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How is COVID affecting your long-term relationship plans?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok so I posted something similar back in April/May when the pandemic really kicked in but just wanted to gauge the thoughts of others now we're almost 8 months into this mess and there's no real light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm a 42yo single guy who has always wanted family and kids. I just never found the right woman and I don't do settling down unless I know it's with "the one". Fab for me is a stop gap to meet some lovely ladies and have a bit of physical contact/fun while single.
Now I'm probably like a few on here who don't have, but want a family life but time isn't exactly on my side (yes I know guys don't have the same body clock that women do but I don't want to be like Bill Wyman fathering kids at a ridiculous age! ).
So it's really playing on my mind that it might never happen. Dating sites in general are shite and seem to be getting worse as most are just using them for a fuck and go. There's no opportunity to meet women in real life through restrictions. It's just a complete pile of shit if I'm honest! 
Anyone else feeling like this and have your views on relationships etc changed since the start of the pandemic? |
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By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago
atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club. Stoke |
I would just try to remember that it will probably amount to 18 months (max) in the whole of our lives that these restrictions are operating at some level or another.
I think people will come together very quickly (it may of course take many much longer) but by and large the life we all had before will return.
In simple terms we all have to find a way to weather the storm and remember that 'nothing bad lasts forever'
Chin up. It will change.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If I was 20's/early 30's I'd be more relaxed about the whole situation but being 40+ means time flies by and you're already facing the usual relationship pitfalls that aren't applicable to some younger folk (less women who now want kids, relationship baggage from ex's etc).
Don't get me wrong I'm not lying in the foetal position rocking myself to sleep at night but it does cross my mind a fair bit. |
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I think I remember your post at the time and I can understand how it might be particularly frustrating, if you want to find something and you feel like time is ‘running out’. On the other hand, some people now seem more emotionally available and hopefully there will be more opportunities for you than that might have otherwise later down the line
I personally had been looking to date, but I’m always fickle about that and don’t plan on having children or ‘stalling down’. After getting through this feeling totally supported with the connections I already have, I’m not going to be in a rush once things are easier out there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Understood. But 18 months (max) isn't a long time even to people in their 40's  "
Yeah at least I should.look on the bright side... it's not as though I'm pushing 50. Now that's REALLY old!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think I remember your post at the time and I can understand how it might be particularly frustrating, if you want to find something and you feel like time is ‘running out’. On the other hand, some people now seem more emotionally available and hopefully there will be more opportunities for you than that might have otherwise later down the line
I personally had been looking to date, but I’m always fickle about that and don’t plan on having children or ‘stalling down’. After getting through this feeling totally supported with the connections I already have, I’m not going to be in a rush once things are easier out there "
Good point about being "emotionally available", think you're right there. And it would be so much easier if having kids wasn't such a massive thing for me. I'm more than happy dating a woman who already has them but them wanting more would need to be up for discussion. |
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We always have to work from the base that we have, then optimising our focus to help to get what we want.
Your potential partners will also be feeling much of the same, due to their desires for children.
Forgetting what time has been lost is helpful - it's gone and we can do nothing about it. From now we are potentially ending things, with the most severe first lockdown perhaps never to be equalled. This opens up possibilities unlike earlier on.
It's now just about your strategies and flexibility, in the face of difficulties, as well as some fortune. We have the reality thats coming, so can deal with it accordingly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally get your frustration, even though mine isn't down to covid.
I'm always wanted more kids and, since turning 40 past year, I am now having to accept that won't happen for me. This also make things tricky in the relationship stakes as I have to be mindful of the fact that the type of man I want probably would want kids. LTR in your 40s are so complicated.
One piece of advice, I have a few friends who have found their long term partner on eharmony. It has very strict guidelines(for example I can't join as I'm not yet divorced) and matches people depending on their core values. It costs but the people I know who have used it as in some of the happiest relationships I know.
Good luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I totally get your frustration, even though mine isn't down to covid.
I'm always wanted more kids and, since turning 40 past year, I am now having to accept that won't happen for me. This also make things tricky in the relationship stakes as I have to be mindful of the fact that the type of man I want probably would want kids. LTR in your 40s are so complicated.
One piece of advice, I have a few friends who have found their long term partner on eharmony. It has very strict guidelines(for example I can't join as I'm not yet divorced) and matches people depending on their core values. It costs but the people I know who have used it as in some of the happiest relationships I know.
Good luck xx"
A few of my single work colleagues have said they use POF and Tinder for sex, hook ups and casual dating.
When it comes to looking for a potential life partner i.e. "the one" they use Match or mostly eharmony.
When I've asked why eharmony they have said it tends to be used by professionals, people serious about settling down and the pay wall keeps out most of the fakes and undesirables. They also say its much easier to find people of a similar background, financial level, class background, those who are cultured and of a similar / compatible culture.
KJ |
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"I totally get your frustration, even though mine isn't down to covid.
I'm always wanted more kids and, since turning 40 past year, I am now having to accept that won't happen for me. This also make things tricky in the relationship stakes as I have to be mindful of the fact that the type of man I want probably would want kids. LTR in your 40s are so complicated.
One piece of advice, I have a few friends who have found their long term partner on eharmony. It has very strict guidelines(for example I can't join as I'm not yet divorced) and matches people depending on their core values. It costs but the people I know who have used it as in some of the happiest relationships I know.
Good luck xx
A few of my single work colleagues have said they use POF and Tinder for sex, hook ups and casual dating.
When it comes to looking for a potential life partner i.e. "the one" they use Match or mostly eharmony.
When I've asked why eharmony they have said it tends to be used by professionals, people serious about settling down and the pay wall keeps out most of the fakes and undesirables. They also say its much easier to find people of a similar background, financial level, class background, those who are cultured and of a similar / compatible culture.
KJ"
Yep it's a sin of the times and a numbers game now you will need a site like eharmony you don't say if you want family or to father your own some time soon |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers to the 2 above recommending eHarmony. One of my best mates met his missus on that and he did recommend as well. Like you say, the paid element will take out a load of fakes and timewasters which is tedious at the best of times.
I do really fancy trying to get on First Dates tbh. Never been a massive fan of reality shows but they do a decent job in a lot of cases matching people up. |
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