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I need cheering up!
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A passenger taps a taxi drivers on his shoulder during their journey. The driver suddenly nearly shits himself with shock, swerves nearly hitting a bus and stops inches from a shop window.
‘Fuck-me, your jumpy aren't yer, I only tapped your shoulder!’ says the passenger.
‘Sorry,’ says the cabby, ‘It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for the last 20 years.’ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Spag Bol for tea. Delighted to have brightened up your day  "
Spag Bol always cheers me up - but only with loads of cheese on top otherwise its meh .. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A passenger taps a taxi drivers on his shoulder during their journey. The driver suddenly nearly shits himself with shock, swerves nearly hitting a bus and stops inches from a shop window.
‘Fuck-me, your jumpy aren't yer, I only tapped your shoulder!’ says the passenger.
‘Sorry,’ says the cabby, ‘It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for the last 20 years.’"
Face palm emoji  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My Nan has only gone and pulled Camp Albert the bingo caller from the Mecca. I reckon he’s after her pension, he says it’s her tits meeting her knees that does it for him.  "
That makes me depressed Fiddles that your nan has more sex than me  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chicago Town pizza for lunch,
nudity always cheers me up too unfortunately I have no good jokes though "
What is a Chicago Town pizza?
All pizza is amazing obvs - is it a local takeaway? |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Here's a joke:-
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock!
I have another on my profile too! Two for the price of one!....
Undecided today but I had last night:-beef, mashed potato, brussels, carrots, peas,sweetcorn, small brocoli, gravy made from 2 reduced salt oxo's and onion gravy granuals added to it.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Here's a joke:-
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock!
I have another on my profile too! Two for the price of one!....
Undecided today but I had last night:-beef, mashed potato, brussels, carrots, peas,sweetcorn, small brocoli, gravy made from 2 reduced salt oxo's and onion gravy granuals added to it.
"
What is small broccoli |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Chicago Town pizza for lunch,
nudity always cheers me up too unfortunately I have no good jokes though
What is a Chicago Town pizza?
All pizza is amazing obvs - is it a local takeaway?"
No no Frozen crap from Farmfoods but! It’s pizza |
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"My Nan has only gone and pulled Camp Albert the bingo caller from the Mecca. I reckon he’s after her pension, he says it’s her tits meeting her knees that does it for him.
That makes me depressed Fiddles that your nan has more sex than me "
You can join in if you like. |
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"My Nan has only gone and pulled Camp Albert the bingo caller from the Mecca. I reckon he’s after her pension, he says it’s her tits meeting her knees that does it for him.
That makes me depressed Fiddles that your nan has more sex than me "
How about the nudes |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
I buy a mixed veg that can be microwaved then I steam them to quicken the process. I think it's Birds Eye ....
The Broccoli is roughly about 3cm's in height. Knowing the way co.'s are they have probably taken & pulled off the florets from a big one? Does that make sense? It's the best way to describe it that I can! Hope you are clearer?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please send nudes or jokes or tell me what you're having for dinner.
Thanks in advance x"
You and me both. Don't have nudes, you can have boobs if you want? Sending hugs too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please send nudes or jokes or tell me what you're having for dinner.
Thanks in advance x
You and me both. Don't have nudes, you can have boobs if you want? Sending hugs too "
Sending hugs to you both x x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I buy a mixed veg that can be microwaved then I steam them to quicken the process. I think it's Birds Eye ....
The Broccoli is roughly about 3cm's in height. Knowing the way co.'s are they have probably taken & pulled off the florets from a big one? Does that make sense? It's the best way to describe it that I can! Hope you are clearer? "
That description has cheered me up
Thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Please send nudes or jokes or tell me what you're having for dinner.
Thanks in advance x
You and me both. Don't have nudes, you can have boobs if you want? Sending hugs too "
Boobie hugs are acceptable
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Chicago Town pizza for lunch,
nudity always cheers me up too unfortunately I have no good jokes though
What is a Chicago Town pizza?
All pizza is amazing obvs - is it a local takeaway?
No no Frozen crap from Farmfoods but! It’s pizza "
Ohhh lol yes I know the one you mean now!
Are they nice?
Scrap that even bad pizza is pretty good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please send nudes or jokes or tell me what you're having for dinner.
Thanks in advance x"
What’s long and hard and has “cum” in it..?
A cucumber.. of course.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Please send nudes or jokes or tell me what you're having for dinner.
Thanks in advance x
You and me both. Don't have nudes, you can have boobs if you want? Sending hugs too
Sending hugs to you both x x"
Oh that sounds nice  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Chicago Town pizza for lunch,
nudity always cheers me up too unfortunately I have no good jokes though
What is a Chicago Town pizza?
All pizza is amazing obvs - is it a local takeaway?
No no Frozen crap from Farmfoods but! It’s pizza
Ohhh lol yes I know the one you mean now!
Are they nice?
Scrap that even bad pizza is pretty good "
Fills a hole at lunch time anyway that’s all I need |
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3 nurses walk into a morgue and notice one of the bodies has a huge erection, the first nurse turns round to the others and says, im not letting this go to waste, and rides it to her hearts content, seeing how satisfied the first nurse is the second nurse goes for it aswell, the third nurse looks hesitant so the other two ask whats up, she says she's on her period, the first nurse says it doesn't matter hes dead anyway, so she goes for it, shortly after she finishes the dead guy sits up opens his eyes and looks at the nurses, with a shocked look on her face the first nurse asks how he has come back to life, he replied with two jump starts and a blood transfusion im good to go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I command you to smile you have one of the prettiest smiles here now grin for your life
wtf"
oh the horror  i see a little white knight of a man
Scaramoosh scaramoosh can you do the fandango? |
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My nudes are too laughable, so here is a joke instead:
Q: Why is masturbation just like procrastination?
A: It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.
And it will be fried eggs with bacon on toast for diner tonight |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear you could do with cheering up.
I dont have any nudes so youll have to use your fabulous imagination....and yes I'll do all those sordid things you like
Pizza - got to eat it because its out of date |
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"Please send nudes or jokes or tell me what you're having for dinner.
Thanks in advance x"
I cant message due to age. Im ill only managed a bowl of cereal today so far. Belly rumbling just cant decide what I'd like.
Hope you feel better soon!!! |
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