That ain't all that interesting really but it does help me understand myself a little more.
As I'm sure you're aware if you've read anything I've written over the past 18 months, I'm well off sex. My mindset changed with the end of my last "relationship"
Speaking to someone earlier on the words fell from my thumbs without me actually needing to think about it.
I've done the whole starvation thing in the past. I've done the comfort eating thing more recently.
That's why I've shut down innit. It's about control. In a world where I can't control the lies people may tell me, where I can't control their motives or intentions, I DO have control over allowing people access to me.
So yeah. Boring but on the psychology scale it makes perfect sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish "
This 
Life is 10% actions and 90% how we react to them.
We all need self preservation mode though in life and do what we must do to get through. |
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"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish "
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time."
It all has to burst out somewhere, we arent designed to keep it all in and restrict ourselves on everything, work out the lesser of the evils and accept it. I am very aware with teens with mental health we say you musnt self harm, dont turn to drink or drugs or boys/girls, and we just give ourselves nowhere to go with all that angst and torment (whilst as adults doing all the things we say not to, to others) I think Im just trying to say dont be hard on yourself for coping in the ways that you do, we wont all be solved with mindfulness and yoga, sometimes the vices are just what we need with no guilt associated with them. Maybe. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time."
Ok I will try and explain this and what you can do to help yourself.
The hardest thing to do is stop this is because we all have triggers and reactions to those triggers. You can’t simply just remove those reactions you have to replace them with something else.
Maybe a bad example is when people quit smoking and say all the do is eat. It’s because the smoking has been replaced with eating. The brain knows no different it you replaced it with push ups instead. It’s a trigger and reaction. Understand what triggers and put into place the reactions you want |
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"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time.
Ok I will try and explain this and what you can do to help yourself.
The hardest thing to do is stop this is because we all have triggers and reactions to those triggers. You can’t simply just remove those reactions you have to replace them with something else.
Maybe a bad example is when people quit smoking and say all the do is eat. It’s because the smoking has been replaced with eating. The brain knows no different it you replaced it with push ups instead. It’s a trigger and reaction. Understand what triggers and put into place the reactions you want"
I know what I *should* be doing, but I also know subconsciously that I ain't gonna fail at the self sabotage thing whereas I may very well fail at the good stuff.
The thing that scares me more than anything is doing everything I can to be a better human to myself and still feeling bluegh about life.
That's terrifying. |
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"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish "
Exactly this. But it can take years to learn it is true and to build it into your life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time.
Ok I will try and explain this and what you can do to help yourself.
The hardest thing to do is stop this is because we all have triggers and reactions to those triggers. You can’t simply just remove those reactions you have to replace them with something else.
Maybe a bad example is when people quit smoking and say all the do is eat. It’s because the smoking has been replaced with eating. The brain knows no different it you replaced it with push ups instead. It’s a trigger and reaction. Understand what triggers and put into place the reactions you want
I know what I *should* be doing, but I also know subconsciously that I ain't gonna fail at the self sabotage thing whereas I may very well fail at the good stuff.
The thing that scares me more than anything is doing everything I can to be a better human to myself and still feeling bluegh about life.
That's terrifying."
It is a terrifying thought and I’m happy to talk to you about any of this at anytime.
Emotions only have 2 states. Positive and negative. It’s our brains that attach one of this to each event. The event itself can’t. So if something happens that we would natural attach a negative emotion to tell yourself you are going to attach a positive emotion to it. Visualise yourself doing that. Like a decoration on a tree and keep hanging those positive emotions on each event |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time.
Ok I will try and explain this and what you can do to help yourself.
The hardest thing to do is stop this is because we all have triggers and reactions to those triggers. You can’t simply just remove those reactions you have to replace them with something else.
Maybe a bad example is when people quit smoking and say all the do is eat. It’s because the smoking has been replaced with eating. The brain knows no different it you replaced it with push ups instead. It’s a trigger and reaction. Understand what triggers and put into place the reactions you want
I know what I *should* be doing, but I also know subconsciously that I ain't gonna fail at the self sabotage thing whereas I may very well fail at the good stuff.
The thing that scares me more than anything is doing everything I can to be a better human to myself and still feeling bluegh about life.
That's terrifying."
Wish I had a magic wand to help. I hate to think of people struggling, life is tough and emotions are even tougher. I genuinely hope you have good people around you who can help you and you can turn to for support. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only thing you have control over is the way you react to events.
Remember that self care isn’t selfish
And that's something I struggle terribly with.
The things I want to do are the things that cause more harm than good. My natural go to is food related or self harm. Self sabotage etc.
It's a constant war, just a different battle each time.
Ok I will try and explain this and what you can do to help yourself.
The hardest thing to do is stop this is because we all have triggers and reactions to those triggers. You can’t simply just remove those reactions you have to replace them with something else.
Maybe a bad example is when people quit smoking and say all the do is eat. It’s because the smoking has been replaced with eating. The brain knows no different it you replaced it with push ups instead. It’s a trigger and reaction. Understand what triggers and put into place the reactions you want
I know what I *should* be doing, but I also know subconsciously that I ain't gonna fail at the self sabotage thing whereas I may very well fail at the good stuff.
The thing that scares me more than anything is doing everything I can to be a better human to myself and still feeling bluegh about life.
That's terrifying.
Wish I had a magic wand to help. I hate to think of people struggling, life is tough and emotions are even tougher. I genuinely hope you have good people around you who can help you and you can turn to for support. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That ain't all that interesting really but it does help me understand myself a little more.
As I'm sure you're aware if you've read anything I've written over the past 18 months, I'm well off sex. My mindset changed with the end of my last "relationship"
Speaking to someone earlier on the words fell from my thumbs without me actually needing to think about it.
I've done the whole starvation thing in the past. I've done the comfort eating thing more recently.
That's why I've shut down innit. It's about control. In a world where I can't control the lies people may tell me, where I can't control their motives or intentions, I DO have control over allowing people access to me.
So yeah. Boring but on the psychology scale it makes perfect sense."
Take it back to food, and think about synonyms for control.
Ostensibly, the control of bus food was denial (starvation) or full acceptance (greed). And either end of the spectrum needs a healthy balance.
Now of the object of your co trip has changed, the methods by which you control is are the same. Denial or excess. Finding the balance (but being in conscious charge of it) is where the money is.
Knowing your control mechanism can hit either extreme should help you plan for your response should you suddenly change that approach.
So good luck, knowledge is power, understanding yourself is most of the battle, you’re doing good |
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Shutting down also helps you to heal, you can deal with stuff as and when you feel like it. It may take months or years but you will work it out piece by piece, I'd definitely be looking at ptsd to start with though Peach xxx |
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"Shutting down also helps you to heal, you can deal with stuff as and when you feel like it. It may take months or years but you will work it out piece by piece, I'd definitely be looking at ptsd to start with though Peach xxx"
I've been diagnosed c-ptsd stemming from childhood and through into abusive/toxic relationships. That was a few years back when I had the breakdown |
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Really makes sense. There comes a time after you've been through so much shit, that self care is a must. Shutting down, being still is an important part of healing, trust me, I know, I've gone through it recently. You have to realise you don't deserve being treated like shit, know your value, be careful who you allow in your energy, take time to get to know people, there are good genuine people out there, they actually do exist ! Know your worth, be the empress as I am realising about myself now.
Take no shite |
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Makes total sense to me Peach. Sometimes I have to lock yourself down because you can't trust myself to feel so much. Feeling every single emotion is just too overwhelming and feeling nothing, well I guess you know what to expect and that you can deal with it and survive. |
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