that part of what mental health issues highlight? An inability to see that we are caught in a vicious circle and that our actions will just exacerbate how we already feel? There are no simple solutions and to claim that there are just shows a lack of understanding. If it was really that simple mental health problems would be eradicated overnight. Telling people the solution is right there if they open their eyes just makes matters worse because it makes them feel that they can't see that solution | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? Not sure. I've always had a suspicion that many come on here because they're incapable of social activity in the outside world and struggle to interact with women face to face. So they falsely believe that because this is a contact website, where the written word can be copied from elsewhere, personas created that are different to reality, images carefully selected to show perceived good points and hide anything that is felt as negative and conversations can be shut down instantly if things don't go to plan....that in some way they'll be more successful than they are face to face in 'normal' life. When the truth couldn't be further from that perception. A I'm glad you've posted. Many years ago I read something you wrote explaining why it is absolutely not a numbers game and it really rang true. I'm trying to figure out why a mans mental health would be so badly affected by not having his messages answered. Because we want attention and interaction as much as anyone else. And after a while, we start to think it must be something we are doing wrong, the same as anyone would if they get ignored all the time (talking about genuinely decent people only, rude and crass people and messages deserve it) But to quote Mick Jagger - you can't always get what you want. This is the issue with online contact sites. Simply joining one doesn't entitle anyone to anything, nor guarantee that you'll get what you seek - response, interaction, conversation, meets or anything at all. You may not be doing anything wring at all. But that doesn't mean people have to respond in any way. If, as many have said, being on a site like this is causing stress, frustration, angst, depression, mental health issues or any other negative issue in your life then the logical and simple solution is to step away and stop using it. Whether you're a single male, single female or a couple. Why people continue to do things that cause them harm is beyond me. A" I'm not saying anyone is entitled to get replies. I'm saying that to our brains there is no difference between getting ignored online and getting ignored in real life. Being ignored on fab obviously isn't something you've experienced, or you wouldn't be so quick to dismiss how it makes someone feel. It's a pretty depressing place to be as a single guy. I wish my biggest problem on fab was deleting many messages from people who are attracted to me. | |||
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"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. " The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol" Corrrrtt this one’s gone under the radar. Imagine a post telling women if your happy lowering your standards for a pity fuck off a dad bod, go ahead, but you should all be hitting the gym and trying harder What a hero | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol Corrrrtt this one’s gone under the radar. Imagine a post telling women if your happy lowering your standards for a pity fuck off a dad bod, go ahead, but you should all be hitting the gym and trying harder What a hero " Some of us read it, but are trying to remove our eyeballs from the back of our skulls | |||
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"I've never understood why some males on here get upset by lack of replies, or rejection as some believe it to be. To insinuate that their mental health could suffer because of this is silly and quite pathetic. If your ego bruises easily Fab is definitely not the place to be. Are the women who often start threads about how this site and others affects their mental health pathetic as well? Obviously some people have learned how to play particular cards that suit their agenda but this thread isn't actually about advising men how to improve their profiles or make more effort. It asked why some men claim that getting no replies is affecting them but once again any suggestions as to why they may feel that way is quickly dismissed by telling them they shouldn't be here if they are so weak minded. I'm genuinely curious how the thread would have gone if a man told women that they shouldn't join sites like this if they are a bit delicate. That they are already ill and it's their own fault for not accepting that and they are just making themselves worse. I stick by my chicken and egg comment above. People feel like shit and try to find ways of escaping that only to be told they really are shit and so on and so on. Mental health is a serious subject and some people use it to their advantage but is that really an excuse to have a dig at men who aren't really acting any differently to a lot of women who are affected by responses or lack of that they receive? This thread is a perfect answer to a previous one asking why men don't speak up about their issues. Reading this thread I've actually been stunned by some comments one in particular was well vile and shows a complete lack of empathy towards others and had a man written it he would have been absolutely ripped apart on here but because it was a woman it was largely ignored.Typical fab hypocrisy.Sometimes I wonder why some women and men are even on here when they obviously dislike the other gender so much all they can do is belittle them and act as though their feelings and mental health mean so little.But then act as though everyone should be showing them sympathy because of what they say they have been through. Sorry but respect should work both ways on here it's definitely not a one way street and of you are a cockwomble of either gender don't act shocked when you get the same treatment back . So many posting on be kind threads and mental health treads etc on here yet don't practice what they say on those.But yet again fab hypocrisy at its finest. " Well said | |||
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"I've read yet more posts from men regarding getting no replies or attention and how it negatively impacts ther mental health and had a bit of an epiphany. Could it be that out there, face to face, men see themselves as wanted and desired, have nice interactions with women (even if it's just buying the shopping) whilst on here most are completely ignored? I'll be harsh with guys here and just say it. Most guys don't take care of themselves plain and simple. Yes not every woman wants a Michael B Jordan or Idris, and some might be willing to settle for less but guys, grooming (especially down under), hit the gym, look and stay fit. I watch some guys pics on this site and at times I'm surprised they even have verifications. Guys don't like to put in effort and wonder why women gravitate to other guys (it's because they put in effort) I have a mate of mine, really good looking bloke (he's taken now) but he takes great care of his skin, teeth etc. Me personally, I'm obsessed with taking care of myself and I'm always looking for ways to improve my looks etc. But guys don't care they play the numbers game, and assume some women might lower their standards or if they be a simp or beta male they'll get get pity fuck etc. But yea, guys annoy me lol, so I can imagine how women feel tbh with you. Just a little rant lol" Who are you to judge how others should look. Each to their own and just because someone is not what you like does not mean someone else won't like them. Personally I find self obsessed people extremely unappealing. And people calling others beta is equally as unattractive and quite laughable because it usually stems from their own insecurities. There are plenty of men on here who haven't got gym bodies and do well on here. Mainly because they are decent men who aren't arrogant or rude . And yes I partially agree that some men so suck up to women on here and will rarely speak out against what a woman says in the hope of getting to meet them the famous white knights of the forum who no matter how rude a woman is she is give a pass and stuck up for. They are as unappealing as the arrogant men and I doubt it works very often if at all. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though." I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A"So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet.. A" x | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A
So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up "Please show me where I've said that? What I've said is the best option to manage any mental health anguish someone encounters from joining a swingers contact site and finding that the reality of being on it doesn't match their hopes and/or expectancy is to step away from the root cause of that negative stimuli. Is that clear enough for you? Or would it be more beneficial if I and others just said 'there, there, it'll all get better, you'll be fine and things will no doubt change for the better soon, don't you worry about it.' Because that approach just exacerbates the problem and it will continue to grow and manifest itself. Would you prefer that? A | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A
So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up
Please show me where I've said that?
What I've said is the best option to manage any mental health anguish someone encounters from joining a swingers contact site and finding that the reality of being on it doesn't match their hopes and/or expectancy is to step away from the root cause of that negative stimuli.
Is that clear enough for you?
Or would it be more beneficial if I and others just said 'there, there, it'll all get better, you'll be fine and things will no doubt change for the better soon, don't you worry about it.'
Because that approach just exacerbates the problem and it will continue to grow and manifest itself.
Would you prefer that?
A"You have basically laid out a blueprint for how simple it is for people with MH issues to solve them or reduce them if only they would recognise the causes. You have obviously never suffered from any of these issues because part of the problem is that people don't know they are on a hamster wheel so how would they know how to stop it or get off it? For those that are aware of the hamster wheel that doesn't make it any easier to slow it or jump off. You have said numerous times that you don't understand why people don't just walk away from situations that are causing distress. That's difficult enough when you know that situation exists. It's impossible when you don't. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A
So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up
Please show me where I've said that?
What I've said is the best option to manage any mental health anguish someone encounters from joining a swingers contact site and finding that the reality of being on it doesn't match their hopes and/or expectancy is to step away from the root cause of that negative stimuli.
Is that clear enough for you?
Or would it be more beneficial if I and others just said 'there, there, it'll all get better, you'll be fine and things will no doubt change for the better soon, don't you worry about it.'
Because that approach just exacerbates the problem and it will continue to grow and manifest itself.
Would you prefer that?
A
You have basically laid out a blueprint for how simple it is for people with MH issues to solve them or reduce them if only they would recognise the causes.
You have obviously never suffered from any of these issues because part of the problem is that people don't know they are on a hamster wheel so how would they know how to stop it or get off it?
For those that are aware of the hamster wheel that doesn't make it any easier to slow it or jump off.
You have said numerous times that you don't understand why people don't just walk away from situations that are causing distress. That's difficult enough when you know that situation exists. It's impossible when you don't.
"And no-one is asking you or anyone else to be patronising or to tell them it's going to be ok. They are asking you however to at least take the time to understand that they are struggling. The op is obviously struggling with MH issues of her own and yet you haven't advised her to step away from the site and/or avoid all contact with men. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Someone is going to have to explain to me what is the difference between saying no thanks on here, saying no thanks on a dating site or app, and saying no thanks in real life… Because “mental health” has especially in the thread becomes the catch all… when it’s basically rejection that has bruised egos " People don't say no thanks they just don't reply. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A
So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up
Please show me where I've said that?
What I've said is the best option to manage any mental health anguish someone encounters from joining a swingers contact site and finding that the reality of being on it doesn't match their hopes and/or expectancy is to step away from the root cause of that negative stimuli.
Is that clear enough for you?
Or would it be more beneficial if I and others just said 'there, there, it'll all get better, you'll be fine and things will no doubt change for the better soon, don't you worry about it.'
Because that approach just exacerbates the problem and it will continue to grow and manifest itself.
Would you prefer that?
A
You have basically laid out a blueprint for how simple it is for people with MH issues to solve them or reduce them if only they would recognise the causes.
You have obviously never suffered from any of these issues because part of the problem is that people don't know they are on a hamster wheel so how would they know how to stop it or get off it?
For those that are aware of the hamster wheel that doesn't make it any easier to slow it or jump off.
You have said numerous times that you don't understand why people don't just walk away from situations that are causing distress. That's difficult enough when you know that situation exists. It's impossible when you don't.
"Do you know what they say the definition of insanity is…. It’s doing the same thing again and again but expecting a different result So if the same thing is happening again and again… and people are telling you to walk away but you don’t, then who’s fault is that!!! So if you are sending out a ton of messages (again I would ask are you really looking for something specific or do you go scatter gun and try to trawl as wide a net as possible… but that’s a different discussion) … and not getting anything back… the common denominator is you!! So… change it up.. walk away… do something!! But clearly doing what you are doing ain’t the thing.. Mental health in this thread has become a Kop out for rejection … | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Someone is going to have to explain to me what is the difference between saying no thanks on here, saying no thanks on a dating site or app, and saying no thanks in real life… Because “mental health” has especially in the thread becomes the catch all… when it’s basically rejection that has bruised egos People don't say no thanks they just don't reply." Change the mindset…. Everything is a no until told explicitly otherwise! I don’t believe in answering every takeaway flyer that comes through my door… no one is owed anything for what is basically an unsolicited message | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
A
So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up
Please show me where I've said that?
What I've said is the best option to manage any mental health anguish someone encounters from joining a swingers contact site and finding that the reality of being on it doesn't match their hopes and/or expectancy is to step away from the root cause of that negative stimuli.
Is that clear enough for you?
Or would it be more beneficial if I and others just said 'there, there, it'll all get better, you'll be fine and things will no doubt change for the better soon, don't you worry about it.'
Because that approach just exacerbates the problem and it will continue to grow and manifest itself.
Would you prefer that?
A
You have basically laid out a blueprint for how simple it is for people with MH issues to solve them or reduce them if only they would recognise the causes.
You have obviously never suffered from any of these issues because part of the problem is that people don't know they are on a hamster wheel so how would they know how to stop it or get off it?
For those that are aware of the hamster wheel that doesn't make it any easier to slow it or jump off.
You have said numerous times that you don't understand why people don't just walk away from situations that are causing distress. That's difficult enough when you know that situation exists. It's impossible when you don't.
Do you know what they say the definition of insanity is…. It’s doing the same thing again and again but expecting a different result
So if the same thing is happening again and again… and people are telling you to walk away but you don’t, then who’s fault is that!!!
So if you are sending out a ton of messages (again I would ask are you really looking for something specific or do you go scatter gun and try to trawl as wide a net as possible… but that’s a different discussion) … and not getting anything back… the common denominator is you!!
So… change it up.. walk away… do something!! But clearly doing what you are doing ain’t the thing..
Mental health in this thread has become a Kop out for rejection … "I don't see my reflection in this thread because I don't send messages and haven't done in 2 years. I'm not defending anyone who continues to send stupid or nasty messages. I've seen far too many artificial victims on this site to argue that MH doesn't get pulled out to suit agendas and too many who are architects of their own downfall. My points are that men were asked recently why they don't speak out. This thread is one of the reasons. | |||
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"Out of 50 messages I’ve received one reply, you find that you can’t coerce people to respond to you and you shouldn’t have to, you just have to deal with it. Move on and hope the next person wants to chat, it can get lonely and very destructive for mental health but that’s the name of the game, either people are attracted to you or they aren’t. The most worrying thing on threads like this is a complete lack of empathy about how having no luck on this site makes us feel mentally. Yes, no one is entitled to get messages. It doesn't change how people respond to constant rejection, though. I don't think there's any lack of empathy at all. What has been stated by many is the hard truth. There's no point in fluffing it up, pretending it's any different and sugar coating things just so that people temporarily feel better, only to find that nothing changes for them tomorrow and they feel the same as they did today. I think there's a lack of recognition by many about what signing up to a site like this entitles them to though. As has been said so many times. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The same as when you buy a lottery ticket. Its probably disappointing that you don't win every time you do, but the odds of you winning are published, anyone with a sense of reality knows they'll never win the jackpot and the likelihood is that you'll probably win nothing every time you play. So you can recognise that fact, stop buying tickets and use that money for something guaranteed to give you pleasure, like a donut or a pint. Or you can keep buying tickets. But if you keep buying them honestly believing that one day you'll win the jackpot then you'll probably be disappointed every week for the rest of your life. Again. If something you are experiencing brings you nothing but pain then stop. This isn't a situation where there is a physical addiction involved, where going cold turkey or using a substitute is a hard, painful process. This is membership of a frigging contact website, whether you class it as swinging or just a casual sex site. Logging off, not using it for a while or even deleting your profile will not result I your life ending. Apologies if that sounds unsympathetic but it's a fact. The site was not created to provide a guaranteed matchmaking service for individuals. It's a tool. Nothing more. The same as every dating app in existence. It just happens to be sex related. Would people blame their local pub if they popped in every weekend looking for love and didn't find it? Would they blame the other pub visitors? The staff? Makes me wonder how the human race has survived for centuries and not hone extinct before the dawn of the Internet........
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So basically in a long and convoluted manner you are telling everyone with mental health issues to man up and stop whinging? Glad we cleared that up
Please show me where I've said that?
What I've said is the best option to manage any mental health anguish someone encounters from joining a swingers contact site and finding that the reality of being on it doesn't match their hopes and/or expectancy is to step away from the root cause of that negative stimuli.
Is that clear enough for you?
Or would it be more beneficial if I and others just said 'there, there, it'll all get better, you'll be fine and things will no doubt change for the better soon, don't you worry about it.'
Because that approach just exacerbates the problem and it will continue to grow and manifest itself.
Would you prefer that?
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You have basically laid out a blueprint for how simple it is for people with MH issues to solve them or reduce them if only they would recognise the causes.
You have obviously never suffered from any of these issues because part of the problem is that people don't know they are on a hamster wheel so how would they know how to stop it or get off it?
For those that are aware of the hamster wheel that doesn't make it any easier to slow it or jump off.
You have said numerous times that you don't understand why people don't just walk away from situations that are causing distress. That's difficult enough when you know that situation exists. It's impossible when you don't.
And no-one is asking you or anyone else to be patronising or to tell them it's going to be ok.
They are asking you however to at least take the time to understand that they are struggling.
The op is obviously struggling with MH issues of her own and yet you haven't advised her to step away from the site and/or avoid all contact with men. "Good grief! Tell me, what 'obvious' mental health condition do I have, I'm dying to know. | |||
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"I've seen far too many artificial victims on this site to argue that MH doesn't get pulled out to suit agendas and too many who are architects of their own downfall. My points are that men were asked recently why they don't speak out. This thread is one of the reasons. " Again it would go back to the question I posed a few up… is this site REALLY that much different to the dating sites… or those apps where you are swiping left?? If so how??? Enlighten me | |||
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"Good grief! Tell me, what 'obvious' mental health condition do I have, I'm dying to know. " I could not face reading all of that but I'll be interested to know too my friend | |||
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"Again it would go back to the question I posed a few up… is this site REALLY that much different to the dating sites… or those apps where you are swiping left?? If so how??? Enlighten me " The only difference I can see is that some men approach with their cocks first on here. Thinking that there is no need to treat a woman on here as anything more than a free sex object. | |||
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