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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This is a genuine question brought about by comments on another thread about not dressing up to attract the opposite sex but to feel good about oneself.
Is it possible to dress up/wear certain clothes etc in a way that makes you feel good about yourself without there being an element of seeking to be attractive to others?
What is it about being dressed a certain way that makes you feel good if it isn't an awareness that you are looking your most attractive - and by extension dressing in a way that you are aware will make you look attractive to other people?
I personally struggle with the idea that you can seek to make yourself attractive without any reference to society at large and what is considered attractive by others. Even when we dress up at home to feel good, we don't (rarely?) dress in say the fashions of a 50's housewife/labourer but instead chose a look that if not perhaps considered attractive now certainly was (or still is) by some.
Is the "I'm doing it to feel good about myself" a way of not admitting we want others to see us as attractive, perhaps because we instinctively feel it is socially unacceptable to attract attention from others say because we are married, or even possibly don't feel that we deserve or are worthy of that attention?
Mr |
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I wear underwear that nobody sees to make me feel better. I also wear dresses and the like which are hidden under a lab coat. So most of my colleagues don't know what I'm wearing any particular day.
We all dress to make ourselves feel a bit better. Else I'd live in PJ's all over lockdown and I didn't.
That's not to say I don't dress for attention of course I do. But I often do it for myself, I kind of have my own uniform which makes me feel comfortable and confident. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in a great mood today, so I'm wearing a yellow top. It looks nice, but yellow is my "happy" colour, do it reinforces that mood when I catch sight of it.
If I'm trying to give myself confidence (like giving a presentation or an interview) I'll wear heels to make me walk tall. If I'm very nervous I'll add exciting underwear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always dressed for me and if someone finds me attractive because of it then that's a bonus.
I'm actually someone who hates dressing smart or wearing a suit and, when younger, I'd get moaned at for not 'conforming' so if some friends wanted to go out to a 'smart' nightclub. |
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So I purposely try not to wear anything too tight or “muscle fit” because although I know it might attract more women, I just feel like a douche going out like that.
I hate going topless at the beach because it feels douchy. Feel like everyone judging me.
XXl hoodie please. Comfort over attractions |
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I dress according to the situation but I'm *always* aware of how I'm presenting myself to other people.
I enjoy admiring glances from men although they're fewer and fewer nowadays  , I like other women complimenting me on how I look, I like looking in the mirror and thinking I look ok, I like to look good for my husband.
This makes me vain and shallow in most people's eyes...those people don't know me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dress for me apart from when I'm dressing to attract someone else.
Attention isn't necessarily sexual. It can be a look that says "what the fuck is that old woman wearing??!!" That makes me laugh and laughing is good.  |
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"I dress for me apart from when I'm dressing to attract someone else.
Attention isn't necessarily sexual. It can be a look that says "what the fuck is that old woman wearing??!!" That makes me laugh and laughing is good. "
. My niece visited at the weekend with her girlfriend. I suspect they were very gently taking the mickey out of me when they commented on my leather trousers, biker jacket and boots with chains on them. If I can make people laugh I'm happy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dress for me apart from when I'm dressing to attract someone else.
Attention isn't necessarily sexual. It can be a look that says "what the fuck is that old woman wearing??!!" That makes me laugh and laughing is good.
. My niece visited at the weekend with her girlfriend. I suspect they were very gently taking the mickey out of me when they commented on my leather trousers, biker jacket and boots with chains on them. If I can make people laugh I'm happy
"
Were you at a wedding? 
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"I dress for me apart from when I'm dressing to attract someone else.
Attention isn't necessarily sexual. It can be a look that says "what the fuck is that old woman wearing??!!" That makes me laugh and laughing is good.
. My niece visited at the weekend with her girlfriend. I suspect they were very gently taking the mickey out of me when they commented on my leather trousers, biker jacket and boots with chains on them. If I can make people laugh I'm happy
Were you at a wedding?
"
. No worse than that, a funeral 
.
.
.
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Not really |
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Think it's a bit of both we all dress 2 impress people 2 b noticed we all do this ...I still do my hair put on aftershave even if I'm staying in .but goin out I do like 2 b noticed makes u feel confident if u look good x |
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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago
S. Northants |
I have a few shirts that I like because of how they fit my chest and shoulders. They can be a confidence boost for me as they do make them look broader and stronger...
It's just a very happy coincidence that ST loves those shirts on me and then she can't keep her hands off my chest.   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I feel like the question I'm asking is being missed - or perhaps I'm just over thinking things.
To pick BMF's example of not wearing pyjamas all day during lockdown - what is it that makes us feel that we shouldn't, that being dressed for work even if alone at home is somehow better, makes us feel better about ourselves? Pyjamas are comfy and warm - ostensibly the main jobs of clothing. Surely it is the awareness on our mind even if subconsciously, of how we would be perceived and/or judged by others? Why else do certain dress styles/clothes feel better?
I accept that in the case of having a lucky pair of pants for example, there is some intrinsic value we place on an item of clothing but in terms of style, why would sexy undies make us feel more confident than a nice comfy pair? Why in fact do we even consider them sexy if not for the connotations drummed into us by the world around us?
The gentleman above saying he feels a douche in tight clothing or showing off his body intrigues me and perhaps is the perfect example. He clearly has a great physique that has taken a lot of time to achieve - something he has done for himself yet the image he wants to show others is not of someone who is vain about his body to the point he covers it up so as not to appear as if obsessed by it. So why dedicate so much time and effort to making it a certain way? Clearly in his case it is not to attract others as he deliberately dresses in baggy clothes but there is something about achieving that look that makes it worth the effort for him. My question is, is that something because beneath our socially repressed side that tells us showing off our muscles in public or strutting around in heels and lingerie are not (always) acceptable ways to behave, we are subconsciously aware that if we could, we know that certain looks are attractive to others?
Mr |
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