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Whats the most funniest joke you got

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

In need of cheering up.please help me smile .otherwise about to hit the wine .poppycc

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

"Fucking hell love, this is interesting." I said to the wife, looking up from my computer.

"It says here that the giant squid, which until last year had never even been seen alive, is actually estimated as a 100 million-strong species, worldwide."

"What the fuck are you telling me that for?" She said, angrily.

"You were supposed to be on the internet searching out cool tattoo designs for my bum-cheek."

"I was, love." I told her.

"But I had to make sure there'd be enough fucking ink, first."

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I walked into Travis Perkins at lunchtime yesterday and some old guy dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the fucker out.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I was sucking off my new Thai Bride last night when I thought...

Hold on a fucking second!

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one." "

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Thanks all its working.les keep them coming .xx

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems", Linda told her friend. "That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist", said Linda. "Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!", responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"

Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again. "So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?", Mary asked. "Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"

With that endorsement Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said. "But doctor," Mary complained, "you did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?" "Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of cheerios..."

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Thank you les YOU REALLY CHEERED ME UP.I thank you immensely ad a really crap day today .poppyxx

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By *azz_JazzCouple  over a year ago

Cardiff

I have one

What does a man With a one inch long penis have for breakfast??

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By *nfieldishCouple  over a year ago

Enfield


"I have one

What does a man With a one inch long penis have for breakfast??"

Waiting?

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By *azz_JazzCouple  over a year ago

Cardiff

Well this morning I am having a cup of tea and some toast! Boom boom

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


""Fucking hell love, this is interesting." I said to the wife, looking up from my computer.

"It says here that the giant squid, which until last year had never even been seen alive, is actually estimated as a 100 million-strong species, worldwide."

"What the fuck are you telling me that for?" She said, angrily.

"You were supposed to be on the internet searching out cool tattoo designs for my bum-cheek."

"I was, love." I told her.

"But I had to make sure there'd be enough fucking ink, first." "

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By *illm...Couple  over a year ago

cardiff

" I know a joke that's so funny it'll make your tits fall off...... oh i see you have already heard it ."

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By *ickloverMan  over a year ago

Devizes

Big fight at a gypsy wedding in Ireland. Goes to court and the judge says "Can anyone explain what happened?" Paddy says "I can, I was the best man and I was dancing with the bride. We were dancing quite close when the groom stormed up and kicked the bride in the fanny". "I see," says the judge. "That must have hurt." "Bloody right" says Paddy, ". . he broke 3 of my fingers".

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

you can now buy teabags laced in Viagra experts say "they don't think it will help with your sex life..but it will keep your biscuit hard"

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By *eswillMan  over a year ago

Chepstow

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My ex girlfiend used to punch me in the face everytime she came. I didn't mind until she told me she was faking them!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and 4 cubs" That's terrible said the operator "are they moving?" "I'm not sure to be honest" Paddy said. "But I suppose that would explain the suitcase"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I walked into my bedroom and under the other halfs side of the bed i saw a suitcase half open. My curiosity got the better of me so i opened the case and in it was a leather mask, a leather cape, crotchless leather shorts and a leather whip......I couldn't believe it......my wife......a superhero!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I woke up this morning and found a steering on the end of my penis, I don't know what to do, it's driving me nuts!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What you call a Muslim alcoholic

Mohammered

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How does a french woman hold her liquor?

By the ears....

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