FabSwingers.com > Forums > Wales > Opening messages: from men to women
Opening messages: from men to women
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ladies, what can we do to get a reply?
A lot of you ask for any of the following:
- coherent messages
- messages better than “hi”, “hey” or “how are you?”
- us to send pictures
But here’s the thing. You don’t fucking reply.
I will generally write a “decent” message if I’m asked for one. You know, the type that shows I’m intelligent and have a brain. I have 5 degrees, so I know how to write.
But then you either read and delete, read and ignore or respond with something to the effect of “cheers but no”.
I GET IT. You get loads of messages daily, but we send them. Sure, you have a buffet of men to choose from and it takes a while to read all the messages, but it takes us even longer to write them.
I’m only pissed off because I’ve just clicked on three profiles in a row which said “show me you can string a sentence together” but the about section that was written was shite. Like, 3 lines and the profiles had pics that could have been body parts or might have been pillows / root vegetables. The pics were so zoomed in you couldn’t tell.
Anyway, I’m sure men will continue to beg and women will continue to make no effort… but I basically write essays for a living these days and I cba to write a new one for every woman who posts nothing for us to message them about.
And it’s a shame, cuz I fucking love to give head. So, you’re missing out  |
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Just my opinion but yes we get a lot of messages, I will always read a well written, polite one.
I then look at the profile, just to gauge whether I'm attracted by either the pics,the looking for, distance and mutual likes.
I will engage in a conversation if I think its a viable meet.
Most of the time, but not all I may reply "no thanks" BUT that often leads to a rebuff or a sulk. Both of which I don't have time for.
A no reply here usually means a polite no thankyou.
Its tough for the guys here so I'm told but keep at it and just be you.... H. |
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Women do make an effort, but the majority are extremely particular in what they are looking for, I wouldn’t engage with you because your interests don’t state safe sex, this is a big no for me and a lot of others on here.
Whinging about women’s profiles on here just makes you appear needy and bitter about women in general, no reply means not interested ! |
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I only have one bit of advice for you that I give all other single guys on here, GO TO A SOCIAL
You can be seen for who you are and you will find you no longer have to send endless messages to find new friends
Also, there are no excuses as to why men cant get to a social in my opinion.
If you cant get to one then you cant be bothered to put any effort in to meet, so why should they put effort into you ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Women do make an effort, but the majority are extremely particular in what they are looking for, I wouldn’t engage with you because your interests don’t state safe sex "
Thank you for pointing this out, I hadn’t realised I’d missed that.
"
Whinging about women’s profiles on here just makes you appear needy and bitter about women in general, no reply means not interested !"
1) then you’ve misunderstood what I’ve said. I just dislike the double standard that some people want us to make an effort and cannot be bothered to even reply where it is just a chat
2) no reply may mean not interested, but there’s a difference between a no reply to a 5 word message and a no reply to a 5-10 sentence message carefully crafted from statements on your own profile.
I guess that perhaps I might just have a different opinion about what constitutes common decency though. |
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By *ory_xWoman
over a year ago
42 Wallaby Way Syndey |
"I only have one bit of advice for you that I give all other single guys on here, GO TO A SOCIAL
You can be seen for who you are and you will find you no longer have to send endless messages to find new friends
Also, there are no excuses as to why men cant get to a social in my opinion.
If you cant get to one then you cant be bothered to put any effort in to meet, so why should they put effort into you ?
"
100% this 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I only have one bit of advice for you that I give all other single guys on here, GO TO A SOCIAL
You can be seen for who you are and you will find you no longer have to send endless messages to find new friends
Also, there are no excuses as to why men cant get to a social in my opinion.
If you cant get to one then you cant be bothered to put any effort in to meet, so why should they put effort into you ?
"
You make a fair point… but it’s irrelevant to the original post. My issue is not with women not talking to me; my issue *quite specifically* is women who make no effort but ask men to make an effort and even then those women make no effort. And then those women complain that men don’t make an effort… why would we if women don’t actually bother to at least come back with a considerate reply if we have been considerate (in the true definition of the word) in how we communicate according to the requests on their profile? |
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"I only have one bit of advice for you that I give all other single guys on here, GO TO A SOCIAL
You can be seen for who you are and you will find you no longer have to send endless messages to find new friends
Also, there are no excuses as to why men cant get to a social in my opinion.
If you cant get to one then you cant be bothered to put any effort in to meet, so why should they put effort into you ?
You make a fair point… but it’s irrelevant to the original post. My issue is not with women not talking to me; my issue *quite specifically* is women who make no effort but ask men to make an effort and even then those women make no effort. And then those women complain that men don’t make an effort… why would we if women don’t actually bother to at least come back with a considerate reply if we have been considerate (in the true definition of the word) in how we communicate according to the requests on their profile?"
Thats easy to answer with a question of my own 
How many women have posted on the forums complaining they dont even get a "no thank you" message back from men ? |
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This isn't a personal thing, the effort comes in when the conversation gets going.
After profiles are read, after all that's why they are written, to get a feel for the type of person they are.
For example, I had a chat, swapped pics, guy said he wasn't attracted, I replied absolutely no problem.
Honestly get to a social,its so much better to meet people.
Good luck |
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By *antasycouple31Couple
over a year ago
Between Pontarddulias and Gorseinon |
1. Just because you can sting a sentence together doesn’t mean a woman has to reply
2. If you’re not happy with what that woman is asking for on her profile move on.
3. Nobody is impressed by your supposedly high IQ. I’d actually argue that the way your profile is written, and even this post, would put a large number of women off.
4. Maybe women don’t feel they meet your exacting standards and therefore don’t bother replying. Most people are quite self conscious. |
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By *unnybunsWoman
over a year ago
Between here and over there |
"1. Just because you can sting a sentence together doesn’t mean a woman has to reply
2. If you’re not happy with what that woman is asking for on her profile move on.
3. Nobody is impressed by your supposedly high IQ. I’d actually argue that the way your profile is written, and even this post, would put a large number of women off.
4. Maybe women don’t feel they meet your exacting standards and therefore don’t bother replying. Most people are quite self conscious."
This ^ ya need to get off that awfully high horse with ya 9 degrees….  |
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By *unnybunsWoman
over a year ago
Between here and over there |
"Why don't women answer .they have 100s of messages .it's simple really ,,Also your looking for women your straight and your verification is from a male . So your a liar to start with "
Yes I saw this too
Clearly bi or bi curious - deffo not straight  |
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"But here’s the thing. You don’t fucking reply."
Entitlement won't garner any responses and it's their prerogative not to reply.
"I’m intelligent and have a brain. I have 5 degrees, so I know how to write."
If the recipient of your message is a dullard then your efforts are futile. There's no point in bragging. I suspect some women will find that a turn off.
"I’m sure men will continue to beg..."
I don't beg. I have never begged. It's an unhealthy trait and those women who are cognisant to such behaviour will generally avoid those men. It's not attractive.
•
Dear OP, whilst your frustrations are warranted (and understandable) it's clearly a numbers game. Women are inundated with messages in their ever-increasing Inbox.
Most will look at the profile before even opening the message and decide the outcome accordingly**; others will either do a bulk delete or read-and-delete or just decide that you don't fit their criteria or preferences.
**I've had a look at your profile and, although you haven't asked for profile advice, I can see that your profile is quite verbose; a magnum opus in fact! Perhaps this is what is putting women off...?
Get yourself to a Fab organised social or, as some will suggest, to a club. Engage in the forums - within the lounge and improve your persona.
Good luck OP.  |
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By *coutDWoman
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
"Ladies, what can we do to get a reply?
A lot of you ask for any of the following:
- coherent messages
- messages better than “hi”, “hey” or “how are you?”
- us to send pictures
But here’s the thing. You don’t fucking reply.
Why are you swearing at us? I would block you just for this alone.
I will generally write a “decent” message if I’m asked for one. You know, the type that shows I’m intelligent and have a brain. I have 5 degrees, so I know how to write.
But then you either read and delete, read and ignore or respond with something to the effect of “cheers but no”.
I GET IT. You get loads of messages daily, but we send them. Sure, you have a buffet of men to choose from and it takes a while to read all the messages, but it takes us even longer to write them.
I’m only pissed off because I’ve just clicked on three profiles in a row which said “show me you can string a sentence together” but the about section that was written was shite. Like, 3 lines and the profiles had pics that could have been body parts or might have been pillows / root vegetables. The pics were so zoomed in you couldn’t tell.
You’ve just complained about profiles, just click off, not everyone is for all
Anyway, I’m sure men will continue to beg and women will continue to make no effort… but I basically write essays for a living these days and I cba to write a new one for every woman who posts nothing for us to message them about.
You are making generalisations here. Are the women asking for long messages the ones who are not replying??
And it’s a shame, cuz I fucking love to give head. So, you’re missing out "
Ooh here we have more swearing.
So if you sent me a long message I likely would not read it. It’s just not my thing.
To add to what others have said yep first thing if I was at all taken my a message is I would look to your profile. How you describe yourself.
I know you’ve not asked for a critique of your profile but if you’d not posted here I would not have read beyond the status update.
You have to admit; you are looking for a rather particular type of person.
You’re a dominant person who is looking for a free-use fuck toy.
Now forgive me but I do think this might well scare the shit out of a lot of people. So what reason would they for replying?
Most of us prefer a social first and cup of coffee. But you appear to just want to throw us around and have your way with us. So you are hugely likely to be blocked by people so they don’t come across you again.
Now of course you might well hit on someone who thinks you are exactly what they are after but even then submission doesn’t happen at the click of a finger.
We aren’t film stars on a script we are actual human beings.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ladies, what can we do to get a reply?
A lot of you ask for any of the following:
- coherent messages
- messages better than “hi”, “hey” or “how are you?”
- us to send pictures
But here’s the thing. You don’t fucking reply.
Why are you swearing at us? I would block you just for this alone.
I will generally write a “decent” message if I’m asked for one. You know, the type that shows I’m intelligent and have a brain. I have 5 degrees, so I know how to write.
But then you either read and delete, read and ignore or respond with something to the effect of “cheers but no”.
I GET IT. You get loads of messages daily, but we send them. Sure, you have a buffet of men to choose from and it takes a while to read all the messages, but it takes us even longer to write them.
I’m only pissed off because I’ve just clicked on three profiles in a row which said “show me you can string a sentence together” but the about section that was written was shite. Like, 3 lines and the profiles had pics that could have been body parts or might have been pillows / root vegetables. The pics were so zoomed in you couldn’t tell.
You’ve just complained about profiles, just click off, not everyone is for all
Anyway, I’m sure men will continue to beg and women will continue to make no effort… but I basically write essays for a living these days and I cba to write a new one for every woman who posts nothing for us to message them about.
You are making generalisations here. Are the women asking for long messages the ones who are not replying??
And it’s a shame, cuz I fucking love to give head. So, you’re missing out
Ooh here we have more swearing.
So if you sent me a long message I likely would not read it. It’s just not my thing.
To add to what others have said yep first thing if I was at all taken my a message is I would look to your profile. How you describe yourself.
I know you’ve not asked for a critique of your profile but if you’d not posted here I would not have read beyond the status update.
You have to admit; you are looking for a rather particular type of person.
You’re a dominant person who is looking for a free-use fuck toy.
Now forgive me but I do think this might well scare the shit out of a lot of people. So what reason would they for replying?
Most of us prefer a social first and cup of coffee. But you appear to just want to throw us around and have your way with us. So you are hugely likely to be blocked by people so they don’t come across you again.
Now of course you might well hit on someone who thinks you are exactly what they are after but even then submission doesn’t happen at the click of a finger.
We aren’t film stars on a script we are actual human beings.
"
Having read your reply, and then my profile, I can see that you don’t like reading. You clearly skipped a lot of my profile
This said, I can see where the misunderstandings came from so the profile will be tweaked and simpler language used. |
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By *coutDWoman
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
"Ladies, what can we do to get a reply?
A lot of you ask for any of the following:
- coherent messages
- messages better than “hi”, “hey” or “how are you?”
- us to send pictures
But here’s the thing. You don’t fucking reply.
Why are you swearing at us? I would block you just for this alone.
I will generally write a “decent” message if I’m asked for one. You know, the type that shows I’m intelligent and have a brain. I have 5 degrees, so I know how to write.
But then you either read and delete, read and ignore or respond with something to the effect of “cheers but no”.
I GET IT. You get loads of messages daily, but we send them. Sure, you have a buffet of men to choose from and it takes a while to read all the messages, but it takes us even longer to write them.
I’m only pissed off because I’ve just clicked on three profiles in a row which said “show me you can string a sentence together” but the about section that was written was shite. Like, 3 lines and the profiles had pics that could have been body parts or might have been pillows / root vegetables. The pics were so zoomed in you couldn’t tell.
You’ve just complained about profiles, just click off, not everyone is for all
Anyway, I’m sure men will continue to beg and women will continue to make no effort… but I basically write essays for a living these days and I cba to write a new one for every woman who posts nothing for us to message them about.
You are making generalisations here. Are the women asking for long messages the ones who are not replying??
And it’s a shame, cuz I fucking love to give head. So, you’re missing out
Ooh here we have more swearing.
So if you sent me a long message I likely would not read it. It’s just not my thing.
To add to what others have said yep first thing if I was at all taken my a message is I would look to your profile. How you describe yourself.
I know you’ve not asked for a critique of your profile but if you’d not posted here I would not have read beyond the status update.
You have to admit; you are looking for a rather particular type of person.
You’re a dominant person who is looking for a free-use fuck toy.
Now forgive me but I do think this might well scare the shit out of a lot of people. So what reason would they for replying?
Most of us prefer a social first and cup of coffee. But you appear to just want to throw us around and have your way with us. So you are hugely likely to be blocked by people so they don’t come across you again.
Now of course you might well hit on someone who thinks you are exactly what they are after but even then submission doesn’t happen at the click of a finger.
We aren’t film stars on a script we are actual human beings.
Having read your reply, and then my profile, I can see that you don’t like reading. You clearly skipped a lot of my profile
This said, I can see where the misunderstandings came from so the profile will be tweaked and simpler language used. "
I didn’t skip it. I read what you wrote and it specifically states you ware currently looking for
“ ... Is anyone on who is into “free use”
“ love a relationship, but chemistry comes first. Be my friend, then my lover, then my toy... then, idk, a piece of shit while I degrade you then you can be all forgiving and affectionate during the aftercare bit. I'm flexible on all that.”
Well fabulous you are flexible on it but for those women that are seriously not into it they aren’t going to engage with you.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I didn’t skip it. I read what you wrote and it specifically states you ware currently looking for
“ ... Is anyone on who is into “free use”
“ love a relationship, but chemistry comes first. Be my friend, then my lover, then my toy... then, idk, a piece of shit while I degrade you then you can be all forgiving and affectionate during the aftercare bit. I'm flexible on all that.”
Well fabulous you are flexible on it but for those women that are seriously not into it they aren’t going to engage with you.
"
So you’ve cherrypicked a few sentences and focused entirely on them whilst ignoring a lot of other points and sentiments made.
Good job, you’ve shown me that I need to simplify what I wrote.
I’m happy to take responsibility for what I’ve previously written, but I can’t take responsibility for what you’ve chosen to interpret at the expense of other points.
Take care, I can’t engage if you deliberately choose to take points out of context for the sake of making a point that is deliberately incorrect. |
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"
I didn’t skip it. I read what you wrote and it specifically states you ware currently looking for
“ ... Is anyone on who is into “free use”
“ love a relationship, but chemistry comes first. Be my friend, then my lover, then my toy... then, idk, a piece of shit while I degrade you then you can be all forgiving and affectionate during the aftercare bit. I'm flexible on all that.”
Well fabulous you are flexible on it but for those women that are seriously not into it they aren’t going to engage with you.
So you’ve cherrypicked a few sentences and focused entirely on them whilst ignoring a lot of other points and sentiments made.
Good job, you’ve shown me that I need to simplify what I wrote.
I’m happy to take responsibility for what I’ve previously written, but I can’t take responsibility for what you’ve chosen to interpret at the expense of other points.
Take care, I can’t engage if you deliberately choose to take points out of context for the sake of making a point that is deliberately incorrect. "
“ So you’ve cherrypicked a few sentences and focused entirely on them whilst ignoring a lot of other points and sentiments made. ”
A female, one of those elusive creatures that you seem to crave the attention of, gives you some insight into how your profile presents you and you dismiss their point of view.
“Good job, you’ve shown me that I need to simplify what I wrote.”
Was waiting for this, I have 5 phds and am the smartest person in the room, yet can’t figure out why I don’t get replies.
“I’m happy to take responsibility for what I’ve previously written, but I can’t take responsibility for what you’ve chosen to interpret at the expense of other points.
Take care, I can’t engage if you deliberately choose to take points out of context for the sake of making a point that is deliberately incorrect.”
People in this thread have been actively trying to help, yet you dismiss their valid points at the expense of your high IQ.
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By *antasycouple31Couple
over a year ago
Between Pontarddulias and Gorseinon |
"
I didn’t skip it. I read what you wrote and it specifically states you ware currently looking for
“ ... Is anyone on who is into “free use”
“ love a relationship, but chemistry comes first. Be my friend, then my lover, then my toy... then, idk, a piece of shit while I degrade you then you can be all forgiving and affectionate during the aftercare bit. I'm flexible on all that.”
Well fabulous you are flexible on it but for those women that are seriously not into it they aren’t going to engage with you.
So you’ve cherrypicked a few sentences and focused entirely on them whilst ignoring a lot of other points and sentiments made.
Good job, you’ve shown me that I need to simplify what I wrote.
I’m happy to take responsibility for what I’ve previously written, but I can’t take responsibility for what you’ve chosen to interpret at the expense of other points.
Take care, I can’t engage if you deliberately choose to take points out of context for the sake of making a point that is deliberately incorrect. "
Dude, seriously have some respect and consider how you are responding to people who are trying to be helpful.
People will pick up on certain words and sentences you have said in your profile and take these as a red flag - it would appear you can’t grasp that 99% of people will interpret your profile in exactly that way and other points have no merit because you could act that way when alone.
I think you need some self reflection and to consider how you present yourself, both in your profile but also seemingly in conversation as the red flags are now turning into flashing sirens!
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I have to say, as others mentioned throughout this post, even as a man I found the tone of the original post a bit aggressive, which then continued in various responses. Just trying to be constructive here, but I think that many women would instantly be wary of that because ‘you only get one chance to make a good first impression’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would absolutely condense that bio right down. You don't need multiple sentences bragging about your very high IQ and love for debate. This isn't a cover letter. Shrink it down to just "sapiosexual" if you really think it must be conveyed.
Source: A guy who has had multiple successful meets |
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By *unnybunsWoman
over a year ago
Between here and over there |
This profile just screams AVOID AVOID AVOID.
You have had responses from Ladies and men and you still hit back with a sarcastic reply.
Honestly, just keep it as it is- do not change a bit and see how it goes because unless you change your attitude it’s not going to work.
Attitude needs to match what you say about yourself, it’s all good changing your profile but if you as a person remain the same I’m afraid many women, like myself, would run a mile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was so taken with the post & profile I filtered it out. You could tell from the start the thread would go only one way, these threads do us all a favour X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do agree there's alot of women on here that could just rey as I do with not interested or not my type it's not hard to say a few words, it's not hard to be polite. It's hard as it is for single men, me personally I'll read profiles if they have smut in them I ain't interested or lots of smutty veris.. Be patient |
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Mr S here.
Yikes the guy even made me feel uncomfortable
Academic qualifications say nothing about the quality of the person on a personal level, I have met many super bright people in my line of work who have no common sense, social skills or likability. I judge people on how I find them and don’t care a jot about their so called achievements, and I particularly dislike arrogant types. I happen to have a bunch of academic and professional qualifications, but would never dream of mentioning them in some pathetic attempt to impress. Also, some of the nicest people I know aren’t academic in background, just damn good friends, and that’s what counts at the end of the day.
Alarm bells also rang for me as I have been in the fetish lifestyle for over 40 years and come across these so called dominant types who have an unpleasant mysoginy underlying their fantasies, and certainly his bitterness towards women rang out from his replies.
Mrs S gets inundated with messages, most of which show zero effort or are plain arrogant. When we get a well considered message, we always thank the writer for taking the time to send a thoughtful missive, and then briefly set out why we are unable to take things further. That seems to be the best solution, and those who then kick off reveal their true nature and we feel fine blocking them as a result. But T who make zero effort get short shrift.
The OP seems to have disappeared, clearly being called out and challenged on his obvious sense of superiority by strong women on this thread was all too much for him |
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