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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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By cardiff_dave Man 15 minutes ago
cardiff
I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop earlier, so I stopped & said "Jump in, I'll take u home". He replied "Piss off ya prick!" . . . . I said "Fine, suit yourself" so I zipped up my rucksack & kept on walking..
Tom visits Dave who's laid up at home with a broken leg.
Dave says "Me feet are freezing mate, can you nip upstairs and get my slippers?"
"No probs" says Tom.
Upstairs Dave's stunning 19 year old twin daughters are sitting on their bed.
"Hello girls, your Dad sent me
to shag you two."
"Fuck off you liar!"they said.
"I'll prove it." said Tom and he shouts downstairs
"Both of them Dave?"
"Of course u twat! What's the point of fuckin one?!
I've finally found something that the wife's arse doesn't look big in.........
The distance!
B&Q been dragged into food scandal, apparently they've been selling wooden floors with laminit.
Apparently Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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By cardiff_dave Man 13 minutes ago
cardiff
Fantastic News from Social Security concerning Pensions and Benefits
??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ? ??? ????
?? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ????. ? ???
??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ????. ? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???????? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ??????
????? ? ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???????? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ??????
???? ???
If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.
A boy goes on holiday to Magaluf and texts his mate saying "Weather out here is just like your mother 36 and hot" his mate replies "Weather back here is just like your sister 15 and wet"
"G'day mate, Fosters helpline. What's the problem mate?"
"I'm in Australia with the girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her vagina has completely closed up"
"Bummer mate"
"Thanks mate, bye"
What's blue & full of haribos?
Kevin Webster's overalls.
Just tried to book my car into Kevin Webster's Garage, but apparently he won't touch anything over ten years old !
Police say the last sighting they had of kevin webster was at his garage working on a 13 year old escort
I hear george clooney is playing kevin webster in his new film it's called ' oh she's eleven.
Whats black and hangs out of school girl' knicker's ? kevin websters tash !
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Weatherfield mechanic destroys 10 year old Mercedes rim after hard run up dirt track with punctured rubber.
I think Michael Le Vell who plays Coronation Street's Kevin Webster is on of the nation's finest actors.
Any man that can appear on screen with two hot teenage daughters, one with massive tits and one a lesbian, and not look like he wants to fuck both their brains out over the dining room table deserves a fucking BAFTA if you ask me.
"What did the leper say to the hooker?"
"Keep the tip"
A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese man that says, "Use more soap on panties."
This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties."
Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on ass." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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WARNING! flash flooding predicted across UK, as the whole country piss themselves laughing at Liverpool FC
Fucking hate double standards. Some bird gets a rampant rabbit and its seen as a bit of naughty fun, but when I ordered my 240 Volt FuckMaster 5000 Latex Revolving Pussy with Elasticated Anus and Imitation Shit Dribble with Breast Nipple Discharge and Semen Collection Tray, complete with optional built in Realistic Rape Scream Sound System, I'm apparently a dirty biatch.
Police have asked people too keep a look out for two dodgy characters disguised as workmen clearing snow around schools, their thought to be known as jimmy shovel and Gary gritter
A Pakistan air crash has left all 131 passengers dead ... It is believed the 7-seater aircraft had engine problems just after take off. |
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