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Why you should want to fuck me
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
No, not me. Well, if you insist 
No, this is a chance to advertise yourself for when a "fuck, pint, avoid" thread pops up.
So, tell us all what you have to offer. Why should everyone on the forum be clamouring to claim in public that they want to fuck you? And remember, the way to a person's lust gland is often through their funny bone. Make me giggle and I might jump you   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll start
Female with pulse married to a hottie with a soft sexy Scottish accent.
Live in the Midlands so easy to get to.
Great boobs  "
Well I’m sold. When are you free? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why would anyone fuck me?
Well it’s always good to give to needy charitable no-hopers isn’t it?
Imagine the endorphin rush doing helping someone less fortunate than yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, not me. Well, if you insist
No, this is a chance to advertise yourself for when a "fuck, pint, avoid" thread pops up.
So, tell us all what you have to offer. Why should everyone on the forum be clamouring to claim in public that they want to fuck you? And remember, the way to a person's lust gland is often through their funny bone. Make me giggle and I might jump you "
The question is would you and your partner like me? If the answer is yes, then you won't be disappointed (both). |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Why would anyone fuck me?
Well it’s always good to give to needy charitable no-hopers isn’t it?
Imagine the endorphin rush doing helping someone less fortunate than yourself. "
Damn it Danet, I'd had something similar to say! Now what do I post? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, not me. Well, if you insist
No, this is a chance to advertise yourself for when a "fuck, pint, avoid" thread pops up.
So, tell us all what you have to offer. Why should everyone on the forum be clamouring to claim in public that they want to fuck you? And remember, the way to a person's lust gland is often through their funny bone. Make me giggle and I might jump you
The question is would you and your partner like me? If the answer is yes, then you won't be disappointed (both). "
Sorry that was a joke. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would anyone fuck me?
Well it’s always good to give to needy charitable no-hopers isn’t it?
Imagine the endorphin rush doing helping someone less fortunate than yourself.
Damn it Danet, I'd had something similar to say! Now what do I post? "
We can double team, Meli. Then their one-off charitable deed can be more like a Telethon! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Middle aged gran, can't accomadate, nor drive. Sporting a lot of grey hair these days, haven't really worn makeup in a decade, can't walk too well in heels. Mostly busy with work... But I do put out on occasion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex is equivalent to 30 mins exercise… but I include an orgasm with that….
I’ve not had sex t for a while…imagine the effort I would put in….
Everyone knows where Manchester is, it is literally on the map…. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gilf with my own teeth and hair.
Been told I scrub up well got big boobs and a pussy like velvet. Also give great blow jobs "
Honestly sounds like you have the whole packet... I was excited at own teeth, and it kept getting better lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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“I thought I could cook but his guy, wow!, makes
Me look average” Mr G Ramsey
“The only guy is run into a burning building with” Every Firefighter Ever
“That’s his penis! I didn’t know whether to fuck it or fight it” - anonymous
Just a few comments people have made about me over the years…
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Some people say that animals are great judge of characters. If that is true, then these should help you decide.
Dogs adore us.
Cats tolerate us (highest praise they offer).
Gold fish like to blow us kisses.
If that hasn't swooped you off your feet, we also make an amazing velvetised hot chocolate. |
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"Middle aged gran, can't accomadate, nor drive. Sporting a lot of grey hair these days, haven't really worn makeup in a decade, can't walk too well in heels. Mostly busy with work... But I do put out on occasion "
You had me at gran |
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Old bloke with most of his teeth and some of his hair remaining.
I don’t have multiple orgasms but I am a carrier.
Not a gynaecologist, but will have a look if you want.
I have a prehensile tongue and can breathe through my aural appendages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll start
Female with pulse married to a hottie with a soft sexy Scottish accent.
Live in the Midlands so easy to get to.
Great boobs "
Hmmm. Decentttttttt |
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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago
Northumberland |
I have a figure to seduce that shy Male in the couple and oral skills to prepare him for his lady .
Oral skills to satisfy the lady after she has been filled and extra benefits to keep her aroused while he recovers .
All in all, I'm a handy sex toy for any couple .
Xx |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Unassuming and approachable middle aged chap who is still too young of mind to be entirely serious, but too old and tired to get dramatic about anything.
Good enough in a kitchen to rustle up pre-/post-sex snacks, squishy and comfortable enough to sleep on due to too many similar snacks at other times.
Inoffensively penised; girthy enough to notice, short enough to leave your cervix/tonsils where they are. Lightly bearded for those who enjoy mild vaginal exfoliation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can breath through my ears. For at least a minute.
I can stay hard for hours. Whether I stay awake is a different matter.
I under promise and yet still fail to deliver
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will make you a millionaire shortbread with biscoff and Nutella.
And if you fancy going toe to toe on Tekken 3 or Worms Armageddon before or after, the offer is there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My cock is very nice... .it will open doors for you or carry your shopping
Damn!! I’ve just been shopping too   .
Well if you had asked it would have helped you
How very kind "
Mail me next time and will open those doors for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking  "
I'll throw in maccies and a KFC for later |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking
I'll throw in maccies and a KFC for later "
Done and done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bizarrely I have a stash of freddos and curlywurly. We might be on to something here. Do the beans have those lovely little polymer sausages in and do you put an egg on top?
"Fatty living in the Midlands seeks female to help him eat his stash of freddo's and curly wurly's, also makes a mean beans on toast."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fuck - I vaguely remember what the act is and how to do it, now that I'm a bit rusty, could be very malleable with the right person
Pint - I can barely handle 3 pints so a cheap night out 
Avoid - yeah, I'll agree, I'm pretty avoidable most of the time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"40 something, average looking, neat pretty pussy ( so I’ve been told ) , can probably beast you in a gym session and out squat you. "
I’ll take that bet. |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day he finds a magic lamp on the beach. He rubs it and a genie appears.
"I will grant you three wishes," says the genie.
"For my first wish, I would like a boat with a full tank of petrol."
The genie snaps his fingers and the boat appears.
"For my second wish, I would like 10 million pounds."
The genie snaps his fingers and a bag appears stuffed with the money.
"For my final wish, I would like to be so popular that everyone likes me."
For the last time, the genie snaps his fingers and the man is turned into a box of chocolates!
I'm always willing to share a chocolate finger or two or even throw in a French fancy & a pot of sweet strong tea! |
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