FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Gay or Bi = Shaneful ???
Gay or Bi = Shaneful ???
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This is going to be a 2 Question thread.
Q1. Is it shameful to be gay or bisexual?
Once (if) there's quite a few replies, I'll ask the second question to see what people's opinions are on that.
I promise it's not a trick question or set up, just the start of a conversation about a topic that's not often addressed.
Cheers everyone  |
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"Is this click bait? Sorry, OP, just can't see how this could be shameful??"
I thought my post made it clear that I'm gaining opinions for the 2nd part of a 2 question thread???
Please no hijacking, respectfully asked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To older generations yes sadly.
Although a recent poll suggested that 1 in 2 i.e. 50% of young people aged 18-24 don't consider them to be fully at either the heterosexual or homosexual ends of the spectrum i.e. they are Bi to some degree.
I work on a project with this age group and that very muchs mirrors what I see. Young adults simply don't care or worry about it in the same way many of us in our 30s, 40s and 50s do.
I personally think its amazing that we have come this far but the fact that this very thread exists shows there's still more work to be done!
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a straight, straight man (not Fab straight and not on a spectrum somewhere) then my opinion is no, it’s not at all ‘shameful’ to be bi or gay. If you like the same sex, so be it.
I don’t want to pre-judge or guess your secondary question, but if it’s along the lines of “why do so many people say they’re straight on here when they’re not if it’s not shameful” then I would guess it’s because many straight people might not want to meet bi-men for various reasons so it keeps options open for them to say they’re straight. Who knows!  |
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"Is this click bait? Sorry, OP, just can't see how this could be shameful??
I thought my post made it clear that I'm gaining opinions for the 2nd part of a 2 question thread???
Please no hijacking, respectfully asked."
Sorry, OP. Didn't think I was hijacking - just trying to answer your first question! No offence intended. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It shouldn't be, but it seems to get a fair buit of a pounding on here, especially from couples??
Each to their own I say, I can't for the life of me see why it should be shameful, though that's how society on the whole has viewed it historically. |
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"This is going to be a 2 Question thread.
Q1. Is it shameful to be gay or bisexual?
Once (if) there's quite a few replies, I'll ask the second question to see what people's opinions are on that.
I promise it's not a trick question or set up, just the start of a conversation about a topic that's not often addressed.
Cheers everyone "
If you internalise it as shamefulness for yourself then it is i.e. who can say "no" if that is what you feel and believe. And there's nothing wrong with that because by acknowledging "the shame" you can work through it. For others the answer will be no. Yet others will may say "why doesn't it even matter".
From my perspective associating shamefullness with any sex or gender identity is about social settlement or engineering. I was raised in a post colonial patriarchal world where my environment gave me fixed ideas. Note that I said fixed and not wrong. Importantly, this isn't anyone's fault (parents, teachers etc) because it represented the thought and social practises of that time.
From my own observations having worked in different places, companies and seeing the average age of the workplace plummet, I see a difference. And its a positive one. I see more acceptance, tolerance and understanding. That's my observation but I don't know everyones journey so it could be that some people still had a sense of shame at some point that they had to overcome.
If they do, then they really shouldn't and fortunately there are places (like this one) to help and many more.
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
I work in a very masculine dominated office with social discussion mainly directed by the half of the staff over 45. In this environment I would suggest that attitudes are still pretty derogatory towards male bisexuality and misogynistically fetishised towards female bisexuality. Strangely I feel homosexuality would be more easily accepted. |
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"No it's not shameful and I speak as someone who doesn't have even the slightest interest in other men."
Then again from reading the op I shouldn't have answered at all because as I'm not bi or gay how would I know the answer to that question? I have no experience of other people's attitude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s not shameful but I still wouldn’t feel confident enough to let my friends know of my bi side.
I’m sure they’d be fine with it, maybe a bit of friendly ribbing but still not comfortable letting that secret out the bag! |
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I ride motorbikes, served and boxed in the Army, rock climber, marathoner, Fathered three Children but stick on a dress, makeup, wig and also being Bi and my manliness is cut in half.
Being a manly gay or bi man would be a lot easier.
Luckily I don’t look for women on the site, but for the straight TV’s and Crossdressers on this site I do feel for them. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Is this click bait? Sorry, OP, just can't see how this could be shameful??
I thought my post made it clear that I'm gaining opinions for the 2nd part of a 2 question thread???
Please no hijacking, respectfully asked.
Sorry, OP. Didn't think I was hijacking - just trying to answer your first question! No offence intended."
It wasn't hijacking. It was related to the thread in question. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologise for.
The initial OP is flawed and designed to be controversial at its core. It is mind games. |
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"Is this click bait? Sorry, OP, just can't see how this could be shameful??
I thought my post made it clear that I'm gaining opinions for the 2nd part of a 2 question thread???
Please no hijacking, respectfully asked.
Sorry, OP. Didn't think I was hijacking - just trying to answer your first question! No offence intended.
It wasn't hijacking. It was related to the thread in question. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologise for.
The initial OP is flawed and designed to be controversial at its core. It is mind games. "
Thanks, mate. I didn't think so either, but hey. We all wait with baited breath for the 2nd question... |
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I do not think there is anything shameful about being bi or gay or straight.
There are lots of reasons why a person should feel ashamed but the way a person shows their affection for another person does not come into it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is going to be a 2 Question thread.
Q1. Is it shameful to be gay or bisexual?
Once (if) there's quite a few replies, I'll ask the second question to see what people's opinions are on that.
I promise it's not a trick question or set up, just the start of a conversation about a topic that's not often addressed.
Cheers everyone "
If you're a professional footballer yes it is. |
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"And yes we'd all love to be filled by Shane (thank you in advance) 
Bloody autocorrect!!"
What I want to know how did autocorrect put shaneful in when it's not a real word?? In fact when I try & write shaneful it changes it to shameful??
& Back on topic - no shame at all - that's so last century,
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By *hloetTV/TS
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Clarifying your sexuality seems really old fashioned now. It's a standard question. I ask it myself. But it means very little. In reality someone either will or will not be attracted to you. I don't actually think their sexuality makes that more or less likely. You might think it obviously does but real chemistry is far more nuanced than that generalisation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just playing devil's advocate here, but a lot of the answers above about there being no shame attached to their sexuality add the caveat that they would never want their family or friends to find out. This implies that they do indeed find an element of what could be called "shame" in their chosen lifestyle. |
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By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
"Just playing devil's advocate here, but a lot of the answers above about there being no shame attached to their sexuality add the caveat that they would never want their family or friends to find out. This implies that they do indeed find an element of what could be called "shame" in their chosen lifestyle."
How much of your fab lifestyle do you share with your family or acquaintances? I don't want to be subjected to homophobia and sadly I know I would.
Gbat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just playing devil's advocate here, but a lot of the answers above about there being no shame attached to their sexuality add the caveat that they would never want their family or friends to find out. This implies that they do indeed find an element of what could be called "shame" in their chosen lifestyle."
 |
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"Just playing devil's advocate here, but a lot of the answers above about there being no shame attached to their sexuality add the caveat that they would never want their family or friends to find out. This implies that they do indeed find an element of what could be called "shame" in their chosen lifestyle."
I haven't connected those comments like you have. Not wanting the family to know could also be about the inconvenience of having to explain oneself, being subject to ignorance or intolerance from family members. And many more things.
All those things can happen to a person that isn't ashamed of who they are. |
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I think it depends on the environment.
I worked at gatwick airport for a long time, while it was acceptable for a woman to be bisexual or even gay, it was not ok for a man to be the same.
There is still a stigma attached to it, in certain groups and areas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you describe a person's action or attitude as shameful, you think that it is so bad that the person ought to be ashamed.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of your sexuality however we know that others may see it as shameful, this can impact our decisions |
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"Just playing devil's advocate here, but a lot of the answers above about there being no shame attached to their sexuality add the caveat that they would never want their family or friends to find out. This implies that they do indeed find an element of what could be called "shame" in their chosen lifestyle.
How much of your fab lifestyle do you share with your family or acquaintances? I don't want to be subjected to homophobia and sadly I know I would.
Gbat "
People will have all sorts of different reasons for keeping elements of their life private and there's nothing wrong with that, it's their choice after all.
And I understand perfectly that for some, like yourself, the hassle you'd receive from family or others is going to be a large factor in your decision to keep things to yourself.
I never lose sight of the fact that many people don't have the freedom to be themselves due to the attitudes of others, their work situation or a myriad of other reasons.
I'm lucky. Not only can I be open about my involvement in swinging but I honestly couldn't care less what people think about it, and that includes what they think about my sexuality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it depends on the environment.
I worked at gatwick airport for a long time, while it was acceptable for a woman to be bisexual or even gay, it was not ok for a man to be the same.
There is still a stigma attached to it, in certain groups and areas."
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I agree that, unfortunately, it depends on environment, culture, religion etc. Even in swingers clubs, bi play between women is encouraged and sought after, whereas bi male play, on a regular night, is frowned upon. Unless it happens in a private room.
I am bisexual, very open about it, but if I went back to my country, I wouldn't be able to be openly bi.
I like bi men . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never have and never will have shame in being gay and at times bicurious. I was born gay, accept what I am and living a true life. It is all consensual with other adults and absolutely does not harm anyone else |
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By *hloetTV/TS
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"I never have and never will have shame in being gay and at times bicurious. I was born gay, accept what I am and living a true life. It is all consensual with other adults and absolutely does not harm anyone else "
xox |
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"I agree that, unfortunately, it depends on environment, culture, religion etc. Even in swingers clubs, bi play between women is encouraged and sought after, whereas bi male play, on a regular night, is frowned upon. Unless it happens in a private room.
I am bisexual, very open about it, but if I went back to my country, I wouldn't be able to be openly bi.
I like bi men. "
Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know. |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know."
Sadly, no  . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away. |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away. "
are they blind near you you are sexy |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away. are they blind near you you are sexy "
Thank you. I guess what puts many off is the fact that I wouldn't be their "naughty lunch break" facilitator. And that I require them to be openly bi on here. |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away. are they blind near you you are sexy
Thank you. I guess what puts many off is the fact that I wouldn't be their "naughty lunch break" facilitator. And that I require them to be openly bi on here. "
im too far away so it wouldn't matter either way.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was there ever a part 2?
Yeah I whizzed to then end looking for the sequel but……I guess not."
Considering the OP made a song and dance about it surely the 2 part of the question is due?
KJ |
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"Was there ever a part 2?
Yeah I whizzed to then end looking for the sequel but……I guess not.
Considering the OP made a song and dance about it surely the 2 part of the question is due?Good point
KJ"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can’t seriously be asking this? "
I can actually see why the question was asked. The reason I say this is I absolutely do not think it's shameful however many do and suicide rates amongst gay and bi young men is shocking!
What is shameful is that many people feel ashamed by their sexuality and that is something as a society thankfully we are addressing but we need to do more and quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think its shameful, but I have seen a lot of outspoken opinions on bi dudes that well aren't very nice. Guess people don't understand the ways in which they shame people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think its shameful, but I have seen a lot of outspoken opinions on bi dudes that well aren't very nice. Guess people don't understand the ways in which they shame people. "
Definitely this! |
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"I don't think its shameful, but I have seen a lot of outspoken opinions on bi dudes that well aren't very nice. Guess people don't understand the ways in which they shame people. "
100% agree with you
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It’s not shameful at all, they are just being who they truly are.
However, unfortunately there is still a lot prejudice, dislike, whatever you want to call it, for those that aren’t seen as old traditionally ‘normal’.
So for those that are comfortable in who they really are, it is sometimes easier not to mention it to those that probably aren’t. Easier life without prejudice ruining their day.
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away. "
Oh well, if all else fails sweetie can always have me on Friday.
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away.
Oh well, if all else fails sweetie can always have me on Friday.
"
I am definitely having you on Friday! Both of you, actually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not at all.
What is shameful is bigoted folk caring about what consensual adults do with their genitals and what gender they want to describe themselves as. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away.
Oh well, if all else fails sweetie can always have me on Friday.
I am definitely having you on Friday! Both of you, actually."
Remember pics or it never happened  |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away.
Oh well, if all else fails sweetie can always have me on Friday.
I am definitely having you on Friday! Both of you, actually."
We look forward to it sexy lady! |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away.
Oh well, if all else fails sweetie can always have me on Friday.
I am definitely having you on Friday! Both of you, actually.
Remember pics or it never happened "
All the "photos" I need are in my head, as great memories. Also, can't take photos in swingers club. |
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"Since you posted this hunny, have you been inundated by requests from bi men?
By the way guys and girls, this lady is gorgeous and a pleasure to know.
Sadly, no . Maybe there aren't that many bi men who are free in the evenings and who don't live miles away.
Oh well, if all else fails sweetie can always have me on Friday.
I am definitely having you on Friday! Both of you, actually.
Remember pics or it never happened
All the "photos" I need are in my head, as great memories. Also, can't take photos in swingers club. "
Plus, you can't photograph the excitement and pure sexual energy we've got among our group of swinging friends. It has to be experienced to feel it and this wonderful lady is an integral part of our group. |
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