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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So your partner has been caught/admitted having a long love affair with someone off Fab.
You love her/him deeply still, but is the relationship over because the trust has gone? Do you believe that trust can be re-built, or will every little thing niggle away at you? Would it also make things difficult in general life knowing that even in the smallest of arguments it's going to be brought up?
Ultimately do you believe your relationship would survive? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So your partner has been caught/admitted having a long love affair with someone off Fab.
You love her/him deeply still, but is the relationship over because the trust has gone? Do you believe that trust can be re-built, or will every little thing niggle away at you? Would it also make things difficult in general life knowing that even in the smallest of arguments it's going to be brought up?
Ultimately do you believe your relationship would survive?"
nope for me when the trust has gone it's gone  |
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Difficult one.
If you both really truly want the relationship to work, and still love each other, then I think it has a chance.
Yes, the person who crossed the line has the most ground to make up, but there are three people in the equation, all of whom has some portion of the blame (admittedly most of which is on the guilty party.) so you both have to recognise that, admit your part in it, and agree to alter your behaviours.
If you can honestly say you both want it to work, and are willing to put the past behind you and move on, then I think it could work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i could not live with the trust gone always wandering if there telling lies or hiding things finding fault where really before the trust went would have never have been noticed never mind caused any issues. it would destroy us even more knowing that there was never any need to sneak about behind backs not when we are on this site that to me would be even worse so i defo would walk and never look back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would be gone ,the relationship couldn't have been very good in the first place if they felt the need to have an affair ,so I would walk away and never look back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope, been there & done the trying again bit, sometimes you just need to accept the whole relationship is flawed & move on X"
 I guess it is a lot easier sometimes to be in denial rather than facing up to things |
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Wow.... seems I'm in the minority here!
I'm not saying those that are saying "it's over" are wrong, it's a really hard question, and I'm not sure how I would feel if it actually happened to me.
All I hope is that, if this happens to someone, they think long and hard about their options, is it right to throw away what might be a very committed relationship over one mistake? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've noticed the same, not one other post looking to lay blame on their partners, but after all isn't love about understanding?
Makes the original question about the destruction of trust more pertinent, could it actually be re-built without arising again?
The consensus say's no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've noticed the same, not one other post looking to lay blame on their partners, but after all isn't love about understanding?
Makes the original question about the destruction of trust more pertinent, could it actually be re-built without arising again?
The consensus say's no."
I'm my experience you can try all you like to try & rebuild trust but its wasted effort ig the other party continues to engage in the behaviour, how many chances do you give? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've noticed the same, not one other post looking to lay blame on their partners, but after all isn't love about understanding?
Makes the original question about the destruction of trust more pertinent, could it actually be re-built without arising again?
The consensus say's no.
I'm my experience you can try all you like to try & rebuild trust but its wasted effort ig the other party continues to engage in the behaviour, how many chances do you give? "
I quite agree, you can try to forgive but there will always be a doubt lurking in the back of your mind, one time late home from shopping/football and it's question time. Impossible to replace what's been lost in my mind, no need to bear malice, move on, love, live. |
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"I've noticed the same, not one other post looking to lay blame on their partners, but after all isn't love about understanding?
Makes the original question about the destruction of trust more pertinent, could it actually be re-built without arising again?
The consensus say's no.
I'm my experience you can try all you like to try & rebuild trust but its wasted effort ig the other party continues to engage in the behaviour, how many chances do you give? "
Very true, hence my point about both parties needing to pull together.
Bottom line as I see it, if you both REALLY want it to work, and are willing to give it your all, then you might save the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This has sort of happened to me. But it wasn't an affair, it was a one night thing. We came off fab for a good year after that to work on our relationship.
I'm not going to say it didn't destroy me coz it did. But we loved each other so we had something to re build.
Do I still think about it? Yes. Do I still get a jealous prang when woman make it clear they want him? Yes. (Just being honest)
But I have worked very hard to let it go and I have forgiven him and trust it won't happen again, the key is communication. So we can still enjoy our 'extra activities'
We are now very strong and I do trust it won't happen again
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've noticed the same, not one other post looking to lay blame on their partners, but after all isn't love about understanding?
Makes the original question about the destruction of trust more pertinent, could it actually be re-built without arising again?
The consensus say's no.
I'm my experience you can try all you like to try & rebuild trust but its wasted effort ig the other party continues to engage in the behaviour, how many chances do you give?
Very true, hence my point about both parties needing to pull together.
Bottom line as I see it, if you both REALLY want it to work, and are willing to give it your all, then you might save the relationship."
But still the question how many times eh? Forever? Time & again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult one.
If you both really truly want the relationship to work, and still love each other, then I think it has a chance.
Yes, the person who crossed the line has the most ground to make up, but there are three people in the equation, all of whom has some portion of the blame (admittedly most of which is on the guilty party.) so you both have to recognise that, admit your part in it, and agree to alter your behaviours.
If you can honestly say you both want it to work, and are willing to put the past behind you and move on, then I think it could work."
Wise words! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult one.
If you both really truly want the relationship to work, and still love each other, then I think it has a chance.
Yes, the person who crossed the line has the most ground to make up, but there are three people in the equation, all of whom has some portion of the blame (admittedly most of which is on the guilty party.) so you both have to recognise that, admit your part in it, and agree to alter your behaviours.
If you can honestly say you both want it to work, and are willing to put the past behind you and move on, then I think it could work."
|
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"I've noticed the same, not one other post looking to lay blame on their partners, but after all isn't love about understanding?
Makes the original question about the destruction of trust more pertinent, could it actually be re-built without arising again?
The consensus say's no.
I'm my experience you can try all you like to try & rebuild trust but its wasted effort ig the other party continues to engage in the behaviour, how many chances do you give?
Very true, hence my point about both parties needing to pull together.
Bottom line as I see it, if you both REALLY want it to work, and are willing to give it your all, then you might save the relationship.
But still the question how many times eh? Forever? Time & again? "
I get the feeling this is a very personal thing for you.
I don't think you can re-build more than once, the amount of effort, time, trust and emotions would take too much of a toll.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If it were an ordinary fling, I would be able to forgive, and maybe re build the trust, however I worded it as being a love affair which means there was love involved, not just passion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK then let me throw this in what if the two that were guilty got together would you trust each other nowing that you both have been bad. "
Nope, not worth the headwork n stress, dump em & move on, stay single I reckon x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also could you afford to move on? lets face it if you got no family to fall back on, where would you live? no council houses anymore, mortgage??. private rent. |
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