FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > When someone STOPS talking, out of the blue...
When someone STOPS talking, out of the blue...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just a vent really... an anonymous one.
Has anyone had it when messaging with someone... and they just, stop???...
I mean you have interests, very similar interests in fact, the signals and the vibes are there.. you even realise that you actually both live in the same town contrary to your profile location... you both live less than a mile or so from each other... you even exchange mobile numbers to arrange something more, even if it's a socially distanced cup of coffee ??
And then out of nowhere... boom. Nothing. No messages, no responses, not even read messages or blue WhatsApp ticks.
I just find it strange, that's all... and whether it's happened to anyone else? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A daily occurrence really but that’s life don’t dwell on it we find most are from time wasters fakes or just people who aren’t really interested or have changed there minds just look at it as it’s there loss not yours and it wasn’t meant to be x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so ..  .. brush it of and on I go ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A daily occurrence really but that’s life don’t dwell on it we find most are from time wasters fakes or just people who aren’t really interested or have changed there minds just look at it as it’s there loss not yours and it wasn’t meant to be x "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it happens. Maybe they were just being polite and its run its course?
There's only so far an online relationship can go before you either progress or it becomes a little repetitive?
Besides how do you suddenly tell someone, I fancy not having to respond? |
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Happens all the time, here and on dating apps. It's just normal behaviour on the internet/social media, lots of folk don't take their rl standards with them when behind a screen.
Just gotta take it with a pinch of salt and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" I guess it happens. Maybe they were just being polite and its run its course?
There's only so far an online relationship can go before you either progress or it becomes a little repetitive?
Besides how do you suddenly tell someone, I fancy not having to respond?"
It's not like it was going on a particularly long time either.. 2 days? All the pent up excited Sunday messaging on here about meeting up the next day (Monday just gone) and it was game on... but then Monday came, and nothing.. not a dicky bird. |
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I think you need to move on OP. Were you messaging too much? Could you have offended her? Could she have something going on in her life? She could have told you what the problem was but she chose not to and you cant do anything about that really. Her choice and you ought to stop messaging her |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you need to move on OP. Were you messaging too much? Could you have offended her? Could she have something going on in her life? She could have told you what the problem was but she chose not to and you cant do anything about that really. Her choice and you ought to stop messaging her "
Not really I think? Got each others numbers then hung on until Monday.. all I asked "still OK for later on?" Not even read or replied |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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just a simple "sorry, no" would be perfect
I'm not messaging anymore since but just thought I should air my experience if anyone else is in the same boat |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I get it. All they have to say is this isn’t for me. Thanks and have a great life or what ever. Just be upfront. "
This... THIS is all I really needed or asked for I guess. Manners |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I guess it happens. Maybe they were just being polite and its run its course?
There's only so far an online relationship can go before you either progress or it becomes a little repetitive?
Besides how do you suddenly tell someone, I fancy not having to respond?
It's not like it was going on a particularly long time either.. 2 days? All the pent up excited Sunday messaging on here about meeting up the next day (Monday just gone) and it was game on... but then Monday came, and nothing.. not a dicky bird. "
It is a bit odd, but fab is a very fickle world, and quite often you're just serving someone else's needs when it suits them! Feeling amorous and wanting attention...ill text so and so.
Feeling lazy and not in the mood...delete  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a vent really... an anonymous one.
Has anyone had it when messaging with someone... and they just, stop???...
I mean you have interests, very similar interests in fact, the signals and the vibes are there.. you even realise that you actually both live in the same town contrary to your profile location... you both live less than a mile or so from each other... you even exchange mobile numbers to arrange something more, even if it's a socially distanced cup of coffee ??
And then out of nowhere... boom. Nothing. No messages, no responses, not even read messages or blue WhatsApp ticks.
I just find it strange, that's all... and whether it's happened to anyone else?"
Yeah I had this a few weeks ago. 5 intense months of chat, we arranged to meet Aaaand BHAM! Ghosted  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ... "
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just a vent really... an anonymous one.
Has anyone had it when messaging with someone... and they just, stop???...
I mean you have interests, very similar interests in fact, the signals and the vibes are there.. you even realise that you actually both live in the same town contrary to your profile location... you both live less than a mile or so from each other... you even exchange mobile numbers to arrange something more, even if it's a socially distanced cup of coffee ??
And then out of nowhere... boom. Nothing. No messages, no responses, not even read messages or blue WhatsApp ticks.
I just find it strange, that's all... and whether it's happened to anyone else?
Yeah I had this a few weeks ago. 5 intense months of chat, we arranged to meet Aaaand BHAM! Ghosted "
Lol haha  I know right? It's like you take a left Ghost hook right to the chin... and down you go.
*spooky ghost sounds* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a vent really... an anonymous one.
Has anyone had it when messaging with someone... and they just, stop???...
I mean you have interests, very similar interests in fact, the signals and the vibes are there.. you even realise that you actually both live in the same town contrary to your profile location... you both live less than a mile or so from each other... you even exchange mobile numbers to arrange something more, even if it's a socially distanced cup of coffee ??
And then out of nowhere... boom. Nothing. No messages, no responses, not even read messages or blue WhatsApp ticks.
I just find it strange, that's all... and whether it's happened to anyone else?
Yeah I had this a few weeks ago. 5 intense months of chat, we arranged to meet Aaaand BHAM! Ghosted
Lol haha I know right? It's like you take a left Ghost hook right to the chin... and down you go.
*spooky ghost sounds* "
I was pretty gutted to be honest. He was a pretty niche interest. |
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"Sometimes just ONE message oversteps the mark and kills it for the recipient - it’s happened to me
There is a lot to be said for assumption.... "
Oh yes.
I've been on both sides of this equation and explaining how a message has turned me off always ALWAYS leads to a load of grief.
I still do it, but I know I'm going to get grief for it so I tend to send a message then block.
It sucks that it was on the day of the meet, but I've been stood up and ghosted a lot of times - at least you found out before you were sitting in a bar waiting for them to arrive OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People Have a life... fab isnt it
"
No, I know it's not. And I totally understand that. But when you both agree to meet up the next evening, you kind of keep your other plans clear.. it's just rude and weird to not hear anything the next day.
Oh well, carpe diem.. life goes on |
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ...
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me! "
I do that if I read a particularly grim series of status updates. I don't think I've ever used the private note function but I do occasionally pre-emptively block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ...
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me!
I do that if I read a particularly grim series of status updates. I don't think I've ever used the private note function but I do occasionally pre-emptively block."
Yeah and status updates. I block every one who messages that I’m not interested in too. It’s nothing personal. I just find it easier. It’s just another tool to use. Most of my hotlist is people I don’t like but I’m just nosey as to what they’re up to  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two days? Get a grip OP!
I've been there, but I guess we all have at some point. I got a wink, sent a message back, eventually got read, chatting, pictures exchanged, we both liked each other, social meet up, we still both like each other a lot, lots more messages, lots more pictures, really really starting to like each other a lot and then... GHOSTED.
Yes, it would be nice to know why, and yes, manners would be nice but sadly, are rare on here. Best advice? Move on...
You'll find somebody else, and wonder what the fuss was about. I did, and she's amazing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I had made firm plans and decided against going, then I would cancel, unless I felt it would cause drama then I would ghost to save myself the fall out.
If I wasn’t sure on someone, I just wouldn’t make plans and would just slowly stop talking to them.
People have their reasons and we all do things differently |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I had made firm plans and decided against going, then I would cancel, unless I felt it would cause drama then I would ghost to save myself the fall out.
If I wasn’t sure on someone, I just wouldn’t make plans and would just slowly stop talking to them.
People have their reasons and we all do things differently "
Thanks for the input
This was agreeing on next day plans and being as keen as mustard, followed by absolutely no contact lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im really bad at replying... Both finding time and sometimes inclination.
The thing is OP you have no idea what level of crap a person is dealing with in their life at any time... And any number of variables can change which means what once was an outside chance becomes a dead cert and what was a dead cert becomes an outside chance
Somedays i dont have the patience, humour or understanding to absorb the other persons POV... Sometimes i feel obliged to reply from politeness.... It is what it is...
Ebb and flow of life maybe ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not you it's them. You have no real idea of what's going on in their lives.
People are rarely genuinely nasty for the thrill of being nasty. And shame is a powerful emotion - it can make nice people do not nice things.
Perhaps they were afraid, a word or turn of phrase can cause people to back pedal and explanation may lead to unpleasantness. Or afraid they don't match up.
I've done it and had it done to me and both feel horrible.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
You'll probably never know OP - perhaps they weren't as keen as you thought they were, perhaps "she" was a he and took it as far as they could without meeting, perhaps something came up in their personal life that took priority, perhaps you said something they took exception to, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
....you just have to accept it happens and move on |
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I wish people would just say what the issue is. I'm a grown up, if someone has changed their mind I would rather know than wonder if I offended them in some way but it's the internet... people are weird |
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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago
Stoke-on-Trent |
Had this a few times with one woman in particular - end of last year we matched on a dating app, great rapport immediately, solid chat for a month plus, then she disappeared. Reappeared on another app a couple of months ago, after a bit of interrogation/explaination we pick up pretty much where we left off for another month - disappeared for another week or two. Chatted for a while, disappeared.
I wouldn't usually tolerate it but her personal reasons for disappearing are hard to argue with or dispute, not that I would. I realise it may turn out to be bullshit but by this point I think of her as a mate & am more concerned for her welfare than us getting together.
Could be anything, life drama, just being too busy, poor mental health, perhaps they've had you on the back-burner (someone they fancy more came along), perhaps they've gone off you. You won't know until/unless they get back in touch.
It's frustrating, but we're not owed any explanation. We can only hope to eventually find out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you need to move on OP. Were you messaging too much? Could you have offended her? Could she have something going on in her life? She could have told you what the problem was but she chose not to and you cant do anything about that really. Her choice and you ought to stop messaging her
Not really I think? Got each others numbers then hung on until Monday.. all I asked "still OK for later on?" Not even read or replied"
Did you actually speak to them? Possibly a catfish. Man pretending to be a woman for the wank chat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ...
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me! "
Yeah I guess you do have a point .. just I get that with plenty on here that i doubt I’ll ever interact with .. so I don’t .. even if you block them you can still see them in the forums so unless there’s a good reason to go on my block list I just ignore .. but I do find it petty .. guess that’s the price of being real |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ...
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me!
Yeah I guess you do have a point .. just I get that with plenty on here that i doubt I’ll ever interact with .. so I don’t .. even if you block them you can still see them in the forums so unless there’s a good reason to go on my block list I just ignore .. but I do find it petty .. guess that’s the price of being real "
You shouldn’t though. I don’t do it for petty reasons. Like I said these things are just tools. Although the private note thing is a better way of doing it, I just keep forgetting about it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ...
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me!
Yeah I guess you do have a point .. just I get that with plenty on here that i doubt I’ll ever interact with .. so I don’t .. even if you block them you can still see them in the forums so unless there’s a good reason to go on my block list I just ignore .. but I do find it petty .. guess that’s the price of being real
You shouldn’t though. I don’t do it for petty reasons. Like I said these things are just tools. Although the private note thing is a better way of doing it, I just keep forgetting about it "
Private note as in a mental note ?
Why do I have a feeling right I’m about to go on your block list |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Strange isn’t it .. best one is I get blocked and I’ve never had correspondence with the profile ? Wtf is that about ? .. well they did me favour anyway so .. .. brush it of and on I go ...
To be fair I do that. Especially reading through forums. There’s some people who have bigoted views or I don’t like the attitude of etc and I block if I know I’ll never be interested in interacting with them at all. I keep saying I’ll use the private note function for this but I always forget. This has reminded me!
Yeah I guess you do have a point .. just I get that with plenty on here that i doubt I’ll ever interact with .. so I don’t .. even if you block them you can still see them in the forums so unless there’s a good reason to go on my block list I just ignore .. but I do find it petty .. guess that’s the price of being real
You shouldn’t though. I don’t do it for petty reasons. Like I said these things are just tools. Although the private note thing is a better way of doing it, I just keep forgetting about it
Private note as in a mental note ?
Why do I have a feeling right I’m about to go on your block list "
You can add private notes in the top right hand menu of every profile page.. where you add a veri, invite as a friend or block |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
Both on fab and in real life, there is a increase of social behaviour such that relationships are disposable...ie. ghosting.
Just accept that people will be flakey by default and you won't be disappointed |
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