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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello all.
Just wanted to open debate upon this matter. In the past Ive dated several women of colour, the majority of whom expressed concerns about white men fetishizing their skin colour so valuing them not in human terms but as utilities to tick off a sexual bucket list. This was an ongoing concern, particularly foe the afro carribean women I dated.
I see lots of profiles here requesting bbc, or black only male suitors.
As much as I can see this as a personal taste/attraction issue, for the most part it's caucasian couples seeking out black men.
With that in mind, is there a problem with fetishizing black men within swinging? Do black guys on the scene find this problematic? Or is it by nature of the utilitarian sexual encounter not an issue i.e does this sub culture immunify itself from racial fetishisation because it "is what it is"?
Interested to hear views fron both sides of the debate x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there was no attraction(including chemistry) then it wouldn't matter what colour someone is.
On the second part of your post I read a thread on the main forums awhile ago about this..many fellas advertise themselves as BBC but I saw other fellas saying how they saw it as belittling so no clear answer is guess. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If there was no attraction(including chemistry) then it wouldn't matter what colour someone is.
On the second part of your post I read a thread on the main forums awhile ago about this..many fellas advertise themselves as BBC but I saw other fellas saying how they saw it as belittling so no clear answer is guess. "
Yeah it's as though in society at large this would be seen as unacceptable. Yet in swinging the lines of acceptability in racial fetishisation are very blurred. I find it interesting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's people first for us & colour of skin makes little difference to any fun that might happen, personalities, attitudes & connections are what matter to us X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's people first for us & colour of skin makes little difference to any fun that might happen, personalities, attitudes & connections are what matter to us X"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also is it really a fetishism or just preference.
Someone looking for someone older/younger wouldn't be classed as ageist.
Or someone looking for someone straight wouldn't be classed as homophobic.
I personally wouldn't class any of the above as fetishism but just plain and simply someones preference.
Again others will no doubt see it differently, swinging is a quirky little world.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest I rarely see black guys raising the topic it always seems to be white guys concerned for our feeling 
I see it as the same as my friends preference for heavily tattooed guys; she just doesn't want to sleep with plainskinned guys it's a preference and although I'm sure you could attribute some deeper meaning (the bad boy connection to tattoos or the old school interaccial taboo) isn't it easier to just call it a preference and move on? |
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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago
Uptown Top Ranking |
I see it as the person too...although I could get accused of ageism as I prefer people younger than myself.
I do get people who often mention my skin colouring, but that's usually after they've met me. I don't think they actively set out to look for someone like me.
To me it's more about preferences  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest I rarely see black guys raising the topic it always seems to be white guys concerned for our feeling
I see it as the same as my friends preference for heavily tattooed guys; she just doesn't want to sleep with plainskinned guys it's a preference and although I'm sure you could attribute some deeper meaning (the bad boy connection to tattoos or the old school interaccial taboo) isn't it easier to just call it a preference and move on? "
I think the point is that if the terminology was used in any other format or place, ie real life, a dating site, social media or whatever, then you are almost guaranteed that it won't be seen as acceptable use of language and no doubt racism will be brought into play.
I've seen lots of debate about it over the years in the other forums, from black men who like it and equally those who find it offensive. It would be interesting to see if they would find the same language and phrasing towards them appealing outside of fab.
Without doubt it is something which separates black, white and all other colours. Any colour skin can have a tattoo, hair colour etc. so I find that an unfair comparison.
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I think your point about this being a subculture is the key to it. In some ways the site is intended as a space where people can cross sexual and cultural boundaries of all sorts. People interrogate their own sexual identities; they subvert previously held behaviour patterns and test homo-normative assumptions along with many other received constructs.
Sooo I'd say people who seek sexual encounters with those from different ethnic backgrounds from their own may not always be fetishising necessarily, but testing their own previously held conditioning about sex, race and boundaries. Of course pursuit of the exotic can be a fetish, or simply a tick box in a process of expanding one's sexual experience, but that doesn't necessarily mean objectifying.
I think there may be sub-groups within the sub-group, some of whom fetishise and some of whom have other motivations. But this is true of people's sexual approach to ethnicity as a whole not just skin colour... I had sex with an English person once! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I had sex with an English person once!
 why is that statement any different to "I had sex with a black person"...? "
We're English and found the comment funny. |
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By *aydee65Man
over a year ago
Near Merthyr |
Interesting thread and refreshing to see one that hasn't degenerated into an argument! I think that everyone has personal preferences, but it has become un-PC in some circles to even mention that you have noticed a difference in skin colour. I do not have a particular 'type' of person that I am attracted towards because the minute I say what it is someone the complete opposite could come along and make me go "Wow !!!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I had sex with an English person once!
why is that statement any different to "I had sex with a black person"...?
We're English and found the comment funny. "
I also found it really funny.
I was making a point that he has seeming taken it as offensive, when he has just claimed that talking about a race isn't offensive lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh preferences for us are like the weather they're so changeable, on the whole we don't limit our experiences but there are occasions when I like to see Ch3wy with a man so obviously a bi guy becomes a preference, sometimes we might have a fancy for a well endowed man or a large or small breasted woman, these can sometimes be specific to the moment or a particular fantasy, I guess skin or hair colour could be the same for some people. we have come across others who are so fixated on the specifics that it can seem a little bit fetish & out of interest I have asked people about their strong preferences, people are rarely able to explain. I see our differences as a positive it keeps swinging & life interesting X |
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By *FFB69Woman
over a year ago
Torfaen/Gwent |
Like others have said, fab is for fantasy in a way.
If some guy walked up to me in the street or in normal conversation called me a slut or said fancy a fuck in a hotel? I'd deck them. But on fab? (After talking for a while) it's ok.
[And no I'm not comparing being called a slut to racism it's just an example.]
Guys who don't mind being referred to in that way usually do so themselves and the ones that don't like it, dont.
Why concern yourself over something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn't that big a deal? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I had sex with an English person once!
why is that statement any different to "I had sex with a black person"...?
We're English and found the comment funny. I also found it really funny.
I was making a point that he has seeming taken it as offensive, when he has just claimed that talking about a race isn't offensive lol "
nah not offended at all haha just shock at a Welshman admitting it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest I rarely see black guys raising the topic it always seems to be white guys concerned for our feeling
I see it as the same as my friends preference for heavily tattooed guys; she just doesn't want to sleep with plainskinned guys it's a preference and although I'm sure you could attribute some deeper meaning (the bad boy connection to tattoos or the old school interaccial taboo) isn't it easier to just call it a preference and move on? I think the point is that if the terminology was used in any other format or place, ie real life, a dating site, social media or whatever, then you are almost guaranteed that it won't be seen as acceptable use of language and no doubt racism will be brought into play.
I've seen lots of debate about it over the years in the other forums, from black men who like it and equally those who find it offensive. It would be interesting to see if they would find the same language and phrasing towards them appealing outside of fab.
Without doubt it is something which separates black, white and all other colours. Any colour skin can have a tattoo, hair colour etc. so I find that an unfair comparison.
"
This ..
Lots of threads on it ..
Some black guys promote themselves as BBC ..some step away from it..they are after all..more than just a big black cock
Some really intetesting threads on it if you search xx
I only meet black guys now. .mbut not for the fetishism of it .... or because like some others feel it is taboo..I mean really? Taboo in 2017
For a whole host of reasons that I can't be arsed to go into ... but yeah ... have a look at some threads on it xx |
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" I had sex with an English person once!
why is that statement any different to "I had sex with a black person"...?
We're English and found the comment funny. I also found it really funny.
I was making a point that he has seeming taken it as offensive, when he has just claimed that talking about a race isn't offensive lol "
Soooo, the gag was intended as a relief after all the sententious stuff I'd written before, but its purpose was to underline that we have sex with people not identities. Saying we want to have sex with particular ethnicities, or Catholics, or postmen, or footballers is humorous at best and offensive at worst, but really its just silly sounding; we fuck people. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To be honest I rarely see black guys raising the topic it always seems to be white guys concerned for our feeling
I see it as the same as my friends preference for heavily tattooed guys; she just doesn't want to sleep with plainskinned guys it's a preference and although I'm sure you could attribute some deeper meaning (the bad boy connection to tattoos or the old school interaccial taboo) isn't it easier to just call it a preference and move on? I think the point is that if the terminology was used in any other format or place, ie real life, a dating site, social media or whatever, then you are almost guaranteed that it won't be seen as acceptable use of language and no doubt racism will be brought into play.
I've seen lots of debate about it over the years in the other forums, from black men who like it and equally those who find it offensive. It would be interesting to see if they would find the same language and phrasing towards them appealing outside of fab.
Without doubt it is something which separates black, white and all other colours. Any colour skin can have a tattoo, hair colour etc. so I find that an unfair comparison.
"
This is essentially what Im driving at cheers mav |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think your point about this being a subculture is the key to it. In some ways the site is intended as a space where people can cross sexual and cultural boundaries of all sorts. People interrogate their own sexual identities; they subvert previously held behaviour patterns and test homo-normative assumptions along with many other received constructs.
Sooo I'd say people who seek sexual encounters with those from different ethnic backgrounds from their own may not always be fetishising necessarily, but testing their own previously held conditioning about sex, race and boundaries. Of course pursuit of the exotic can be a fetish, or simply a tick box in a process of expanding one's sexual experience, but that doesn't necessarily mean objectifying.
I think there may be sub-groups within the sub-group, some of whom fetishise and some of whom have other motivations. But this is true of people's sexual approach to ethnicity as a whole not just skin colour... I had sex with an English person once!"
Some great points here (having sex with english people? Stop humblegragging  )
It does seem that the accepted rules of social engagement within.this subculture are totally subverted |
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