FabSwingers.com > Forums > Fabswingers.com site feedback > How to improve the M to F ratio ?
How to improve the M to F ratio ?
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I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting. |
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"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting."
This.
I had over 50 messages before I'd even put up a photo or a bio, it was ridiculous. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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1) remove the New Women feature
2) stop forcing new women who have just encountered the high quantity of poor quality messaging the New Women feature leads to to photo verify (no info is provided about the vetting of the individuals with access to such images, nor the security of the pic collection - and we all know what happened with that Madison thingy US cheating site)
3) stop accepting nudes from men (or anyone) for the purposes of photo verification because it makes men think very early on in their time on this site that sending dick pics is an acceptable thing leading to good outcomes.
. |
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"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting."
I agree, let people dip their toes in, not throw them in the deep end.
Have filters set to block, for all new accounts.
Explain that they can message out and get replies (possibly), until they remove the filter.
That way people learn how to adjust filters and can avoid the barrage.
And a tutorial for new members,
Covering
filters,
block button
and "delete message = not interested"
Maybe a guide to writing a profile. This would improve all new profiles, and would improve the site generally. |
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By *ugby 123Couple 16 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting.
I agree, let people dip their toes in, not throw them in the deep end.
Have filters set to block, for all new accounts.
Explain that they can message out and get replies (possibly), until they remove the filter.
That way people learn how to adjust filters and can avoid the barrage.
And a tutorial for new members,
Covering
filters,
block button
and "delete message = not interested"
Maybe a guide to writing a profile. This would improve all new profiles, and would improve the site generally."
New users already get tips on how to use the site/ filters etc |
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By *ugby 123Couple 16 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting."
We just used our filters when we joined  |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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did exactly that with this account. Left it alone and hidden.
But when I first signed up for a personal account I was open to messages from M and MF (and F, MM etc) because that is who I wanted messages from.
I just didn't want messages from everyone using the "New Women" search. And I very much doubt many real women (as opposed to others setting up F accounts falsely) do. xx |
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"1) remove the New Women feature
2) stop forcing new women who have just encountered the high quantity of poor quality messaging the New Women feature leads to to photo verify (no info is provided about the vetting of the individuals with access to such images, nor the security of the pic collection - and we all know what happened with that Madison thingy US cheating site)
3) stop accepting nudes from men (or anyone) for the purposes of photo verification because it makes men think very early on in their time on this site that sending dick pics is an acceptable thing leading to good outcomes.
. "
A good well thought out reply .. I do hope someone from Fabs reads and considers this. |
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"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting.
I agree, let people dip their toes in, not throw them in the deep end.
Have filters set to block, for all new accounts.
Explain that they can message out and get replies (possibly), until they remove the filter.
That way people learn how to adjust filters and can avoid the barrage.
And a tutorial for new members,
Covering
filters,
block button
and "delete message = not interested"
Maybe a guide to writing a profile. This would improve all new profiles, and would improve the site generally."
Yes … well said |
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We have an account on a French site that forbids you putting cock, pussy or cum pictures on your public profile.
Just body and face images but nothing crude.
It does allow you to put these images on your private pics. |
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"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting."
This when I joined as a single. 134 messages in 10 minutes. Most of them really disrespectful. I was in tears and nearly left but wanted to go to an upcoming event. I didn't know about filters. |
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"Most women I know have no interest in the swinging lifestyle. They find the whole idea distasteful and seedy. "
Because they are trying to impress men who tell them that meanwhile the men themselves are off cheating. |
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Have filters turned on as a default setting so when new members join it’s not as overwhelming. Have added security features to prevent images being screenshot so women aren’t as concerned that their pictures will be shared elsewhere. Have the option to block explicit pictures being sent via DM. Blocking should actually mean blocked - blocked users shouldn’t still be able to see profile pic/status updates etc. Give the option to turn off the ‘online now’ visibility and location settings. |
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By *lan157Man 16 weeks ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
Require a word count of say 35 words on a first message so proper first messages have to be sent rather than the three word messages that fill up women's inboxes . |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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The only way this is possible is to allow a single male to join only when a single woman does. So you’d limit sign up and limit profits… it’ll never happen.
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By *oxy jWoman 15 weeks ago
taunton somerset |
been on this scene 30++ years we were young there were more couples and women back then than there are now ... so going by that you wont balance it more men pour in daily the scene on the internet will kill its self its already happening with the private party scene where you have to be in the know to get anywhere very few men are involved .... its going back underground where the control is taken back.... |
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Men who repeatedly message should have their accounts deleted - that will definitely help to balance the numbers 
But for real, unfortunately there is still a ‘women are sluts / men are studs’ stigma for those who have lots of sexual partners. If security / privacy / filters were improved on the site, more women would join.
Also, swinger clubs could help themselves by being more modern and stylish. The pictures that I’ve seen they all look grotty and seedy. They need to re-think that not everyone wants to be surrounded by red or black pvc plastic upholstery. That would help to attract more women. |
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Class. It's not a word that comes to mind when I log on to Fab. I know Mr W enjoys the seedy side. he acknowledges this place is a bit trashy and I agree. so I would never feel comfortable having a single account. To improve the m/f ratio steps need to be taken to make it more difficult to behave in a predatory fashion. Personally I think the 'remove picture' function in messages should be free to all users and not a perk of membership as this is a basic safety and security tool, should not be a perk. Also, I would like to see the 'new women' thing get turned off permanently and new users forced to complete a 10 minute tutorial on acceptable etiquette before being allowed to join and photo verification compulsory for all new profiles. In short I think it takes a little determined TLC to make the experience better and I don't associate that with Fab either.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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Well this thread turned into a man hating thread quickly. Which wasn't what the OP was wanting I think.
Someone mentioned it.. make it more accessible and acceptable for women to swing and stop making it into a couple only thing! |
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"Well this thread turned into a man hating thread quickly. Which wasn't what the OP was wanting I think.
Someone mentioned it.. make it more accessible and acceptable for women to swing and stop making it into a couple only thing!"
I don’t think it’s a man hating thread, but it is very difficult to discuss what would bring (or keep) more women on Fab without mentioning the things that *some* men do that make womens experiences unpleasant or offputting. |
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By *an1978Woman 15 weeks ago
GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please) |
"1) remove the New Women feature
2) stop forcing new women who have just encountered the high quantity of poor quality messaging the New Women feature leads to to photo verify (no info is provided about the vetting of the individuals with access to such images, nor the security of the pic collection - and we all know what happened with that Madison thingy US cheating site)
3) stop accepting nudes from men (or anyone) for the purposes of photo verification because it makes men think very early on in their time on this site that sending dick pics is an acceptable thing leading to good outcomes.
. "
Excellent ideas
I often use the "new in past 5 days" when I'm searching locally, to see if there are new members near me and sometimes send a welcome message,
but the "new women " feature is just throwing them to the wolves. |
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"Require a word count of say 35 words on a first message so proper first messages have to be sent rather than the three word messages that fill up women's inboxes . "
Men would just type ..hey xxxxxxxxxxxxxx till the 35 count was reached |
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"Well this thread turned into a man hating thread quickly. Which wasn't what the OP was wanting I think.
Someone mentioned it.. make it more accessible and acceptable for women to swing and stop making it into a couple only thing!"
It is very much acceptable for women to swing it is the men who take the piss of that acceptance. Most women wouldn't be in or on this site if they weren't already interested in the EXACT same thing that brings men here. What must women dislike is the disrespect they receive for wanting the very basic thing men "claim" they are looking for. Just because you like sex doesn't mean you are required to fuck anything with a pulse that says hi looking to fuck? |
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Proper verification.
It will stop the multiple account fraternity, and the fakes.
Charge for seeing pics, using forums, messaging etc.
Lots of the dross will disappear and even out the playing field.
C |
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"Proper verification.
It will stop the multiple account fraternity, and the fakes.
Charge for seeing pics, using forums, messaging etc.
Lots of the dross will disappear and even out the playing field.
C"
Lots of other people would disappear too. Plenty of people that want to use this site without making people uncomfortable, can't or won't pay more for it. |
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I feel there is a lot of blaming how this site is formatted and run.
It's got nothing to do with this site, all swinging or sex sites are the same, when it comes to the balance of gender, sexual orientation etc, its human nature. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex.
I have never seen hoards of women patrolling at the rear of nudist beaches playing with themselves, only men. Or groups of women hanging around dogging sites in the hope that a man will turn up. I've yet to see a Red Light District anywhere in Europe where men are sitting in a window whilst gangs of women are window shopping for sex. Men and women are differently predisposed for most women its quality over quantity and their feelings come into the equation, that certainly not the case with men. There are a lot of men who visit these sites who think its going to be full of nymphos having sex 24/7 with anyone who joins the queue, where as the truth is that as a couple the dynamic is much more important to the sex.
These sites and the internet in general mirrors real life, I know its a get away from reality fantasy world for some, but if it doesnt work for you in the real world, it isnt going to work on the web. |
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By *ucka39Man 15 weeks ago
Newcastle |
"I think this thread is going well. If I were in Fabs HQ I would be taking notes and calling meetings with my software developers.
Improving the site is a win win for all.  "
It's not the site, but people, it's always people that ruin it and you've left with how things are by the ratio |
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My personal (I want to be clear on that) opinion is that I think people forget that the site's USP is that it's free to use. That's the main draw. Charging for basics would drastically alter the dynamic.
There are features that once enabled will make the site work in a way that suits individuals.
There will always be more men than women unless men are restricted from joining, do people really want the site deciding who they get to choose from?
In my opinion it's up to individuals to make the site work in their favour, if that isn't possible then it's probably not the site for them. It simply isn't possible to keep everyone happy. |
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"Well this thread turned into a man hating thread quickly. Which wasn't what the OP was wanting I think.
Someone mentioned it.. make it more accessible and acceptable for women to swing and stop making it into a couple only thing!"
It’s not man hating, it’s reality. As a couple we had messages in double figures within a few minutes, when we first joined. About a quarter of those were more than a couple of sentences. Of those that were, all were quite clearly cut and paste jobs targeting new women/couples.
We get that it’s #notallmen but it’s more than enough men that it can, and often does, make the site a very unpleasant place for women. Calling it man hating is denying people’s experience, and it comes across very badly. |
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Also what other sites do people sign up to without checking privacy settings as soon as they set up an account? I always do and sort out any filters that are available to use. Even the most basic of shopping sites I check the 'do you want to receive marketing?' questions. |
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By *ugby 123Couple 15 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Also what other sites do people sign up to without checking privacy settings as soon as they set up an account? I always do and sort out any filters that are available to use. Even the most basic of shopping sites I check the 'do you want to receive marketing?' questions. "
Oh thank god for that, going by this and other threads I thought we were the only ones who look at the settings of any site we join before we even start to use it and even without the need for a prompt. We did it on this one too.
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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The available filters are not useful for all users. I would dearly love distance and smoking filters for example... One for anyone with public genital snaps (based on pic categories) would save me a lotta blocking too.
But I have had amazing evenings with, say, unverified single men without public pictures or site support. And I don't care to go all "don't speak until you are spoken to" on demographics I happily meet  |
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By *bi HaiveMan 15 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
My personal view as a man who's been on here a fair while?
People complained about the ratios way back when I first signed up in 2008 after leaving a rival site where...yep...People complained about the exact same thing.
No amount of fees, charges and vetting will change ratios.
More emphasis and advice on setting filters may help, but this is a site for adults and we're all responsible for managing our own profiles rather than being hand held or spoon fed.
The tools are there should people choose to use them. Often for whatever reason they choose not to, whether that's because they want to be reactive rather than proactive, lack confidence to send messages themselves or get an ego boost by the volume of attention. And yes, I'm referring to women.
In 16 years on the site I've never heard a man complain of the volume of messages received. Never heard a moan about crass or undesirable messages sent by women. There's a definite gender imbalance and as such men will compete with eachother for any attention. Some will pounce on any new profile to beat the queue in the hope they'll be seen. It's not positive behaviour and it doesn't benefit anyone.
But you can't control any individuals behaviour and approach to making contact. Aside from filters of course, which are the responsibility of the individual - not the site. Those and the block and delete buttons are definitely the most effective ways of managing and preventing interactions.
No website can ever manage the gender ratio of it's members. Whether swinging, vanilla dating or just ordinary social media. |
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Verify everyone to stop duplicate profiles, pic sharers and fakes. Then ban people from making new profiles who are abusive or on here to only harass others.
The ratio would be fairly balanced then, plus a lot of women might come back who've been forced off by these behaviours.
Jigs x |
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By *eyeYCouple 14 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
Let's face it couples and women (ok mainly just the women, whether part of a couple or not) are the more valuable commodity..
Do feel those unprepared should have finite access, but they will only set up another account.. 🤷 |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"1.Make unsolicited dick pics a reportable offence, resulting in banning.
You're welcome.
They just set up a new account and the ratio remains the same."
Wouldn't even the basest of them get tired after 2 or 3 new accounts? Am I gravely understanding the phenomenon? |
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By *bi HaiveMan 14 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Let's face it couples and women (ok mainly just the women, whether part of a couple or not) are the more valuable commodity..
Do feel those unprepared should have finite access, but they will only set up another account.. 🤷"
Reducing people to commodities doesn't sit well with me.
Nobody is more 'valuable' than anyone else.
The ratios may be uneven, but surely that's a bonus for women and couples looking for men as it gives them significantly more choice and a non issue for those not looking to meet men as they can simply filter them out?
And as for the men and couples seeking women? It means they have to up their game, be proactive and put more effort in to their attempts at contact, rather than just create bland profiles and send uninteresting and unattractive photos and messages.
The ratios could flip the other way entirely and some would still fail to get interest, simply because they fail to use filters properly, aren't proactive and sit back and wait to be contacted. 🤷♂️ |
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"1.Make unsolicited dick pics a reportable offence, resulting in banning.
You're welcome.
They just set up a new account and the ratio remains the same.
Wouldn't even the basest of them get tired after 2 or 3 new accounts? Am I gravely understanding the phenomenon?"
No, I doubt it. Whilst I can't prove it I can imagine there are people on here who have over the years set up many accounts.
I don't think there is an acceptable solution. But as it doesn't require any verification it's quite easy to circumvent. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"A man that gets blocked 5 times by different individuals should be banned for a month."
Why? Blocks are used for various different reasons by different people. |
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"I'd probably put filters on female accounts for the first five days or so, that can be changed after that. There are people watching the new accounts and messaging all of them. It's an onslaught, and it's off-putting."
This, no pictures and no text, and you get bombarded with messages by guys lurking waiting on women going online. |
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By *heelerMan 13 weeks ago
Northants |
"A man that gets blocked 5 times by different individuals should be banned for a month.
Why? Blocks are used for various different reasons by different people."
It protects the females from getting abusive messages it would make guys think twice knowing the consequences |
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By *bi HaiveMan 13 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"A man that gets blocked 5 times by different individuals should be banned for a month.
Why? Blocks are used for various different reasons by different people.
It protects the females from getting abusive messages it would make guys think twice knowing the consequences "
But many people block profiles simply because they're not interested in them to prevent them reappearing in future searches.
Those men have done nothing wrong. Why should they be penalised? |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"A man that gets blocked 5 times by different individuals should be banned for a month.
Why? Blocks are used for various different reasons by different people.
It protects the females from getting abusive messages it would make guys think twice knowing the consequences
But many people block profiles simply because they're not interested in them to prevent them reappearing in future searches.
Those men have done nothing wrong. Why should they be penalised? "
Yep, that was exactly our point. The "Report" button would be a better option, so long as it's used honestly. |
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Let's be honest, the only thing that would alter the ratios on here is if men were somehow induced to me more respectful and if there was a societal shift in which more women were encouraged to explore their desires via a safe and respectable platform. Simply put, Fab is by far the most seedy and tawdry of the sites I'm a member of. That is simultaneously its biggest attraction and its biggest downfall |
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I think that the answer has already be mentioned in here
The biggest issue of all is the behaviour of males.
It doesn’t take a genius to realise that if you message and it is almost immediately deleted that there is no interest
Likewise, if a profile says that there is no interest in singles males, accept and respect that. If you then get winked at, or sent a message interest is there to act upon
Gents, if we want more women or couples on here, we need to behave better. It’s that simple |
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Throw out any single male who hasn't been verified by meeting, by a single female or MF couple, within 30 days of joining.
All single males to be required to have Gold Membership.
Throw out any new account, single or couple, which isn't photo-verified within 48 hours of joining.
Remove the 'New Women' search feature. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 13 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Throw out any single male who hasn't been verified by meeting, by a single female or MF couple, within 30 days of joining.
All single males to be required to have Gold Membership.
Throw out any new account, single or couple, which isn't photo-verified within 48 hours of joining.
Remove the 'New Women' search feature."
But why single out men?
Boot them after 30 days and they'll just rejoin and start over.
Why should they have to pay and others not?
I personally don't see the benefit of the new profile feature, but others may.
It's always interesting that single men seem to come up with suggestions to limit the number of other men, as if reducing their numbers will boost their own chances, rather than suggesting behavioural changes instead. If there were 100 times more women than men I'm sure many would still struggle to get meets, simply because they lack the communication skills necessary to attract interest.
It's not also the ratios to blame for a lack of 'success'. |
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"Throw out any single male who hasn't been verified by meeting, by a single female or MF couple, within 30 days of joining.
All single males to be required to have Gold Membership.
Throw out any new account, single or couple, which isn't photo-verified within 48 hours of joining.
Remove the 'New Women' search feature."
Completely ridiculous suggestions. |
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"Throw out any single male who hasn't been verified by meeting, by a single female or MF couple, within 30 days of joining.
All single males to be required to have Gold Membership.
Throw out any new account, single or couple, which isn't photo-verified within 48 hours of joining.
Remove the 'New Women' search feature.
Completely ridiculous suggestions. "
Hmm, ok, going with the "men must pay" idea. Did you know that doesn't work... If men want something, they will pay for it, look at OnlyFools and pay per view tv ...
Putting the filters on is probably good. But a total block. No one can contact the new person until they remove the filters.
My two pennies worth anyway...
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"Have filters turned on as a default setting so when new members join it’s not as overwhelming. Have added security features to prevent images being screenshot so women aren’t as concerned that their pictures will be shared elsewhere. Have the option to block explicit pictures being sent via DM. Blocking should actually mean blocked - blocked users shouldn’t still be able to see profile pic/status updates etc. Give the option to turn off the ‘online now’ visibility and location settings. "
THIS !! Especially blocked means they can’t see anything and neither can you. There’s a user I’ve blocked but everytime they post new pics I can see them when I’m scrolling through new photos. |
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If the new women search feature is so overwhelming, why not let female or couple members opt out of it?
It has never even crossed my mind to check out that facility. Clearly large numbers of men trawling it and sending speculative messages are living in a dream world. Possibly the best thing the site can do is take advantage of it financially.
For all I know, it might be a pay to use facility anyway, I don't move in those circles.
I didn't join Fab to find people to screw. I'd already met them and realised that this site was another way to keep in touch while enjoying news and opinions in the forum. |
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"Most women I know have no interest in the swinging lifestyle. They find the whole idea distasteful and seedy.
Because they are trying to impress men who tell them that meanwhile the men themselves are off cheating."
Mumsnet ballix. |
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"Maybe only allow women to message guys ? Most guys will soon get bored if they don’t receive anything!"
That’s true , but then not fully fair I think..
Maybe if men have only one message ,and if woman doesn’t reply,then they can’t send more |
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"I feel there is a lot of blaming how this site is formatted and run.
It's got nothing to do with this site, all swinging or sex sites are the same, when it comes to the balance of gender, sexual orientation etc, its human nature. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex.
I have never seen hoards of women patrolling at the rear of nudist beaches playing with themselves, only men. Or groups of women hanging around dogging sites in the hope that a man will turn up. I've yet to see a Red Light District anywhere in Europe where men are sitting in a window whilst gangs of women are window shopping for sex. Men and women are differently predisposed for most women its quality over quantity and their feelings come into the equation, that certainly not the case with men. There are a lot of men who visit these sites who think its going to be full of nymphos having sex 24/7 with anyone who joins the queue, where as the truth is that as a couple the dynamic is much more important to the sex.
These sites and the internet in general mirrors real life, I know its a get away from reality fantasy world for some, but if it doesnt work for you in the real world, it isnt going to work on the web."
Well said! |
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I think the simplest thing to do as mentioned above is to have all filters turned on so you have time to write your profile detailing what you are looking for. Then you can choose to turn off whatever filters you want.
Some people may disagree but personally I think you should not be able to have access to forums, message people or fab any pics etc unless you are photo verified. That might stop some spam accounts. |
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Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel. |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel."
As a woman I rarely contact men, why? Because on the whole, men's attitudes towards women who approach them. |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel.
As a woman I rarely contact men, why? Because on the whole, men's attitudes towards women who approach them. "
Some men are bad and some women are bad..but we all just get to go around that. Hard to separate who is who when they join .. |
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I'm not sure you could ever change the ratio of men and women. I think you can only really help members with easy to understand and thorough filters. It's then up to each person to use them. You could also restrict accounts ability to message until they are face photo verified and atleast silver subscribed. Who knows? That's my thoughts anyway. |
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Agree with the premise of men not being able to message, only women (unless couple to couple). Would take the disgusting sude of the way some .en message.
Sadly the site would be dead in a week, with no one messaging. At present women are bombarded - not always in a good way - so don't need to make any effort whatsoever. Mindsets would need to change massively a round for any kind of positive change to take place.
Swinging evolves every so often too - and at present it's all about couples in the clubs I go to, with many great single men and women saying they feel like lepers. |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel."
I don't measure my self worth in numbers of messages on Fab |
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"Stop the blokes already here being dicks and putting women off, that's probably a good start.
I've known women sign up and leave within days because of the creeps."
Most certainly true - along with good men who receive absolutely zero over long periods of time. I've seen some tremendous blokes leave due to feeling like it's all about men being expected to jump through every hoop, while the vast majority of women sit back and put in zero effort.
The forums are full of the negative and disgusting attitudes of the poor men, but if women blocked guys and actually searched out the men with excellent reputations Fab would work so much better.
Personally I stopped messaging on here completely around two years ago as it was a complete waste of my time. As a result I feel much better for it and have no complaints personally. My inbox remained completely empty for over four years prior to that, despite my reputation in clubs being among the best as single guys go.
Would be so much better if women had the control, blocking guys, then searching them out themselves, but Fab would be dead in a week if that were the case. Women know they don't need to lift a finger on here, while clubs are more of a balanced effort.
Nothing will ever change as most people's attitudes and approaches won't - poorly/badly behaved men and lazy, entitled women. Not universal by any means, but there are a lot in both cases. |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel.
As a woman I rarely contact men, why? Because on the whole, men's attitudes towards women who approach them. "
.....and therein lies the problem. Badly behaved - and sometimes vile men - and a lazy, entitled approach by women. Absolutely true to say no woman should ever receive a single disgusting, or lazy message, but also true to say women shouldn't expect/demand all traffic to be one-way.
Women don't take the time to seek out the good guys, who then end up leaving (I've known some amazing and gentlemanly fellas do so) as a respectful and positive approach doesn't achieve anything. Those guys know being a class above doesn't make any difference, so just drop off the site eventually, leaving women to continue to sit back and complain about the unpleasant contents of their inboxes.
Surely it would be better to block men to avoid the scummy approaches and search out the quality for themselves? |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel.
As a woman I rarely contact men, why? Because on the whole, men's attitudes towards women who approach them.
Some men are bad and some women are bad..but we all just get to go around that. Hard to separate who is who when they join .."
It's more about sexist attitudes around women's sexuality. Still alot of men on here see women on here in a degrading way. |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel.
As a woman I rarely contact men, why? Because on the whole, men's attitudes towards women who approach them.
Some men are bad and some women are bad..but we all just get to go around that. Hard to separate who is who when they join ..
It's more about sexist attitudes around women's sexuality. Still alot of men on here see women on here in a degrading way."
I m sure there are men that are like that..but we cant paint them all in same colour |
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"Read now quite a few posts…
I think most men wish they had the problems you women have, getting tons of messages etc.
I see it as you having so much more from choose from .
I don’t think I m a very unattractive guy ,but I believe I ve been contacted by a woman first only maybe once or twice .
I wonder for women if you would be happier if nobody contacted and how “wanted and attractive” would that make you feel.
As a woman I rarely contact men, why? Because on the whole, men's attitudes towards women who approach them.
Some men are bad and some women are bad..but we all just get to go around that. Hard to separate who is who when they join ..
It's more about sexist attitudes around women's sexuality. Still alot of men on here see women on here in a degrading way."
Ridiculous in 2024. We should all be absolutely equal - no shame.
This should all be about enjoyment. Anything else detracts from that. If some men make some women feel that way it's a negative for all of us.
The thought of a woman 'making the running' is a fabulous thing, so to think some would shy away from that is a shame to put it mildly. |
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If you are a decent, well presented, articulate (the ability to engage and string a sentence together) will do.
Maybe get away from FAB to find meets and use FABs excellent meet up sections on the forum.
Most single guys we have met are through socials, clubs, weekend swingers meets and holidays.
You can float around and speak to everyone but keep clear of some of the ball busting, entitled women be that single or in a couple.
As a woman I've been shocked how a few ladies have treated single guys at meets, basically just plain rude.
If they were super models, maybe, but maybe the male attention goes to their heads as I'm sure in a vanilla pub they wouldn't get a second glance.
Don't think this is in any way a reflection of the majority of ladies but you only need one to knock a single guys confidence and think all ladies on here are cut from the same cloth.
We most definitely are not.
Give the divas and drama queens a wide berth.
Guys, get yourself about, there's a real swingers world out there and FAB is the best tool to open these doors, become one of the small percentage of guys who venture into this wonderful real world of swinging.
Good luck, hope to see some of you on our travels.
Liz. X |
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"If you are a decent, well presented, articulate (the ability to engage and string a sentence together) will do.
Maybe get away from FAB to find meets and use FABs excellent meet up sections on the forum.
Most single guys we have met are through socials, clubs, weekend swingers meets and holidays.
You can float around and speak to everyone but keep clear of some of the ball busting, entitled women be that single or in a couple.
As a woman I've been shocked how a few ladies have treated single guys at meets, basically just plain rude.
If they were super models, maybe, but maybe the male attention goes to their heads as I'm sure in a vanilla pub they wouldn't get a second glance.
Don't think this is in any way a reflection of the majority of ladies but you only need one to knock a single guys confidence and think all ladies on here are cut from the same cloth.
We most definitely are not.
Give the divas and drama queens a wide berth.
Guys, get yourself about, there's a real swingers world out there and FAB is the best tool to open these doors, become one of the small percentage of guys who venture into this wonderful real world of swinging.
Good luck, hope to see some of you on our travels.
Liz. X "
That's beautiful! x |
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"Make it more acceptable for women to enjoy sex with many different partners.
Simply this "
The only people who think it's unacceptable are you girls yourselves! Presumably cause you don't wanna been seen as a slag by other girls on here.. ask ANY guy on here and we'd love a bit more full yer boots free love on Fab... It's a swingers site it's a big thumbs up  |
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The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe. |
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"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe."
Why are men who don't fit that description getting meets?
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I think the problem is that people (not just men) want to change the odds in their favour or want others to change their preferences to make it easier for them to get what they want.
In reality the only influence any of us have on a site like this is over ourselves, the only changes in approach and attitude we can make are to our own. If what we're doing isn't achieving the results we want then we need to change what we're doing or accept that we're not going to achieve what we're after and adjust expectations. The rest of the world isn't going to change to suit the individual. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 12 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe."
I'm curious. Why wouldn't a guy like that needn't use the site? |
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"I think the problem is that people (not just men) want to change the odds in their favour or want others to change their preferences to make it easier for them to get what they want.
In reality the only influence any of us have on a site like this is over ourselves, the only changes in approach and attitude we can make are to our own. If what we're doing isn't achieving the results we want then we need to change what we're doing or accept that we're not going to achieve what we're after and adjust expectations. The rest of the world isn't going to change to suit the individual. "
This 100%.
Having become painfully aware that although my profile is good I've had no interest via the site itself in several years. I'm successful in a club/social environment once people have got to know me face to face, so I'm comfortable with the Tumble on here. That being the case I no longer send messages either as it's a complete waste of time where I could be more productive doing other things - Discord chats for instance.
For the vast majority of guys I'd say stop bothering on here. Get yourself known as a real person, rather than an anonymous profile. If you're one of the guys with really poor standards in your approach, then up your game. Women aren't pieces of meat and should be shown genuine respect. If you can't do that you don't belong here. |
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"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe."
Yet another woe is me response.
We've been to many clubs and lots of guys have a great time; the vast majority are not models, gym fit, 10 inch and girthy; they're just your average guy. |
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"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe.
Yet another woe is me response.
We've been to many clubs and lots of guys have a great time; the vast majority are not models, gym fit, 10 inch and girthy; they're just your average guy."
This is true - I very much fit that description. What was said is true though - men are always expected to jump through multiple hoops, while being td they should expect nothing in return. For the vast majority that's exactly what they get. It's also true to say there are many on here who look down on all single men and address them like they're something they've stepped in, deserving or not. The good, respectful guys absolutely don't, which is why I'll always tell them to stop bothering with messaging anyone on here, but to focus on those who are as respectful as they are. There are definitely some who deserve zero respect based on their approach and attitude, but a high value man shouldn't subject himself to that, but go where he's going to be seen for who is is, with positive energy. It absolutely works at the club I go to, which does welcome the good guys....rare though that seems to be. |
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"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe."
Haha keep telling yourself that, let's face it most don't want gym fit and model like.
Just like not every bloke wants a 6ft bling with legs upto her ears, slim waist and big boobs.
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"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe."
How very dare you Sir.
I believe one day in the future when Renaldo is old, bent over, fucked up and knackered he will look like my dear husband. 🤣🤣 |
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"Easy.
Give all female/couple profiles a limited time to get a couple of meet verifications or delete the profile.
However i’m not sure it’s quite what the o.p had in mind !!!!!"
Errm… surely that would have the opposite effect? 🤔 Perhaps my sarcasm radar is broken but surely the M:F ratio would be improved if *men* were given a limited amount of time to get a meet verification or have their profile deleted? Not saying I agree - I don’t think anyone should have to get a meet veri to keep their profile. |
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"The problem is that women want the men to look like Renaldo with a fit body, but most don't look like him and if we did we probably wouldn't need to use this site. If Carling made a swinging site then maybe.
Haha keep telling yourself that, let's face it most don't want gym fit and model like.
Just like not every bloke wants a 6ft bling with legs upto her ears, slim waist and big boobs.
"
Very much the case. Give me a 'girl next door' type of woman, with a fabulous smile, a warm and flirty personality and Curves that go on for years and I'm as happy as a pig in poo!
Have to actually get a message/reply first obviously! That being said I'll stick to meeting people in person at a club, without pressure and enjoy building social acquaintances that may or may not lead to an invite to a playroom.
Works for me, so it'll work for any average guy with high standards.
It's a pity it doesn't work on Fab itself though. |
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"Make it more acceptable for women to enjoy sex with many different partners.
This.
Why should women get stigma for enjoying the same pleasures we do. "
I'd suggest it's a lot less stigmatised than twenty years ago, except with knuckle-daggers. Personally I find it a real positive seeing a woman behaving in a strong, independent and liberated way. To hell with those who would judge. You do you. |
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