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Funniest joke you've heard?!
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"Why did the deaf dumb and blind woman's dog commit suicide? Wouldn't you with a name like thumpthlumpthus " Nope I don't find this funny | |||
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"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen her face when I drove pasta." Aww mun  | |||
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"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen her face when I drove pasta." I love it.
Here's one.
Class of yr5 children are all listening to the teacher about words.
Teacher. "Right today's word of the day is contagious! Who can give me a example with the word in?"
Little Sally the class swot throws her hand up.
"Miss, my mother said she has the flu and is very contagious!!"
The teacher smiles and looks around.
"Anyone else?"
Little Jimmy raises his hand.
"Miss I know one!"
Teacher sighs and knows this is going to be trouble.
"OK Jimmy, let's have it."
Jimmy proudly speaks up."
"Me dad started to dig a huge hole in the garden!!"
Teacher frowns and asked.
"How is that relate to today's word?
Jimmy smiles. " Cause my mom says it going to take that contagious!!!" | |||
"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen her face when I drove pasta. I love it.
Here's one.
Class of yr5 children are all listening to the teacher about words.
Teacher. "Right today's word of the day is contagious! Who can give me a example with the word in?"
Little Sally the class swot throws her hand up.
"Miss, my mother said she has the flu and is very contagious!!"
The teacher smiles and looks around.
"Anyone else?"
Little Jimmy raises his hand.
"Miss I know one!"
Teacher sighs and knows this is going to be trouble.
"OK Jimmy, let's have it."
Jimmy proudly speaks up."
"Me dad started to dig a huge hole in the garden!!"
Teacher frowns and asked.
"How is that relate to today's word?
Jimmy smiles. " Cause my mom says it going to take that contagious!!!"" | |||
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"A man and a giraffe walk into a bar and after a few hours of heavy drinking the giraffe collapses so the man decides to leave when the bar man says oi you can't leave that lying there to which the man replys nah mate that's not a lion that's a giraffe " That is so utterly shit that it's funny as fuck | |||
"Two birds sat on a perch, and the one turns to the other and says " can you smell fish?" "Two fish in a tank One says to the other.... I can't drive this Boom tish | |||
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"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. ... "Five beers please" ..... Wait for it.... There it is..the penny drops... Dave " | |||
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"A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”" fantastic | |||
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"What's the difference between a bj and anal sex? A blow job makes your day....anal makes your hole weak!!! " Winner! | |||
"An American was stuck on a highway in traffic for over an hour ,he's getting more and more fed up when he spots a cop walking up the line of cars having a short conversation with the drivers ,when he gets to his car he asks the Cop what the hold up is. The cop replies " some terrorists have hijacked Donald Trump's car up ahead and they're holding him hostage. They're demanding a million dollars to release him or they're gonna douse him in petrol and set him on fire so we're asking each driver for a donation. What's everybody giving ? Asks the driver About half a gallon each says the cop! !!@!!" | |||
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Still makes me giggle after all these years. | |||
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"The new £5 note is supposed to last longer.... I bought a sandwich, drink, crisps and a bar of chocolate, didn't last longer than the old ones...." | |||
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