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Things That Make Your Heart Drop
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Your parcel will be delivered by Hermes"  "
Add to that the update on Hermes that they tried to deliver and you weren’t in.
Except you were and no one knocked  |
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Hermes is great in this area, extremely efficient.
"You are number 47 in the queue, estimated wait time three hours twenty seven minutes"
Tinkle, tinkle, plink, plonk of tinny musak.
"Your call is important to us" |
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Your delicate unique ming dynasty terracotta warrior will be delivered by Barry from Yodel sometime…. If you’re not in we will leave it in your safe place or perched on the Brown wheelie bin - the one with the dodgy wheel & lid cos he can’t be arsed opening a gate. Ps we have included a free pamphlet on Jigsaws for Beginners !!! |
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"Your delicate unique ming dynasty terracotta warrior will be delivered by Barry from Yodel sometime…. If you’re not in we will leave it in your safe place or perched on the Brown wheelie bin - the one with the dodgy wheel & lid cos he can’t be arsed opening a gate. Ps we have included a free pamphlet on Jigsaws for Beginners !!! "
Barry was unable to leave on the bin so drop kicked it into your safe place and marked it fragile!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Seeing the red lines of stationary traffic along my route when using my gps maps."
That's a good shout. Along with the expected arrival time slowly creeping up  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""Your parcel will be delivered by Hermes"
Add to that the update on Hermes that they tried to deliver and you weren’t in.
Except you were and no one knocked "
Luckily it arrived. They took a picture of it half way through the letterbox but I was still surprised when I actually saw it on the floor  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I can’t find my phone anywhere and think someone robbed it or I lost it and then realise it’s somewhere in my back pocket.
Also when it falls from your hands |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When a sex toy is being delivered when you're off and should be arriving in subtle packaging....then turns up when you're at work with the brand name all over it and you come home to a quiz from your other half about the contents! I only ever made that mistake once |
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Finding out a single person is far from single.
When it hits you that people's values differ greatly from your own, and actually trust is deemed worthless
When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain |
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain "
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it. |
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it."
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it.
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
"
Perhaps you need more resilient knickers? |
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By *P994Man
over a year ago
Travelling |
“The items you’ve ordered aren’t in stock (even though they were bloody there and the right size was available!) we can offer you xyz that you don’t want or you can wait ten days and get refunded” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a sex toy is being delivered when you're off and should be arriving in subtle packaging....then turns up when you're at work with the brand name all over it and you come home to a quiz from your other half about the contents! I only ever made that mistake once "
Why wouldn't your other half be involved? |
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it.
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
Perhaps you need more resilient knickers?"
Tarpaulin? |
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"When you feel a massive sneeze coming on and then……absolutely nothing! It leaves one feeling utterly crestfallen  "
Especially when you’ve done the weird “I’m gonna sneeze face” and then nothing…..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it.
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
Perhaps you need more resilient knickers?
Tarpaulin?"
Kevlar maybe?..... |
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it.
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
Perhaps you need more resilient knickers?
Tarpaulin?
Kevlar maybe?....."
Maybe women being commando is what creates potholes in the road |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it.
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
Perhaps you need more resilient knickers?
Tarpaulin?
Kevlar maybe?.....
Maybe women being commando is what creates potholes in the road "
Clunge craters? ....could be a thing.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I have a nap on a Wednesday afternoon, wake up and realise my daughter isn’t home from school. Takes me a minute to remember she gets picked up by her dad on a Wednesday. I do this every week! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a sex toy is being delivered when you're off and should be arriving in subtle packaging....then turns up when you're at work with the brand name all over it and you come home to a quiz from your other half about the contents! I only ever made that mistake once
Why wouldn't your other half be involved?"
Sometimes they don't appreciate the more spicy things in life as you do  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Amazon parcel delivered to resident.. no parcel here. Another bloody thief knicked it from my doorstep.. just makes me feel uneasy.. And thanks to the idiot driver who left it there. Not even trying to hide it behind bins...  |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
My local Hermes courier has just left having taken time out to join me in Coffee and Cake, she has been delivering to me for the past 9 years.
In the 9 or so years that I have been using Hermes I have sent in excess of 5000 parcels, 16 breakages and 11 losses, I can live with that. |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
"As a Postie for Royal Mail I love hearing these stories about Hermes…….
P"
"Pwaaaaaa!" Dressed like that? "Huba-Hubba!"
You can put your enevelopes in my letterbox any day of the week.
Don't be scared to knock on my door... As we all know that the postman/woman/person/deliver-er (ah getting stuck in symantics - arghhhhhhh), always knocks twice!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you feel a massive sneeze coming on and then……absolutely nothing! It leaves one feeling utterly crestfallen "
It's gutting.
I tend to yawn instead and wonder why |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Getting to the end of the Nutella jar, and not having an implement that’s shaped to get the last delicious morsels out of it. I’m sure the bastards design the jars deliberately to mind fuck you over those last yummy bits. It’s like they’re mocking me when I can’t reach them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
...When your best knickers get an acid coochie stain
I hate that. I have a lot of black and navy sets where the knickers over time develop a light patch and aside from dying them there's nothing to be done about it.
I'm like, "what the fuck am I producing to take the dye out?!!"
Perhaps you need more resilient knickers?
Tarpaulin?
Kevlar maybe?....."
Pant liners |
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