FabSwingers.com > Forums > Wales > advice wanted plz!
advice wanted plz!
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"Well the betrayal and lies will never stop then hey if nobody tells the truth! So which is the lesser of two evils?" Whatever causes less disruption to a child's life?! You said yourself you don't know if you're being selfish. You chose to go along with the fact your ex lied from the start. So basically you've let another man do YOUR job for 10 years and on a whim you now want to turn four lives including your own upside down and that's the bare minimum. | |||
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"You could speak up about it - after all, you must owe a fortune by now in support payments..... But seriously, is there any way that you could broach this matter without causing hurt and pain? For whatever reason, you haven't been there for her before, so perhaps you should stay quiet until she feels any needs to ask. "  | |||
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"Ive always wanted to be her proper dad! But its her mother wants to keep it quiet not me! She ll use anymeans not to let it out! She lose a baby sitter every wkend if she do! As well as money off him plus the fact she got to be honest an that def not here! " Then why didn't you get legal advice when the baby was born? Pay for a DNA test and look for access to the child? My ex is 100% my son's father and what we've been through is horrific. At one point my son stopped talking, he has eating issues related to anxiety and is reluctant to even stay at his father's overnight any more. Any decision such as this needs careful consideration. | |||
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"Well the betrayal and lies will never stop then hey if nobody tells the truth! So which is the lesser of two evils? Whatever causes less disruption to a child's life?! You said yourself you don't know if you're being selfish. You chose to go along with the fact your ex lied from the start. So basically you've let another man do YOUR job for 10 years and on a whim you now want to turn four lives including your own upside down and that's the bare minimum. " | |||
"Personally I think say nothing. This man has raised your daughter emotionally, physically and financially presumably. It's very selfish to wait until she's 10 to decide that you want to play a part of her life. I've been through a court case with my ex over custody of our son and its heartbreaking enough, that's before you involve affairs, betrayals and lies. " | |||
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"a tough situation made worse by the fact nobody acted sooner. a few points. 1. if you have no relationship with the child .. suddenely you will be destroying the relationships and trust the child does have .. just to potentially build one with them. 2. if the mother knows you are the father but has made a judgement call that the other guy will be a better father - no offence and dont take this personally but maybe she made that call for a reason - see point above. 3. the other guy - now if he has been dad all these years - responsability / financial / emotional support etc etc, dont yu think you owe ths guy 2 things... 1 a massive thank you for doing a great job (even takes the kid now they have split) and 2. the respect to be honest with him first - before you envolve the child?? now if he doesnt know that aint cool - before you go rocking worlds you should talk to the mum and say you are going to tell him... if your not man enough to look someone the eye and thank them for raising your child you aint man enough to be a dad. this guy has earnt the right to be involved in how / when / if you tell the child. speaking it through you may decide its best to tell the child later whan they are 18 and can understand the position a little better. tell them now as they are in school - a tough enough time as it is you could just fester resentment all round. i would talk it through with the adults if you cant sort your lives out then you have no right to play god with the childs. good luck" | |||
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I would say your child is probably settled with its mum and dad that raised her... to trot in now ten years later IS selfish..my opinion...that is all... | |||
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"By the sounds this child is still trying to come to the terms her mummy and daddy aren't together anymore, you say she's confused, if you love your child at all, you won't screw with her head further at this time...divorce is a very stressful time on children, stability and reassurance is what they need most, you simply cannot go in there at this time and say hey kiddo, everything you believed to be is untrue...you're effectively telling her that her mum is a liar and a whore (that's what telling her her mum being unfaithful means to a hung person) and that her dad isn't good enough to be her dad (as he didn't father her) you're then telling her that her real dad isn't good enough either (because mum chose to lie to her about everything)... THINK man, this is not one sentence it's out and over and everyone can breathe a sigh of relief, it's a whole little innocent life screwed over! Lie all you gotta to protect the fruits of your lion..if your son gets friendly with her, tell him she's your brothers love child or that the couple couldn't conceive so someone in your family donated sperm, but she's never to know, ANYTHING but take the already shakey ground from this poor child's world! If you're so dead set in trying to take things further, contact a psychiatrist and ask them of any detrimental effects it could have on her AND your son, coz don't forget, you'll also be admitting to him that you're not who he thinks you are either... Good luck, I've a feeling you're gonna need it.... "
My youngest sperm DONER has been out of life for well over 2 years as he choose drink over her...
You choose to leave your child as they were settled...
I personally think you have a cheek to even class yourself as a dad and want to be any part of there life...
Obviously the mother like my self and as hard as it is as made the choice to protect my child....
The funny thing is the sperm DONER of my child will tell everyone im the bitch but not once have I had a solicitors letter or been taken to court or have I had maintaince.
Like kgirl said as his name is on the birth certificate he still has 50/50 over her...but over my dead body will he just be walking back into her life when and if he feels like it...
What's that saying????
ANYONE CAN BE A DAD BUT IT TAKES SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO MAKE A FATHER
all I class him as is the sperm DONER...
my hat goes off to any single parent out there as it's the hardest job anyone will ever do..
you should of done the right thing from day one but u choose not to..
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"Anybody been in the same situation as me? Me and a woman had an affair for a while and ended up pregnant she had our baby but stayed with her partner for the next 10yrs, i said nowt coz my daughter had a solid home and wanted for nothing! Now theyve spilt up an she living with another guy but still uses her ex as her dad to palm her off to every wkend knowing he aint her dad an i got to c this all the time, she using us both while she got a new life, would love a response of both men and women to see the different perspetive views! Thanks!" If you definately want to be a father to this child STAND UP AND ME A MAN If you have nothing to offer her let her still be with the man who has loved her and brought her up all these years, think of the child and what she would want | |||
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