A Chinese Man walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour , get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her father cursed her heavily.
"Where have ye been all this time child? Why did not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call. Can ye not understand what ye put yer o9ld mother through?"
The girl, crying, replied, Dad.... I became a prostitute.
Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot, sinner, your a disgrace to this Catholic family.
OK Dad.... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this fur coat, title deed to a mansion and 5 million savings.For me little brother this gold rolex. And for ye daddy, the sparkling new merc convertible thats outside and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.
What was it ye said ye had become says Dad.
Girl, crying again, "A prostitute Daddy!"
OH my goodness, ye scared me half to death girl. I thought ye said a PROTESTANT!!! Come here and give ya old dad a hug
 sent to me by my auntie from Cork |
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I pulled a real dog last Saturday night.
Took a second look at her next morning and I almost threw up...
Fuck me she looked like she'd been ducking for apples in a chip pan...she's had more hands up her than Sooty....been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe...she's seen more Japs eyes than an oriental optician...a face like a stunt mans knee... a fanny like a stab wound on a grizzlies back...so ugly a fucking sniper woudnt take her out...been shot over more times than Sarejevo....been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun...
Still a shags a shag eh lads? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I pulled a real dog last Saturday night.
Took a second look at her next morning and I almost threw up...
Fuck me she looked like she'd been ducking for apples in a chip pan...she's had more hands up her than Sooty....been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe...she's seen more Japs eyes than an oriental optician...a face like a stunt mans knee... a fanny like a stab wound on a grizzlies back...so ugly a fucking sniper woudnt take her out...been shot over more times than Sarejevo....been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun...
Still a shags a shag eh lads?"
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I was sitting in our local bar, depressed ,when Mick walked in.
"what the fuck is up with you"he asked?
"Haven't you heard about Paddy?He is dead"!!
"Jesus fuck,how did it happen"?
"He was coming to my house last night and his brakes went on the car.He crashed head first into a lamp post"!
"Fuck me that's shocking,an awful way to die".
"That didn't kill him.He went through the windscreen,flew through the air,right through my bedroom window,hitting our big mahogony wardrobe,which fuckin fell on his head"!
"In the name of sweet jaysus,that's fucking terrible.Awful way to go"!
"That didn't kill him...he crawled to the stairs and fell down them,breaking every bit of wood on the staircase,crashing clean through the glass hall table and landing head first on the marble floor"!
"Oh fuck me,poor Paddy..terrible way to go"!
"He was still alive...he stumbled into my kitchen,over to the stove,and pulled a scalding pot of soup over himself and he set the fucking kitchen on fire"!!!
"Fuck me...poor Paddy"!
"That didn't kill Paddy either for fuck sake"!
"Well what fooking killed him",asked Mick?
"Me with my fucking shotgun...THE CUNT WAS WRECKING ME FUCKING HOUSE"!  |
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its terrible I know
