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Text book horror film no no’s
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You are trapped in a horror film, what are the things you must never do in order to survive?
Never wander off for the group, then be really loud calling out to everyone when a beast is stalking you…. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You are trapped in a horror film, what are the things you must never do in order to survive?
Never wander off for the group, then be really loud calling out to everyone when a beast is stalking you…."
Off from* |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don’t have sex…..sexual liaisons equates to a certain grisly end in all eighties slasher films  "
It’s kind of a catch 22 because I’m other eighties slashers it was also bad to be the virgin.
A horror victim just can’t win on films |
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"Don’t have sex…..sexual liaisons equates to a certain grisly end in all eighties slasher films
It’s kind of a catch 22 because I’m other eighties slashers it was also bad to be the virgin.
A horror victim just can’t win on films "
 Damned both ways. Also, never ever take any illicit substances; Any who do are as good as dead (the killers in eighties horror flicks were all moral arbiters apparently)  |
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If you open a door the first time, a random cat will invariably jump out at you. That’s fine.
Just don’t ever open the same door again though as the first instance was the staple false jump scare; The second time will always be the real deal and reveal the killer….probably brandishing the token machete/chainsaw/meat cleaver etc  |
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If one of your group suddenly goes hysterical and starts screaming that you’re all going to die, quickly distance yourselves from them and on no account try to reassure or console them as anyone trying to do so is more often than not the next victim |
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It is absolutely customary for someone in your group to twist their ankle whilst fleeing the killer.
Top tip: For Christ’s sake! - Leave them to their self induced clumsy fate! Anyone going back to help will guaranteed be the next victim. |
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It’s all been gloomy news thus far but take heed, for whilst seemingly impervious to bullets/blades/clubs etc - horror film antagonists are nonetheless, notoriously clumsy characters who can be typically tripped over very easily with the simplest of items (marbles, trip wires, a pair of shoes left in their path) giving you time to run
Remember the great Christopher Lee as Dracula as a classic example of this curious phenomenon; He was a bloody walking liability! - tripped over in a grave, got entangled in a Hawthorn bush, fell through the ice on a frozen river, struck by lightning, fell onto a cross etc etc. The list of his mishaps was endless! |
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Never wear matching underwear. When women are killed in these movies they are always wearing lovely underwear sets, no greying M&S baggy knickers or bras with the underwire poking out.
Wear crappy non-matching underwear and you're safe as houses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never wear matching underwear. When women are killed in these movies they are always wearing lovely underwear sets, no greying M&S baggy knickers or bras with the underwire poking out.
Wear crappy non-matching underwear and you're safe as houses."
Remember how to dial 999 |
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"Never wear matching underwear. When women are killed in these movies they are always wearing lovely underwear sets, no greying M&S baggy knickers or bras with the underwire poking out.
Wear crappy non-matching underwear and you're safe as houses.
Remember how to dial 999"
…..but also remember that the killer will have invariably cut the phone line |
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"Never go down the route with the tense background music. Find the route that's playing a more happy go lucky jingle."
Absolutely Also, if an eighties synth soundtrack swells up it’s an amazing omen so be sure to take full advantage of it; Eighties synth swell ups are instantly empowering and always mean that the hero (no matter how previously battered) is about to make a dramatic and unlikely comeback and kick arse |
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Dont read out loud from the book bound in human skin with a face on it and certainly stay away from that tree I can not describe in the forum.
But if it all goes pear shaped, do go a bit mad, chop your own hand off, attach a chainsaw to the stump, get a sawn off shotgun and become a total comedy one liner badass.
Groovy! |
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By *ogueAngelMan
over a year ago
Near Bath / Bristol |
Don't buy an old school medicine cabinet for above the sink and have the camera angle behind you.
Don't camp in the forest of death and blood.
Castle Dracula looks like hell on toast; you don't need to go there.
The butler did it. If you're not besties with the butler, gtfo.
Make note of the axe collection on the wall and how many axes there are... then question why you're staying somewhere that hosts an axe collection. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dont read out loud from the book bound in human skin with a face on it and certainly stay away from that tree I can not describe in the forum.
But if it all goes pear shaped, do go a bit mad, chop your own hand off, attach a chainsaw to the stump, get a sawn off shotgun and become a total comedy one liner badass.
Groovy!"
If your own hand comes after you, get the hell out of there.  |
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