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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
So tonight I went to the local social event. Got there paid my entrance fee and went to the bar, bought a pint, and stood next to a table, three groups sat at separate tables.
I stood drinking my pint feeling very uncomfortable, one guy spoke to me while I was there, I finished my drink and got another, my anxiety was building inside and I knew that I would not be staying.
20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left.
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Sorry you get like that mate.
If I'd noticed you were having trouble mingling I'd have introduced you about.
I get why it seems clicking, we've made good friends in this lifestyle and as the events are monthly we do tend to spend a majority of time catching up with people.
Steve. |
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Even cpls new to this feel awkward at socials. I am very quiet until i get to know people but i am glad joanne is not as quiet so she gets us talking to people. You are not alone feeling the way you do. Cpls and single guys and ladies do feel simular in large gathering of strangers. Chin up mate. Atb. John. |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"Even cpls new to this feel awkward at socials. I am very quiet until i get to know people but i am glad joanne is not as quiet so she gets us talking to people. You are not alone feeling the way you do. Cpls and single guys and ladies do feel simular in large gathering of strangers. Chin up mate. Atb. John. "
Cheers |
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By *o againTV/TS
over a year ago
swansea |
I'm very much the same. Never been a good mingler. Always get the feeling people are watching/judging etc... last swansea social I went to fucked my head up for months.. I will return some day.
Jo xx |
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Socials can be really unsociable at times. Especially in bigger areas with an established swinger community.
We went to one social in the south a few years ago. Arrived about an hour after it began and saw that every table was full. All we saw was rings of backs. Everyone was having a lovely time chatting but we found it impossible to work our way in anywhere to say hi. We ended up stood at the bar, catching quick 'hellos' to people as they came up for drinks.
It all felt more like a reunion event for old friends than an opportunity to make new ones. |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"Socials can be really unsociable at times. Especially in bigger areas with an established swinger community.
We went to one social in the south a few years ago. Arrived about an hour after it began and saw that every table was full. All we saw was rings of backs. Everyone was having a lovely time chatting but we found it impossible to work our way in anywhere to say hi. We ended up stood at the bar, catching quick 'hellos' to people as they came up for drinks.
It all felt more like a reunion event for old friends than an opportunity to make new ones. "
Just that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm like this mate, i end up drinking loads and feeling uncomfortable - beard "
Me too, the world's worst solo drinker. Nerves hit me and that's the end of it |
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I feel exactly the same, used to go to Newport socials with a good friend, he passed away during covid, did try a social after that and I just felt like a spare cock at a wedding lol, I'm very quiet usually and find it hard to mingle or start a conversation with a stranger. Not sure if I'll go to more let alone I want to, also I would have to be one of the first there, walking into a room full, I cant do, I need to tag along and enter with others  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel exactly the same, used to go to Newport socials with a good friend, he passed away during covid, did try a social after that and I just felt like a spare cock at a wedding lol, I'm very quiet usually and find it hard to mingle or start a conversation with a stranger. Not sure if I'll go to more let alone I want to, also I would have to be one of the first there, walking into a room full, I cant do, I need to tag along and enter with others "
Ask the organisers if you can be the welcome girl handing out name badges. You'll meet everyone as they arrive and be able to chat later when you mingle.  |
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"So tonight I went to the local social event. Got there paid my entrance fee and went to the bar, bought a pint, and stood next to a table, three groups sat at separate tables.
I stood drinking my pint feeling very uncomfortable, one guy spoke to me while I was there, I finished my drink and got another, my anxiety was building inside and I knew that I would not be staying.
20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left.
"
My first social (many many years ago) was exactly the same for me.
I went to the bar, and noticed everyone in groups talking and was quite daunted of how I was actually going to get into a conversation with anyone?
When someone came to the bar, I just blurted out that it was my first time and that I knew nobody.
I was swiftly whisked away and introduced to lots of people.
Now it takes me almost an hour to get to the bar at Newport because I'm saying hello to everyone lol
My tip to you is this. Post on the forums that you want to attend an event, but also state that you know nobody and are apprehensive. I'm sure you will find that someone, be it male, or female will introduce you to others there.
From there on in, its down to you to engage with those people 
Good.luck, and there are real nice people out there that want to help |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"So tonight I went to the local social event. Got there paid my entrance fee and went to the bar, bought a pint, and stood next to a table, three groups sat at separate tables.
I stood drinking my pint feeling very uncomfortable, one guy spoke to me while I was there, I finished my drink and got another, my anxiety was building inside and I knew that I would not be staying.
20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left.
My first social (many many years ago) was exactly the same for me.
I went to the bar, and noticed everyone in groups talking and was quite daunted of how I was actually going to get into a conversation with anyone?
When someone came to the bar, I just blurted out that it was my first time and that I knew nobody.
I was swiftly whisked away and introduced to lots of people.
Now it takes me almost an hour to get to the bar at Newport because I'm saying hello to everyone lol
My tip to you is this. Post on the forums that you want to attend an event, but also state that you know nobody and are apprehensive. I'm sure you will find that someone, be it male, or female will introduce you to others there.
From there on in, its down to you to engage with those people
Good.luck, and there are real nice people out there that want to help "
Putting name down for Newport I actually know some who do Newport as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it’s unfortunate you felt like this thee have been many a time where I’ve been at a club or social people have made a brilliant effort and included others but yes at other times there’s really clickyness I can appreciate that view. I got into the lifestyle because i was a bit down after relationship breakdown and affected me for a while but it made me super confident again as first few months I had so much attention and meets with females and couples. I don’t get down now that I don’t meet so much it’s taking the positives out of the longevity of it all and I’m sure you will have many great times if you try going again sometimes it’s just simply all about confidence hope your ok though |
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The event organiser should say like we do at kink munchies. At 9pm you will go and say hi to someone you don't know. This breaks the ice and before you know it everyone has chatted. Great for gettng around everyone and its good for the debutants. |
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"I feel exactly the same, used to go to Newport socials with a good friend, he passed away during covid, did try a social after that and I just felt like a spare cock at a wedding lol, I'm very quiet usually and find it hard to mingle or start a conversation with a stranger. Not sure if I'll go to more let alone I want to, also I would have to be one of the first there, walking into a room full, I cant do, I need to tag along and enter with others
Ask the organisers if you can be the welcome girl handing out name badges. You'll meet everyone as they arrive and be able to chat later when you mingle. "
They have not done name badges at the socials we been to as they are held in regular pubs so they try to keep it quiet its a swingers gathering. I think some of the names on here on badges would give the game away. |
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By *9alMan
over a year ago
Bridgend |
"So tonight I went to the local social event. Got there paid my entrance fee and went to the bar, bought a pint, and stood next to a table, three groups sat at separate tables.
I stood drinking my pint feeling very uncomfortable, one guy spoke to me while I was there, I finished my drink and got another, my anxiety was building inside and I knew that I would not be staying.
20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left.
I have had very similar experiences at socials
"
|
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"So tonight I went to the local social event. Got there paid my entrance fee and went to the bar, bought a pint, and stood next to a table, three groups sat at separate tables.
I stood drinking my pint feeling very uncomfortable, one guy spoke to me while I was there, I finished my drink and got another, my anxiety was building inside and I knew that I would not be staying.
20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left.
My first social (many many years ago) was exactly the same for me.
I went to the bar, and noticed everyone in groups talking and was quite daunted of how I was actually going to get into a conversation with anyone?
When someone came to the bar, I just blurted out that it was my first time and that I knew nobody.
I was swiftly whisked away and introduced to lots of people.
Now it takes me almost an hour to get to the bar at Newport because I'm saying hello to everyone lol
My tip to you is this. Post on the forums that you want to attend an event, but also state that you know nobody and are apprehensive. I'm sure you will find that someone, be it male, or female will introduce you to others there.
From there on in, its down to you to engage with those people
Good.luck, and there are real nice people out there that want to help "
|
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Bless ya heart!
We've never been to a club or house party kind of meet yet, im too timid to even go!
But if we ever do i'll probably find it difficult to just launch into mingling.
I hope your next club time is a hapier one for you! |
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I think I saw you and said hi, apologies if I made you feel awkward. I am one of the most socially awkward people you will ever meet and find it almost impossible strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. Come along to the next one and we will make sure you meet everyone properly. |
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
I don’t like the title of your thread, as you shouldn’t feel like that. You went, that was brave in the first place. Ok it didn’t go to plan, but next time will be better I bet.
I’m shy in large gatherings too, and I’m rubbish at small talk. I’ve made myself go to organised socials and I actually ended up organising them where I used to live with one of my gfs.
Lots who attended ours were shy. I remember in the corner of a pub we did a pass the parcel with sex toys as prizes and funny items in each layer. It broke the ice and got everyone chatting.
Hope it’s better for you next time.
Red x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel exactly the same, used to go to Newport socials with a good friend, he passed away during covid, did try a social after that and I just felt like a spare cock at a wedding lol, I'm very quiet usually and find it hard to mingle or start a conversation with a stranger. Not sure if I'll go to more let alone I want to, also I would have to be one of the first there, walking into a room full, I cant do, I need to tag along and enter with others
Ask the organisers if you can be the welcome girl handing out name badges. You'll meet everyone as they arrive and be able to chat later when you mingle.
They have not done name badges at the socials we been to as they are held in regular pubs so they try to keep it quiet its a swingers gathering. I think some of the names on here on badges would give the game away. "
Fair point.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The event organiser should say like we do at kink munchies. At 9pm you will go and say hi to someone you don't know. This breaks the ice and before you know it everyone has chatted. Great for gettng around everyone and its good for the debutants. "
That's a really good idea! |
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I had a similar experience at the Cardiff social but struck up conversation with a couple of other lads in a similar situation. We made the best of it had a laugh and went on to a couple more bars in town. I might go to the Bridgend social - we can look uncomfortable together mate if you are there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left."
Mate - don't be so hard on yourself. At least you've actually summoned up the courage to go in the first place, which is more than I've done! Perhaps now as you've done the dummy run, second time around it won't seem so intimidating. Perhaps set yourself a personal target (and I don't mean getting your end away) but how many people you want to talk with, how long you stay etc. But well done to you for pushing yourself mate... Now I've got to the same! |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
I understand where you are coming from. I’ve been to socials where it’s been a bit tricky.
I’ve always ended up enjoying to varying degrees though. I find it helps to think the following:
- Everyone is probably nervous, even those who know others
- It may seem like a clique, but it’s much more likely that it’s just groups of people who know one another. If I knew people at a social, I’d inevitably gravitate towards them. It’s only natural. Perhaps one day someone will walk in, I’m chatting to people and they’ll think “oooh, he’s in the clique”. I wouldn’t want that.
- I’ve been to plenty of non-Fab events where I’ve felt uncomfortable.
- Sometimes the most enjoyable events I’ve ever been to started terribly
- The organisers have put a lot of effort into this and are often busy on the night too. They can’t put a red carpet out for me
- Be calm and true to yourself. In time, conversations can develop. If not, that’s OK
- Cheer up - at least I’m not at the Pontypandy Conservative Association’s Christmas party
- Socials are bound to be a bit bonkers. They can’t all be great
- Seating can inveitably make things difficult. However, I got stuck next to Geoff from accounts at the last works-do. It happens.
- Well this attending a social lark is totally bonkers. How the **** have I ended up in a crap pub, nervously asking people what their usernames are on a swinging site. Actually, **** it, the whole thing is mad and, ultimately, somewhat hilarious
- Thank God my mum isn’t here
I find thinking some of all of the above settles me down and makes fun times possible |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
Thank you to everyone who has commented and messaged me privately. I will take on board the advice and kind words, I will definitely go to others and have my name down for the Newport Christmas one.
Hope you have all had a fab weekend so far. |
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"Thank you to everyone who has commented and messaged me privately. I will take on board the advice and kind words, I will definitely go to others and have my name down for the Newport Christmas one.
Hope you have all had a fab weekend so far."
We will be there with our christmas jumpers on |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"Thank you to everyone who has commented and messaged me privately. I will take on board the advice and kind words, I will definitely go to others and have my name down for the Newport Christmas one.
Hope you have all had a fab weekend so far.
We will be there with our christmas jumpers on "
I guess i better get a christmas jumper |
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"Even cpls new to this feel awkward at socials. I am very quiet until i get to know people but i am glad joanne is not as quiet so she gets us talking to people. You are not alone feeling the way you do. Cpls and single guys and ladies do feel simular in large gathering of strangers. Chin up mate. Atb. John.
Cheers "
Same for me when I went to a club on my own. Not a single guy spoke to me all night, it was all groups who stuck together and walked past me frequently like I didn't exist. It's a horrible feeling. |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"Even cpls new to this feel awkward at socials. I am very quiet until i get to know people but i am glad joanne is not as quiet so she gets us talking to people. You are not alone feeling the way you do. Cpls and single guys and ladies do feel simular in large gathering of strangers. Chin up mate. Atb. John.
Cheers
Same for me when I went to a club on my own. Not a single guy spoke to me all night, it was all groups who stuck together and walked past me frequently like I didn't exist. It's a horrible feeling. "
Maybe they were intimidated by you as you look stunning x |
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"Even cpls new to this feel awkward at socials. I am very quiet until i get to know people but i am glad joanne is not as quiet so she gets us talking to people. You are not alone feeling the way you do. Cpls and single guys and ladies do feel simular in large gathering of strangers. Chin up mate. Atb. John.
Cheers
Same for me when I went to a club on my own. Not a single guy spoke to me all night, it was all groups who stuck together and walked past me frequently like I didn't exist. It's a horrible feeling.
Maybe they were intimidated by you as you look stunning x"
Being 6ft 2 in heels and built like a tank doesn't help, you're right. I guess I need to soften my resting bitch face. |
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I've been to socials on my own and I completely understand it's daunting but was lucky to be introduced by a regular when I said it was my first and then I got mingling a bit more.
When I went with a friend people approached us so made it easier to get chatting and I didn't feel awkward.
At my next one I'm just going to approach people because we're all there to meet each other anyway. |
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I would say in any social setting , the more you do it , the easier it becomes never been to a social but I would imagine ....that everyone feels awkward nervous and I'd say stick with it ...Good luck |
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OP you would be surprised how many people feel a lot like you did.
We are reasonably well known when we go to these things in South Wales. There is almost always at least one friendly face we recognise and gravitate towards. Makes us feel confident and comfortable. Most of the time.
But we found ourselves out of our depth a few weeks ago at the new Cardiff Social. Apart from the organisers, we barely recognised anyone. And our behaviour reflected it. We quilted a lot. We didn't find ourselves being full of confidence approaching people. We didn't spark up conversations with people we didn't know. We felt lost, invisible. It seems that since Covid and all the disconnection that caused, we have lost out social mojo.
I myself (Lord Marmite) usually go bulldozing in and sod it to the consequences. I found myself wanting to go home. I also had a serious case of Resting Bitch Face that probably should have been seen by a doctor, so that did not help us either. I am sure we didn't appear approachable.
These things happen. For us we will try to be more outward at the next event we find ourselves feeling that way. But at least we have each other as company in the sea of solitude. I myself have forgotten just how hard it is to try and get out there and recognised.
So don't feel guilty, don't feel disappointed, don't feel bad. You made a huge amount of progress by even going in the first place, which is a lot more than most ever do. The next one will be easier, trust me . |
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"So tonight I went to the local social event. Got there paid my entrance fee and went to the bar, bought a pint, and stood next to a table, three groups sat at separate tables.
I stood drinking my pint feeling very uncomfortable, one guy spoke to me while I was there, I finished my drink and got another, my anxiety was building inside and I knew that I would not be staying.
20 minutes later I was home.
I see on here a lot about going to socials and clubs etc, I have been in this lifestyle for over 20 yrs and still find people are in their cliques and groups, it is hard to break into them especially if you do not have the self-confidence to engage with people.
I will try again and will go to other socials and clubs. Just today I failed again and left.
"
It's really no different as a couple, we do tend to jump into couples and say hello.
Two things, well maybe more than 2 things can happen.
They say hello and turn away, that could mean we are not interested in us or they are socially inept.
They just look and turn away, rude.
They say hello, ask if we would like to join their inclusive friendly group and make a space for a few more chairs, very rare.
We tend to chat to a couple of single guys and try to rope in some isolated couples then make our own clique and ignore everyone else.
To be fair sometime folks are as shit scared as you.
We are experienced enough now to go in and say hello to at least the first 4-5 people we cross paths.
Going to a FAB holiday meet tonight and will do the same.
You seem a great fella so would happily chat with you and let you oggle my lady bits.
Don't be put off, keep going. |
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Oh, forgot to say.
You actually tipped up, in person as skin and bone, not online, not as a fantasy.
That automatically, gold plated without hesitation makes you better than 75% of the fakers on here.
You are a real man and a credit to yourself and this site.
Hold your head high, you deserve it. |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"Oh, forgot to say.
You actually tipped up, in person as skin and bone, not online, not as a fantasy.
That automatically, gold plated without hesitation makes you better than 75% of the fakers on here.
You are a real man and a credit to yourself and this site.
Hold your head high, you deserve it. "
Thank you for the two lovely replies
I try to be as genuine as can be. |
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"Oh, forgot to say.
You actually tipped up, in person as skin and bone, not online, not as a fantasy.
That automatically, gold plated without hesitation makes you better than 75% of the fakers on here.
You are a real man and a credit to yourself and this site.
Hold your head high, you deserve it.
Thank you for the two lovely replies
I try to be as genuine as can be."
Fuck being genuine, become Clark Kent for the night. |
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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"Oh, forgot to say.
You actually tipped up, in person as skin and bone, not online, not as a fantasy.
That automatically, gold plated without hesitation makes you better than 75% of the fakers on here.
You are a real man and a credit to yourself and this site.
Hold your head high, you deserve it.
Thank you for the two lovely replies
I try to be as genuine as can be.
Fuck being genuine, become Clark Kent for the night. "
I need a cape to mask my lack of self confidence at the moment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not easy l will admit ,at first l didnt bother with socials ,went to seaside towns on my own ,looked for a bar that was packed and had music,went straight to centre of the bar to get a drink ,nearly always l ended up chatting to some lovely people, l was scary at first , but glad l did it that way. |
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"It seems that since Covid and all the disconnection that caused, we have lost out social mojo.
I myself (Lord Marmite) usually go bulldozing in and sod it to the consequences. I found myself wanting to go home. I also had a serious case of Resting Bitch Face that probably should have been seen by a doctor, so that did not help us either. I am sure we didn't appear approachable.
"
This is what we've found lately. We used to be so outgoing and sociable. Now, we just want to hide away. |
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