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If you want my comeback...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You'll have to scrape it off your mum's teeth.

I need a laugh! What are some of the best answers/comebacks to insults and jokes you've ever heard?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

An aul fella said this to me in a pub about another fella d*unk off his nut

"Your man there's a lot like an asshole.....if he doesn't tighten up he'll make shite of himself"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"An aul fella said this to me in a pub about another fella d*unk off his nut

"Your man there's a lot like an asshole.....if he doesn't tighten up he'll make shite of himself""

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By *iddlesticksMan over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’ve always enjoyed the simplicity of

If I had a face like yours I’d stand on my hands and teach my arse to speak.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't understand you.

I don't speak assholian.

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By *oublesixesMan over a year ago

Corby

Why are you so fat?

Because every time I fuck your mom she makes me a sandwich

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There’s two gobshites in this town and you’re both of them!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m jealous of everyone who doesn’t know who you are!

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple over a year ago

Lincoln

There's a village out there somewhere missing it's idiot.

LvM

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Are your arses jealous of the shit that comes out your mouths?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My silence doesn't mean I agree with you.

It means your level of stupidity rendered me speechless.

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By *ilfCrumpet9Man over a year ago

Wirral

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?

One looks into your family tree the other looks into your family Bush

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By *oublesixesMan over a year ago

Corby

Who put 50p in the dickhead?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who put 50p in the dickhead?"

I've only heard about this one recently and absolutely love it

Note: it wasn't said to me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and the depth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hold still, I'm going to try and imagine you with a personality.

I love this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hold still, I'm going to try and imagine you with a personality.

I love this."

i used this in a pub once. the guy then took a swing as me and ended up on his arse as he was pissed when he did and lost his balance.

we just laughed and went back to drinking. needless to say he slipped away quietly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and the depth."

my fave word but jenny hates it. Thats why it slips out now and again

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By * AND R 777Couple over a year ago

Teesside

Someone in the other room wants you, "who" everyone in this room

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By *ablo minibar123Woman over a year ago

"Why are you so fat?

Because every time I fuck your mom she makes me a sandwich"

Well that is quite amusing to be fair

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Somewhere far away, there is a tree desperately making oxygen, just for you. You need to find that tree and apologise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For the slimy men with clichès

"Would you like a burger to go with that cheese"

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Somewhere far away, there is a tree desperately making oxygen, just for you. You need to find that tree and apologise. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wait can you smell that?

*sniffs air*

Smells like bullshit to me

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I particularly love this one which comes from a certain Arnold Rimmer from Red Dwarf (I’m paraphrasing it a tad as he was actually speaking to Cat at the time)

‘We all have something to bring to this conversation. The best thing you can bring is silence.’

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