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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If someone u had a social with and u get on tells you they have herpes would u meet them? even if they say they take meds and not play during an outbreak. |
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By *unner6969Man
over a year ago
Bucks/London/Oxford |
"If someone u had a social with and u get on tells you they have herpes would u meet them? even if they say they take meds and not play during an outbreak. "
No. I’d appreciate their honesty and I’d do appropriate research - but I still wouldn’t be able overcome my fears, to relax and give them pleasure, or enjoy myself. |
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Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active. |
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"Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active."
This 100%  |
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Well if they had a crusty cold sore I'd probably decline. But if the symptoms are dormant and there is no obvious reason to supect I could get infected then I wouldn't have a problem with it.
I also think that if you have a good immune system you are very unlikely to catch it as we've probably all been exposed to it at some point in our life and have become immune anyway. The most likely time you'll catch it is when you are a little baby and come into contact with it off parents and relatives. Your skin is very tender. They used to call it the kissing disease didn't they.
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I think the statistics of people having the herpes virus, without even knowing and never having any symptoms, is incredibly high. It’s very likely you’ve had sexual intercourse with someone with HSV or possibly even have it yourself without knowing as there isn’t an STI test for it so without an outbreak to confirm, it can be pretty undetectable for a long, long time.
Plus it can lie dormant for years so you could contract it 10 years ago but may not have a breakout for a long time after that.
Sassy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My first thoughts would be... no thanks.
But I'm a guy who reflects on Sh*t and realises that 7/10 people have it in one form or another... as people have said - reading up is a good idea. |
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Sorry, I didn't answer the question in my response earlier.
Yes I would meet,as my understanding is its only transmittable during an outbreak and statistically it's very likely I have had sex with someone with herpes ..
Many people? unknowingly, will have had safer sex with someone who's hiv positive,but i bet few would choose to do that if they knew in advance...
Hard to be totally honest in this game and if you are, well just read the above responses |
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"Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active."
 |
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"Sorry, I didn't answer the question in my response earlier.
Yes I would meet,as my understanding is its only transmittable during an outbreak and statistically it's very likely I have had sex with someone with herpes ..
Many people? unknowingly, will have had safer sex with someone who's hiv positive,but i bet few would choose to do that if they knew in advance...
Hard to be totally honest in this game and if you are, well just read the above responses"
Some people view omitting info is dishonest but I don't see an omission as lying.
If I don't ask a bloke if he's single and he isn't - that's my look out (but I always ask  ). |
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About 70% of adults have HSV-1 which can affect your genitals as well as more commonly your mouth (coldsore), and about a quarter have HSV-2.
People talk about outbreaks like they're common, they're not. Some people are only impacted when they're first exposed and never again.
HSV-2 isn't only confined to the actual genitals, the virus can exist on your thighs, arse etc.
Like HPV condoms only reduce exposure from or to the penis shaft and head, any other exposed skin has a chance of coming into contact/passing on through sex, including oral and fingering (rarely herpes affects fingers too).
There's really no point declining someone who knows they have it, they're actually your safer bet as last thing they'll want when affected is sex. Chances are you already have it anyway. |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
"It would depend on my gut feelings.
Heheh ..so you would...i m not sure if it s contagious or not...if not..well why not have sex
It is contagious while active."
The gut feeling would be about the specific person, so it would depend on whether I actually fancied fucking them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It would depend on my gut feelings.
Heheh ..so you would...i m not sure if it s contagious or not...if not..well why not have sex
It is contagious while active."
Oh i see..well i suppose this can be known and if you know oerson..why not |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London |
I wouldn't either but then again it's so easy to catch. Some people have it and just never even know, like seriously don't. They never had an outbreak but it's been dormant for years. And most people get herpes as a child during very normal activities like getting kissed goodnight by mommy or greeting auntie helen and then have herpes. And 20 years later, they suck someone's dick, and that guy suddenly has genital herpes.
Still wouldn't if I know, though. Just saying it's bad luck for them. It's usually not their own fault and not preventable. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London |
"About 70% of adults have HSV-1 which can affect your genitals as well as more commonly your mouth (coldsore), and about a quarter have HSV-2.
People talk about outbreaks like they're common, they're not. Some people are only impacted when they're first exposed and never again.
HSV-2 isn't only confined to the actual genitals, the virus can exist on your thighs, arse etc.
Like HPV condoms only reduce exposure from or to the penis shaft and head, any other exposed skin has a chance of coming into contact/passing on through sex, including oral and fingering (rarely herpes affects fingers too).
There's really no point declining someone who knows they have it, they're actually your safer bet as last thing they'll want when affected is sex. Chances are you already have it anyway. "
Yeah, I read about it some time ago. It's really wild, and actually also very benign. It's not aids, if you happen to catch herpes, it's nothing that seriously affects your life. You aren't sick or die because of it. The only thing is, you have bit of a visible infection and can spread it.
If given the choice I would not have it, but if I would catch it, I think it wouldn't be a life ender. It doesn't really do anything other than look ugly for a few days. If you even get outbreaks at all! Which is another one of those things that surprised me - how common it is!
In fact, it's so common, that most STD tests specifically exclude it. |
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"About 70% of adults have HSV-1 which can affect your genitals as well as more commonly your mouth (coldsore), and about a quarter have HSV-2.
People talk about outbreaks like they're common, they're not. Some people are only impacted when they're first exposed and never again.
HSV-2 isn't only confined to the actual genitals, the virus can exist on your thighs, arse etc.
Like HPV condoms only reduce exposure from or to the penis shaft and head, any other exposed skin has a chance of coming into contact/passing on through sex, including oral and fingering (rarely herpes affects fingers too).
There's really no point declining someone who knows they have it, they're actually your safer bet as last thing they'll want when affected is sex. Chances are you already have it anyway.
Yeah, I read about it some time ago. It's really wild, and actually also very benign. It's not aids, if you happen to catch herpes, it's nothing that seriously affects your life. You aren't sick or die because of it. The only thing is, you have bit of a visible infection and can spread it.
If given the choice I would not have it, but if I would catch it, I think it wouldn't be a life ender. It doesn't really do anything other than look ugly for a few days. If you even get outbreaks at all! Which is another one of those things that surprised me - how common it is!
In fact, it's so common, that most STD tests specifically exclude it."
Yes. Most of the hype around it comes from America where the health industry and private organisations have made lots of money stoking up fear around it, it's also criminalised in many states which is absurd. There's been some examples of that in the UK but on the whole (for now) people are more sensible. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London |
"About 70% of adults have HSV-1 which can affect your genitals as well as more commonly your mouth (coldsore), and about a quarter have HSV-2.
People talk about outbreaks like they're common, they're not. Some people are only impacted when they're first exposed and never again.
HSV-2 isn't only confined to the actual genitals, the virus can exist on your thighs, arse etc.
Like HPV condoms only reduce exposure from or to the penis shaft and head, any other exposed skin has a chance of coming into contact/passing on through sex, including oral and fingering (rarely herpes affects fingers too).
There's really no point declining someone who knows they have it, they're actually your safer bet as last thing they'll want when affected is sex. Chances are you already have it anyway.
Yeah, I read about it some time ago. It's really wild, and actually also very benign. It's not aids, if you happen to catch herpes, it's nothing that seriously affects your life. You aren't sick or die because of it. The only thing is, you have bit of a visible infection and can spread it.
If given the choice I would not have it, but if I would catch it, I think it wouldn't be a life ender. It doesn't really do anything other than look ugly for a few days. If you even get outbreaks at all! Which is another one of those things that surprised me - how common it is!
In fact, it's so common, that most STD tests specifically exclude it.
Yes. Most of the hype around it comes from America where the health industry and private organisations have made lots of money stoking up fear around it, it's also criminalised in many states which is absurd. There's been some examples of that in the UK but on the whole (for now) people are more sensible. "
Criminalised????? How? Why? What's the punishment? |
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If I knew the person well and felt like I could trust them to be honest about outbreaks, then yes I’d meet them (and make sure I do a thorough inspection), but for a random person I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable. |
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"If someone u had a social with and u get on tells you they have herpes would u meet them? even if they say they take meds and not play during an outbreak. "
They are medicating for it and managing it.
Also being honest .
There are many people carrying and spreading stds and not testing regularly or even thinking about it.
We should be normalising concersations about sexual health and respecting people for their honesty and consciencious handling of things . |
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"About 70% of adults have HSV-1 which can affect your genitals as well as more commonly your mouth (coldsore), and about a quarter have HSV-2.
People talk about outbreaks like they're common, they're not. Some people are only impacted when they're first exposed and never again.
HSV-2 isn't only confined to the actual genitals, the virus can exist on your thighs, arse etc.
Like HPV condoms only reduce exposure from or to the penis shaft and head, any other exposed skin has a chance of coming into contact/passing on through sex, including oral and fingering (rarely herpes affects fingers too).
There's really no point declining someone who knows they have it, they're actually your safer bet as last thing they'll want when affected is sex. Chances are you already have it anyway.
Yeah, I read about it some time ago. It's really wild, and actually also very benign. It's not aids, if you happen to catch herpes, it's nothing that seriously affects your life. You aren't sick or die because of it. The only thing is, you have bit of a visible infection and can spread it.
If given the choice I would not have it, but if I would catch it, I think it wouldn't be a life ender. It doesn't really do anything other than look ugly for a few days. If you even get outbreaks at all! Which is another one of those things that surprised me - how common it is!
In fact, it's so common, that most STD tests specifically exclude it."
You do not 'catch Aids' you contract the HIV virus.
That is a managed condition with medication now .
Rather like diabetes.
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London |
"About 70% of adults have HSV-1 which can affect your genitals as well as more commonly your mouth (coldsore), and about a quarter have HSV-2.
People talk about outbreaks like they're common, they're not. Some people are only impacted when they're first exposed and never again.
HSV-2 isn't only confined to the actual genitals, the virus can exist on your thighs, arse etc.
Like HPV condoms only reduce exposure from or to the penis shaft and head, any other exposed skin has a chance of coming into contact/passing on through sex, including oral and fingering (rarely herpes affects fingers too).
There's really no point declining someone who knows they have it, they're actually your safer bet as last thing they'll want when affected is sex. Chances are you already have it anyway.
Yeah, I read about it some time ago. It's really wild, and actually also very benign. It's not aids, if you happen to catch herpes, it's nothing that seriously affects your life. You aren't sick or die because of it. The only thing is, you have bit of a visible infection and can spread it.
If given the choice I would not have it, but if I would catch it, I think it wouldn't be a life ender. It doesn't really do anything other than look ugly for a few days. If you even get outbreaks at all! Which is another one of those things that surprised me - how common it is!
In fact, it's so common, that most STD tests specifically exclude it.
You do not 'catch Aids' you contract the HIV virus.
That is a managed condition with medication now .
Rather like diabetes.
"
Semantics. Catching aids, contracting the HIV virus, winning the shit lottery - whatever you want to call it.
And yeah, aids doesn't kill you any more like it used to, but it's still different because untreated it will, unlike herpes which is completely harmelss, just ugly. |
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"Semantics. Catching aids, contracting the HIV virus, winning the shit lottery - whatever you want to call it.
And yeah, aids doesn't kill you any more like it used to, but it's still different because untreated it will, unlike herpes which is completely harmelss, just ugly."
It's not semantics, HIV and AIDS are not interchangeable, and AIDS does kill, and on the whole treated HIV diagnosed promptly does not. |
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"In 2018 two woman died of herpes after giving birth by Caesarean.
Aids.. No cure
Herpes no cure
Lets hope we do find cures. Yes they are treatable. "
That was an extremely rare case where its thought a surgeon who treated both women exposed them to it in areas where there would normally be no risk of coming into contact etc. You don't die of it under normal transmission circumstances. |
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"If you have had oral sex with someone that gets a cold sore it's 100% that you will have the virus in your body, although it maybe dormant "
You really have no understanding of the facts.
Herpes can only be spread by someone who is actively shedding the virus which might only be a few days a year.
The rest of the time it sits dormant in a nerve.
Statistically the best way to not catch it is to find a sexual partner who has it and gets predictable symptoms.
My dad worked in a special clinic so my sexual ed’ was a little more comprehensive than most. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have had oral sex with someone that gets a cold sore it's 100% that you will have the virus in your body, although it maybe dormant
You really have no understanding of the facts.
Herpes can only be spread by someone who is actively shedding the virus which might only be a few days a year.
The rest of the time it sits dormant in a nerve.
Statistically the best way to not catch it is to find a sexual partner who has it and gets predictable symptoms.
My dad worked in a special clinic so my sexual ed’ was a little more comprehensive than most."
Education on such matters is a powerful thing. The internet can be full of incorrect information leading people to be scared. Well done for sharing  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone u had a social with and u get on tells you they have herpes would u meet them? even if they say they take meds and not play during an outbreak.
No. I’d appreciate their honesty and I’d do appropriate research - but I still wouldn’t be able overcome my fears, to relax and give them pleasure, or enjoy myself."
Try telling a woman off here you have Herpes!
Yet most men behave different. |
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"In 2018 two woman died of herpes after giving birth by Caesarean.
Aids.. No cure
Herpes no cure
Lets hope we do find cures. Yes they are treatable. "
This is just ridiculous and I cannot believe I've read this here.
Herpes virus is annoying but really not lifethreatening.
As someone who lived through the aids pandemic in the 80s and 90s, it is shocking to see it used still I this way when it is perfectly manageable just as diabetes is.
You really need to get educated on sexual health matters ...or think before you type. |
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"I shared this info with my lover.
We kept our distance until the flare-up went and then got busy again…."
Ok but define 'flare up'? How do you know the exact hour/moment when your body is no longer transmitting it?
This isn't like a traffic light system, you may feel the flare up has gone but you cant possibly tell the moment when you no longer become contagious |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London |
"I shared this info with my lover.
We kept our distance until the flare-up went and then got busy again….
Ok but define 'flare up'? How do you know the exact hour/moment when your body is no longer transmitting it?
This isn't like a traffic light system, you may feel the flare up has gone but you cant possibly tell the moment when you no longer become contagious"
I mean herpes are little pimples/blisters in the infected area - if they're there - no good. If they're not visible - good to go.(if you wanna risk it) |
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"I shared this info with my lover.
We kept our distance until the flare-up went and then got busy again….
Ok but define 'flare up'? How do you know the exact hour/moment when your body is no longer transmitting it?
This isn't like a traffic light system, you may feel the flare up has gone but you cant possibly tell the moment when you no longer become contagious
I mean herpes are little pimples/blisters in the infected area - if they're there - no good. If they're not visible - good to go.(if you wanna risk it)"
I understand all that, but once again, we're not talking about green light for go. There may be a trace of them left for a few days, or perhaps the virus transmissible a day or so before visible evidence. Its not black and white |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I shared this info with my lover.
We kept our distance until the flare-up went and then got busy again….
Ok but define 'flare up'? How do you know the exact hour/moment when your body is no longer transmitting it?
This isn't like a traffic light system, you may feel the flare up has gone but you cant possibly tell the moment when you no longer become contagious
I mean herpes are little pimples/blisters in the infected area - if they're there - no good. If they're not visible - good to go.(if you wanna risk it)
I understand all that, but once again, we're not talking about green light for go. There may be a trace of them left for a few days, or perhaps the virus transmissible a day or so before visible evidence. Its not black and white "
It’s not but do you ask every meet if they are prone to oral cold sores? If someone doesn’t have a cold sore then they will feel it’s ok to kiss someone. |
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“Science has never seen a virus that can actively shed for longer than 4 or 5 days”. I am quoting a very old cambridge biologist who is considered “the mother of virology”.
Sorry I can’t remember her name. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
I don't think there is anyone on my dad's side of the family that doesn't get coldsores.
My sister in law has never had one. My brother, both his kids have had coldsores, multiple. SIL - not a one...
The 70% of people who have HSV1. Those are just the ones who are symptomatic - they think it's closer to it being 100% of people over the age of 11 have contracted HSV1 and just that 30% of people are asymptomatic.
Asymptomatic would be nice. I've had coldsores since I was a kid... Weirdest thing, I mostly get them in one place... Inside my nose.
Man they hurt. |
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"I wouldn't either but then again it's so easy to catch. Some people have it and just never even know, like seriously don't. They never had an outbreak but it's been dormant for years. And most people get herpes as a child during very normal activities like getting kissed goodnight by mommy or greeting auntie helen and then have herpes. And 20 years later, they suck someone's dick, and that guy suddenly has genital herpes.
Still wouldn't if I know, though. Just saying it's bad luck for them. It's usually not their own fault and not preventable."
So that person could even be you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do some research?
Yes it’s common but genital herpes is extremely dangerous given to link to cervical cancer.
Condoms are the way forward and use dental dams for oral.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active."
Considering your bio states 'Top priority: honesty', isn't this a bit contradictory..?  |
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"Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active.
Considering your bio states 'Top priority: honesty', isn't this a bit contradictory..? "
There's a difference between withholding info and lying. |
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"Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active.
Considering your bio states 'Top priority: honesty', isn't this a bit contradictory..?
There's a difference between withholding info and lying."
"Economical with the truth" is the phrase that comes to mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you meet someone with a cold?
It's likely you'd rearrange. But the difference with that and herpes is the stigma.
I wouldn't tell anyone I had BV and that isn't an STI or contagious. But cos it's vaginal it'd carry stigma.
You don't owe anyone that level of honesty. Rearrange when the virus is active."
This 100% |
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