FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Funniest 'sexual' request from here
Funniest 'sexual' request from here
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I'm baffled about a couple of things...
1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...
2) what has your weight got to do with it? |
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Not really funny but a guy once offered to pay for a hotel room so he could just watch me play with who ever was my FWB at the time he made a point that no interaction from him would happen.
There are some very very strange folk on here
Since then my message filters have been changed |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I'm baffled about a couple of things...
1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...
2) what has your weight got to do with it?"
2) after the face sitting she had challenged him to a game of see saw |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not in to kink shameing or anything
Yes there’s been requests that I have thought not for me
But each to they own
As long as it’s legal the only ones I frown appon are some off the odd out there illegal ones
Witch haven’t been that meny just one |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I'm baffled about a couple of things...
1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...
2) what has your weight got to do with it?
2) after the face sitting she had challenged him to a game of see saw"
That's cleared that up.
Thanks Mr  |
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Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are! |
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"I'm baffled about a couple of things...
1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...
2) what has your weight got to do with it?"
I'd be chuffed to bits if she wanted to do that  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently  Anyway, £200 is £200  
LvM"
Would K let me do it for...
*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*
.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters? |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"I'm baffled about a couple of things...
1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...
2) what has your weight got to do with it?"
Agreed. Perplexing post |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"
I had that one! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"
cos hes slurry man doing what he can to gross out sexy women on his owwwwwwn |
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"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200
LvM
Would K let me do it for...
*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*
.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?"
I'll check with the accountant 
LvM |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200
LvM
Would K let me do it for...
*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*
.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?
I'll check with the accountant
LvM"
I found a pack of Airwaves as well.
And a mini roll of duct tape. |
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"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!
I had that one!"
Did a murder conviction not appeal to you either? |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!
I had that one!
Did a murder conviction not appeal to you either? "
Oddly... not so much |
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I think some guys think a TV will do stuff a woman won’t do. Especially when it comes to bodily fluids or certain fantasies.
Dressing up for particular role plays that makes me uncomfortable and certainly not something I enjoy or want to do.
I once wrote on my profile how I wanted to dress for a guy, be taken for dinner then maybe a club to have a dance, then back to the hotel. Basically a date.
I was told I was too vanilla for the site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on. "
Weight is irrelevant
I'm fat and only sleep with slim men and have sat on nearly every single one of their faces |
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It's the word 'funniest' that should be in quotes! Maybe with time, some of them..
I held back from going to the loo all day once, so a male ex-nurse could sniff my farts and watch me dump. I'm one of those skinny types who is pretty regular, and when he actually bailed out on me I had really, really bad guts. I wondered if he'd liked to have seen that or not? Not an experiment I'd like to repeat tbh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund  "
Take the money! Run |
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"A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund
Take the money! Run "
Tempting, but don't think I could get that far in just my boxers |
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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago
London |
"It's the word 'funniest' that should be in quotes! Maybe with time, some of them..
I held back from going to the loo all day once, so a male ex-nurse could sniff my farts and watch me dump. I'm one of those skinny types who is pretty regular, and when he actually bailed out on me I had really, really bad guts. I wondered if he'd liked to have seen that or not? Not an experiment I'd like to repeat tbh."
Wait…what!?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund
Take the money! Run
Tempting, but don't think I could get that far in just my boxers "
Keep your shoes on  |
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"It's the word 'funniest' that should be in quotes! Maybe with time, some of them..
I held back from going to the loo all day once, so a male ex-nurse could sniff my farts and watch me dump. I'm one of those skinny types who is pretty regular, and when he actually bailed out on me I had really, really bad guts. I wondered if he'd liked to have seen that or not? Not an experiment I'd like to repeat tbh.
Wait…what!? "
--I'm not sure what more I can add?-- |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on.
Weight is irrelevant
I'm fat and only sleep with slim men and have sat on nearly every single one of their faces "
I'm large too and love face sitting. We're sitting on their face, so how thin they are is irrelevant, isn't it TessTT? Men huh?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing. |
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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago
London |
More weird than funny but several years ago a married woman I worked asked me if I knew anyone who sold MDMA (which I did) and soon after asked if I would join her in taking it together. Tempted yes, stupid no. |
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"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing. "
I suppose it must be quite tiring fighting women off all the time |
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"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing. "
I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture? |
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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago
London |
"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.
I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?"
Is biting a safe gesture?  |
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"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.
I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?
Is biting a safe gesture? "
Probably |
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Seriously though, I'm not a huge fan of safewords. When people are alarmed how they respond is typically handled subconsciously, and experiments have shown that our subconscious can be ahead of out consciousness literally by seconds! And these things need to be pretty clear with people anyway imo. I don't go with anyone who I don't think can read me, or seems disinterested in doing that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had someone ask me to come to their house, walk in, stomp on their balls as hard as I can and walk out again "
Metaphorically speaking this happens to
me daily and I never ask for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.
I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?"
A gesture is good. One puts his hands on my hips and let's go if he needs me to move and can't speak. |
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"I've had someone ask me to come to their house, walk in, stomp on their balls as hard as I can and walk out again "
Ballbusting is a thing, but sadly one of the biggest kinks for some men out there is actually just shocking women. |
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"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.
I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?
A gesture is good. One puts his hands on my hips and let's go if he needs me to move and can't speak. "
Yes, we use gesture sometimes too, e.g. if I'm gagged. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.
I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?
A gesture is good. One puts his hands on my hips and let's go if he needs me to move and can't speak.
Yes, we use gesture sometimes too, e.g. if I'm gagged."
Safest way. I've had something in my hand before to drop before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200
LvM
Would K let me do it for...
*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*
.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?
I'll check with the accountant
LvM
I found a pack of Airwaves as well.
And a mini roll of duct tape."
I think you'll have to throw in that hairy toffee you also found down the back of the sofa, but are reluctant to give up!!
IS |
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"I'm baffled about a couple of things...
1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...
2) what has your weight got to do with it?"
3) Why post it in the Lounge? |
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By *obletonMan
over a year ago
A Home Among The Woodland Creatures |
Before I turned on the "not looking for single guys" filter on my profile I used to get a few good uns.
Usually at 3am on a friday or saturday night if I still happened to be online (I'm not judging the d*unk and horny - if I was online at that time so was I)
So anyway - I get a message.... "have you ever tried sucking cock?"
Pretty standard so far, so I went for my standard response:
"I've tried many many times but nearly broke my back every time - I'm thinking of having surgery to remove a couple of vertebrae"
to which he replied:
"I can do it for you"
Now call me old fashioned but I'm not going to agree to major surgery from some internet rando.
That was what he meant right? |
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By *azzle99Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
Weird but made me laugh ever so nervously… “come in to my home as a blind meet, walk up to the bedroom as directed, wear oldest unsexy clothes, put on the blind fold left lying and lie back… he would then come in with garden shears and chop it all off me” - no thanks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ok, so not a direct request to me, but a particularly hot friend of mine was once asked to fart on a guy's face for money.
Rest assured, I nearly died of laughter when she assured me that it was a serious request! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"(Pussy cat) I had some guy asking to buy my used undies - perhaps more weird than funny?"
That's a very common one that. Men wanting to buy undies(greasy and wet) |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200
LvM
Would K let me do it for...
*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*
.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?
I'll check with the accountant
LvM
I found a pack of Airwaves as well.
And a mini roll of duct tape.
I think you'll have to throw in that hairy toffee you also found down the back of the sofa, but are reluctant to give up!!
IS"
I was going to use that as a tip after the event! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on. "
And it the fear of comments like this that has made me paranoid about sitting on anyone's face. "I'm suffocating".... Charming!!!
Jenny |
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By *atdaveCouple
over a year ago
Aston on Carrant |
We where offered to be taken to Famous shop in London city for shopping in style. This gentleman works in same posh shop, really surprised us there are many nice people who like to share experiences with sexy people. He had fair big limit to spend on my Mrs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on.
If you could talk you weren't suffocating "
You can plead for mercy when in pain. Really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200
LvM
Would K let me do it for...
*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*
.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?
I'll check with the accountant
LvM
I found a pack of Airwaves as well.
And a mini roll of duct tape.
I think you'll have to throw in that hairy toffee you also found down the back of the sofa, but are reluctant to give up!!
IS
I was going to use that as a tip after the event!"
Shrewd. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A guy wanted me to watch him fuck a melon.
I had that.
I thought it was a jokey opener and asked what type. Got back a list of which seeds are dangerous/scratchy in different types of melon "
Won't it get all sticky and wet. |
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"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.
Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"
I had that one too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A guy wanted me to watch him fuck a melon.
I had that.
I thought it was a jokey opener and asked what type. Got back a list of which seeds are dangerous/scratchy in different types of melon
Won't it get all sticky and wet. "
I think that’s the point. |
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A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment. "
I hope you punished him for misleading you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment. "
Maybe he meant his meat and two veg. |
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"A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment.
Maybe he meant his meat and two veg."
Ha ha ! Very true |
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