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Can She ? Can't She ? Visiting
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One of our female friends outlined the following to us and they are not sure what to do.
Her mother is in her 90's. Lives alone. Non social contact. Hospitalised earlier in year but now recovered. Had 1st vaccination.
Our friend was shielding and has not left her house for over 1 year (She's been on furlough but full pay as work don't want her in). She's had her 1st Vac.
She was hoping to visit her mother as shielding has ended. However with Boris's "Do Not Go Indoors" message, she is concerned at breaking the law or getting in trouble.
She hopes her mum doesn't die anytime soon, but after a fall last year, her mum is getting increasingly frail. It was tough on her when her mum was in hospital and she could not visit, but she accepted that was the rules.
Her mum had another fall a few months ago and broke another bone, but that is healing up ok.
She organises all her mum's deliveries online. She was just hoping to see her mum this weekend, as she said they have not seen each other since Oct 2019 (They were due to meet in Mar 2020, and the rest is history as they say !)
She asked us what we would do, but not being in her shoes it's rather difficult to give sound advice. I am not certain on what's allowed or not to be honest. What would you folks do if you were her ? What is allowed ? Thank you. |
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She would legally be able to visit her mum as a carer, going indoors. As she's isolated for a year, she should be healthy.
If she was me and I knew I had had no social contact in that time, I would visit her as her carer. It sounds like it could potentially be of huge value to her mother and probably her too. I feel for them both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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each to their own but I've been visiting my mum on and off through it all. she probably wouldn't be here now if i didn't. loneliness and dementia can kill just as much as a virus
d |
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If this was my mother living alone like that in this situation then even if it was breaking the law to begin with, I'd be dropping everything else and moving in with her.
I'd isolate if necessary and then do everything I could to make sure she was safe and not alone especially in her condition and how life must have been for her. |
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"If this was my mother living alone like that in this situation then even if it was breaking the law to begin with, I'd be dropping everything else and moving in with her.
I'd isolate if necessary and then do everything I could to make sure she was safe and not alone especially in her condition and how life must have been for her."
It's been extraordinarily challenging on the elderly. |
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"If this was my mother living alone like that in this situation then even if it was breaking the law to begin with, I'd be dropping everything else and moving in with her.
I'd isolate if necessary and then do everything I could to make sure she was safe and not alone especially in her condition and how life must have been for her.
It's been extraordinarily challenging on the elderly."
Thankfully my mum is generally fit and healthy and has an active husband (sadly recently diagnosed with cancer and having treatment currently) and she has found it trying as it is.
For those who are alone and have little or no family, don't understand technology and are used to doing everything themselves like shopping etc then it must be truly awful for them.
You've got a large part of society moaning about how they can't go to the pub or that their civil liberties are being destroyed yet go about most of their lives normally and bemoan having to wear a mask to buy milk.....it makes you think doesn't it.
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"If this was my mother living alone like that in this situation then even if it was breaking the law to begin with, I'd be dropping everything else and moving in with her.
I'd isolate if necessary and then do everything I could to make sure she was safe and not alone especially in her condition and how life must have been for her.
It's been extraordinarily challenging on the elderly.
Thankfully my mum is generally fit and healthy and has an active husband (sadly recently diagnosed with cancer and having treatment currently) and she has found it trying as it is.
For those who are alone and have little or no family, don't understand technology and are used to doing everything themselves like shopping etc then it must be truly awful for them.
You've got a large part of society moaning about how they can't go to the pub or that their civil liberties are being destroyed yet go about most of their lives normally and bemoan having to wear a mask to buy milk.....it makes you think doesn't it.
"
I wish your family well.
I've been up close with a small group in my local community. They've done incredibly well even though their lives have been torn asunder. And they rarely complain. |
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A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles."
This!
People seem to think its only if you live alone or are a single parent but there are vaunable people clauses, carers, fear for welfare and if you have a child under one regardless of how many people live with you. |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles."
For sure. Unfortunately I think sometimes organisations toe a harder line - with very good reason. Which means that they don't see people as they should. It's all been a terrible balancing act |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles.
For sure. Unfortunately I think sometimes organisations toe a harder line - with very good reason. Which means that they don't see people as they should. It's all been a terrible balancing act "
Care homes have had to be really strict but I guess the people in them aren't classed as vulnerable.
We used to stand outside the window of my mum's and holler at her, it was inevitably raining cats and dogs. It was only when she came home that we discovered she didn't have her hearing aids with her.  |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles.
For sure. Unfortunately I think sometimes organisations toe a harder line - with very good reason. Which means that they don't see people as they should. It's all been a terrible balancing act
Care homes have had to be really strict but I guess the people in them aren't classed as vulnerable.
We used to stand outside the window of my mum's and holler at her, it was inevitably raining cats and dogs. It was only when she came home that we discovered she didn't have her hearing aids with her. "
Oh the hearing aids 
My organisation has been incredibly strict. More than the law, but sort of, we really want to avoid liability or being seen to do the wrong thing.
We've gone above and beyond where we can - on the volunteer side it's been utterly exhausting. But there's been a lot of grey areas and we've had to say "no, we can't do that". Even when we desperately want to. |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles."
Agree. My Dad (lives alone, 81) has been in our bubble all along plus on occasions, my brother has had to go down to assist him with medical things, which I was not able to do. |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles.
Agree. My Dad (lives alone, 81) has been in our bubble all along plus on occasions, my brother has had to go down to assist him with medical things, which I was not able to do."
How is he doing now? Have you managed to put anything in place for him? |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles.
Agree. My Dad (lives alone, 81) has been in our bubble all along plus on occasions, my brother has had to go down to assist him with medical things, which I was not able to do.
How is he doing now? Have you managed to put anything in place for him?"
Yes, I hope. Had a dementia screening, awaiting outcome. Signed him up to Cifas, made reports via Action Fraud and spoke to all the insurance companies where the frauds were. The only organisation I didn't manage to speak to was the police force who sent an intent to prosecute notice because they were only open 10-1.... I've spoken to his local force who are helping us.... |
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"A paramedic told my father that as both he and my mother are classed as vulnerable I could form a bubble with them.
I think a lot of old people have been isolated unnecessarily because they don't realise vulnerable people can form bubbles.
Agree. My Dad (lives alone, 81) has been in our bubble all along plus on occasions, my brother has had to go down to assist him with medical things, which I was not able to do.
How is he doing now? Have you managed to put anything in place for him?
Yes, I hope. Had a dementia screening, awaiting outcome. Signed him up to Cifas, made reports via Action Fraud and spoke to all the insurance companies where the frauds were. The only organisation I didn't manage to speak to was the police force who sent an intent to prosecute notice because they were only open 10-1.... I've spoken to his local force who are helping us.... "
You're making progress then.  |
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"One of our female friends outlined the following to us and they are not sure what to do.
Her mother is in her 90's. Lives alone. Non social contact. Hospitalised earlier in year but now recovered. Had 1st vaccination.
Our friend was shielding and has not left her house for over 1 year (She's been on furlough but full pay as work don't want her in). She's had her 1st Vac.
She was hoping to visit her mother as shielding has ended. However with Boris's "Do Not Go Indoors" message, she is concerned at breaking the law or getting in trouble.
She hopes her mum doesn't die anytime soon, but after a fall last year, her mum is getting increasingly frail. It was tough on her when her mum was in hospital and she could not visit, but she accepted that was the rules.
Her mum had another fall a few months ago and broke another bone, but that is healing up ok.
She organises all her mum's deliveries online. She was just hoping to see her mum this weekend, as she said they have not seen each other since Oct 2019 (They were due to meet in Mar 2020, and the rest is history as they say !)
She asked us what we would do, but not being in her shoes it's rather difficult to give sound advice. I am not certain on what's allowed or not to be honest. What would you folks do if you were her ? What is allowed ? Thank you."
Mum lives alone so daughter can and always has been allowed to form a supper bubble with her mum regardless of who the daughter lives with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"One of our female friends outlined the following to us and they are not sure what to do.
Her mother is in her 90's. Lives alone. Non social contact. Hospitalised earlier in year but now recovered. Had 1st vaccination.
Our friend was shielding and has not left her house for over 1 year (She's been on furlough but full pay as work don't want her in). She's had her 1st Vac.
She was hoping to visit her mother as shielding has ended. However with Boris's "Do Not Go Indoors" message, she is concerned at breaking the law or getting in trouble.
She hopes her mum doesn't die anytime soon, but after a fall last year, her mum is getting increasingly frail. It was tough on her when her mum was in hospital and she could not visit, but she accepted that was the rules.
Her mum had another fall a few months ago and broke another bone, but that is healing up ok.
She organises all her mum's deliveries online. She was just hoping to see her mum this weekend, as she said they have not seen each other since Oct 2019 (They were due to meet in Mar 2020, and the rest is history as they say !)
She asked us what we would do, but not being in her shoes it's rather difficult to give sound advice. I am not certain on what's allowed or not to be honest. What would you folks do if you were her ? What is allowed ? Thank you."
Tell her to just go. My mum died at Christmas and I lost the last 6 months she was healthy and nursed her not leaving her side in her last 3 months. When you are looking after someone it is thought of as a reasonable excuse. I have no regrets about the time I spent with my mum. Only the time I didn't.
Its my mums birthday tomorrow. My first without her and if not for having lockdown I would have had her last birthday with her.
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If her mother lives alone then she is allowed to visit as her bubble & care giver.
To be totally honest whether I was allowed to or not I would anyway as time is too precious and given her mums health and age she should not be worrying about whether she is allowed to or not and just spend that valuable time with her mum before it's too late  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"One of our female friends outlined the following to us and they are not sure what to do.
Her mother is in her 90's. Lives alone. Non social contact. Hospitalised earlier in year but now recovered. Had 1st vaccination.
Our friend was shielding and has not left her house for over 1 year (She's been on furlough but full pay as work don't want her in). She's had her 1st Vac.
She was hoping to visit her mother as shielding has ended. However with Boris's "Do Not Go Indoors" message, she is concerned at breaking the law or getting in trouble.
She hopes her mum doesn't die anytime soon, but after a fall last year, her mum is getting increasingly frail. It was tough on her when her mum was in hospital and she could not visit, but she accepted that was the rules.
Her mum had another fall a few months ago and broke another bone, but that is healing up ok.
She organises all her mum's deliveries online. She was just hoping to see her mum this weekend, as she said they have not seen each other since Oct 2019 (They were due to meet in Mar 2020, and the rest is history as they say !)
She asked us what we would do, but not being in her shoes it's rather difficult to give sound advice. I am not certain on what's allowed or not to be honest. What would you folks do if you were her ? What is allowed ? Thank you."
If I was in this situation with a parent, I’d just go. I think it would be deemed fair enough from a legal stance, but most importantly, it’s just the right thing to do. There are many situations that seem hard to interpret correctly, but I’d move heaven and earth to be as supportive as I could be, and if her care needs are that great, and she had not seen her for eighteen months I’d definitely go, as safely as possible. If only to offer positive times at an extremely tough time for old people and (hopefully not) perhaps even some of the last chapters in their lives. |
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"One of our female friends outlined the following to us and they are not sure what to do.
Her mother is in her 90's. Lives alone. Non social contact. Hospitalised earlier in year but now recovered. Had 1st vaccination.
Our friend was shielding and has not left her house for over 1 year (She's been on furlough but full pay as work don't want her in). She's had her 1st Vac.
She was hoping to visit her mother as shielding has ended. However with Boris's "Do Not Go Indoors" message, she is concerned at breaking the law or getting in trouble.
She hopes her mum doesn't die anytime soon, but after a fall last year, her mum is getting increasingly frail. It was tough on her when her mum was in hospital and she could not visit, but she accepted that was the rules.
Her mum had another fall a few months ago and broke another bone, but that is healing up ok.
She organises all her mum's deliveries online. She was just hoping to see her mum this weekend, as she said they have not seen each other since Oct 2019 (They were due to meet in Mar 2020, and the rest is history as they say !)
She asked us what we would do, but not being in her shoes it's rather difficult to give sound advice. I am not certain on what's allowed or not to be honest. What would you folks do if you were her ? What is allowed ? Thank you."
I'm generally all for following the rules. But, my mum had been in a care home. We weren't allowed to see her for months and not allowed to hug her for a year. Someone gave her covid and she died and to my eternal regret I wasn't allowed to touch her or hug her in her last year.
If I'd had another chance I'd have asked mum what she wanted... She'd have said a visit and a hug and I'd have done it. Having been tested first of course. Not being able to see close friends and relatives for so long and in their dying moments is fucking barbaric. |
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