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Are you a lady?
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
A thread about using the F-word made me think of this... (just acknowledging that the inspiration came from a fellow fabster).
Are you a lady? Or an gentleman?
Do you want to be a lady or a gentleman?
Personally I see myself as a woman (with manners and respect for other people) and I wonder if the term "lady" can take away that sense of equality a bit?
Or am I being hypersensitive?   |
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I see myself as a woman. Lady feels a bit posh or even a bit prudish maybe? I wouldn't be offended by being called a lady though. I don't like being called "a female" though. For starters it's grammatically incorrect  but it also just feel a bit objectifying and gross. Like being described in the same way as animals on a nature documentary. I guess it isn't helped by the fact its heavily used by the incel community. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A thread about using the F-word made me think of this... (just acknowledging that the inspiration came from a fellow fabster).
Are you a lady? Or an gentleman?
Do you want to be a lady or a gentleman?
Personally I see myself as a woman (with manners and respect for other people) and I wonder if the term "lady" can take away that sense of equality a bit?
Or am I being hypersensitive? "
I think this comes down to how you wished to be perceived in public as we know what goes in behind closed doors is another matter |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I am a woman, I have a potty mouth in certain environments or when around certain people who know me well. I will adapt my language to suit my surroundings and although there are many words I still like good use of the word f**k! I’m Scottish it’s a sentence enhancer here x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I see myself as a woman. Lady feels a bit posh or even a bit prudish maybe? I wouldn't be offended by being called a lady though. I don't like being called "a female" though. For starters it's grammatically incorrect but it also just feel a bit objectifying and gross. Like being described in the same way as animals on a nature documentary. I guess it isn't helped by the fact its heavily used by the incel community. "
I get the "objectifying"... totally  |
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"I am a woman, I have a potty mouth in certain environments or when around certain people who know me well. I will adapt my language to suit my surroundings and although there are many words I still like good use of the word f**k! I’m Scottish it’s a sentence enhancer here x"
A guy from my halls of residence disliked me for the whole of university because he called me unattractive for swearing in the first couple of weeks and my automatic response was that I didn't need him to find me attractive. Oops! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"A thread about using the F-word made me think of this... (just acknowledging that the inspiration came from a fellow fabster).
Are you a lady? Or an gentleman?
Do you want to be a lady or a gentleman?
Personally I see myself as a woman (with manners and respect for other people) and I wonder if the term "lady" can take away that sense of equality a bit?
Or am I being hypersensitive?
I think this comes down to how you wished to be perceived in public as we know what goes in behind closed doors is another matter "
Understand hahaha - I was talking outside the bedroom I think anyway....? |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
"I am a woman, I have a potty mouth in certain environments or when around certain people who know me well. I will adapt my language to suit my surroundings and although there are many words I still like good use of the word f**k! I’m Scottish it’s a sentence enhancer here x
A guy from my halls of residence disliked me for the whole of university because he called me unattractive for swearing in the first couple of weeks and my automatic response was that I didn't need him to find me attractive. Oops! "
Haha...and well said too! People are so entitled at times, swearing conversationally isn’t offensive, his loss your beautiful x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Yes. Lady Nora of Herts and I won’t answer to anything else.
*curtsies*
On your knees woman
Oh heavens!  "
Hysterical - I am clearly unaware of the hierarchy in the forums
My sincerest apologies |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I pride myself on my manners and politeness but fall short on wearing Edwardian attire.
I’m an aspiring gentleman therefore  "
Aspiring is cool - means you are not the polished finished article... |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I am a woman, I have a potty mouth in certain environments or when around certain people who know me well. I will adapt my language to suit my surroundings and although there are many words I still like good use of the word f**k! I’m Scottish it’s a sentence enhancer here x
A guy from my halls of residence disliked me for the whole of university because he called me unattractive for swearing in the first couple of weeks and my automatic response was that I didn't need him to find me attractive. Oops!
Haha...and well said too! People are so entitled at times, swearing conversationally isn’t offensive, his loss your beautiful x"
I totally agree with you |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't think of myself as a lady, I'm a woman. I think of lady as being a bit archaic and also suggesting that the woman is demure and kind to all. Patriarchal views I guess.
I don't mind female too much, it makes me laugh and think of Friday Night Dinner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a woman
A female is an object
And a lady is what a man calls you when he's trying to show how nice he is  "
This isn’t true amongst those I know. We say women or ladies but it’s certainly not because we’re trying to show how nice we are. It’s simply how we refer to the women we respect. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I've always called other women ladies, it seems more polite. Probably because my mum always did. The lady in the shop, the lady down the road. Sounds better than woman I think."
See, there is the thing....
It does sound more polite when referring to another woman/ group of women.
But I also sense it feels/ can feel like a tiny bit patronising, depending on who says it and what the context is?
At work for example, I hate it when guys refer to me as the "lady from IT" .... it feels like it undermines my professional status.
Does anybody feel the same about the context in which it is used? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always called other women ladies, it seems more polite. Probably because my mum always did. The lady in the shop, the lady down the road. Sounds better than woman I think."
I do this too.
I'm definitely not a lady but I don't mind someone refering to me as such if they don't know my name. |
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"I've always called other women ladies, it seems more polite. Probably because my mum always did. The lady in the shop, the lady down the road. Sounds better than woman I think.
See, there is the thing....
It does sound more polite when referring to another woman/ group of women.
But I also sense it feels/ can feel like a tiny bit patronising, depending on who says it and what the context is?
At work for example, I hate it when guys refer to me as the "lady from IT" .... it feels like it undermines my professional status.
Does anybody feel the same about the context in which it is used?"
That's made me think. I would say the lady from IT, not the woman as it feels more polite but I'm not sure why. For a male I would be more likely to say the bloke or the guy than the man from IT and certainly not the gentleman. I definitely don't intend it to be patronising or patriarchal. I am aware though that I was brought up in a very patriarchal social group (fundamentalist christian) and have subsequently spent my entire professional life in a very male dominated environment and have certainly got unwanted biases that I try hard to avoid. I shall rethink my use of the word though as above 'female' is purely Friday night dinner
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't personally like the word `Lady`... It seems old fashioned or something...I can't pinpoint why I don't like it... But to me it kinda says prim and proper which I'm not
Saying that I do class myself as a `Lady` and I've been told I am one many many times by many people... TRUE
A `Lady` to me is someone who is kind to others & respectful to them at all times & never passes judgement ever & also someone who has a strong empathy, has manners, a good heart & knows how to conduct themselves.
Saying that I am inclined to over use the F- Word FK...Which can seem vulgar and unlady-like at times ...But hey I can't help it... The F-Word is just a form of expression to me & a way of getting my point across... I've tried to quit but sometimes I just can't control what comes out of my mouth, when it comes to using the F-Word...
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I thought I could reply to each but there are too many (not complaining!!!)
Some answers made me burst out laughing.
One thing I am taking away from this though: I am not the only one with whom the "lady" does not quite sit right. I guess it really depends on who says it and in what context? |
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I'm a woman. I'm not a lady.
Ladies and gentlemen are groomed, educated if you like , into a certain way of behaving and deporting themselves in public. They are generally from higher middle class to upper class families. They are born. They have ascribed titles.
To refer to me or other women as a 'lady' is patronising. It diminishes my being, it attempts to remove my agency ..... it slow drips into my being that I should behave in a 'seemly' manner befitting to a woman that should be obedient to and attractive to a male. Attractive because I'd know my place.
If you came from I.T. I'd either 1. ask your name or 2. Say to others, I've someone here from I.T. who is going to solve the problem.
I see no reason to gender you out and in this day and age i'd be for the high jump if I introduced you as 'she' and you didn't identify .....
I'm a decent person. I care about how I treat others. I'm mature enough to not constantly want the li_elight in a group. I'm confident enough to know that your opinion is based only your life experiences and to an extent I pity you when you attempt to judge others but i'm wise enough to understand you can't help it yet.
I'm a woman. Stonger than some. In need of others at times. Certainly not a lady ....... and if I wanted to swear - I would and if it horrifies you ..... like I say - feel free to judge.
I know when the time is right and when it isn't. I certainly don't need your approval.
( no one in particular ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was brought up to be respectful, kind, open a door for a lady, give up my seat on a bus for someone who is old or pregnant . Basic good manners such as please or thank you. But that’s just me, I thought that’s normal behaviour. |
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"A thread about using the F-word made me think of this... (just acknowledging that the inspiration came from a fellow fabster).
Are you a lady? Or an gentleman?
Do you want to be a lady or a gentleman?
Personally I see myself as a woman (with manners and respect for other people) and I wonder if the term "lady" can take away that sense of equality a bit?
Or am I being hypersensitive? "
'Lady' and 'Ladylike' and their associated connotations, make my feminist blood boil.
So no, it's not just you |
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No and I neither do I wish to be. I'm working class, and have all the manners and customs that people are ascribing to ladies and gentlemen. Being polite and having manners is not the preserve of any class in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm becoming a lady.. being back in a class with 28 impressionable little minds I'm trying my best to watch my language, use of slang and pronounce my Ts, Rs and Gs
Slowly getting there although the children pick up on me the way I say art.. like aaahht rather than the posh ar-t. If that makes any sense at all |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I'm a woman. I'm not a lady.
Ladies and gentlemen are groomed, educated if you like , into a certain way of behaving and deporting themselves in public. They are generally from higher middle class to upper class families. They are born. They have ascribed titles.
To refer to me or other women as a 'lady' is patronising. It diminishes my being, it attempts to remove my agency ..... it slow drips into my being that I should behave in a 'seemly' manner befitting to a woman that should be obedient to and attractive to a male. Attractive because I'd know my place.
If you came from I.T. I'd either 1. ask your name or 2. Say to others, I've someone here from I.T. who is going to solve the problem.
I see no reason to gender you out and in this day and age i'd be for the high jump if I introduced you as 'she' and you didn't identify .....
I'm a decent person. I care about how I treat others. I'm mature enough to not constantly want the li_elight in a group. I'm confident enough to know that your opinion is based only your life experiences and to an extent I pity you when you attempt to judge others but i'm wise enough to understand you can't help it yet.
I'm a woman. Stonger than some. In need of others at times. Certainly not a lady ....... and if I wanted to swear - I would and if it horrifies you ..... like I say - feel free to judge.
I know when the time is right and when it isn't. I certainly don't need your approval.
( no one in particular ) "
That is exactly what I mean! Thank you for summarising it perfectly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Amazing how many feel offended by terms meant to describe them without any offense intended.
Vanillas would call many women on here sluts (a term that should be cross gender anyway), now that is meant to offend.
Myself would be a dirty old perv.
At the end of the day they are just words. Take them in the spirit they are meant and don't worry about the word itself. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Amazing how many feel offended by terms meant to describe them without any offense intended.
Vanillas would call many women on here sluts (a term that should be cross gender anyway), now that is meant to offend.
Myself would be a dirty old perv.
At the end of the day they are just words. Take them in the spirit they are meant and don't worry about the word itself."
I understand that it is not a big deal to you, perhaps not to many guys.
I also understand that there are some, maybe many women who enjoy to be referred to by the term "lady" for a number of reasons. I do not have an issue with this - literally, each to their own.
Please try to understand that for some women, myself included, it has connotations of not being taken seriously within their profession, of being undermined as an equal partner, a colleague, or a person in their own right.
I do not need anybody to give up their seat for me - unless I am unwell, in which case they should do so for anybody.
I do not need to have a door being held open for me because I am a woman - likewise I will hold open a door for anybody who happens to walk behind me or who walks towards me and carries something, making opening the door more difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Amazing how many feel offended by terms meant to describe them without any offense intended.
Vanillas would call many women on here sluts (a term that should be cross gender anyway), now that is meant to offend.
Myself would be a dirty old perv.
At the end of the day they are just words. Take them in the spirit they are meant and don't worry about the word itself."
The terms don't offend me
They just make me think a certain way about those who use them |
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"Amazing how many feel offended by terms meant to describe them without any offense intended.
Vanillas would call many women on here sluts (a term that should be cross gender anyway), now that is meant to offend.
Myself would be a dirty old perv.
At the end of the day they are just words. Take them in the spirit they are meant and don't worry about the word itself."
I'm not offended.
I never mentioned offence.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone called me a gent, man, or anything from a place that I felt was of good or nice intentions, that’s fine. It’s ever easier to be corrected but I’d never worry about if someone said I was a gent or nice man etc, all the same spectrum for many using the terms, from my experiences receiving anyway. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I pride myself on my manners and politeness but fall short on wearing Edwardian attire.
I’m an aspiring gentleman therefore
This! "
Sounds good to me.
Of course the word "gentleman" does not have the same connotations as the word "lady" - it does not suggest implied compliance or "lady-like" behaviour in the boardroom. There is a big difference.
Does that make sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not need anybody to give up their seat for me - unless I am unwell, in which case they should do so for anybody.
I do not need to have a door being held open for me because I am a woman - likewise I will hold open a door for anybody who happens to walk behind me or who walks towards me and carries something, making opening the door more difficult."
Do you see how difficult you are making any act of kindness? How do I know if you are feeling unwell and to offer you my seat? Would you be upset that I thought you looked unwell?
It's been many years since I have been on public transport but I long stopped offering my seat to anybody just because they were a woman - a violent rant of abuse thrown at you does that.
Am I holding open the door for you because you are a woman? Or is it just a kindness as you are the next to follow me through the door? Do you know what I was thinking?
As to being thought of as denigrated in your profession if you people call you a lady. We could do with far more ladies and gentlemen in all professions and all boardrooms, instead of the grab what they can merchants who bankrupt our banks, empty pension funds, rip off NHS and other public services and liquidate companies after huge bonus payments whilst leaving staff with no wages or redundancy payments (and it's all genders involved). They are the kind of people who would use "lady" to denigrate you (you must have them knowing you are doing a better job). Lady is not a bad word, when used correctly. Instead of blaming the word blame the misusers of it.
If someone uses it kindly, as a compliment (it's easy to see the intent), just offer thanks, state your preference is not to be termed a lady and move on.
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"I do not need anybody to give up their seat for me - unless I am unwell, in which case they should do so for anybody.
I do not need to have a door being held open for me because I am a woman - likewise I will hold open a door for anybody who happens to walk behind me or who walks towards me and carries something, making opening the door more difficult.
Do you see how difficult you are making any act of kindness? How do I know if you are feeling unwell and to offer you my seat? Would you be upset that I thought you looked unwell?
It's been many years since I have been on public transport but I long stopped offering my seat to anybody just because they were a woman - a violent rant of abuse thrown at you does that.
Am I holding open the door for you because you are a woman? Or is it just a kindness as you are the next to follow me through the door? Do you know what I was thinking?
As to being thought of as denigrated in your profession if you people call you a lady. We could do with far more ladies and gentlemen in all professions and all boardrooms, instead of the grab what they can merchants who bankrupt our banks, empty pension funds, rip off NHS and other public services and liquidate companies after huge bonus payments whilst leaving staff with no wages or redundancy payments (and it's all genders involved). They are the kind of people who would use "lady" to denigrate you (you must have them knowing you are doing a better job). Lady is not a bad word, when used correctly. Instead of blaming the word blame the misusers of it.
If someone uses it kindly, as a compliment (it's easy to see the intent), just offer thanks, state your preference is not to be termed a lady and move on.
"
Some of this I agree with. I think it does make it difficult for men. I know of a case where a colleague holding a door open for a woman carrying a tray was reported and actually given an informal warning! Another I witnessed was where a man offered to carry a buggy up some stairs at a tube station for a woman and she went mad “would you have offered if I was man blah blah blah”. Proper ranting! It was actually embarrassing. To me both those things are absolutely bloody nuts and if that upsets the feminists amongst fab then so be it. Madness. |
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"I am probably not a lady as ladies sit with legs crossed and wear knickers. However, I am a nice person and rather polite.x
I would go along with your definition - I love the picture of you in the supermarket - the view is great (plus there is a wine bottle in the basket!) "
Thank you. Can't beat a glass of wine on my nights off.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A thread about using the F-word made me think of this... (just acknowledging that the inspiration came from a fellow fabster).
Are you a lady? Or an gentleman?
Do you want to be a lady or a gentleman?
Personally I see myself as a woman (with manners and respect for other people) and I wonder if the term "lady" can take away that sense of equality a bit?
Or am I being hypersensitive? "
Being old fashioned.. I’d get a slap if I didn’t open the door for a lady and or treat her as a gentleman should
Perhaps this respect has been list in modern society
However a lady deserves to be treated with utmost respect when in company and vice versa
Is this out of date now? Or perhaps I’m dating the wrong generation?
|
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"A thread about using the F-word made me think of this... (just acknowledging that the inspiration came from a fellow fabster).
Are you a lady? Or an gentleman?
Do you want to be a lady or a gentleman?
Personally I see myself as a woman (with manners and respect for other people) and I wonder if the term "lady" can take away that sense of equality a bit?
Or am I being hypersensitive?
Being old fashioned.. I’d get a slap if I didn’t open the door for a lady and or treat her as a gentleman should
Perhaps this respect has been list in modern society
However a lady deserves to be treated with utmost respect when in company and vice versa
Is this out of date now? Or perhaps I’m dating the wrong generation?
"
You can do all that for women Smudgey.
No one is disputing that opening doors is a good thing. People do it for people.
It's doing it simply because of someone's gender that is being called into question. In the main the post was about calling women 'ladies' None of us here are 'ladies'. A 'lady' wouldn't do what the women on here do.
Lady is not a gender or a sex. It is not something you call anyone with a fanny ....... or tits or both ....
It's a way of life. A result of birth or education........ I am NOT a lady. |
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By *anae21Woman
over a year ago
Nearer than you think |
It's contextual.
Lady/ladies is fine in certain circumstances, as is woman/lass/girl (although, at my age, the latter is factually inaccurate).
I'm with with Hilda Ogden, when asked by her husband what he could smell... :
"Woman, Stanley. Woman"
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"It's contextual.
Lady/ladies is fine in certain circumstances, as is woman/lass/girl (although, at my age, the latter is factually inaccurate).
I'm with with Hilda Ogden, when asked by her husband what he could smell... :
"Woman, Stanley. Woman"
"
I never forgot that line. It was THE line of all times..
My memory is that it was post kiss. He said what does that taste of ...... ?
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Immortal Hilda Ogden
On a slightly different note, I am not overly fond of any terms that pick out an individual characteristic e.g. MILF or cougar.
They don't offend me but I would not like to be "picked" because I am a mum or of a certain age.
I am a person foremost, then a woman. Mind you I guess that order depends on whose company I am in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster after Granny Crumpet read it at 27/05/21 09:29:09]
"
Eeek, lol ... sorry I hadn’t read the whole thread before I replied - I’m in the middle of it now ... xx |
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"[Removed by poster after Granny Crumpet read it at 27/05/21 09:29:09]
Eeek, lol ... sorry I hadn’t read the whole thread before I replied - I’m in the middle of it now ... xx"
I've changed my mind anyway ..... Don't you judge me !!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok I’ve read it alllll now. Blimey - some very strong opinions
I like “lady” ... I call myself one ... and others, people I admire, love etc and have never felt it was a derogatory term
Having read all the above I’m mostly drawn to one lady’s comment (using that “lady” in a most favourable way) who said ...
"I'm a lady that says fuck and cunt a bit "
Yup ... me too lol
Granny-C - I would never judge another’s thoughts or changes of mind x
... my deleted reply only said “wait, what?” btw in case anyone thinks I left a super huge and massively insightful comment ... I’m mostly here for the Thigh Thursday type posts but ^ that one was good reading xx |
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