Why do men find it difficult to talk about problems?
Young lives being taken all because they think they are alone. If only they could see the love and emotion friends and family have for them they wouldn't do it. |
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"Why do men find it difficult to talk about problems?
Young lives being taken all because they think they are alone. If only they could see the love and emotion friends and family have for them they wouldn't do it. "
It's a horrendous situation for It to happen to anyone.
We nearly lost our son but thanks to modern technology and someone reporting his suicide attempt it was quickly traced back to our address.
Thankfully we are one of the lucky ones,but tragically there are some family's & friends that aren't so lucky  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult subject!! Quite a large percentage of men are too proud to ask for help. Sounds like you are speaking from personal experience. We do hope all is ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking from personal experience: It's a mixture of pride, shame and embarrassment,fear of failure to live up to expectation of being "A Man", hatred of oneself for feeling that way in the first place and so wanting to cause further harm as punishment for it in the first place, a whole myriad of things.
In my case it took a very, very special woman to have the patience to not try and break down my walls but to instead show me reasons why I should remove them myself brick by brick.
Don't ever underestimate how people of any gender can feel inside as it can often be a totally different thing to what they project for people to think. |
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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago
Uptown Top Ranking |
My brother committed suicide at the age of 31... to everyone he was the same happy-go-lucky guy he always was....til we had the heartbreaking phone call to tell us
It's the not knowing why he was in such a dreadful place that suicide was the only way out that is still difficult to deal with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex, the man I lived with killed himself many years ago, he was successful in his life and job and on the outside it all looked OK but one day he snapped, all hell broke loose & before you know it the police are knocking at the door. No one will ever know why but it has taught me that if ever someone I know says they're lonely, struggling or need a chat I make time and I listen. I may not be able to help but I like to think I can be there X |
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"My brother committed suicide at the age of 31... to everyone he was the same happy-go-lucky guy he always was....til we had the heartbreaking phone call to tell us
It's the not knowing why he was in such a dreadful place that suicide was the only way out that is still difficult to deal with "
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"My ex, the man I lived with killed himself many years ago, he was successful in his life and job and on the outside it all looked OK but one day he snapped, all hell broke loose & before you know it the police are knocking at the door. No one will ever know why but it has taught me that if ever someone I know says they're lonely, struggling or need a chat I make time and I listen. I may not be able to help but I like to think I can be there X"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a friend going through this everyday I always tell him I’m on the end of a phone and that I will always answer but lately he’s been getting worse I’m going to see him tomorrow to make sure he get help as I’m away a lot with work |
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I agree with you PMD, like you i have suffered my ups and downs. But I'm lucky enough to be confident to speak about mental health and my mate do speak to me about it. It's not embarrassment, although many men think it is and the fact masculinity can hide many men fears to discuss the issue. I say to all men and women to speak up about mental health, It's an illnesses not an embarrassment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mate tried taking his life two weeks ago feed up of living was his answer when I asked him I told him life if for living not for dying and I will always be here for him not matter what |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am currently studying this as part of my course and it’s a subject I have recently written a report on! It’s awful and the statistics are dreadful! Men are less likely to talk as they see it as weakness it’s so sad! The amount of male suicides is huge! Unlike woman men don’t like to share feelings studied suggest it’s goin back to post war when men had to be seen as the stronger sex in society and therefore talking about problems wasn’t a thing that was done! This is wht reports say before Anyone jumps down my throat! Men need to know it’s ok and no1 will laugh it’s a natural thing to feel like things are on top of u and there is always a way out! I feel for men who suffer with mental health issues as there just isn’t enough done to help it’s very sad xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speaking from personal experience: It's a mixture of pride, shame and embarrassment,fear of failure to live up to expectation of being "A Man", hatred of oneself for feeling that way in the first place and so wanting to cause further harm as punishment for it in the first place, a whole myriad of things.
In my case it took a very, very special woman to have the patience to not try and break down my walls but to instead show me reasons why I should remove them myself brick by brick.
Don't ever underestimate how people of any gender can feel inside as it can often be a totally different thing to what they project for people to think. "
I actually totally agree with this! Working in mental health I see a lot of men that suffer even more so as they feel they can’t open up its heartbreaking |
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Unfortunately it's something I live with every day . I can go weeks where everything is fine and then out of the blue the dark cloud will descend . All I think about is my kids and how i could never leave them ... doesn't stop the thoughts though . It's so hard to talk about it although I did encounter one doctor that was amazing but a vast majority just want to Chuck pills down your throat which I refuse to take as all they do is mask the problem and not solve it . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect many men don't form the same close friendships that women often do so
the confidence to share is missing. I'm not saying all men but its definitely an archetype. I'm only close enough to one person to really spill and that friend happens to be female. I'm not sure I'd want to burden her if was really down though, she did once tell me she hates to see a grown man cry. Emotionally repressed therefore, I shall remain. Oh and I don't make a habit of crying....except sometimes at the end of diy sos! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It definetly comes down to men finding it hard to open up as they don't want to seem "weak" or "unmanly".
I have had depression for a while and you really don't want to talk to anyone about it as it feels like they are judging you.
For me personally, I find it easy to talk about online but in my personal life only a handful of people know about it and even with them I find it incredibly difficult to say something like "hey are you free to chat as I'm ferling low at the moment" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also work with mental health sadly these days there is not enough help out there for mental health due to shortages and cutbacks the resources are so small due to this there are long waiting lists for help and sometimes it's to late by the time they get the help they need and they slips though the net! Even police are not trained enough to deal with situations they get a half day training course but they try their best when bad
situations arrise. Sadly these days there is not enough help out there for mental health and it will get worse!
Always try and talk even when things get that low but sadly some keep all to themselves x |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
Outwardly I’m a sociable person with many friends who love me.
I’ve had terrible struggles with mental health, including in recent times. The only reasons I’m still here is that I couldn’t hurt people around me and I’m able to speak about my problems.
It’s not really depression with me, but incredible levels of anxiety. I’m busy and active and recognise that I have much to be grateful for. On occasions, the balance tips though and I get consumed with the idea of taking my own life. It’s mainly because I simply can’t cope with stress anymore.
I accept that it must seem ludicrous to people not burdened by this. However, someone in my position is consumed by these thoughts and it becomes normal, banal even. The idea of ending it doesn’t seem terrifying and irrational any more - your brain becomes normalised to living in a constantly anxious state and the act becomes banal and insignificant compared to the ongoing stress of coping with the anxious thoughts.
There’s a certain arrogance to it too - it’s like you see the “real” world and not the edifice that’s been built up. When others express shock and sadness when someone takes their own life, you nod knowingly and think “ah, that’s one of us”.
Don’t ever underestimate how this can skew peoples’ thinking and lead to an act of wilful self-destruction seeming mundane and normal.
Take care everyone (men and women alike) |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
"I am currently studying this as part of my course and it’s a subject I have recently written a report on! It’s awful and the statistics are dreadful! Men are less likely to talk as they see it as weakness it’s so sad! The amount of male suicides is huge! Unlike woman men don’t like to share feelings studied suggest it’s goin back to post war when men had to be seen as the stronger sex in society and therefore talking about problems wasn’t a thing that was done! This is wht reports say before Anyone jumps down my throat! Men need to know it’s ok and no1 will laugh it’s a natural thing to feel like things are on top of u and there is always a way out! I feel for men who suffer with mental health issues as there just isn’t enough done to help it’s very sad xx"
If you’re doing a recognised qualification (I assume you are!) and you need thoughts/insights etc, I’m happy to talk about my experiences.
Anything that helps build understanding/ knowledge, particular amongst young professionals, should be encouraged.
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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago
Uptown Top Ranking |
"Outwardly I’m a sociable person with many friends who love me.
I’ve had terrible struggles with mental health, including in recent times. The only reasons I’m still here is that I couldn’t hurt people around me and I’m able to speak about my problems.
It’s not really depression with me, but incredible levels of anxiety. I’m busy and active and recognise that I have much to be grateful for. On occasions, the balance tips though and I get consumed with the idea of taking my own life. It’s mainly because I simply can’t cope with stress anymore.
I accept that it must seem ludicrous to people not burdened by this. However, someone in my position is consumed by these thoughts and it becomes normal, banal even. The idea of ending it doesn’t seem terrifying and irrational any more - your brain becomes normalised to living in a constantly anxious state and the act becomes banal and insignificant compared to the ongoing stress of coping with the anxious thoughts.
There’s a certain arrogance to it too - it’s like you see the “real” world and not the edifice that’s been built up. When others express shock and sadness when someone takes their own life, you nod knowingly and think “ah, that’s one of us”.
Don’t ever underestimate how this can skew peoples’ thinking and lead to an act of wilful self-destruction seeming mundane and normal.
Take care everyone (men and women alike)"
I can relate with all that you have said. When I've been at a real low ebb I have planned how I would end things.
Thankfully, at the moment I'm feeling I'm on middle ground. Had a dreadful anxiety attack in work yesterday and sobbed for 15 minutes.
Many people who haven't suffered with mental health issues don't often understand and often say * pull yourself together* or other such things. If I could pull myself together I definitely would.
Let's look out for each other and try and recognise the signs that our friends and family are showing. Changes in personality and sometimes shutting themselves away. Often they will tell us that they are ok and try and portray to others that they are but once alone that isn't the case...
Take care everyone xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am currently studying this as part of my course and it’s a subject I have recently written a report on! It’s awful and the statistics are dreadful! Men are less likely to talk as they see it as weakness it’s so sad! The amount of male suicides is huge! Unlike woman men don’t like to share feelings studied suggest it’s goin back to post war when men had to be seen as the stronger sex in society and therefore talking about problems wasn’t a thing that was done! This is wht reports say before Anyone jumps down my throat! Men need to know it’s ok and no1 will laugh it’s a natural thing to feel like things are on top of u and there is always a way out! I feel for men who suffer with mental health issues as there just isn’t enough done to help it’s very sad xx
If you’re doing a recognised qualification (I assume you are!) and you need thoughts/insights etc, I’m happy to talk about my experiences.
Anything that helps build understanding/ knowledge, particular amongst young professionals, should be encouraged.
"
I have just finished my qualification thank you for offering.!
I’m always here tho if u need an ear sometimes those who aren’t close are the easiest to talk to! Never feel like u can’t xxxx |
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It is terrifying how many people are affected by this.
A friend of Trevs took his own life yesterday (hence the post) and I personally know of 4 young men who have taken their own lives in the space of 18 months, all under the age of 30.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in this country, that is a frightening statistic ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have suffered depression and anxiety the last 2 years since i had to give up work. Lock myself away for days on end and don't see a soul. It makes you feel like a failure, no one really knows what others go through in real life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is terrifying how many people are affected by this.
A friend of Trevs took his own life yesterday (hence the post) and I personally know of 4 young men who have taken their own lives in the space of 18 months, all under the age of 30.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in this country, that is a frightening statistic ??"
Wales also has the biggest suicide rate for men on 21 in 100000 it’s so frightening budgets are so over spent and money spending in wrong places that mental health doesn’t get the funding or attention it needs its heart breaking really it is xx |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
"I am currently studying this as part of my course and it’s a subject I have recently written a report on! It’s awful and the statistics are dreadful! Men are less likely to talk as they see it as weakness it’s so sad! The amount of male suicides is huge! Unlike woman men don’t like to share feelings studied suggest it’s goin back to post war when men had to be seen as the stronger sex in society and therefore talking about problems wasn’t a thing that was done! This is wht reports say before Anyone jumps down my throat! Men need to know it’s ok and no1 will laugh it’s a natural thing to feel like things are on top of u and there is always a way out! I feel for men who suffer with mental health issues as there just isn’t enough done to help it’s very sad xx
If you’re doing a recognised qualification (I assume you are!) and you need thoughts/insights etc, I’m happy to talk about my experiences.
Anything that helps build understanding/ knowledge, particular amongst young professionals, should be encouraged.
I have just finished my qualification thank you for offering.!
I’m always here tho if u need an ear sometimes those who aren’t close are the easiest to talk to! Never feel like u can’t xxxx"
Sorry, been offline most of the weekend. Thank you for the lovely post and the kind offer.
Well done on finishing your qualification! |
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I don't think that there is one answer but I believe that technology has a huge part to play in the increase in problems.
Years ago you went to the pub with mates and talked and laughed but for example I went to the pub on the weekend and there was one table of 7 people and for 45 minutes they all stared at there phones which was funny but sad.
The tv news seems to be doom and gloom and your iphone permanently tells you of disasters and terrorist incidents around the world.
People need to use phones to communicate when needed but otherwise switch them off and get outside to enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
I know this is a very simplistic view of a complex issue but it's a start |
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From my experience its better to confront it. However the person in question did not recognise anything was wrong but his other half did. Depending on the condition it has many triggers bringing it to the foreground. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am currently studying this as part of my course and it’s a subject I have recently written a report on! It’s awful and the statistics are dreadful! Men are less likely to talk as they see it as weakness it’s so sad! The amount of male suicides is huge! Unlike woman men don’t like to share feelings studied suggest it’s goin back to post war when men had to be seen as the stronger sex in society and therefore talking about problems wasn’t a thing that was done! This is wht reports say before Anyone jumps down my throat! Men need to know it’s ok and no1 will laugh it’s a natural thing to feel like things are on top of u and there is always a way out! I feel for men who suffer with mental health issues as there just isn’t enough done to help it’s very sad xx
If you’re doing a recognised qualification (I assume you are!) and you need thoughts/insights etc, I’m happy to talk about my experiences.
Anything that helps build understanding/ knowledge, particular amongst young professionals, should be encouraged.
I have just finished my qualification thank you for offering.!
I’m always here tho if u need an ear sometimes those who aren’t close are the easiest to talk to! Never feel like u can’t xxxx
Sorry, been offline most of the weekend. Thank you for the lovely post and the kind offer.
Well done on finishing your qualification!"
That’s no problem at all! Any time honestly!
Thank you it’s a long old road for me off to uni next lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a long term anxiety/paranoia sufferer. Not many people know and that's how I prefer it, I am not a talker and I deal with things in my own way. Talking makes me worse if anything. My kids and boyfriend get me through the particularly difficut days just by being there and providing a distraction.
Exercise and cutting back on the booze helped me but I'm crippled by it at the moment. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe not today, but one day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a long term anxiety/paranoia sufferer. Not many people know and that's how I prefer it, I am not a talker and I deal with things in my own way. Talking makes me worse if anything. My kids and boyfriend get me through the particularly difficut days just by being there and providing a distraction.
Exercise and cutting back on the booze helped me but I'm crippled by it at the moment. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe not today, but one day "
I'm like you talking isn't for me, I prefer to do & get on. Work hard, play harder & wear my mind out. But I do push myself outside my anxiety bubble & my biggest achievement to date was going to Chams on my own the other week. I survived & I enjoyed X |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
"I am currently studying this as part of my course and it’s a subject I have recently written a report on! It’s awful and the statistics are dreadful! Men are less likely to talk as they see it as weakness it’s so sad! The amount of male suicides is huge! Unlike woman men don’t like to share feelings studied suggest it’s goin back to post war when men had to be seen as the stronger sex in society and therefore talking about problems wasn’t a thing that was done! This is wht reports say before Anyone jumps down my throat! Men need to know it’s ok and no1 will laugh it’s a natural thing to feel like things are on top of u and there is always a way out! I feel for men who suffer with mental health issues as there just isn’t enough done to help it’s very sad xx
If you’re doing a recognised qualification (I assume you are!) and you need thoughts/insights etc, I’m happy to talk about my experiences.
Anything that helps build understanding/ knowledge, particular amongst young professionals, should be encouraged.
I have just finished my qualification thank you for offering.!
I’m always here tho if u need an ear sometimes those who aren’t close are the easiest to talk to! Never feel like u can’t xxxx
Sorry, been offline most of the weekend. Thank you for the lovely post and the kind offer.
Well done on finishing your qualification!
That’s no problem at all! Any time honestly!
Thank you it’s a long old road for me off to uni next lol xx"
Great stuff - uni can be a great experience and you’ll probably appreciate it/get much more out of it than someone who goes straight from school.
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"Outwardly I’m a sociable person with many friends who love me.
I’ve had terrible struggles with mental health, including in recent times. The only reasons I’m still here is that I couldn’t hurt people around me and I’m able to speak about my problems.
It’s not really depression with me, but incredible levels of anxiety. I’m busy and active and recognise that I have much to be grateful for. On occasions, the balance tips though and I get consumed with the idea of taking my own life. It’s mainly because I simply can’t cope with stress anymore.
I accept that it must seem ludicrous to people not burdened by this. However, someone in my position is consumed by these thoughts and it becomes normal, banal even. The idea of ending it doesn’t seem terrifying and irrational any more - your brain becomes normalised to living in a constantly anxious state and the act becomes banal and insignificant compared to the ongoing stress of coping with the anxious thoughts.
There’s a certain arrogance to it too - it’s like you see the “real” world and not the edifice that’s been built up. When others express shock and sadness when someone takes their own life, you nod knowingly and think “ah, that’s one of us”.
Don’t ever underestimate how this can skew peoples’ thinking and lead to an act of wilful self-destruction seeming mundane and normal.
Take care everyone (men and women alike)"
Someone close to me is going through this now.
This is the most succinct and clear description I've read and very closely mirrors what I'm seeing. |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
"Outwardly I’m a sociable person with many friends who love me.
I’ve had terrible struggles with mental health, including in recent times. The only reasons I’m still here is that I couldn’t hurt people around me and I’m able to speak about my problems.
It’s not really depression with me, but incredible levels of anxiety. I’m busy and active and recognise that I have much to be grateful for. On occasions, the balance tips though and I get consumed with the idea of taking my own life. It’s mainly because I simply can’t cope with stress anymore.
I accept that it must seem ludicrous to people not burdened by this. However, someone in my position is consumed by these thoughts and it becomes normal, banal even. The idea of ending it doesn’t seem terrifying and irrational any more - your brain becomes normalised to living in a constantly anxious state and the act becomes banal and insignificant compared to the ongoing stress of coping with the anxious thoughts.
There’s a certain arrogance to it too - it’s like you see the “real” world and not the edifice that’s been built up. When others express shock and sadness when someone takes their own life, you nod knowingly and think “ah, that’s one of us”.
Don’t ever underestimate how this can skew peoples’ thinking and lead to an act of wilful self-destruction seeming mundane and normal.
Take care everyone (men and women alike)
Someone close to me is going through this now.
This is the most succinct and clear description I've read and very closely mirrors what I'm seeing."
Sorry to hear that. I’m happy to talk to you more about my experiences if you think it might help in any way. No pressure, of course.
I’m no expert, but I guess I’ve lived with this a long time and have that experience to draw and on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I too suffer anxiety coupled with a form of agoraphobia.I have complete empathy for anyone struggling with a mental illness. I don't like to talk about what makes me act the way I do sometimes. Mostly because as I'm saying it I hear my own words and swifftly realise how idiotic I sound. If I feel this way then how am I supposed to rationalize it to someone who has no expirience in it. It's easier to hide things, tell fibs and avoid certain things /places than to go through trying to gain some understanding. I feel constantly misunderstood. I also feel guilty alot of the time. I also get angry. Why can't I do some of the things other people don't think twice about. I'm envious of things. I wonder how it must feel to never ever expirience panic or ever suffer with it. I'd like to be reprogrammed! Start over. But that won't happen. So I've come to terms with the fact this is me. It will never heal. I just need to learn to cope and take baby steps. I feel like I'm slowly winning . SLOWLY! Cbt helps and mindfulness. My anticipatory worry is bad. But I think that's the hardest bit for me. People are blind to something they can't see. It's very cruel. Xxmiss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're all so different, I'm almost 56 & don't ever think I'll 'win' I just think in terms of coping. The difficulty is every day is different, some good, some bad & some you just need to work hard & then sleep through to move on to the next one. Coping is good, having friends who recognise you've become overwhelmed & allow you to opt out without fuss help & having friends who care & understand that each of our experiences is individual is invaluable. I learnt a long time ago if a person reaches out for company, I'll do all I can to meet that need because let's face it, people rarely reach out easily X |
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I was made redundant 8 yrs ago
Tried to start on my own
Failed
Wife moaned want doing enough lol
Other stuff
Step mum died
Dad died
Marrige failed after 20 yrs
She then said "you bin depressed for about 8 yrs lol the penny dropped i didnt realise what the problem was
I WAS DEPRESSED and so down
Now i know i was ill sort help now
SO much better
ANYBODY READING THIS GO GET HELP WHATS THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN? |
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"Outwardly I’m a sociable person with many friends who love me.
I’ve had terrible struggles with mental health, including in recent times. The only reasons I’m still here is that I couldn’t hurt people around me and I’m able to speak about my problems.
It’s not really depression with me, but incredible levels of anxiety. I’m busy and active and recognise that I have much to be grateful for. On occasions, the balance tips though and I get consumed with the idea of taking my own life. It’s mainly because I simply can’t cope with stress anymore.
I accept that it must seem ludicrous to people not burdened by this. However, someone in my position is consumed by these thoughts and it becomes normal, banal even. The idea of ending it doesn’t seem terrifying and irrational any more - your brain becomes normalised to living in a constantly anxious state and the act becomes banal and insignificant compared to the ongoing stress of coping with the anxious thoughts.
There’s a certain arrogance to it too - it’s like you see the “real” world and not the edifice that’s been built up. When others express shock and sadness when someone takes their own life, you nod knowingly and think “ah, that’s one of us”.
Don’t ever underestimate how this can skew peoples’ thinking and lead to an act of wilful self-destruction seeming mundane and normal.
Take care everyone (men and women alike)
Someone close to me is going through this now.
This is the most succinct and clear description I've read and very closely mirrors what I'm seeing."
We have messaged you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're all so different, I'm almost 56 & don't ever think I'll 'win' I just think in terms of coping. The difficulty is every day is different, some good, some bad & some you just need to work hard & then sleep through to move on to the next one. Coping is good, having friends who recognise you've become overwhelmed & allow you to opt out without fuss help & having friends who care & understand that each of our experiences is individual is invaluable. I learnt a long time ago if a person reaches out for company, I'll do all I can to meet that need because let's face it, people rarely reach out easily X"
You know I'm always here if you need me.
You along with a few others where the only ones who reacted out and took the time to talk to me when I was going through a terrible patch in my life.
Drinking made everything go away.
Everyone else would ridicual me and belittle me but none of those ever once asked why I was like I was.
And to be fair I was a absoulte nightmare.
Luckily for myself I woke up one day and thought I'm better than this and ditch the tablets.
It hasn't been easy at all but I was lucky I found the Mr and he sat and listened and was willing to be part of my life.
So I'm very thankful for him and the few friends who helped and supported me through a very difficult time  |
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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago
Uptown Top Ranking |
Having friends who understand and care is a huge help. I have received so much support and love from friends I've made on here and I really appreciate it...they have really been my saviours  |
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