FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Men hold the cards over relationships, women hold the cards over sex.
Men hold the cards over relationships, women hold the cards over sex.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss… |
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Think maybe it partially down to where you’re looking.
Here it’s gonna be much harder to find a relationship with all the FAB single or even fab straight people. It’s a playground.
Other dating sites may offer something different. Also usually it men who are more interested (openly) in sex therefore that’s what they seek.
In my experience if it’s been put to me upfront what someone’s actually after then it’s clear for all to see and make a decision.
Works both ways though as I’ve been upfront and said what I’m after |
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I reckon a lot of that is pretty valid.  . I'd love to see a study on all the reasons guys don't want the relationship.
I'd hope it isn't purely as shallow as they wanna get their dicks wet more often haha
I'd also say that it's a good thing that there's this power on both sides. Leads to better relationships and better sex.  |
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"Think maybe it partially down to where you’re looking.
Here it’s gonna be much harder to find a relationship with all the FAB single or even fab straight people. It’s a playground.
Other dating sites may offer something different. Also usually it men who are more interested (openly) in sex therefore that’s what they seek.
In my experience if it’s been put to me upfront what someone’s actually after then it’s clear for all to see and make a decision.
Works both ways though as I’ve been upfront and said what I’m after "
I was also thinking about the argument about setting. It'd be really easy to form a skewed view of human behaviour if you only ever met people on this site. |
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Men absolutely are not immune to wanting more down the line when the woman only wants something casual. Not all single women want a relationship and even if they do it doesn't mean she wants one with a guy she's having casual sex with.
On the flip side, just because a woman wants to have sex with a man it doesn't mean he wants to have sex with her  . |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
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"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
"
I love the image this provokes but it's so true! haha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with this in the most part, let’s be honest men (majority) are fucking pests and make it blatantly obvious they want sex which then gives women the power with that knowledge.
On the relationship side I think women crave this more than men (again majority, not all) which is why men hold the power in this instance.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not necessarily talking about guys from fab but from everywhere, real world meetings, dating sites where the whole point of those is supposed to be for dating/relationships yet you still get guys saying they aren’t looking for a relationship.
It’s often said early on as well. Like how are you supposed to even know if that person is someone you’d want a relationship with if you haven’t spent a considerable amount of time with them or had some dates? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
"
Absolutely. The majority of men I've dated have been the ones who got the  first. Same with all the women in my family. I'd like to think it's down to good genes but I think it's more that the old notions of your OP aren't quite true. People develop feelings. Want to progress things. Want to stay single. It's not gendered. |
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I think on the whole, in any situation where you’re more invested than the other person, then they’re the one who holds the cards.
I think from an evolutionary perspective then women are hard-wired to want relationships and men hard-wired to want sex and this is possibly where the skew in those two areas in a lot of (not all) cases occur |
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"I think on the whole, in any situation where you’re more invested than the other person, then they’re the one who holds the cards.
I think from an evolutionary perspective then women are hard-wired to want relationships and men hard-wired to want sex and this is possibly where the skew in those two areas in a lot of (not all) cases occur"
So true  |
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I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. "
This.
It should be all about clear and open communication.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. "
I disagree or rather don’t understand how your paragraph applies to the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. "
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis "
*by, fucking autocorrect |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I disagree or rather don’t understand how your paragraph applies to the OP. "
Your first paragraph stated it wasn’t relelevant to something in your life therefore my comment was generalised not specifically about you . |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis "
The headline was a clear statement |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…"
On a general societal note, I agree with you...the average man will pursue sex more than the average woman, and the average woman will pursue a relationship more than the average man...
As individuals, we are much more complicated...on one hand, I very much would love to find a woman who truly understands and cares about me and build a relationship and maybe a future with her....on the other hand FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! |
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…
On a general societal note, I agree with you...the average man will pursue sex more than the average woman, and the average woman will pursue a relationship more than the average man...
As individuals, we are much more complicated...on one hand, I very much would love to find a woman who truly understands and cares about me and build a relationship and maybe a future with her....on the other hand FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! "
Cake and eat it ….. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I disagree or rather don’t understand how your paragraph applies to the OP.
Your first paragraph stated it wasn’t relelevant to something in your life therefore my comment was generalised not specifically about you . "
Yes but the opening post is the entire post. The first paragraph is just a disclaimer because some people have unconsciousbias towards me and say negative things purely because they don’t like me.
What you said isn’t relevant to the main part of the what the post is about. You’ve just said a collection of words. |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I disagree or rather don’t understand how your paragraph applies to the OP.
Your first paragraph stated it wasn’t relelevant to something in your life therefore my comment was generalised not specifically about you .
Yes but the opening post is the entire post. The first paragraph is just a disclaimer because some people have unconsciousbias towards me and say negative things purely because they don’t like me.
What you said isn’t relevant to the main part of the what the post is about. You’ve just said a collection of words. "
My comments were relevant to your headline |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis
The headline was a clear statement "
I think it was more a topic for discussion than an outright fact though |
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love were available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…"
I think some women mixing with the wrong guy the vast majority of men want a loving relationship and possibly women to fail to see the great guys out there maybe women looking for men happy to commit they should make compromises on things like the excitement you can be exciting and committed but there are certain boundaries to the excitement.
Not all men can be changed and some women love a guy they would love to tamed.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis
The headline was a clear statement
I think it was more a topic for discussion than an outright fact though"
She’s just one of those members that’s always negative towards me. I just ignore it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…
On a general societal note, I agree with you...the average man will pursue sex more than the average woman, and the average woman will pursue a relationship more than the average man...
As individuals, we are much more complicated...on one hand, I very much would love to find a woman who truly understands and cares about me and build a relationship and maybe a future with her....on the other hand FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! "
Conflicted or what? |
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…"
Going into a relationship with the objective of changing someone is usually doomed to fail. For example, in the situation you describe, a woman setting up with a guy who has said he isn’t looking for a relationship, putting time, effort an emotion into developing a relationship with him, hoping that he will change his mind ... the odds of a haiku outcome aren’t good.
I once saw a title of a play, “I love you, you’re perfect, now change”. Captures the approach being described.
There is some unfortunate language used in relationships, around this aspect of relationships, I often hear women referring to “training” their new partners, jokey comments like “his training is coming along well” |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis
The headline was a clear statement
I think it was more a topic for discussion than an outright fact though"
But the topic was born out of an outright statement that I did not agree is wholly correct … |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis
The headline was a clear statement
I think it was more a topic for discussion than an outright fact though
She’s just one of those members that’s always negative towards me. I just ignore it. "
It’s not negativity Annie. If you post a thread it’s open to comment and it was a valid comment. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…
On a general societal note, I agree with you...the average man will pursue sex more than the average woman, and the average woman will pursue a relationship more than the average man...
As individuals, we are much more complicated...on one hand, I very much would love to find a woman who truly understands and cares about me and build a relationship and maybe a future with her....on the other hand FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!
Conflicted or what? "
More like traumatised |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…
Going into a relationship with the objective of changing someone is usually doomed to fail. For example, in the situation you describe, a woman setting up with a guy who has said he isn’t looking for a relationship, putting time, effort an emotion into developing a relationship with him, hoping that he will change his mind ... the odds of a haiku outcome aren’t good.
I once saw a title of a play, “I love you, you’re perfect, now change”. Captures the approach being described.
There is some unfortunate language used in relationships, around this aspect of relationships, I often hear women referring to “training” their new partners, jokey comments like “his training is coming along well”"
Yes if you continue sleeping with someone that has outright told you from the start that they aren’t looking for s relationship then you can’t really get all bent of shape further down the line.
A lot of guys use this kind of sentence as a get out of jail free card. Means they always have an exit route. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as intentions are clearly set out from the off and accepted at that point, then the cards are even, and if one person then wants something different it needs to be discussed openly and reassessed. It's up to both to say if they're not happy with the setup - both are free to walk away, so it's still even. The exact opposite to the original concept can happen and the man want more just as easily as the woman wanting it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As someone currently going on dates etc via conventional dating sites! I would agree with some of this, I certainly get much more attention on here than on there but I would still say I wield quite a lot of ‘power’. Maybe because my preference is older men. Just not as much ‘power’ I possess on here I guess  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…
On a general societal note, I agree with you...the average man will pursue sex more than the average woman, and the average woman will pursue a relationship more than the average man...
As individuals, we are much more complicated...on one hand, I very much would love to find a woman who truly understands and cares about me and build a relationship and maybe a future with her....on the other hand FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!
Conflicted or what?
More like traumatised "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now."
Most of the time this is code for I don't want to get hurt. As for relationships, they're like good conversations, it takes two people to want to be in it, to have one. Quite simply, don't put out until you know they're going to hang about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
I don’t think her post was insinuating than neither are capable, just on a broad spectrum that women hold the power when it comes to sex and men when it comes to relationships, from a vague perspective and not diving into the depths of it I think it’s a fairly accurate post, on a whole not on a case my case basis
The headline was a clear statement
I think it was more a topic for discussion than an outright fact though
But the topic was born out of an outright statement that I did not agree is wholly correct … "
But the headline is not the entire subject matter, she goes on to say why she believes this to be the case and it was, in my opinion a fairly agreeable post, it wasn’t a post about 2 people already in a relationship and the power struggle within but rather the difference between men and women in this day and age.
case and point I know men that would have sex with women they don’t find attractive (I know men that have) I was in the mil and it was a weekly thing, I don’t however know any women that would have sex with a man they don’t find attractive, when it comes to sex it is for the most part the woman’s choice and she has the power in that.
When it comes to relationships (again my opinion and own experience) women crave the safety and security and attention of one man (we’re not talking FAB) just in the most part and 9 times out of 10 it is the man that starts and ends relationships therefore holding the power in that.
Everybody’s individual experiences and opinions will of course differ but for the most part I agree and believe that is the case. |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure.
This.
It should be all about clear and open communication.
"
I agree with you both. This is very much a pink and blue situation. A social construct taken as a universal. |
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I think society has created this, it's definitely more acceptable now to not settle down and have 2.4 children just because that's what society expects us all to do. Add into that the fact that it is often men who lose the most financially when a relationship breaks up, especially when kids are involved. I completely understand why people want to see exactly what others can bring to a relationship before showing any signs of commitment. I'd much rather have someone that's honest from the start than someone who would string me along with false promises...it's my decision whether I invest time in them or not that way. |
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. This "
What does ‘this’ mean to you in relation to the opening post. You agreed with that paragraph so how does it correlate with what is being discussed? In a nut shell the opening post says it’s men that normally decide whether things go beyond sex to progression of a relationship and it’s women who decide if men get to have sex with her.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
|
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Annie ..this time I do agree with you ..as a general concept .. it does seem to reflect the themes of gripes men and women have on the forums ..and how the other sex might try to capitalise on
Good job |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
"
Agreed. It's the person who NEEDS a relationship that will say they are being 'denied' it by someone else.
It's the person who is feeling horny who will claim that they are being 'denied' sex by someone else.
|
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So glad I’ve been there and done the relationship thing. Send the ones who just want fun and friendship my way  . They’re safe with me. Couldn’t think of anything worse than someone in my life 24/7.
Having said that I don’t like NSA, tis not easy on here and I do kinda see where you’re coming from. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think relationships are that black and white. There are a lot of very different people dating or having relationships with other very different people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did somebody say cake?
Who has cake?
Nobody. This ain’t no mad hatters tea party so let’s quash these attempts of derailment. "
Sounds like you are wanting to keep the cake to yourself. |
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…
On a general societal note, I agree with you...the average man will pursue sex more than the average woman, and the average woman will pursue a relationship more than the average man...
As individuals, we are much more complicated...on one hand, I very much would love to find a woman who truly understands and cares about me and build a relationship and maybe a future with her....on the other hand FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!
Cake and eat it ….. "
No attempt at derailment, it was merely an observation |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"I totally disagree with your headline statement!
Both sexes are more than capable of holding either card at any point - it’s not just down to sex or relationship. A good relationship that involves sex is about two people understanding one another and neither of them invoking a power struggle where the other feels insecure. "
Exactly this. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I think the 80/20 rule applies on fab. There’s so many people using it for fuck and go or the opposite end hoping to find MR/Mrs right
The people I meet don’t really fall in that group and on the whole the power over sex and relationship is mutual.
With online dating and real life it’s different , my experience is women are mostly still looking for traditional long term monogamous relationships, but it is changing , many sites are poly friendly and it’s become a little more common on dates to talk about sharing |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
"
Tend to agree, either party using sex as a reward for the commitment they seek from the other ditto with either party using the need of the other for a relationship isn't going to end well somewhere down the line..
That's not to say it hasn't, doesn't or won't happen.. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
Tend to agree, either party using sex as a reward for the commitment they seek from the other ditto with either party using the need of the other for a relationship isn't going to end well somewhere down the line..
That's not to say it hasn't, doesn't or won't happen.."
People go to extreme lengths when in love , even pretending after a while a FWB or FB is fine for them just to hang on to the person in any capacity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this is very true, I never had troubles when it comes to sex and I can find it pretty easily.
Relationship wise tho, I agree that it seems to be tough for us to find someone who really wants to commit, and it does feel like they hold the cards on that … and like it’s in their tempo, if it makes sense |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
Tend to agree, either party using sex as a reward for the commitment they seek from the other ditto with either party using the need of the other for a relationship isn't going to end well somewhere down the line..
That's not to say it hasn't, doesn't or won't happen..
People go to extreme lengths when in love , even pretending after a while a FWB or FB is fine for them just to hang on to the person in any capacity "
Which is very sad. Unrequited love is crippling. If you are not loved back and you WANT to be loved there is NO point in hanging on to make yourself even more miserable.
It's not THEM it's YOU. It's always YOU.
( by you I mean 'the self' )
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul. ( Invictus ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think this is very true, I never had troubles when it comes to sex and I can find it pretty easily.
Relationship wise tho, I agree that it seems to be tough for us to find someone who really wants to commit, and it does feel like they hold the cards on that … and like it’s in their tempo, if it makes sense "
Yep. I genuinely genuinely could find a thousand men or more that would want to empty the clip inside me.
But a relationship, nah. It tends to go right from the start, them saying they aren’t looking for a relationship or a girlfriend, and that’s even before we’ve hung out, even before we have any kind of feel of each others personalities to even know if we’d want a relationship in the first place. |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
"
Absolutely this.
I've lost count of FWB who think I will change my mind and magically want a relationship with them, when I'm very clear up front about what I want.
Anyone thinking they will be able to change someone else is on a hiding to nothing.
I don't play power games, I prefer a fair and equal exchange so I'm very honest about my desires and expectations, and my most successful arrangements have been with people who were equally honest so we understood whether we were truly compatible (impossible to do if one party is just faking it). |
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I am soooo glad I'm not dating nowadays.
This is going to make me sound really old but when I was dating everyone knew the guys who were just after a quick shag and if you didn't it was fairly easy to tell. We tended to avoid them unless we wanted a one night stand ourselves. If a man ever told me he didn't want a relationship I wouldn't have sex with him imagining it would change his mind, why would it?
|
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
Tend to agree, either party using sex as a reward for the commitment they seek from the other ditto with either party using the need of the other for a relationship isn't going to end well somewhere down the line..
That's not to say it hasn't, doesn't or won't happen..
People go to extreme lengths when in love , even pretending after a while a FWB or FB is fine for them just to hang on to the person in any capacity
Which is very sad. Unrequited love is crippling. If you are not loved back and you WANT to be loved there is NO point in hanging on to make yourself even more miserable.
It's not THEM it's YOU. It's always YOU.
( by you I mean 'the self' )
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul. ( Invictus )"
Never have truer words been said GC: "It's not THEM it's YOU. It's always YOU".
Their actions are on them. My reactions are on me. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
Tend to agree, either party using sex as a reward for the commitment they seek from the other ditto with either party using the need of the other for a relationship isn't going to end well somewhere down the line..
That's not to say it hasn't, doesn't or won't happen..
People go to extreme lengths when in love , even pretending after a while a FWB or FB is fine for them just to hang on to the person in any capacity
Which is very sad. Unrequited love is crippling. If you are not loved back and you WANT to be loved there is NO point in hanging on to make yourself even more miserable.
It's not THEM it's YOU. It's always YOU.
( by you I mean 'the self' )
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul. ( Invictus )"
Sometimes it’s very complex to work out who actually holds the power and who is abusing who, because it is a form of emotional abuse . Women can be very manipulative with kink and know exactly how to keep a man coming back for more , men are just weak in general |
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"I am soooo glad I'm not dating nowadays.
This is going to make me sound really old but when I was dating everyone knew the guys who were just after a quick shag and if you didn't it was fairly easy to tell. We tended to avoid them unless we wanted a one night stand ourselves. If a man ever told me he didn't want a relationship I wouldn't have sex with him imagining it would change his mind, why would it?
"
You are so bloody old.
I always put out on the first night as a teen. No bloody point in going out otherwise.
( Don't read that as with anyone. It was always with someone of my beer goggles choice )
It was all just a larrrrf.
Then life got serious. Now it's all just a larrrrrrf to enjoy again
BTW...Did you know they've just invented sex and relationships ? |
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"I am soooo glad I'm not dating nowadays.
This is going to make me sound really old but when I was dating everyone knew the guys who were just after a quick shag and if you didn't it was fairly easy to tell. We tended to avoid them unless we wanted a one night stand ourselves. If a man ever told me he didn't want a relationship I wouldn't have sex with him imagining it would change his mind, why would it?
You are so bloody old.
I always put out on the first night as a teen. No bloody point in going out otherwise.
( Don't read that as with anyone. It was always with someone of my beer goggles choice )
It was all just a larrrrf.
Then life got serious. Now it's all just a larrrrrrf to enjoy again
BTW...Did you know they've just invented sex and relationships ?"
.
It wasn't a night out in the 70s unless you "scored". |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
Tend to agree, either party using sex as a reward for the commitment they seek from the other ditto with either party using the need of the other for a relationship isn't going to end well somewhere down the line..
That's not to say it hasn't, doesn't or won't happen..
People go to extreme lengths when in love , even pretending after a while a FWB or FB is fine for them just to hang on to the person in any capacity "
Agree, one major downside being anyone who sadly stays too long in an unhealthy / dangerous relationship.. |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
"
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic……. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic……. "
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful! "
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation "
As your OP says, he has said he doesn’t want a relationship and the women stays and tried to form an unwanted commitment by pretending the current setup if find with her when it’s not, she’s doing things to try and sway him. That’s manipulative!
If a relationship is the goal, then honest communication would be a fundamental for a healthy relationship. Not only that, having someone who actually wants to be in that relationship also! Rather than felt pressured to do so or manipulated.
Maybe if people concentrate on their own boundaries self worth and goals, and not play silly games they may find a more long lasting relationship. They don’t happen over night, they take work and effort from both. Not just one.
Trying to change the others mind is more driven by someone needing someone in their life rather than by wanting a relationship with the right person, whom wants them too, that’s going to last. |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation "
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?"
Because it usually is. |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?
Because it usually is. "
In my experience it was usually the men. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?
Because it usually is.
In my experience it was usually the men."
You probably haven’t dated or been active in the dating scene the last 30 years so slightly out of touch. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
""How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now."
Most of the time this is code for I don't want to get hurt. As for relationships, they're like good conversations, it takes two people to want to be in it, to have one. Quite simply, don't put out until you know they're going to hang about. "
This, my ex was very certainly trying to avoid being hurt. He'd been burnt by his fiancé cheating on him...
Deep down he wanted a relationship but he was terrified and continually pushed me away.
Once He'd lost me and I was engaged he realised the potential of what he'd lost and realised he needed to risk being hurt.
(He's now happily loved up which is awesome) |
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?
Because it usually is.
In my experience it was usually the men.
You probably haven’t dated or been active in the dating scene the last 30 years so slightly out of touch. "
it's more like 40 years I'm waay out of touch.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?
Because it usually is.
In my experience it was usually the men.
You probably haven’t dated or been active in the dating scene the last 30 years so slightly out of touch.
it's more like 40 years I'm waay out of touch.
"
I have been in the dating scene and honestly found the same as you.
It’s not only men that use the dating scene to find a fwb rather than a committed relationship. Only I am honest with what I am
Looking for. I wouldn’t lead another on nor would I pretend to be ok with a fwb situation if I wasn’t and more frequently than not I have found that the guy has wanted to make more to the dynamic than I have wanted.
|
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"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?
Because it usually is.
In my experience it was usually the men.
You probably haven’t dated or been active in the dating scene the last 30 years so slightly out of touch.
it's more like 40 years I'm waay out of touch.
I have been in the dating scene and honestly found the same as you.
It’s not only men that use the dating scene to find a fwb rather than a committed relationship. Only I am honest with what I am
Looking for. I wouldn’t lead another on nor would I pretend to be ok with a fwb situation if I wasn’t and more frequently than not I have found that the guy has wanted to make more to the dynamic than I have wanted.
"
My 65 years of life experience and observation must count for something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally I think the lady’s hold all the cards men can’t get to know them with out there say so and the same for a relationship and the sex bit lady’s control the world at the end of the day no matter what us men think  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally I think the lady’s hold all the cards men can’t get to know them with out there say so and the same for a relationship and the sex bit lady’s control the world at the end of the day no matter what us men think "
Thinking that you have no control or power is a route to unhappiness, I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
I think this comes from a place where some women feel they can change the mind of a man not wanting a relationship.
You’re setting yourself up for failure in this case. So obviously he will hold the cards in these cases.
Going along with a fwb situation with the attitude “he will change his mind” isnt fair on ones self or the person you enter that dynamic with. If one is looking for a relationship then be honest about it. The person will show if that’s what they want by their actions. Trying to manipulate a relationship from someone who doesn’t want one, isn’t going to end well in the majority of cases.
That’s exactly the undertone for this topic…….
Even if such game play and manipulation ended with a relationship. It makes you wonder what kind of resentment would be held during the course of it.
Going if topic sorry. But your images are beautiful!
As it’s normally the woman that wants a relationship and starts having sex with the guy, they start doing things together outside of the bedroom they could even meet each other’s friends or family, they are a couple in all but title, feelings develop, most likely on her part.
I’m failing to see how it’s the woman doing the manipulation
Why do you assume that it's normally the woman who wants a relationship?
Because it usually is.
In my experience it was usually the men.
You probably haven’t dated or been active in the dating scene the last 30 years so slightly out of touch. "
Ouch - meow |
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Works both ways really my first ever fwb I told from start I dont want a conventional relationship/commitment a way in he wanted more I reminded him of what I said from start and what he agreed to! His answer was i thought u would change ur mind x |
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I'll restrict my comment here to fab only experience.
On a previous profile I met a woman who had a number of other guys she was seeing on a regular basis.
We only met a handful of times at most but from the start she talked about me being exclusive to her.
I was adamant that was not something I was interested in at all but I asked if she would still be meeting the other guys and she said yes of course because she had known them a long time.
Long story short, she refused to see that I didn't want to be exclusive regardless of her relationship with the other guys but the fact she also couldn't accept that it couldn't be one rule for her and another for me led to unbelievable drama and I left the site as a result.
To this day she tells others about how much I hurt her. Luckily for me a few of those that she had said this to were fully aware of what had gone on because they were party to a number of discussions and an intervention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally I think the lady’s hold all the cards men can’t get to know them with out there say so and the same for a relationship and the sex bit lady’s control the world at the end of the day no matter what us men think
Thinking that you have no control or power is a route to unhappiness, I think. "
Yep, empowerment needed, but only one way to get that. |
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"I am soooo glad I'm not dating nowadays.
This is going to make me sound really old but when I was dating everyone knew the guys who were just after a quick shag and if you didn't it was fairly easy to tell. We tended to avoid them unless we wanted a one night stand ourselves. If a man ever told me he didn't want a relationship I wouldn't have sex with him imagining it would change his mind, why would it?
"
I'm going to echo your sentiments on "glad I'm not dating nowadays" but having been with the same guy since he was 17 and I was 18 (Mr KC), my experience is immensely limited. I don't recall there being a divide in how either of us saw our relationship unfolding, at the time or since. It seemed to just grow and endure organically.
Our first date involved making a capacitor in a physics lesson and we used to snatch time along by going out of college for free periods to have tea/coffee and share choc fudge cake. Recently, our friends said they thought we'd gone somewhere to have sex, but no, we'd genuinely gone to Caffe Nero.
This wasn't some normal young adult relationship either because I already had an 18 month old son when we got together.
My personal experience is of a natural progression, mutual discussion and life planning. Neither wanting things that the other couldn't give or didn't want to give.
So here we are, nearly 18yrs later. No idea what that means for the thread, but it's our experience of "dating". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
"
This, in my experience the men get “territorial” or want exclusivity. |
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"I am soooo glad I'm not dating nowadays.
This is going to make me sound really old but when I was dating everyone knew the guys who were just after a quick shag and if you didn't it was fairly easy to tell. We tended to avoid them unless we wanted a one night stand ourselves. If a man ever told me he didn't want a relationship I wouldn't have sex with him imagining it would change his mind, why would it?
I'm going to echo your sentiments on "glad I'm not dating nowadays" but having been with the same guy since he was 17 and I was 18 (Mr KC), my experience is immensely limited. I don't recall there being a divide in how either of us saw our relationship unfolding, at the time or since. It seemed to just grow and endure organically.
Our first date involved making a capacitor in a physics lesson and we used to snatch time along by going out of college for free periods to have tea/coffee and share choc fudge cake. Recently, our friends said they thought we'd gone somewhere to have sex, but no, we'd genuinely gone to Caffe Nero.
This wasn't some normal young adult relationship either because I already had an 18 month old son when we got together.
My personal experience is of a natural progression, mutual discussion and life planning. Neither wanting things that the other couldn't give or didn't want to give.
So here we are, nearly 18yrs later. No idea what that means for the thread, but it's our experience of "dating". "
Maybe we're the exception. I suppose you always assume your experience is the norm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So who here is a Relationship Psychologist or Licensed Professional Counselor?
No...I didn't think so!!!  "
What's your point? Can no-one have an opinion unless they're qualified? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
This, in my experience the men get “territorial” or want exclusivity. "
My last two relationships - both men knew I was non-monogamous at the start but when push came to shove they wanted exclusivity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
This, in my experience the men get “territorial” or want exclusivity.
My last two relationships - both men knew I was non-monogamous at the start but when push came to shove they wanted exclusivity. "
Very similar here, it can work wonderfully well, I know people it has worked for but my personal experience is it’s the man who struggles with it. Ergo single Pringle all the way now x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The last 2 girls I've been "seeing" I said the exact thing my life is hectic at the minute I just can't put much of my life into a relationship but if you're ok with that we can see eachother
It goes well for a couple of months, then it becomes awkward
I do feel it's unfair though, so that's why I haven't been meeting anyone lately, because I can understand feelings can change plus I know it is going to end up biting me in the ass, I'm going to end up meeting a girl who I'll probably want more with and she doesn't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading some of these posts is like going into the virus forum
Just because a previous partner / fwb or even two have acted in a certain way dosnt mean that entire gender behaves that way
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
This, in my experience the men get “territorial” or want exclusivity.
My last two relationships - both men knew I was non-monogamous at the start but when push came to shove they wanted exclusivity.
Very similar here, it can work wonderfully well, I know people it has worked for but my personal experience is it’s the man who struggles with it. Ergo single Pringle all the way now x "
I thought it would open up more options for me but it's made it more difficult as many kinky men are mono. I am looking for a relationship but I know it will be long haul. |
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…"
As a Man I 100% agree. I’m a married single(with permission) and from my experience both in the dating scene and the swingers scene that it is women that hold the final say when it comes to sex. Men tend to enjoy keeping things casual and gravitate to women who look for the same thing. The problem is men are generally dismissed if they say they outright don’t want want a relationship so have use phrases like “just want to see where things go” which give women there is a possibility of a relationship. On the other hand women generally want to stick to longer term arrangements, but some feel that they need to agree to more casual relationships in the hopes of turning it into a longer term relationship. All above is generalised commentary and individual situations will differ but this is my experience and the experience of the people I know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Complex topics, i think there are a lot of different factors and very rarely a common pattern, but;
Could depend where you’re looking and what the catchment pool is like.
Varies with age and stage of life too - what works and is wanted in 20s is very different that 40s or 50s.
From a male perspective then an actual or subconscious hot/crazy matrix may come into play - i.e the person to have an exciting short term or non committed relationship might be very different from the person to whom you’d wish to have a long term life partnership with to build a future….. it is not all about love/lust - there are a long list of considerations that are far more important.
Interesting topic though. Plenty of food for thought.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Reading some of these posts is like going into the virus forum
Just because a previous partner / fwb or even two have acted in a certain way dosnt mean that entire gender behaves that way
"
There are a lot of great contributions and perspective here - but honestly it is rather sad to reading. |
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"Reading some of these posts is like going into the virus forum
Just because a previous partner / fwb or even two have acted in a certain way dosnt mean that entire gender behaves that way
There are a lot of great contributions and perspective here - but honestly it is rather sad to reading. "
Thought ours was quite nice |
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"Not at all, I was the one who made him wait when it came to the relationship thing, he held nothing over me at all.
It's bad stereotyping for both sides
Tg x"
That just sounds more like a sensible approach to seeing if he was love bombing you for sex |
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Contrary to stereotypical ideas, men actually tend to fall much quicker than women (and so then arguably the woman holds the cards…) and tend to fare more poorly when relationships break up. This is possibly because women tend to have more closer emotional connections with their friends, whereas for men often their romantic relationships will be the main source
In studies of levels of happiness women who have always been single fare very well, better than single men
From personal experience, when I’ve been looking to date I’ve had a small number of guys say they want a relationship but obviously just wanted sex and vice versa- a few who said they were happy with casual but clearly wanted more
On the whole though when someone tells you their intentions, eg that they are not looking for a relationship, believe them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I’d very much urge everyone to listen to what someone says at the beginning of any kind of interaction. Better to cut loose at the start if someone says they’re not looking for a relationship than go weeks months and then getting frustrated and hurt that nothing materialised from it.
I still refuse to call it manipulation though. I don’t believe there’s any malice in it at all other than someone developing feelings for someone they’re being intimate with. |
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"I’d very much urge everyone to listen to what someone says at the beginning of any kind of interaction. Better to cut loose at the start if someone says they’re not looking for a relationship than go weeks months and then getting frustrated and hurt that nothing materialised from it.
I still refuse to call it manipulation though. I don’t believe there’s any malice in it at all other than someone developing feelings for someone they’re being intimate with. "
If you’re referring to someone getting involved with a person who doesn’t want a relationship but hopes that they can get them to change their mind ...
Firstly, that is definitely manipulative behaviour.
Secondly, the person who is most likely to get hurt is themselves, so there is a large element of self-sabotage.
And if they keep putting themselves in that situation then they probably secretly enjoy the drama, whether they realise it or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d very much urge everyone to listen to what someone says at the beginning of any kind of interaction. Better to cut loose at the start if someone says they’re not looking for a relationship than go weeks months and then getting frustrated and hurt that nothing materialised from it.
I still refuse to call it manipulation though. I don’t believe there’s any malice in it at all other than someone developing feelings for someone they’re being intimate with. "
It’s using deception to manipulate a situations and achieve your goal. It’s not being honest nor fair and It has no thought for the other person, whom have made their feelings clear. It’s manipulative and with the single goal of one getting their own way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So who here is a Relationship Psychologist or Licensed Professional Counselor?
No...I didn't think so!!!
What's your point? Can no-one have an opinion unless they're qualified? "
The point as you don't get it for yourself, is that most on here take it beyond just an opinion & others take it as advice!
Don't bother replying as I can't be arsed & I'll be leaving soon anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So who here is a Relationship Psychologist or Licensed Professional Counselor?
No...I didn't think so!!!
What's your point? Can no-one have an opinion unless they're qualified?
The point as you don't get it for yourself, is that most on here take it beyond just an opinion & others take it as advice!
Don't bother replying as I can't be arsed & I'll be leaving soon anyway. "
Awesome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d very much urge everyone to listen to what someone says at the beginning of any kind of interaction. Better to cut loose at the start if someone says they’re not looking for a relationship than go weeks months and then getting frustrated and hurt that nothing materialised from it.
I still refuse to call it manipulation though. I don’t believe there’s any malice in it at all other than someone developing feelings for someone they’re being intimate with.
If you’re referring to someone getting involved with a person who doesn’t want a relationship but hopes that they can get them to change their mind ...
Firstly, that is definitely manipulative behaviour.
Secondly, the person who is most likely to get hurt is themselves, so there is a large element of self-sabotage.
And if they keep putting themselves in that situation then they probably secretly enjoy the drama, whether they realise it or not "
Spot fling on! |
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"I am soooo glad I'm not dating nowadays.
This is going to make me sound really old but when I was dating everyone knew the guys who were just after a quick shag and if you didn't it was fairly easy to tell. We tended to avoid them unless we wanted a one night stand ourselves. If a man ever told me he didn't want a relationship I wouldn't have sex with him imagining it would change his mind, why would it?
You are so bloody old.
I always put out on the first night as a teen. No bloody point in going out otherwise.
( Don't read that as with anyone. It was always with someone of my beer goggles choice )
It was all just a larrrrf.
Then life got serious. Now it's all just a larrrrrrf to enjoy again
BTW...Did you know they've just invented sex and relationships ?
.
It wasn't a night out in the 70s unless you "scored"."
When 'safe sex' meant not getting caught by someone's parents |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think men on the whole are soppy gits and when they find that one woman who does it for them they will get gooey and go for it, irrespective of who, what and when and all the man lad/bible chit chat flies out the window and Mr Luvver Luvver comes to the forefront.
Just like a woman would.
Both sexes hold the key to their own sexual/love destiny. They just got to find their one.
When you find your one there are no games. There is just love.
"
Love finds a way. Men can be romantic, and I like that type of shit.
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"Before I write this I feel obligated to say this isn’t something that is going on in my life, therefore there isn’t any need to bring up any discrepancies or failings that I’ve had previously. This is purely something that me and another woman touched upon during a private discussion.
Ok, so I believe it’s down to the guy to decide whether any kind of regular meeting/dating/sleeping together turns into a relationship.
How many times have you been getting along with a guy, a guy that you’re attracted to and interesting in, and right from the start they say I’m not looking for anything serious or I don’t want a girlfriend right now. The onus is on that woman then whether she wants to continue down that path. Often women will agree and say yeah I know me neither, but think if they start sleeping with a guy and spending time with them they’ll somehow change their minds or convince them to want a relationship and this hardly ever happens and then you just get upset women and it’s ‘their fault’ for getting feelings cos the guy said from the start he wasn’t interested in anything other than shagging.
Now I know a lot of guys think women have ‘the power’ but they just have the power over sex. A woman could quite easily find 20 guys that want to fuck her but struggle to find 5 guys that want a relationship with her.
I know I’m gonna get some alpha females that will say they are the ones who decide whether they want a relationship or they don’t want relationships and although a small portion of these women will have genuine reasons (married or attached women obviously aren’t looking for relationships before you all start with that one). But a single woman when faced with a guy she enjoys having sex with and his company I’m sure if exclusivity and love was available they’d take it. I feel like a lot of women have been conditioned to say they don’t want relationships cos they don’t wanna scare guys off.
Discuss…"
I was in the situation with my now fiancé. When we started seeing each other and sleeping together he made it very clear he wasn't interested in any kind of relationship or wanting feelings involved as he had not long been out of a messy abusive relationship with his ex wife. So I agreed to this...but as time went on I was starting to have intense feelings for him, I was falling in love with him...and many times I had the phone to My ear or text msg written out to tell him I'm gaining these feeling and that I couldn't continue to see him as I was only going to get hurt..and rather him do that to me, I would take control of the situation myself. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell him because I wanted him so badly..and either way I'd of been hurt..a few weeks past and he told me that he had fallen in love with me...I was the happiest woman alive, I still am...I told him I was prepared to end it and he told me he wouldn't of allowed it because he was falling to but was to scared to admit it...and here we are nearly 6 years in and engaged. |
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Exactly!!!
Or be told this site is for shagging only...
I like BOTH SO an I supposed to stop shagging because I want to go out to dinners movies and in public AND fuvk every chance that we can and go on dating sites and find out the guys a vanilla tool and thinks a woman who's highly sexual and into links isnt date material....
?? Pure BS being non standard vanilla |
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