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Inappropriateness number 1 (Asda man)
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Okay so on the Facebook messenger app if you’re not Facebook friends with a person if they send you a message it doesn’t go to your inbox, it goes to like a spam folder and you get a request alerting you to someone wanting to send you a message.
I don’t normally notice these but I was looking for someone to cut my grass the other day and some people shared my post which led to me checking my spam folder (as people I wasn’t friends with had messaged receiving the grass).
Anyway I notice a message from some guy using my first name but shortened like my good close friends/family would do, it’s an over familiar thing I think to use someone’s name shortened. Anyway he was on about some parcel, I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about. Then saw another message saying god you’re in the shop more than me. Then another one (some of these were like a week apart) this one said god you looked fit earlier when you came in the shop.
Now they put kisses on the message and I’ve twigged who it is now, it’s the fucking skinny security guard that works in my local Asda.
Now I feel this is massively inappropriate, he’s got my name from the other week where I was using the self serve thing to return a parcel and he showed me what to do so that nut be how he got my name cos it was on the parcel details.
This is my local Asda now and I’m in there at least once a day, sometimes alone most of the time with my daughter after school she always wants something weird for tea.
I wanna say something to him now I know who it. Like mate don’t fucking be messaging my social media cos I don’t want it.
What would you lot do, thoughts feelings, is it inappropriate or is it cos of my counselling and I’m starting to get heavy on the boundaries like don’t approach my kind of thing and I don’t want any bull shit. I wanna know if it’s normal reaction or a result of my new senses then from the counselling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Report the behaviour to the ASDA store manager. ASDA Store managers are really good and will deal with queries raised by their customers.
But, if you don’t have any luck you can contact the area manager to report this to them.
That is stalker behaviour. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I would inform the store manager and let them take appropriate action. Don't respond to his messages or let him know you've noticed them.
Shop somewhere else until the issue is dealt with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Report him on the police station asap!!!
I had similar situation a few months ago in my town.
You never know what is on that psycho's mind!
Better be careful than sorry, especially if you have a child my dear.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
"
Definitely do right in blocking, you could try talking to him first, as you're right, no-one wants people to be out of work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
"
I think that's the best action to take. Warn him off, but if he carries on then take it further.  |
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"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
Definitely do right in blocking, you could try talking to him first, as you're right, no-one wants people to be out of work."
Maybe people need to be accountable for their actions?
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The question is how far has he tried to take this with other people, you may not be the first and probably won’t be the last
You really need to speak to the store, maybe explain that you don’t want him sacked but just given a warning, you can shrug it off someone else might not be so lucky |
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I would go further and report him to the police. The store manager can only do so much and a slapped wrist or the sack doesn’t mean he has any obligation to stop. Contact from the police would have more of an impact and gets it on record and gives you much more power if he chooses to continue.
It’s totally inappropriate/threatening behaviour and should be dealt with as such. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're going to report him you'd better be 100% certain it is him.
Whoever it is has massively overstepped boundaries. "
Yeah it’s from his Facebook so shows his name and a picture of him, when I looked at the picture first I couldn’t place him but with the parcel comment and then the saying about going to the shop (that one came through within half hour of me being there) I recognised him then. |
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"Okay so on the Facebook messenger app if you’re not Facebook friends with a person if they send you a message it doesn’t go to your inbox, it goes to like a spam folder and you get a request alerting you to someone wanting to send you a message.
I don’t normally notice these but I was looking for someone to cut my grass the other day and some people shared my post which led to me checking my spam folder (as people I wasn’t friends with had messaged receiving the grass).
Anyway I notice a message from some guy using my first name but shortened like my good close friends/family would do, it’s an over familiar thing I think to use someone’s name shortened. Anyway he was on about some parcel, I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about. Then saw another message saying god you’re in the shop more than me. Then another one (some of these were like a week apart) this one said god you looked fit earlier when you came in the shop.
Now they put kisses on the message and I’ve twigged who it is now, it’s the fucking skinny security guard that works in my local Asda.
Now I feel this is massively inappropriate, he’s got my name from the other week where I was using the self serve thing to return a parcel and he showed me what to do so that nut be how he got my name cos it was on the parcel details.
This is my local Asda now and I’m in there at least once a day, sometimes alone most of the time with my daughter after school she always wants something weird for tea.
I wanna say something to him now I know who it. Like mate don’t fucking be messaging my social media cos I don’t want it.
What would you lot do, thoughts feelings, is it inappropriate or is it cos of my counselling and I’m starting to get heavy on the boundaries like don’t approach my kind of thing and I don’t want any bull shit. I wanna know if it’s normal reaction or a result of my new senses then from the counselling. "
jesus OP he soulds like the character in, One hour Photo movie,,
Leg it, and fast, |
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"The question is how far has he tried to take this with other people, you may not be the first and probably won’t be the last
You really need to speak to the store, maybe explain that you don’t want him sacked but just given a warning, you can shrug it off someone else might not be so lucky "
This
I get you wanting to be fair on the guy but it’s inappropriate behaviour and if he has done it to you who else is he doing it to and to what degree?
Report, let ASDA make the decision on what to do |
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I'd report it to Asda.
You might not be the only person he's been hassling like this and where could this behaviour lead?
He needs to know this is a breach of confidentiality and a massive abuse of his role.
It's unlikely Asda will sack him if you haven't got solid proof, but they will have a good idea who it is and likely have a word with all their staff reminding them of how they should be behaving, whilst keeping a close eye on him. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
"
It's admirable you're showing some concern for him in spite of completely inappropriate behaviour. The concern is misplaced though. A number of professional red lines were crossed and he should've known better before doing so.
Actions have consequences. |
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"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
"
I understand the sympathetic view about him potentially losing his job, but you dont know his intentions, or whether he has used that tactic before, or whether he will use it again on somebody else. even more extreme is that he purposely applied for the job because of the potential it gave him as a predator.
It may be innocent through just taking a fancy to you and trying his luck, but it may (and could) be a lot worse.
Will you feel comfortable walking past him every day even he stops? How would you feel if you learn he does it to somebody else and they came to harm as a result.
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"I'd report it to Asda.
You might not be the only person he's been hassling like this and where could this behaviour lead?
He needs to know this is a breach of confidentiality and a massive abuse of his role.
It's unlikely Asda will sack him if you haven't got solid proof, but they will have a good idea who it is and likely have a word with all their staff reminding them of how they should be behaving, whilst keeping a close eye on him. "
Just read you have got proof, so they might do more, but if you say you don't want that to happen they probably won't.
He does need to learn about consequence of actions though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is absolutely inappropriate and disgusting behaviour. I would be more concerned how he found your Facebook, has he looked at any transactions etc.
I would report him to Asda, or even let the police know in case they start getting to familiar and pushing things too far.
First port of call though would be to block him, don’t let him contact you any more. |
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"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
"
The only way to stop it is to report it. |
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"The question is how far has he tried to take this with other people, you may not be the first and probably won’t be the last
You really need to speak to the store, maybe explain that you don’t want him sacked but just given a warning, you can shrug it off someone else might not be so lucky
This
I get you wanting to be fair on the guy but it’s inappropriate behaviour and if he has done it to you who else is he doing it to and to what degree?
Report, let ASDA make the decision on what to do "
It's really not on.
Not exactly the same situation, but when I use to go on cam in the chatrooms just talking and playing music, I'd get guys asking me if I was in (insert location) on (insert time and date), wearing (clothes description). It was a frequent occurrence and that would freak me out when sometimes it felt like they were close to sussing me out. Or guys sending me screenshots of my dating profiles... it's not on. Owww so you found out more about me or think you have me figured out. What do you want? A medal?
He may be harmless... or not. But I wouldn't take a chance especially if you have a kid.
A report to the police could also help give you advice on what actions you can take. |
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Mention to someone at the store in informal chat it could be the case of the chap having some issues mental or not.
What he has done is unacceptable but instead of as some say report and basically get him sacked see if company can have chat with him as maybe enough.
Just my view that go in softly then if no luck then go for jugular. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
If he is doing it to you he has likely done it to others previously and will likely do it to others again.
You can stop the behaviour before it escalates by reporting it to either the store manager or the police.
Or you can choose to do nothing about it and sweep it under the carpet like the people he has probably done it to before likely have. |
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It's nice to not want someone to lose his job, but the guy is abusing his position and it probably isn't the first or last time he's done something like this (or worse).
It's obviously up to every individual how they respond to harassment, but I don't think his job needs to be a point of consideration. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"If he’s security, he’s likely to work for a company other than Asda. I’m not sure the store manager would have much clout in that situation other than to request he be posted somewhere else."
The behaviour would then be passed on to the security company, which would (should!) then be dealt with in the same manner as if the guard was a direct Asda employee or not. The store manager is the best person to go to in this case.
Police may be a bit extreme, but lots of potential what if scenarios. |
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I would presume this is a breach of data protection by Asda for one thing
Explains why your data is protected
Definitely report
If your certain it’s this person then police are the right people as Asda my brush it under the carpet to protect their errors |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The whole getting my name from when he showed me how to do the parcel return thing is I suppose a breach of data protection. Like if he’s in a position where he can see customers personal details, names, addresses etc he shouldn’t then use them for his own personal gain.
I kind of had something like this before when I was stalked by a police officer. He stole my details from the police database and when I had an incident where my car ran out of petrol and him and another officer helped me he was texting me for weeks after, wouldn’t disclose who he was, was threatening to kid-nap and r@pe me, knew where I lived and where I worked and would park outside my house and follow me whenever I was driving. I reported him, wasn’t believed for 8 months whilst they investigated but then he was sacked. He had 3.5 years for gross misconduct in a public office so I know when shit should be reported, reluctant to go to the police though because of my past experience. Would rather deal with it myself. I think a word and the invention of a fictional boyfriend not being happy would be enough to deter. I’ll also say that he shouldn’t contact anyone he meets through work unless he has their permission to do so. |
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By *elethWoman
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
What everyone else said, plus make sure you have evidence of what he's done. Screenshots of every message, his profile, and anything else that proves it's him, and the extent of his behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just seen that he’s got your details from your parcel. It’s difficult to remember full details at a glance, my worry would be him looking at the parcel afterwards, did it have your home address on.
Do you have any male mates that are quite stocky or look intimidating, if you are worried about his job then maybe a quick visit from your mates, don’t do anything that would get them in trouble but warm him not to message customers inappropriately might be enough to warn him off, I did it for my sister once, got my mates and found him after work, didn’t lay a finger on him but made it clear for him to stop, worked a treat.
Your only issue is if you have to go to police if it gets worse. As he will have something on you, but you can always deny it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just seen that he’s got your details from your parcel. It’s difficult to remember full details at a glance, my worry would be him looking at the parcel afterwards, did it have your home address on.
Do you have any male mates that are quite stocky or look intimidating, if you are worried about his job then maybe a quick visit from your mates, don’t do anything that would get them in trouble but warm him not to message customers inappropriately might be enough to warn him off, I did it for my sister once, got my mates and found him after work, didn’t lay a finger on him but made it clear for him to stop, worked a treat.
Your only issue is if you have to go to police if it gets worse. As he will have something on you, but you can always deny it."
The self serve parcel thing went into like this metal bin, like a clothes bin where you pull the drawer down and then the parcel goes inside when you close it.
Oh yeah I have a lot of dodgy people, my best friend is a traveller so have an abundance of gypsy men that I could call for assistance but that’s extreme measures, wouldn’t ask them because I’d have no control on what they did but I know I wouldn’t see him working again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The self serve parcel thing went into like this metal bin, like a clothes bin where you pull the drawer down and then the parcel goes inside when you close it.
Oh yeah I have a lot of dodgy people, my best friend is a traveller so have an abundance of gypsy men that I could call for assistance but that’s extreme measures, wouldn’t ask them because I’d have no control on what they did but I know I wouldn’t see him working again "
Ah yeah you dont want to go that far yet, you really just want to warn him off. Think then best thing is block him, and if he doesn’t get the message, report to Asda, then your mates as a last resort.
What a horrible cretin, if he approaches you in Asda I wouldn’t let him have a say just be dead Curt and tell him to fuck off, hard when your daughter is near, but he won’t want the drama if anyone is nearby. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he’s security, he’s likely to work for a company other than Asda. I’m not sure the store manager would have much clout in that situation other than to request he be posted somewhere else."
ASDA security are in-house don't hold a Sia license |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Report the behaviour to the ASDA store manager. ASDA Store managers are really good and will deal with queries raised by their customers.
But, if you don’t have any luck you can contact the area manager to report this to them.
That is stalker behaviour."
^this.
He has crossed a line |
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Maybe just a polite “not interested please don’t message me” before you take away the guts ability to earn a living.
Maybe I’m too soft but I think this verges on harmless awkward creepy, not “take away his job” creepy |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Maybe just a polite “not interested please don’t message me” before you take away the guts ability to earn a living.
Maybe I’m too soft but I think this verges on harmless awkward creepy, not “take away his job” creepy "
It is always going to be a tricky one, if you overreact and it was nothing that a quick word would fix then the guy could lose everything, total life ruined. (though he should have thought of that first)
But what if. What if she says nothing and he does some real shady or even dangerous stuff to her or another person. When all it could have been avoided by just reporting it.
Hence the asking for advice I guess. Its certainly not a simple do this or do that - though ignoring it is the one thing not to do. |
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"Maybe just a polite “not interested please don’t message me” before you take away the guts ability to earn a living.
Maybe I’m too soft but I think this verges on harmless awkward creepy, not “take away his job” creepy "
Maybe he should take his job seriously. Its inappropriate and you have no idea who else hes doing it to. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
It’s a massive overstepping of boundaries.
Personally I’d report them as you’re most likely not the first person that he’s done this to and won’t be the last if you ignore his behaviour.
I will also say congratulations on recognising and acting on your boundaries |
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"Maybe just a polite “not interested please don’t message me” before you take away the guts ability to earn a living.
Maybe I’m too soft but I think this verges on harmless awkward creepy, not “take away his job” creepy
Maybe he should take his job seriously. Its inappropriate and you have no idea who else hes doing it to. "
I dunno I just picture and awkward guy really wanting to talk to a girl he thinks is pretty and he doesn’t know how.
I picture him maybe being a little more confident and striking up and convo with her and things could hand gone really well.
I just think it’s crazy that we are at a point where we want to take away someone’s ability to provide for themselves over it |
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OP, please be careful.
There will be some form of breach of store policy here because he's used your details in a business context to approach you personally and that isn't ok!
Think you'll have to report him to Asda and he'll have to deal with the consequences.
The other course of action is to speak to him/message him and explain that his contact is unwanted and not to message you ever again.
Or report him to the police and have it recorded as harassment (because it's harassment not stalking)
Stay safe |
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Report him to ASDA HR and store manager without hesitation. Include the messages as proof save them!!! If he ever comes near you again then immediately seek a restraining order through your local police without delay.
This is not normal behaviour!!! This is stalking and can be the precursor to more dangerous behaviour. This was a deliberate act that shows planning and deviance, multiple messages show a persistent pattern of behaviour.
This is an early alarm bell but there is a strong chance that this could escalate and you have not only yourself, but your daughters safety to think of! Please act! |
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"Report to Asda straight away as he has Beijing several GDPR laws already. Could be doing this to lots of people not just yourself. Could include fraud and many other illegal things. "
not sure where Beijing came from??? Broken
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Some people are blowing this out of proportion I think. First off, I'd just say to him, don't send me anymore messages.
If he does send more messages, fair dos, report him.
I get random local people pop up on mine, he could have just recognised you from that and not actually tracked you down. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Maybe just a polite “not interested please don’t message me” before you take away the guts ability to earn a living.
Maybe I’m too soft but I think this verges on harmless awkward creepy, not “take away his job” creepy
Maybe he should take his job seriously. Its inappropriate and you have no idea who else hes doing it to.
I dunno I just picture and awkward guy really wanting to talk to a girl he thinks is pretty and he doesn’t know how.
I picture him maybe being a little more confident and striking up and convo with her and things could hand gone really well.
I just think it’s crazy that we are at a point where we want to take away someone’s ability to provide for themselves over it "
If they’re that serious about providing, then they’d know that sending customers messages using information gained via a home delivery screen is a massive invasion of privacy.
However you cut it, it’s creepy and wrong. The guy shouldn’t be working there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Giving the benefit of the doubt, Couldn't it be he came across your profile on fb and recognised your pic rather than breaching and data info? Maybe just fancied you and trying his luck? Obviously I don't know but it's maybe not as sinister as everyone's making it out to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Giving the benefit of the doubt, Couldn't it be he came across your profile on fb and recognised your pic rather than breaching and data info? Maybe just fancied you and trying his luck? Obviously I don't know but it's maybe not as sinister as everyone's making it out to be. "
That’s fine, but constantly sending messages with each message getting progressively and unnecessary sexual.
No, that’s not cool. If you won’t dealt with it on Fab. Then why would you deal with it on FB |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Giving the benefit of the doubt, Couldn't it be he came across your profile on fb and recognised your pic rather than breaching and data info? Maybe just fancied you and trying his luck? Obviously I don't know but it's maybe not as sinister as everyone's making it out to be.
That’s fine, but constantly sending messages with each message getting progressively and unnecessary sexual.
No, that’s not cool. If you won’t dealt with it on Fab. Then why would you deal with it on FB"
Sorry but where? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
"
Woah didn’t see that coming…
Makes me think now |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
OP I think you should speak to the managers at Asda and make them aware of what has happened.It could be that all it takes is a word from his manager of what has happened and the threat / fear he could lose his job is all it takes for him to see the error of his ways.I made a similar mistake a couple of years ago when a young lady who comes into my office told me she saw me on Facebook and to send her a friends request which I did.She then posted some videos on her Facebook page which were a bit suggestive and I made the mistake of sending her a message via messenger she reported me and one of the managers had a quiet word with me I showed the manager the post and video and the messages.We agreed I should unfriend her which I did. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You have asked us for the opinion but please consider you can be one of many he is stalking on FB.
Cut it off asap! Report him at the police station. He is adult and no one knows what is in his mind.
Its not a movie. Another woman can be in a big trouble.
These kind of creatures do not deserve a mercy. They can do a lot of harm. I know what Ive experienced.
Im hoping you will do what it has yo be done to teach him that for any of his action is a reaction.
These days people think they can do whatever they want to do because are anonymous or feel that having power over you |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I’d just have a word with Store Manager and make it clear you think it’s inappropriate and that the guy needs to be made aware in no uncertain terms it’s not something he should be doing.
I’d tell the store manager that if this guy contacts you or attempts to contact you or so much S breathes in your direction, you’ll go to the police and report the store to Head Office for not acting on a complaint of this nature.
That should get them on alert.
He’ll hopefully have a bollocking and start thinking with his head and not his dick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Absolutely bang out of order. If he clocks your name then as an employee (and probably under GDPR regulations) he should not be exploiting that. That's a dismissal waiting to happen.
Aside from that, it's creepy, inappropriate and downright moronic. If he wanted to talk to you, say hello at the shop not fb stalk you.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
im sorry if some of you (and there will be) think im being nasty or horrible to the OP.
that isnt the case. im concerned for her at what i can see and read.
all i was doing was highlighting to you, the forum users that something isnt right here.
the only way i can describe it to you is that of a worker constantly complaining to the boss about little things or problems they are inventing for attention. its always this person or that thing.
sooner or later the boss will turn around and say' its always you complaining, you are the common denominator here'.
if you hate me fine. but please go and look at the thread link i posted and then make your own mind up. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Only you can judge how creepy and if he’s possible danger to you or others, it’s a tough call you either tell him he’s out of order or formally complain and expect proper action from them. You don’t want his losing his job in your conscience but if he is creepy and he targets others do you want that on your conscience? Personally I’d tell him and warn him , maybe he misread signals and it’s just harmless chancing |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
At the end of the day, if he has done this in the past then someone (Store Manager) should be aware and act accordingly.
If he’s new to the job, is young and a bit of a Jack the lad who just needs a rollicking, then they should act. If he’s got a history of this then they can sack him.
But nobody can take action if they don’t know about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
"
Right that situation is completely different to this. The Italian guy was someone I was having an intimate relationship with who was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting me. My therapist knows every single detail about that and how I reacted, although was slightly exaggerated and not the best way to react, his behaviour did trigger me. Examples being him sleeping with me outside of work yet telling me not to approach him in work. Telling me I was being crazy for thinking he was interested in a certain girl at work yet finding out (by her showing me the messages) that he had been messaging her (romantically pursuing her) the whole time, so I wasn’t ‘being crazy’ I felt something was off. Anything to do with how I behaved with someone o was romantically involved with and who was known to me is completely different to this situation.
This is a man, a stranger, who was not known to me previously, no mutual friends, not local, who’s first message was to say about the parcel so my name must have been obtained from that encounter, who has taken it upon himself to privately message me via my social media and make comments about my appearance when I’ve just left the store.
Like why do I need to know that someone was looking at me, why do I need to know that he thought I looked fit just now (that’s what he said) plus I was with my daughter then so yes I think it’s inappropriate.
You come across like you’re victim blaming, far too heavily invested in the shit I say and your concern is neither welcomed nor noted. I’m under the guidance of a professional to help with my mental health.
You come across like you’re bent out of shape now cos I ignored your offer of privately messaging you for advice on my other thread. That’s how it seems to me. |
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By *elethWoman
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
"didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
Right that situation is completely different to this. The Italian guy was someone I was having an intimate relationship with who was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting me. My therapist knows every single detail about that and how I reacted, although was slightly exaggerated and not the best way to react, his behaviour did trigger me. Examples being him sleeping with me outside of work yet telling me not to approach him in work. Telling me I was being crazy for thinking he was interested in a certain girl at work yet finding out (by her showing me the messages) that he had been messaging her (romantically pursuing her) the whole time, so I wasn’t ‘being crazy’ I felt something was off. Anything to do with how I behaved with someone o was romantically involved with and who was known to me is completely different to this situation.
This is a man, a stranger, who was not known to me previously, no mutual friends, not local, who’s first message was to say about the parcel so my name must have been obtained from that encounter, who has taken it upon himself to privately message me via my social media and make comments about my appearance when I’ve just left the store.
Like why do I need to know that someone was looking at me, why do I need to know that he thought I looked fit just now (that’s what he said) plus I was with my daughter then so yes I think it’s inappropriate.
You come across like you’re victim blaming, far too heavily invested in the shit I say and your concern is neither welcomed nor noted. I’m under the guidance of a professional to help with my mental health.
You come across like you’re bent out of shape now cos I ignored your offer of privately messaging you for advice on my other thread. That’s how it seems to me. "
Beautifully put, Annie. Much love  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"im sorry if some of you (and there will be) think im being nasty or horrible to the OP.
that isnt the case. im concerned for her at what i can see and read.
all i was doing was highlighting to you, the forum users that something isnt right here.
the only way i can describe it to you is that of a worker constantly complaining to the boss about little things or problems they are inventing for attention. its always this person or that thing.
sooner or later the boss will turn around and say' its always you complaining, you are the common denominator here'.
if you hate me fine. but please go and look at the thread link i posted and then make your own mind up."
I’ve known Annie for a long time, I’ve given support and given her criticism where it’s been needed.
Your posts don’t read as being supportive, they read as character assassination and dragging up her old threads is unhelpful, especially as she’s trying to get herself together and is working through therapy
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"im sorry if some of you (and there will be) think im being nasty or horrible to the OP.
that isnt the case. im concerned for her at what i can see and read.
all i was doing was highlighting to you, the forum users that something isnt right here.
the only way i can describe it to you is that of a worker constantly complaining to the boss about little things or problems they are inventing for attention. its always this person or that thing.
sooner or later the boss will turn around and say' its always you complaining, you are the common denominator here'.
if you hate me fine. but please go and look at the thread link i posted and then make your own mind up.
I’ve known Annie for a long time, I’ve given support and given her criticism where it’s been needed.
Your posts don’t read as being supportive, they read as character assassination and dragging up her old threads is unhelpful, especially as she’s trying to get herself together and is working through therapy
"
Also this bit!
"
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
"
I find that insulting towards all men that have ever offered their input or advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
Right that situation is completely different to this. The Italian guy was someone I was having an intimate relationship with who was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting me. My therapist knows every single detail about that and how I reacted, although was slightly exaggerated and not the best way to react, his behaviour did trigger me. Examples being him sleeping with me outside of work yet telling me not to approach him in work. Telling me I was being crazy for thinking he was interested in a certain girl at work yet finding out (by her showing me the messages) that he had been messaging her (romantically pursuing her) the whole time, so I wasn’t ‘being crazy’ I felt something was off. Anything to do with how I behaved with someone o was romantically involved with and who was known to me is completely different to this situation.
This is a man, a stranger, who was not known to me previously, no mutual friends, not local, who’s first message was to say about the parcel so my name must have been obtained from that encounter, who has taken it upon himself to privately message me via my social media and make comments about my appearance when I’ve just left the store.
Like why do I need to know that someone was looking at me, why do I need to know that he thought I looked fit just now (that’s what he said) plus I was with my daughter then so yes I think it’s inappropriate.
You come across like you’re victim blaming, far too heavily invested in the shit I say and your concern is neither welcomed nor noted. I’m under the guidance of a professional to help with my mental health.
You come across like you’re bent out of shape now cos I ignored your offer of privately messaging you for advice on my other thread. That’s how it seems to me. "
I think you put that very well personally.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally report to store and police, he can be done for stalking and harassment, he knows you live local wouldn't take much for him to figure out where especially if it was on the parcel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All security must be registered with the SIA…..speak to them also if you are concerned. He should have done a course on this to qualify anyway "
Asda security is in house and not sia trained |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Obviously he's massively out of line, but what you've said on both your 'inappropriate' threads about boundaries is what worries me. It's good that you're beginning to find your boundaries, it's not over-sensitivity at all. Both men have been sleazy as hell and your alarm bells are ringing. Try not to second guess your instincts and explain your feelings away as being oversensitive. I think it's showing that your therapy is working and is to be welcomed. You're doing good |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Did you see him when you went in today?
"
Yeah was gonna get to that. I went in with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who just happens to be one of the managers there but I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t see him either so must not have been working today.
I think if he looks at his messages to see if they’ve been read he will see that he can no longer message me or view my Facebook profile and he’ll know I’ve blocked him. Hoping that should be enough to dissuade him but still will say something thin when I see him.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Did you see him when you went in today?
Yeah was gonna get to that. I went in with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who just happens to be one of the managers there but I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t see him either so must not have been working today.
I think if he looks at his messages to see if they’ve been read he will see that he can no longer message me or view my Facebook profile and he’ll know I’ve blocked him. Hoping that should be enough to dissuade him but still will say something thin when I see him.
"
Hopefully he will get the message and sod off. The messages should still be there so you have the proof if you need it. |
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"Did you see him when you went in today?
Yeah was gonna get to that. I went in with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who just happens to be one of the managers there but I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t see him either so must not have been working today.
I think if he looks at his messages to see if they’ve been read he will see that he can no longer message me or view my Facebook profile and he’ll know I’ve blocked him. Hoping that should be enough to dissuade him but still will say something thin when I see him.
"
Personally I think it would be worth reporting it, either to Asda management or the police. I would be sure (no matter how attractive you may or may not be) you won't be the only person who he has approached in this way. His behaviour I illegal and there is always the potential that he could ultimately offend or harm someone.
Cal |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
Right that situation is completely different to this. The Italian guy was someone I was having an intimate relationship with who was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting me. My therapist knows every single detail about that and how I reacted, although was slightly exaggerated and not the best way to react, his behaviour did trigger me. Examples being him sleeping with me outside of work yet telling me not to approach him in work. Telling me I was being crazy for thinking he was interested in a certain girl at work yet finding out (by her showing me the messages) that he had been messaging her (romantically pursuing her) the whole time, so I wasn’t ‘being crazy’ I felt something was off. Anything to do with how I behaved with someone o was romantically involved with and who was known to me is completely different to this situation.
This is a man, a stranger, who was not known to me previously, no mutual friends, not local, who’s first message was to say about the parcel so my name must have been obtained from that encounter, who has taken it upon himself to privately message me via my social media and make comments about my appearance when I’ve just left the store.
Like why do I need to know that someone was looking at me, why do I need to know that he thought I looked fit just now (that’s what he said) plus I was with my daughter then so yes I think it’s inappropriate.
You come across like you’re victim blaming, far too heavily invested in the shit I say and your concern is neither welcomed nor noted. I’m under the guidance of a professional to help with my mental health.
You come across like you’re bent out of shape now cos I ignored your offer of privately messaging you for advice on my other thread. That’s how it seems to me. "
I hope you done a hair flick when you'd finished typing that.
No one should feel they have to justify what they post on here but bloody good for you for sticking up for yourself! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Okay so on the Facebook messenger app if you’re not Facebook friends with a person if they send you a message it doesn’t go to your inbox, it goes to like a spam folder and you get a request alerting you to someone wanting to send you a message.
I don’t normally notice these but I was looking for someone to cut my grass the other day and some people shared my post which led to me checking my spam folder (as people I wasn’t friends with had messaged receiving the grass).
Anyway I notice a message from some guy using my first name but shortened like my good close friends/family would do, it’s an over familiar thing I think to use someone’s name shortened. Anyway he was on about some parcel, I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about. Then saw another message saying god you’re in the shop more than me. Then another one (some of these were like a week apart) this one said god you looked fit earlier when you came in the shop.
Now they put kisses on the message and I’ve twigged who it is now, it’s the fucking skinny security guard that works in my local Asda.
Now I feel this is massively inappropriate, he’s got my name from the other week where I was using the self serve thing to return a parcel and he showed me what to do so that nut be how he got my name cos it was on the parcel details.
This is my local Asda now and I’m in there at least once a day, sometimes alone most of the time with my daughter after school she always wants something weird for tea.
I wanna say something to him now I know who it. Like mate don’t fucking be messaging my social media cos I don’t want it.
What would you lot do, thoughts feelings, is it inappropriate or is it cos of my counselling and I’m starting to get heavy on the boundaries like don’t approach my kind of thing and I don’t want any bull shit. I wanna know if it’s normal reaction or a result of my new senses then from the counselling. "
Get the muppet smacked up  not about idiots like that. Same thing happened to my sister, she had a mental breakdown because of it.
Hope you’re alright OP |
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Sorry to hear about the sec guard privately messaging you. That is bang out of order and an overstep of authority and exploitation of private personal information for his own gain. Sounds stalker'ish to me.
Other's more sensible than I have suggested some good advice above.
My advice is reverse psychology. Make him wished he never contacted you and let him reconsider his decision to do so.
Day 1. Stroll in. Sidle up to him. Look nervous. Say, "I'm a little embarrassed, but I feel I can trust you. I need to know what the strongest laxatives you have are ? Thank him for his advice, no matter what he gives.
Day 2 : Stroll in. Ask him what aisle the Kitchen Knives are located ? Thank him for his advice.
Day 3. Stroll in. Ask him if they sell miniature headstones for hamsters ? Odin your little fur baby passed away. If they don't do they do little viking ships, as you were contemplating a proper sea burial. Thank him for his advice.
Day 4. Stroll in. Ask for the aisle where the toenail fungus cream is sold. Thank him for his advice.
Day 5. Stroll in. Ask him if the Pet food is suitable for human consumption as it's really cheap. Do others buys it for themselves to eat ?
I think you can see where I am going with this. Your making him reconsider his decision to have ever "got to know you". To ideal outcome is he backs off, because "reasons".
Then again, my idea is terrible as a true narcissist/stalker would probably enjoy the attention and not see the red flags you are throwing his way.
But I hope it gave you a giggle. Chin up, you'd get through this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"didnt you go after and harass that italian guy with the small penis you went crazy about OP.
you posted about your issues (and how mentally bent out of shape you got, your words btw) and clearly acted creepy.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1163106
and here we are with you on the reverse.
im not for one minute excusing this guys behaviour but you clearly identify with it because you at your own admission did the same thing.
there always seems to be an issue and it appears you are at the centre of it then bring it to the forum ( which your allowed to do) looking for justification to whatever mess your now involved in.
i sincerely hope that you get things right. right for you because all im seeing is someone who is very lonely and possibly isolating herself through her behaviour.
im sorry but i cannot do what all the other guys are doing by sucking up to you and being nice. i can only say it as i see it, and simply put the guys doing that are looking for a sympathy fuck.
Right that situation is completely different to this. The Italian guy was someone I was having an intimate relationship with who was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting me. My therapist knows every single detail about that and how I reacted, although was slightly exaggerated and not the best way to react, his behaviour did trigger me. Examples being him sleeping with me outside of work yet telling me not to approach him in work. Telling me I was being crazy for thinking he was interested in a certain girl at work yet finding out (by her showing me the messages) that he had been messaging her (romantically pursuing her) the whole time, so I wasn’t ‘being crazy’ I felt something was off. Anything to do with how I behaved with someone o was romantically involved with and who was known to me is completely different to this situation.
This is a man, a stranger, who was not known to me previously, no mutual friends, not local, who’s first message was to say about the parcel so my name must have been obtained from that encounter, who has taken it upon himself to privately message me via my social media and make comments about my appearance when I’ve just left the store.
Like why do I need to know that someone was looking at me, why do I need to know that he thought I looked fit just now (that’s what he said) plus I was with my daughter then so yes I think it’s inappropriate.
You come across like you’re victim blaming, far too heavily invested in the shit I say and your concern is neither welcomed nor noted. I’m under the guidance of a professional to help with my mental health.
You come across like you’re bent out of shape now cos I ignored your offer of privately messaging you for advice on my other thread. That’s how it seems to me. "
Well said!
So much victim blaming |
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"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
Definitely do right in blocking, you could try talking to him first, as you're right, no-one wants people to be out of work.
Maybe people need to be accountable for their actions?
"
Absolutely this. Its nice that you worry about him losing his job but maybe he should have cared about that before he started stalking you online. That's what it is essentially. To add to that he's monitoring your activity, noticing how often you come in to the shop. Very creepy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Okay so on the Facebook messenger app if you’re not Facebook friends with a person if they send you a message it doesn’t go to your inbox, it goes to like a spam folder and you get a request alerting you to someone wanting to send you a message.
I don’t normally notice these but I was looking for someone to cut my grass the other day and some people shared my post which led to me checking my spam folder (as people I wasn’t friends with had messaged receiving the grass).
Anyway I notice a message from some guy using my first name but shortened like my good close friends/family would do, it’s an over familiar thing I think to use someone’s name shortened. Anyway he was on about some parcel, I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about. Then saw another message saying god you’re in the shop more than me. Then another one (some of these were like a week apart) this one said god you looked fit earlier when you came in the shop.
Now they put kisses on the message and I’ve twigged who it is now, it’s the fucking skinny security guard that works in my local Asda.
Now I feel this is massively inappropriate, he’s got my name from the other week where I was using the self serve thing to return a parcel and he showed me what to do so that nut be how he got my name cos it was on the parcel details.
This is my local Asda now and I’m in there at least once a day, sometimes alone most of the time with my daughter after school she always wants something weird for tea.
I wanna say something to him now I know who it. Like mate don’t fucking be messaging my social media cos I don’t want it.
What would you lot do, thoughts feelings, is it inappropriate or is it cos of my counselling and I’m starting to get heavy on the boundaries like don’t approach my kind of thing and I don’t want any bull shit. I wanna know if it’s normal reaction or a result of my new senses then from the counselling. "
Annie I’ve sent you a message! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
"
You should definitely block him. Maybe if he tries again some tricks u can confront him and tell him to leave you alone and you have a boyfriend.
If you don’t want him to lose his job, you can still report somebody from ASDA is messaging you, but you aren’t sure who might be. Maybe they will have a whole team meeting to discuss this and he will get the message
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Okay so on the Facebook messenger app if you’re not Facebook friends with a person if they send you a message it doesn’t go to your inbox, it goes to like a spam folder and you get a request alerting you to someone wanting to send you a message.
I don’t normally notice these but I was looking for someone to cut my grass the other day and some people shared my post which led to me checking my spam folder (as people I wasn’t friends with had messaged receiving the grass).
Anyway I notice a message from some guy using my first name but shortened like my good close friends/family would do, it’s an over familiar thing I think to use someone’s name shortened. Anyway he was on about some parcel, I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about. Then saw another message saying god you’re in the shop more than me. Then another one (some of these were like a week apart) this one said god you looked fit earlier when you came in the shop.
Now they put kisses on the message and I’ve twigged who it is now, it’s the fucking skinny security guard that works in my local Asda.
Now I feel this is massively inappropriate, he’s got my name from the other week where I was using the self serve thing to return a parcel and he showed me what to do so that nut be how he got my name cos it was on the parcel details.
This is my local Asda now and I’m in there at least once a day, sometimes alone most of the time with my daughter after school she always wants something weird for tea.
I wanna say something to him now I know who it. Like mate don’t fucking be messaging my social media cos I don’t want it.
What would you lot do, thoughts feelings, is it inappropriate or is it cos of my counselling and I’m starting to get heavy on the boundaries like don’t approach my kind of thing and I don’t want any bull shit. I wanna know if it’s normal reaction or a result of my new senses then from the counselling.
Annie I’ve sent you a message!"
I don’t do one on one chats. Easier to have just written it in the forum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wow that's disgusting as everyone has said report him he's stalking you "
He’s definitely been inappropriate that’s for sure as for it to be stalking means a consecutive succession of actions that lead to stalking. So if he starts messaging a lot, with different accounts, try and ring, try and approach her in different ways, for a period of time then that is stalking.
Having said that, I do see Why Amy would be uncomfortable shopping at Asda, he was definitely out of line and I would also not report him and let it slide if it was just a message. Block him and if he does it again, maybe go and speak to a manager at Asda and say some staff member is behaving inappropriately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Okay so on the Facebook messenger app if you’re not Facebook friends with a person if they send you a message it doesn’t go to your inbox, it goes to like a spam folder and you get a request alerting you to someone wanting to send you a message.
I don’t normally notice these but I was looking for someone to cut my grass the other day and some people shared my post which led to me checking my spam folder (as people I wasn’t friends with had messaged receiving the grass).
Anyway I notice a message from some guy using my first name but shortened like my good close friends/family would do, it’s an over familiar thing I think to use someone’s name shortened. Anyway he was on about some parcel, I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about. Then saw another message saying god you’re in the shop more than me. Then another one (some of these were like a week apart) this one said god you looked fit earlier when you came in the shop.
Now they put kisses on the message and I’ve twigged who it is now, it’s the fucking skinny security guard that works in my local Asda.
Now I feel this is massively inappropriate, he’s got my name from the other week where I was using the self serve thing to return a parcel and he showed me what to do so that nut be how he got my name cos it was on the parcel details.
This is my local Asda now and I’m in there at least once a day, sometimes alone most of the time with my daughter after school she always wants something weird for tea.
I wanna say something to him now I know who it. Like mate don’t fucking be messaging my social media cos I don’t want it.
What would you lot do, thoughts feelings, is it inappropriate or is it cos of my counselling and I’m starting to get heavy on the boundaries like don’t approach my kind of thing and I don’t want any bull shit. I wanna know if it’s normal reaction or a result of my new senses then from the counselling.
Annie I’ve sent you a message!
I don’t do one on one chats. Easier to have just written it in the forum. "
Apologies just seen this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Few ways to deal with this
approach him, civilly and say it wasn’t onand if he contacts you again you’ll report it to the store but “shy bairns get nowt” make a joke of it so you can both be pleasent if you see each other again
report it to asda, very likely he’ll loose his job, breach of customer data so likely he’ll loose his job and it serves him right
contact the police, after watching some youtube vids about girls being stalked (the one with tourettes) its unlikely theyll do much and claim its a civil matter 
do what you feel more comfortable with, may be innocent, a young lad trying his luck and or he could be a pyscho and start following you home or worse
only you know the full situation, what vibes do you get off him? (shy lovesick puppy or shining pyscho)
you could just give him that chance, let him take you out and see how it goes
and silver lining at least he hasnt found you on here |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Few ways to deal with this
approach him, civilly and say it wasn’t onand if he contacts you again you’ll report it to the store but “shy bairns get nowt” make a joke of it so you can both be pleasent if you see each other again
report it to asda, very likely he’ll loose his job, breach of customer data so likely he’ll loose his job and it serves him right
contact the police, after watching some youtube vids about girls being stalked (the one with tourettes) its unlikely theyll do much and claim its a civil matter
do what you feel more comfortable with, may be innocent, a young lad trying his luck and or he could be a pyscho and start following you home or worse
only you know the full situation, what vibes do you get off him? (shy lovesick puppy or shining pyscho)
you could just give him that chance, let him take you out and see how it goes
and silver lining at least he hasnt found you on here "
He’s not some young lad though he’s in his later thirties at least.
Like hell would I give him a chance and go out on a date with him. 1) he’s fucking hanging, 2) he’s creeped me out in the way that he’s contacted me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Few ways to deal with this
approach him, civilly and say it wasn’t onand if he contacts you again you’ll report it to the store but “shy bairns get nowt” make a joke of it so you can both be pleasent if you see each other again
report it to asda, very likely he’ll loose his job, breach of customer data so likely he’ll loose his job and it serves him right
contact the police, after watching some youtube vids about girls being stalked (the one with tourettes) its unlikely theyll do much and claim its a civil matter
do what you feel more comfortable with, may be innocent, a young lad trying his luck and or he could be a pyscho and start following you home or worse
only you know the full situation, what vibes do you get off him? (shy lovesick puppy or shining pyscho)
you could just give him that chance, let him take you out and see how it goes
and silver lining at least he hasnt found you on here
He’s not some young lad though he’s in his later thirties at least.
Like hell would I give him a chance and go out on a date with him. 1) he’s fucking hanging, 2) he’s creeped me out in the way that he’s contacted me. "
Theres your answer, late 30’s its not naivety, i’d report him to Asda for harassment. Likely he does it to every girl he can and some might really be struggling with his behaviour
End of the day why should you feel uncomfortable from his actions |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to ask, what did you do in the end? "
I went in that day with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who is one of the managers but couldn’t see her and also couldn’t see him so he must not have been working. I did see one of the boys I know and asked his opinion and showed him the messages and he told me something that was quite unnerving.
Years ago I was stalked by a police officer and I reported it and he subsequently lost his job and went to prison for 3.5 years for gross misconduct in a public office. Now this guy (my friend) who I was speaking to had assaulted this police officer a few years prior to what happened with me and he said you know who that security guard is don’t you, I said no, he said he’s an ex copper and used to be on duty all the time with the one who stalked me. So this whole thing has totally freaked me out and I’ve spoken to an officer in IPCC who dealt with the criminal case years before and he’s looking into it now and is going to informally speak to this guy.
This guy who messaged me should absolutely know better than to contact me in this way knowing that his former colleague stalked me, lost his job and went to prison for doing so. So yeah it’s freaked me out more now than just some random guy sending me a message. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I have to ask, what did you do in the end?
I went in that day with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who is one of the managers but couldn’t see her and also couldn’t see him so he must not have been working. I did see one of the boys I know and asked his opinion and showed him the messages and he told me something that was quite unnerving.
Years ago I was stalked by a police officer and I reported it and he subsequently lost his job and went to prison for 3.5 years for gross misconduct in a public office. Now this guy (my friend) who I was speaking to had assaulted this police officer a few years prior to what happened with me and he said you know who that security guard is don’t you, I said no, he said he’s an ex copper and used to be on duty all the time with the one who stalked me. So this whole thing has totally freaked me out and I’ve spoken to an officer in IPCC who dealt with the criminal case years before and he’s looking into it now and is going to informally speak to this guy.
This guy who messaged me should absolutely know better than to contact me in this way knowing that his former colleague stalked me, lost his job and went to prison for doing so. So yeah it’s freaked me out more now than just some random guy sending me a message. "
It would do. Does the Are a man know about his former colleague stalking you?
If he does then that's a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to ask, what did you do in the end?
I went in that day with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who is one of the managers but couldn’t see her and also couldn’t see him so he must not have been working. I did see one of the boys I know and asked his opinion and showed him the messages and he told me something that was quite unnerving.
Years ago I was stalked by a police officer and I reported it and he subsequently lost his job and went to prison for 3.5 years for gross misconduct in a public office. Now this guy (my friend) who I was speaking to had assaulted this police officer a few years prior to what happened with me and he said you know who that security guard is don’t you, I said no, he said he’s an ex copper and used to be on duty all the time with the one who stalked me. So this whole thing has totally freaked me out and I’ve spoken to an officer in IPCC who dealt with the criminal case years before and he’s looking into it now and is going to informally speak to this guy.
This guy who messaged me should absolutely know better than to contact me in this way knowing that his former colleague stalked me, lost his job and went to prison for doing so. So yeah it’s freaked me out more now than just some random guy sending me a message.
It would do. Does the Are a man know about his former colleague stalking you?
If he does then that's a problem. "
I think so. When I spoke to the guy in IPCC he checked and said that this security guard often worked with the copper who stalked me and when he was sacked this security guard guy was still a serving police officer so would have been aware that his colleague had been sacked and sent to prison. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I have to ask, what did you do in the end?
I went in that day with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who is one of the managers but couldn’t see her and also couldn’t see him so he must not have been working. I did see one of the boys I know and asked his opinion and showed him the messages and he told me something that was quite unnerving.
Years ago I was stalked by a police officer and I reported it and he subsequently lost his job and went to prison for 3.5 years for gross misconduct in a public office. Now this guy (my friend) who I was speaking to had assaulted this police officer a few years prior to what happened with me and he said you know who that security guard is don’t you, I said no, he said he’s an ex copper and used to be on duty all the time with the one who stalked me. So this whole thing has totally freaked me out and I’ve spoken to an officer in IPCC who dealt with the criminal case years before and he’s looking into it now and is going to informally speak to this guy.
This guy who messaged me should absolutely know better than to contact me in this way knowing that his former colleague stalked me, lost his job and went to prison for doing so. So yeah it’s freaked me out more now than just some random guy sending me a message.
It would do. Does the Are a man know about his former colleague stalking you?
If he does then that's a problem.
I think so. When I spoke to the guy in IPCC he checked and said that this security guard often worked with the copper who stalked me and when he was sacked this security guard guy was still a serving police officer so would have been aware that his colleague had been sacked and sent to prison. "
This security guard must be as thick as shit in that case.
The guy at the IPCC has given you some advice and will help you I hope. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think so. When I spoke to the guy in IPCC he checked and said that this security guard often worked with the copper who stalked me and when he was sacked this security guard guy was still a serving police officer so would have been aware that his colleague had been sacked and sent to prison. "
In my opinion this adds a whole new dimension to it. Its not just someone who's overstepped the mark by using their work position to find out your name and address. Sounds like its possible they could have a pretty sinister motive for doing so and you're dead right to be a bit freaked out by this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have to ask, what did you do in the end?
I went in that day with the intention of speaking to my Nans friend who is one of the managers but couldn’t see her and also couldn’t see him so he must not have been working. I did see one of the boys I know and asked his opinion and showed him the messages and he told me something that was quite unnerving.
Years ago I was stalked by a police officer and I reported it and he subsequently lost his job and went to prison for 3.5 years for gross misconduct in a public office. Now this guy (my friend) who I was speaking to had assaulted this police officer a few years prior to what happened with me and he said you know who that security guard is don’t you, I said no, he said he’s an ex copper and used to be on duty all the time with the one who stalked me. So this whole thing has totally freaked me out and I’ve spoken to an officer in IPCC who dealt with the criminal case years before and he’s looking into it now and is going to informally speak to this guy.
This guy who messaged me should absolutely know better than to contact me in this way knowing that his former colleague stalked me, lost his job and went to prison for doing so. So yeah it’s freaked me out more now than just some random guy sending me a message. "
Shit that's really bad. Glad your friend is looking into it. Hope they sort it for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Op are you sure about who you are taking advice from? IPCC hasn't existed since 2018, replaced by the IOPC. Essentially the same body rebranded but they are not the police and they have no authority whatsoever to investigate members of the public, which is what this chap is, even if he is an ex -cop. |
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Wow you seriously sre getting the bad end of the stick not once but many times. Never mind the Asda manger should have screen shot the message and reported straight to police for stalking and data breach. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Op are you sure about who you are taking advice from? IPCC hasn't existed since 2018, replaced by the IOPC. Essentially the same body rebranded but they are not the police and they have no authority whatsoever to investigate members of the public, which is what this chap is, even if he is an ex -cop."
m
It’s just an officer that worked in IPCC that I still had contact details for from when I had dealings with them, only contacted him because he was part of the team that investigated the copper that stalked me. Couldn’t be arsed to explain all that to someone else. I know he’s definitely still a police officer though as I had to call the station he worked in and be transferred through, dunno if he was just liaising with IPCC then?
Anyhow all sorted now. Was in there earlier and he just put his head down when he saw me. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"I haven’t responded to the message as like you’ve said if I do it will show that it’s been read and would allow any further messages to go to my inbox instead of the spam folder.
I don’t want to have to shop anyone else because it is my local Asda right on my doorstep kind of thing.
I don’t want the guy to lose his job as it’s difficult times and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, plus if he got my name he also got my address from the parcel details.
But yeah I do feel a bit uncomfortable.
Glad it’s a normal reaction then to feel this is inappropriate because in the past I would have just shrugged it off.
I feel like if I said to him in the shop, Mate I don’t appreciate you messaging my Facebook and neither does my boyfriend (I’ll create a fictional boyfriend). I think that would put a stop to it. Plus I’ve blocked him so he can’t message again or view my Facebook profile.
Definitely do right in blocking, you could try talking to him first, as you're right, no-one wants people to be out of work."
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow you seriously sre getting the bad end of the stick not once but many times. Never mind the Asda manger should have screen shot the message and reported straight to police for stalking and data breach."
Yeah but do you ever think in life that sometimes stuff is supposed to happen to you?
Like I was discussing all this with my counsellor as I’ve been having counselling since February. We’ve done timelines from childhood to present day. I’ve said ah yeah this happened to me and then oh yes this happened and she’s just like bloody hell this isn’t the normal run of the mill stuff. But like everyone said at the time this happened and this copper went down, for 5 years prior to me reporting him he had been abusing his position, having sexual relations with women in exchange for minor motoring offences. I was the only person who he hadn’t approached in that way. He stole my phone number and my address details from when him and a colleague stopped cos my car had ran out of petrol on a busy dual. The only way he could’ve got those was from ANPR and my insurance details. When I reported him and the investigation went on the PAYG mobile he was using they found other numbers on his phone and contacted them and there was about 16 women who when contacted by the police for this investigation, said that they’d had sex or sexual acts with him to avoid charges of speeding or no insurance or stuff like that. They all said they never reported it because they didn’t think they’d be believed.
When he was messaging me he didn’t disclose he was a police officer. Kept asking to meet and that he was a friend of a friend.
Now me being me I don’t tolerate any of that bull shit. Without going into detail I went all detective mode myself and figured out who it was and when I reported it they said it would be difficult to prove.
Had that happened to another woman maybe she wouldn’t have gone through the ball ache of that but I was quite arrogant in the sense that no way was anyone not going to believe me and I was so insulted at the fact he even thought he had a chance with me I was like nah you’re going down ya cunt. And he did, a copper in prison. Serves him right. He’s out now of course. I even saw him a couple of years back in a chip shop I was with my best friend, I was like look there he is fucking little wanker and he just looked at me and as he was going out the door he said ‘leave me alone’ like as if he was the victim. Stupid bastard.
So as drama filled or far fetched as it seems I’m glad it happened to me and not someone else because someone else may not have reported it out of fear of not being believed and he could’ve got worse and done something really really bad and it would be some member of the public’s word against a police officer. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Wow you seriously sre getting the bad end of the stick not once but many times. Never mind the Asda manger should have screen shot the message and reported straight to police for stalking and data breach.
Yeah but do you ever think in life that sometimes stuff is supposed to happen to you?
Like I was discussing all this with my counsellor as I’ve been having counselling since February. We’ve done timelines from childhood to present day. I’ve said ah yeah this happened to me and then oh yes this happened and she’s just like bloody hell this isn’t the normal run of the mill stuff. But like everyone said at the time this happened and this copper went down, for 5 years prior to me reporting him he had been abusing his position, having sexual relations with women in exchange for minor motoring offences. I was the only person who he hadn’t approached in that way. He stole my phone number and my address details from when him and a colleague stopped cos my car had ran out of petrol on a busy dual. The only way he could’ve got those was from ANPR and my insurance details. When I reported him and the investigation went on the PAYG mobile he was using they found other numbers on his phone and contacted them and there was about 16 women who when contacted by the police for this investigation, said that they’d had sex or sexual acts with him to avoid charges of speeding or no insurance or stuff like that. They all said they never reported it because they didn’t think they’d be believed.
When he was messaging me he didn’t disclose he was a police officer. Kept asking to meet and that he was a friend of a friend.
Now me being me I don’t tolerate any of that bull shit. Without going into detail I went all detective mode myself and figured out who it was and when I reported it they said it would be difficult to prove.
Had that happened to another woman maybe she wouldn’t have gone through the ball ache of that but I was quite arrogant in the sense that no way was anyone not going to believe me and I was so insulted at the fact he even thought he had a chance with me I was like nah you’re going down ya cunt. And he did, a copper in prison. Serves him right. He’s out now of course. I even saw him a couple of years back in a chip shop I was with my best friend, I was like look there he is fucking little wanker and he just looked at me and as he was going out the door he said ‘leave me alone’ like as if he was the victim. Stupid bastard.
So as drama filled or far fetched as it seems I’m glad it happened to me and not someone else because someone else may not have reported it out of fear of not being believed and he could’ve got worse and done something really really bad and it would be some member of the public’s word against a police officer. "
Good on you. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
One day in the future, your counselling sessions will trigger the inner detective in you and you will save someone in deep trouble, who has come to you for therapy.
Think Quincy MD, without the corpses, of course. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
The counselling isn’t for the stalking. That was years and years ago. Counselling is a new thing because I need it. In fact when I was discussing the stalking she was surprised at how blasé I was about it and how unaware of the potential danger I was in. I was of the mindset of yeah I’ll kick his fucking head in kind of thing.
I’m totally fine. No trauma or nothing from that so honestly don’t worry. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"The counselling isn’t for the stalking. That was years and years ago. Counselling is a new thing because I need it. In fact when I was discussing the stalking she was surprised at how blasé I was about it and how unaware of the potential danger I was in. I was of the mindset of yeah I’ll kick his fucking head in kind of thing.
I’m totally fine. No trauma or nothing from that so honestly don’t worry. "
That's good to hear. Hopefully you won't need to do a third post on this sort of behaviour. |
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"Wow you seriously sre getting the bad end of the stick not once but many times. Never mind the Asda manger should have screen shot the message and reported straight to police for stalking and data breach.
Yeah but do you ever think in life that sometimes stuff is supposed to happen to you?
Like I was discussing all this with my counsellor as I’ve been having counselling since February. We’ve done timelines from childhood to present day. I’ve said ah yeah this happened to me and then oh yes this happened and she’s just like bloody hell this isn’t the normal run of the mill stuff. But like everyone said at the time this happened and this copper went down, for 5 years prior to me reporting him he had been abusing his position, having sexual relations with women in exchange for minor motoring offences. I was the only person who he hadn’t approached in that way. He stole my phone number and my address details from when him and a colleague stopped cos my car had ran out of petrol on a busy dual. The only way he could’ve got those was from ANPR and my insurance details. When I reported him and the investigation went on the PAYG mobile he was using they found other numbers on his phone and contacted them and there was about 16 women who when contacted by the police for this investigation, said that they’d had sex or sexual acts with him to avoid charges of speeding or no insurance or stuff like that. They all said they never reported it because they didn’t think they’d be believed.
When he was messaging me he didn’t disclose he was a police officer. Kept asking to meet and that he was a friend of a friend.
Now me being me I don’t tolerate any of that bull shit. Without going into detail I went all detective mode myself and figured out who it was and when I reported it they said it would be difficult to prove.
Had that happened to another woman maybe she wouldn’t have gone through the ball ache of that but I was quite arrogant in the sense that no way was anyone not going to believe me and I was so insulted at the fact he even thought he had a chance with me I was like nah you’re going down ya cunt. And he did, a copper in prison. Serves him right. He’s out now of course. I even saw him a couple of years back in a chip shop I was with my best friend, I was like look there he is fucking little wanker and he just looked at me and as he was going out the door he said ‘leave me alone’ like as if he was the victim. Stupid bastard.
So as drama filled or far fetched as it seems I’m glad it happened to me and not someone else because someone else may not have reported it out of fear of not being believed and he could’ve got worse and done something really really bad and it would be some member of the public’s word against a police officer. "
It sure has made you stronger |
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Mrs M had a similar issue at one of our local supermarkets.
So much so that she doesn't go there anymore.
Mind you nothing compares to the guy who decided to follow her home......
In his 40 foot artic. |
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"Mrs M had a similar issue at one of our local supermarkets.
So much so that she doesn't go there anymore.
Mind you nothing compares to the guy who decided to follow her home......
In his 40 foot artic. "
Bloody hell! He was hardly in stealth mode was he. What goes through the head of these people? |
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"Mrs M had a similar issue at one of our local supermarkets.
So much so that she doesn't go there anymore.
Mind you nothing compares to the guy who decided to follow her home......
In his 40 foot artic.
Bloody hell! He was hardly in stealth mode was he. What goes through the head of these people? "
100% stalker |
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Now I’m not sure if this has been mentioned but it’s a breach of GDPR rules for him as an employee of the company to infringe on the data of a client and use that information in any manner not with regard to the stores needs .
And if not reported who is to say he isn’t going to do this to another person and cause issues and even depression in a vulnerable person. Heaven forbid also what if he were to use the approach on a younger person who looked older than there years who would tend to be more susceptible to this |
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