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The Can’t Be Arsed Film Synopses Thread
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What you have to do good folks: Simply write the plot and outcome of any given movie in as deliberately half arsed, lazy and brief description as is humanly possible.
I’ll start you off by way of example with…..
The Shawshank Redemption:
Dude goes to prison. Twenty seven years later he escapes.
The End.
Over to you good people  |
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Aliens invade . They lose .
Independence Day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bitch goes on a ship, meets the love of her life. Leaves love of life to die in sea.
The end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aliens invade . They lose .
Independence Day "
or mars attacks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dad loses son. Dad finds son. The end.
Finding Nemo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Random guy fights boxing heavyweight champion. Loses |
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By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
Saving Private Ryan.
They do.
Gbat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fight club
Dude make a imagery friend up and starts fighting with him self |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shark attacks. gets blown up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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America saves the world
Pretty much every film they make |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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glasses wearing wizzard finally kills baddy ater 7 films |
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Film about an Irishman
The Irishman. |
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By *akie32Man
over a year ago
winchester |
"Aliens invade . They lose .
Independence Day
or mars attacks"
love mars attacks, so funny, used to know a guy that when he talked sounded just like the aliens |
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By *akie32Man
over a year ago
winchester |
"America saves the world
Pretty much every film they make"
and dont forget the fuck yer we are going to take on the world speach |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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scifi film where the baddy turns out to be his father |
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A guy takes his family to look after a hotel for the winter. He goes batshit crazy and freezes to death. |
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Taken: Liam Neeson’s daughter is abducted.
He kills them.
The End. |
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[Removed by poster at 09/12/21 15:53:47] |
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Man hates Christmas. Ghosts scare him into loving Christmas.
Every adaptation of A Christmas Carol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Harry Potter
Harry your a wizard |
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Transformers: Some big robot dudes travel across time and space in search of a pair of spectacles(!!!) (I shit you not!)
Shit blows up and stuff.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bitch goes on a ship, meets the love of her life. Leaves love of life to die in sea.
The end."
Titanic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shark attacks. gets blown up."
Jaws |
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Girl gets knocked out by a tornado and has a weird, freaky dream. |
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Man is given an impossible mission, competes it anyway. Is probably betrayed along the way.
Every Mission Impossible film. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Harry Potter
Harry your a wizard "
Harry Potter and loads of shit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girl gets knocked out by a tornado and has a weird, freaky dream."
Wizard of Oz
Am I the only fucker that gets this? |
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The Human Centipede: A demented geezer surgically attaches together a group of people and…..no, that really is all it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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or that doesn't. I thought it was a quiz? |
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Inception: Some assembled dudes have vivid dreams.
The End. |
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"or that doesn't. I thought it was a quiz? "
Don't think it's meant to be a quiz, just for shits and giggles. |
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Total Recall: A geezer dreams he lives on Mars. Turns out he wasn’t dreaming.
The End.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guy likes cars and robbing people . Also into family |
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No Time To Die: James Bond dies.
(Belated spoiler alert!)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guy likes cars and robbing people . Also into family "
That’s a easy one fast and the furious |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two animated characters save a princess while talking about onions |
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"glasses wearing wizzard finally kills baddy ater 7 films"
Well that just spoiled 7 books and films for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guy likes cars and robbing people . Also into family
That’s a easy one fast and the furious "
Well done |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
I'm in.. sort late to the party. Let me just parked myself in the corner of the room lol |
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"Girl gets knocked out by a tornado and has a weird, freaky dream.
Wizard of Oz "
Correct. What’s the other one we did? |
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The Last Jedi: Director Rian Johnson and the cronies at Disney take MASSIVE shit on the Star Wars franchise. |
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Murder On The Orient Express: ……It happens.
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Young geek gets bit finds out he's able to climb walls and fire out stringy stuff
Spider Man |
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All films should be able to be summed up in one line anyway. Not lazy, it's how you plan a film.
Yes I'm fun at parties. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shutter Island
Guy goes to an island to find a crazy guy. Ends up being the crazy guy |
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Les Miserables: A group of decidedly miserable people break out into song for no apparent reason during the French Revolution. |
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It’s Christmas and the guy realises he has a wonderful life after all   |
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The Lord Of The Rings trilogy: There’s this magic ring see, which these little geezers with big fuck off hairy feet drop into a volcano.
The end  |
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He takes a pill wakes up elsewhere, sees code and has fights that defy physics. |
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Unscrupulous attorney General appoints black Sheriff to piss off racist small towners in the old west, and make them leave their homes for the sake of a new railroad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unscrupulous attorney General appoints black Sheriff to piss off racist small towners in the old west, and make them leave their homes for the sake of a new railroad. "
Blazing Saddles |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You only live twice:
James bond dies then is unexplainably alive again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guy from the 60s shags his mates daughter. Austin Powers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fun with Dick and Jane
Not as good as I expected
The end |
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ET:
Alien lands on earth.
Alien befriends a kid.
Alien buggers off back home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Short hairy guy throws away a ring while others argue who he should give it to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Two animated characters save a princess while talking about onions"
Shrek
See , Wonko and me are on the same page. Should I be worried?  |
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"Two animated characters save a princess while talking about onions
Shrek
See , Wonko and me are on the same page. Should I be worried? "
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Space farmer and the cowboy. He’s got a tin foil pal and pedal bin. His Dads a robot and he wants to fuck his sister.
Star Wars |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Home Alone: take a wild guess |
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Highlander: A French man playing a Scotsman is instructed by a Scotsman playing a Spanish man in the art of sword fighting.
Oh…and they’re both immortal to… |
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Emo bird chooses necrophilia over bestiality: the Twilight movies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Last Samurai: Westerner tries to enforce his beliefs on a tribe, infiltrates them from the inside and leads them all to their deaths. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dad loses son. Dad finds son. The end.
Finding Nemo"
And Empire Strikes Back? |
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If Fab wrote reviews...
Winter is coming. Lot of talking and some titties. There is this one bird who is really fucking hot and she can control dragons n shit and has this gorgeous fucking body till she goes batshit crazy and wants to take over the world - you've got to watch it. Seriously. Yeah and some other stuff happens and loads die. Nice tits though. |
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By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
Lots of whiny brats get killed, none of them show any grief over the death of their friends.
Every American slasher movie. |
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Street gang goes to a park and then goes home - The Warriors
Guy dies and gets in the way of his friend chatting up his widow - Ghost
Guy shags another woman, she’s not happy- Fatal Attraction
Motel has a crossdressing mother fixated owner, who doesn’t like people taking showers - Psycho
Bridge was too far - A bridge too far
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The Blob:
Greta Thunberg makes her directorial debut with this eco-horror regarding the improbable outcome of carelessly discarded bubble gum…. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Couple go in a car to a field and have sex
Rita sue and Bob to |
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One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest:
Ornithological aficionados are left highly disappointed and a dude gets lobotomised. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stoner wants his rug back..
The Big Lebowski. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Batman
A billionaire is hard done by and takes it out on bad people. |
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To Kill a Mockingbird: No mockingbirds killed, just Tom. |
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Non Stop: Liam Neeson gets on a plane. Liam Neeson is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do.
Not to be confused with,
The Commuter:
Liam Neeson gets on a train. Liam Neeson is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do…. |
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One man wages war against 500/5000/50000 people and wins
Rambo/Die Hard/Taken/John Wick etc
K |
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Evil wizard tries to destroy the universe. Gets killed by a diabetic. |
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Dracula: A randy old Transylvanian vampire decides to sample the lascivious joys of English ladies so decides to emigrate to the UK (sans a valid Health Passport so instead opts to stowaway on a ship) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 dogs eat spaghetti. Fall in love. The end.
.
Green trumpet eared guy saves sleeping princess. Princess turns green. They fall in love. The end.
.
7 magnificent guys save town. The end.
.
Lots of snakes hitchhike a plane. Whoopdy do. The end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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P.S I love you
Husband die, she grieves, she meets someone else  |
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For A Few Dollars More:
Clint Eastwood’s pay-check is bigger than the one he received in the previous film. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ship sinks
Titanic"
Now you've ruined the ending for those that haven't seen it! |
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Disney’s, Inside Out:
They kill off Bing Bong! Mutherfuckers!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bitch goes on a ship, meets the love of her life. Leaves love of life to die in sea.
The end."
Bitch looked reeeeal good tho  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kid goes to school before he was born, kisses mum, plays guitar, reunites family. |
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Lady has clitoris in her throat.
The end. |
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By *yron69Man
over a year ago
Fareham |
A general ignores signs of a heavily armed SS panzer division and lets his men drop into the middle of it. They get mauled.
A Bridge too Far |
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By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
Citizen Kane.
It's his sled. |
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Shark kills people, gets killed.
The end |
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Invasion Of The Body Snatchers: Nature apparently wages a decisive eco-fight back in the form of prize winning marrows which replicate humans… |
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War Of The Worlds: They invade, they catch colds, they die off.
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By *yron69Man
over a year ago
Fareham |
A guy with attitude and a dimple drowns his boss in soup then goes on a rampage.
Spartacus |
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By *yron69Man
over a year ago
Fareham |
Star Wars
Asthmatic being dressed in black tries to boss his way about a star system somewhere years back. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Fast and Furious
Dudes and Dudesses get cars, crash them, then repeat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Four women over complicate everything.
Sex and the city. |
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By *yron69Man
over a year ago
Fareham |
Men in monkey suits pretend they’re clever apes
Planet of the Apes etc etc |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Harry Potter. Boy's mum was someone's crush. Boy goes to school. finds out about it, then fights him and wins. No wonder he was scarred. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man in make up angers a man dressed as a bat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man captures big monkey.
Big monkey escapes.
Man kills big monkey.
The end. |
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Young Frankenstien - Bloke continues his grandfathers work and gets laid at the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bunch of dues in black suits commit a robbery.
Things get a little messed up.
They all die.
The end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Luke gets a babies arm for his sister
They blow shit up
Medals big up the chest |
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By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
Beware undead Goths.
The Crow. |
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The Hunt For Red October: ……they find it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
The Italian Job.
Big gangsters, big robbery In 3 little cars, big traffic jam, big panic, big trouble with Big William's driving, big drop. Little hope. |
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Wonder Woman: There’s this stunning beauty see and she wears this incredibly sexy outfit and has an amazingly sexy accent and….. *faps!* |
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Bloke with stubble wearing old blanket shoots bad guys.
Any spagetti western starring Clint Eastwood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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9 Songs:
A couple has lots of sex and goes to lots of gigs.
The end. |
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A short arse actor, still working today, gets to pretend to fly awesome airplanes |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Bloke with stubble wearing old blanket shoots bad guys.
Any spagetti western starring Clint Eastwood."
Pale Rider! |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Snakes on a plane.
Ronseal: it does what it says on the tin! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ugly bastard with a mad looking head.
The Elephant Man. |
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Hot mostly naked man abducts a girl; has sexy time with her a lot; they fall in love |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
Pretty woman
Hooker steals old guys money
The end |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wonder Woman: There’s this stunning beauty see and she wears this incredibly sexy outfit and has an amazingly sexy accent and….. *faps!*"
Also Catwoman!  |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
The incredible hulk
Guy turns into a huge pink flump
The end . |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Lass meets a fella on holiday
She develops a sense of style and a love of funfairs
The End |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Lass meets a fella on holiday
She develops a sense of style and a love of funfairs
The End"
Shirley valentine?? |
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"Lass meets a fella on holiday
She develops a sense of style and a love of funfairs
The End"
Grease? |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
Guy eats people the end
Dracula |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Lass meets a fella on holiday
She develops a sense of style and a love of funfairs
The End
Grease?"
I knew that
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"Lass meets a fella on holiday
She develops a sense of style and a love of funfairs
The End
Grease?
I knew that
"
. It might not be! |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Lass meets a fella on holiday
She develops a sense of style and a love of funfairs
The End
Grease?"
Yep |
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"Aliens invade . They lose .
Independence Day
or mars attacks"
War of the worlds?  |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
Guy goes to eypty only to see a corpse wrapped in bandages? |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
A flying man
Big bulge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two brothers grow up unaware of one other . One becomes a policeman. The other becomes a crook only for their paths to cross in later life. They fight. They reconcile. They cry. The end.
That’s about 50% of all Bollywood films right there !!!!!! |
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Deceased couple regret hiring ghost to scare family.
Beetlejuice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lego movie:
Movie made using Lego figures proves everything is awesome. |
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By *yron69Man
over a year ago
Fareham |
A carpenter strays from his workshop and ends up nailed to woodwork Roman style.
Any film about Jesus |
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Big shark kills people.
People kill big shark.
The end. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Arizona Dream. 5 disparate souls meet up in a used car showroom and head off to Arizona to try to live out their fantasy. Chaos ensues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Woman uses spunk to style her hair.
There's something about Mary  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Big guy loses a ring , wee guys and a grandad need to take it back . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The Human Centipede: A demented geezer surgically attaches together a group of people and…..no, that really is all it is."
If you watch the human centipede backwards, it's a heartwarming tale of wonderful surgeon that cures 3 severely disfigured young people. |
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They go into space
Spaceship breaks down
They get home safely.
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"They go into space
Spaceship breaks down
They get home safely.
"
Et |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Baby 1 is born and dies. 2nd babies replaces him and gets to kill others around him. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Woman meets a man whose loaded with money gets treated like a princess and fucked like a queen
Fifty shades of grey |
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Radicalised nerf herder blows up moon in act of terrorism.
LvM |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Radicalised nerf herder blows up moon in act of terrorism.
LvM"
Pretty woman |
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"Radicalised nerf herder blows up moon in act of terrorism.
LvM"
Scruffy nerfherder & "who's scruffy lookin'" - some of my fave lines
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Lord of the rings
Two small dudes go for a long walk |
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"Radicalised nerf herder blows up moon in act of terrorism.
LvM
Scruffy nerfherder & "who's scruffy lookin'" - some of my fave lines
"
Not a fan of "aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
LvM |
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"Radicalised nerf herder blows up moon in act of terrorism.
LvM
Scruffy nerfherder & "who's scruffy lookin'" - some of my fave lines
Not a fan of "aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
LvM"
Okay, okay, I fucking the original trilogy. I had the 25th anniversary gold box set on VHS and pretty much wore them out...
"Your powers are weak, old man " |
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Grown man has a best mate of a stuffed bear |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Grown man has a best mate of a stuffed bear"
Ted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 09/12/21 23:33:44] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know the bad guy is actually good.
You know the good guy is actually bad.
But what you don’t know is the really bad guy is actually really good.
The departed |
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Parents leave kid alone, kid beats burglars. Job done!! |
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"Parents leave kid alone, kid beats burglars. Job done!!"
Home Alone (the first one) |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
Two sisters go insane in huge house one dresses like a doll |
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"The Human Centipede: A demented geezer surgically attaches together a group of people and…..no, that really is all it is.
If you watch the human centipede backwards, it's a heartwarming tale of wonderful surgeon that cures 3 severely disfigured young people."
Arse to mouth on steroids. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Alien meets some kids and has a bike ride |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Cut throat barber keeps cutting throats. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kid tells Joe Pesci to go fuck himself
Joe Pesci shoots kid dead |
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"Parents leave kid alone, kid beats burglars. Job done!!
Home Alone (the first one) "
au, but is it, as they're all the same. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Kid tells Joe Pesci to go fuck himself
Joe Pesci shoots kid dead"
Silence of the lambs |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
It rubs the lotion on its skin
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It rubs the lotion on its skin
"
It puts the lotion in the basket |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It rubs the lotion on its skin
It puts the lotion in the basket "
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Sleep is fatal to these kids, thanks to a bloke with a helluva manicure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tom Cruise knocks around a few balls with a stick for money and manages to piss off Paul Newman at the same time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guy and his annoying mate use planes trains and cars to get home for a special dinner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lad sticks cock in a dessert |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cute as hell creature gets wet, hell ensues on small town.
-Gremlins. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Lad sticks cock in a dessert"
Rex's holes rises again?? |
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"Parents leave kid alone, kid beats burglars. Job done!!
Home Alone (the first one) au, but is it, as they're all the same. "
In the second one, he isn't left home alone. He gets separated in the airport while fiddling with a Talkboy and gets on a different plane Yes, I AM a saddo |
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"Lad sticks cock in a dessert"
American Pie |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guy and his annoying mate use planes trains and cars to get home for a special dinner "
‘Where is your other hand’
‘Between 2 pillows’
‘Those aren’t pillows’
What a film !!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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4 work colleagues take hallucinogens then terrorise New York with laser guns |
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Man has a lump of wood put between his feet. Then gets a wheelchair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 American lads hitchhike in yorkshire. One becomes a zombie, the other a wolf & ends up dying down south.
-American werewolf in london |
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"Man has a lump of wood put between his feet. Then gets a wheelchair. "
Is it a biography of me?!?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guy and his annoying mate use planes trains and cars to get home for a special dinner
‘Where is your other hand’
‘Between 2 pillows’
‘Those aren’t pillows’
What a film !!!!"
it’s a good one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two hormonal women steal a car and drive off a cliff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cyborg comes back from the future to save mankind. Succeeds. Dies. |
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