FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you think the guy should always pay?
Do you think the guy should always pay?
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
Nope. I am more than capable of taking equal responsibility for paying. I’m happy to be treated by a friend as I know it will even out but if I was meeting someone from fab and there was a bill to pay, I’d not feel comfortable not taking my share. And I’d be very clear about that.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope. I am more than capable of taking equal responsibility for paying. I’m happy to be treated by a friend as I know it will even out but if I was meeting someone from fab and there was a bill to pay, I’d not feel comfortable not taking my share. And I’d be very clear about that.
V x "
I respect that |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
On a fab meet there can be expectations of further activity (covert contracts) if one or the other pays.
Better to avoid any conflict and just split or pay your own way, unless you are in some form of relationship/FWB and its been agreed up front. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think initially, whoever does the 'inviting' should pay. Because you've invited the other person for a drink, or whatever. But after that, it becomes a mutual date and therefore costs should be split.
I don't see gender having anything to do with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always pay my share. If I have agreed a social I wouldnt want someone thinking I owed him something because he had bought me a couple of drinks. "
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Well said...it blows away any " sense of entitlement " fears that a person might worry about. |
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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago
from the womb and tryout to get back |
I am still old-fashioned in that way I would never expect a lady to pay just the way I have been dragged up I would hope that wouldn't offend a lady as that would never be my intention  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got no problem paying, that's how I was brought up. Having said that we live in a different world now and some women do take offence. I always offer and you can usually gage by their reaction Wether they're going to take offence or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No! I'm actually embarrassed at myself as the last social I had I let him buy the coffee. I didn't even offer to pay. In my defence though he was so gorgeous it got me all flustered!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think initially, whoever does the 'inviting' should pay. Because you've invited the other person for a drink, or whatever. But after that, it becomes a mutual date and therefore costs should be split.
I don't see gender having anything to do with it."
I like that idea… I’m having it haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No! I'm actually embarrassed at myself as the last social I had I let him buy the coffee. I didn't even offer to pay. In my defence though he was so gorgeous it got me all flustered!! "
Hahaha I think that’s fair |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always offer to pay towards, makes me twitch someone paying for my share, but that's just me independent to a fault  "
I think that’s a good thing I not a fan of being in someone’s debt |
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I’d be more than happy to pay my own way and will always try to but it can get a bit awkward if they insist on paying so as long as I am sure they don’t expect anything in return I would let them pay. I wouldn’t sit there all night taking free drinks though 
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the bloke went to pay then I would offer to go halves but if he said no don’t worry then I’m not going to worry but I always offer, everytime.
I’m not going to feel bad if a social meet buys me a costa tea or a glass of wine.
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
OP - I was also brought up will the philosophy that the man pays, but these days you can be seen as being non-PC to treat a lady this way.
I'll always offer, but she insists then I'll respect that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I enjoy paying for lunch, it's nice to treat someone from time to time
It makes me happy
The trouble with being here as a bloke though is if you do pay for lunch, there's an assumption that you'll want something in return
I can't speak for other men, but in my case, there are no 'conditions', it's simply nice to chat and enjoy food in good company
I never push it on anyone though, I'd hate for anyone to feel awkward with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve always been told growing up to be a gentleman and then I learnt to not be such a one in the bedroom. "
With a guy I am dating, I much prefer do.. my treat this time. Yours next. Then the whole spilling in half. But that’s just me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the bloke went to pay then I would offer to go halves but if he said no don’t worry then I’m not going to worry but I always offer, everytime.
I’m not going to feel bad if a social meet buys me a costa tea or a glass of wine.
"
This, totally right! |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"If the bloke went to pay then I would offer to go halves but if he said no don’t worry then I’m not going to worry but I always offer, everytime.
I’m not going to feel bad if a social meet buys me a costa tea or a glass of wine.
This, totally right! "
Yes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I invite someone to lunch, I isn’t the onus on me to take care of the bill? It’s the way I have always operated, whether on a personal or business aspect.
If someone I had invited insisted on sharing the bill, I’ll opt for a coffee/tea and cake instead. |
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By *ermbiMan
over a year ago
Ballyshannon |
Theres do much about being treated equally; equal pay, jobs etc etc. Time to put it into practice and expect women to pay too. Us men should sit back for a change and expect to let the lady pay. Let's get out of the mindset and turn the tables |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope. I am more than capable of taking equal responsibility for paying. I’m happy to be treated by a friend as I know it will even out but if I was meeting someone from fab and there was a bill to pay, I’d not feel comfortable not taking my share. And I’d be very clear about that.
V x "
Exactly this |
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Anything Fab related I insist we split.
In terms of dating I would only let a man pay for dinner/drinks if I intended to see him again, then I would pay the next time. If I didn’t want to see him again I wouldn’t let him pay. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
No I would never expect a guy I met to pay for everything .I usually pay my share when I meet anyone .I think it's very cheeky for someone to be expected to pay for everything and totally unfair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely not. I always offer to pay, or pay towards.
I prefer to pay for hotels as I feel more comfortable doing that. If he offers to contribute then I say he can buy dinner/snacks/drink lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I would never expect somone to pay for me, would always try to split, it makes me uncomfortable if they refuse to let me split especially if I've decided that there not for me and I don't want to meet with them again. If its someone I see regularly and it's like a ill get this and you get it next time then that's okay, think things should be equal |
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No definitely not. The people I’ve met from here (which a few I’ve made various times) we always take turns in paying for the hotel. I’m quite happy to go halves on anything. I would never expect a man to shoulder the cost |
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The first couple of times I’m happy to pay even if the lady insists but after that I’d hope we being going halves. In the swinging world when I’ve coupled up to attend a party or club we usually always split the costs in terms of tickets/entry, hotel costs etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think initially, whoever does the 'inviting' should pay. Because you've invited the other person for a drink, or whatever. But after that, it becomes a mutual date and therefore costs should be split.
I don't see gender having anything to do with it."
Yeah this is kinnda the same as me.
I had a social with one half of a couple a while back at a coffeshop. I was quite happy to pay for myself and even for her. But she wouldnt let me as she had invited me out. Which i thought was fair enough and nice of her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course not but I'll not fight him about it if he offers.  "
‘Put your money away!’
‘Nooooo, you put your money away, you paid last time!’
‘I did, but that’s only because you brought doughnuts!’
‘What are you like!’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my upbringing, it depends entirely on the circumstance. If asking a woman friend or colleague to lunch then payment should be equal. If I ask a lady "can I take you to dinner", then I would expect to pay. With men from some backgrounds, it's almost a matter of pride to pay and it's a pleasure to use money worked for to host the evening. A lady recognises this and does her part by taking care on her appearance and being a good dinner companion. I know this may sound old-fashioned to some but it works for me |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
There have only ever been a few women who have sat on their hands at the end of a meal if I've ever taken them out.
Despite me saying I'll pay, they have for the most always paid halves. I've found it pretty difficult to pay tbh. If I have, they have paid next time we've eaten - it's just as it has always been. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
A few years ago I went on a lunch date with a young Eastern European lady she was about 10 years younger than me she choose the restaurant and when the bill came it was about £80 which I paid on the second date she again choose the restaurant I thought she would go half’s but again when the bill came again about £80 she sat back like a lady so I paid.I felt that I was been used as to my way of thinking she choose the restaurant and whilst I didn’t expect her to pay the first time I thought she would make a attempt to pay something towards the bill the second time. |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay "
The First Dates shuffle I call it. The guy goes to pay and the woman pretends to reach for her bag, "I'll pay half". It's just a token gesture as she quickly stops reaching for her bag while throwing in a "are you sure, oh thank you" for good measure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it depends firstly on what your plans are. If it’s only ever in your head to be a one off then offer to pay and if she really wants to pay half then split the bill.
Or like I did knowing it was a full weekend I didn’t mind. Firstly we agreed to go halves but when the bill came I asked if I could pay. She agreed but instantly said ok well I’m getting brunch tomorrow, I said yeah no worries and it worked out ok. We also bought a round a piece in the bars. And it was uncomplicated, shes independent and strong woman that can easily pay for her own way. But the gesture is still a nice thought.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always pay on the first date, there’s no expectation, I just think I should. Only exception to that was the one time the Lady asked me out. I often pay the second time as well, but if that happens and the Lady doesn’t pay the 3rd time then I don’t see her again. |
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"I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay
The First Dates shuffle I call it. The guy goes to pay and the woman pretends to reach for her bag, "I'll pay half". It's just a token gesture as she quickly stops reaching for her bag while throwing in a "are you sure, oh thank you" for good measure"
Then interview afterwards he says Yes and immediately her face drops…we could be friends he’s £100 out of pocket and no second date.
 that programme |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay
The First Dates shuffle I call it. The guy goes to pay and the woman pretends to reach for her bag, "I'll pay half". It's just a token gesture as she quickly stops reaching for her bag while throwing in a "are you sure, oh thank you" for good measure
Then interview afterwards he says Yes and immediately her face drops…we could be friends he’s £100 out of pocket and no second date.
that programme"
And then it's back to the drawing board and another £100 to find "love" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sarah Millican asked her audience what was the best thing about being a woman.
One lady shouted out “free dinners”.
Sarah’s response; “they’re not really free, are they love?”
I’d always pay half. I don’t want to have the perceived feeling I owe him.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Protocol is to offer to pay, if she says I’ll pay half, say are you sure and if she says yes, don’t push it, if however she says ‘Naaaaaa, you pay I was blagging!’ laugh, pay for it and get out of there and never look back.
That’s just one of the fundamental basics I’ve just made up. |
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I always offer to split the bill, but if they insist then I'm not going to cause a scene by arguing, especially if it's just a coffee.
If it's someone I would see again then it would definitely be on the understanding that I paid the next time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d always want to pay especially if I’ve invited them for a coffee/drink/meal but I certainly wouldn’t want to make them feel offended if they really insisted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sarah Millican asked her audience what was the best thing about being a woman.
One lady shouted out “free dinners”.
Sarah’s response; “they’re not really free, are they love?”
I’d always pay half. I don’t want to have the perceived feeling I owe him. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It certainly can be a minefield situation without communication first between all parties.
Personally, if I've asked someone to meet for social or a date, my default is to assume I'm paying, as it's me who has asked to meet, but wouldn't be expecting anything in return. I'd be more than happy to go halfs if that is what other person would prefer.
Also, if travelling for meet and hotels involved, that'd be a factor to consider also I think. |
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I was out on a date recently which was a nightmare for reasons I won't go into, but I still paid for both of us, it's just the way I was brought up. I would never expect to get anything from a woman just because I paid the bill. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men still on the whole earn more than women, just saying."
Men on a whole do shitter, harder jobs. Work much longer hours (which is where the gap comes from, not being payed less) and die sooner on average
Just saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If its me asking her out i'll pay. If its her asking me out, then she pays.
If we're in a relationship with eachother, then we split it 50/50 except for on special occasions "
Do Friday nights count as special occasions ? Haha.
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