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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.
"Morning!" he said.
The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A pregnant woman wakes up from a 6 month coma, and asks the doctor "is my baby ok?"
Doctor: yes you had twins, a boy and a girl. It was a good job your brother was here to name them.
wonan: omg hes as thick as shit, what did he name the girl ??
Doctor: Deniece
woman: oh, thats nice, what about the boy ?
Doctor: Denephew  |
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A blonde goes for a country walk, and finds a river.
She walks along the river for a while, but gets bored and starts looking for a way across.
Another blonde is walking down the other side, so the first shouts across
"How do I get to the other side?"
To which the second blonde replies "You already are on the other side!"
"Oh, good!" says the first! |
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My mate went sky-diving the other day, but wasnt paying attention to what the instructor was telling him.
He jumped out of the plane, and as he fell towards the earth, he suddenly realised he didnt have a clue how to open his parachute.
Suddenly, coming towards him from the ground,he could see a bloke rushing up, and as the guy got closer, my mate could see he was looking a little burnt around the edges, and had a box of matches in one hand, and a lit match in the other..
"Hey dude, dont suppose you know anything about parachutes?" shouted my mate.
"No," said the other guy as they passed each other, "dont suppose you know anything about gas cookers?"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A pregnant woman wakes up from a 6 month coma, and asks the doctor "is my baby ok?"
Doctor: yes you had twins, a boy and a girl. It was a good job your brother was here to name them.
wonan: omg hes as thick as shit, what did he name the girl ??
Doctor: Deniece
woman: oh, thats nice, what about the boy ?
Doctor: Denephew "
class!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A blonde goes for a country walk, and finds a river.
She walks along the river for a while, but gets bored and starts looking for a way across.
Another blonde is walking down the other side, so the first shouts across
"How do I get to the other side?"
To which the second blonde replies "You already are on the other side!"
"Oh, good!" says the first!"
hilarious!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400
for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom & sees her
husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies: "I'm coming too. I want to
see how you live on £800 a year." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A pregnant woman wakes up from a 6 month coma, and asks the doctor "is my baby ok?"
Doctor: yes you had twins, a boy and a girl. It was a good job your brother was here to name them.
wonan: omg hes as thick as shit, what did he name the girl ??
Doctor: Deniece
woman: oh, thats nice, what about the boy ?
Doctor: Denephew "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400
for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom & sees her
husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies: "I'm coming too. I want to
see how you live on £800 a year." "
lol |
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7-year-old twins have decided it's time to start swearing.
Next morning mum calls them down to breakfast. "What do you want for breakfast" she asks the first twin.
"I think I'll have some bloody coco-pops" he says.
Wallop, slap! "Get up to your room" shouts mum.
"Now then" she asks the second twin "What do you want for breakfast?"
"I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking coco-pops". |
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