FabSwingers.com > Forums > Virus > Consensus please.
Consensus please.
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance. |
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Move him in but isolate him for 7 days as in he makes his own food own washing own towels etc...
If he can sleep in separate room and follows strict protocol when coming home from work, then he's probably no more of a risk than the rest of you assuming you are all careful. |
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Without testing, it is smart to continue as if you have not had it.
Would you have him, if the virus wasn't here?
It's your home, so you and your wife determine what is right.
If he's homeless, I can understand the desire to help him get off the streets but otherwise, for the sake of a few weeks - 3 weeks is what we know atm - it's a possible nightmare introduced to many more people via contact chains.
I'd resist without pressing urgent need but it's not my family and I don't know their other choices, other than patience. |
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"I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance."
On the face of it I agree with you, is there a particular reason your daughter wants him to move in? |
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"I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance.
On the face of it I agree with you, is there a particular reason your daughter wants him to move in?"
Well that's probably very obvious  |
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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
I'd be saying no too. Its not the time to be moving, I can understand it might be frustrating for both of them to be apart, but unless there's a pressing need, even if you're willing to have him live there, he should be waiting until after lockdown. Moving his posessions etc is hardly essential travel, and moving in isn't really essential social contact. Its not urgent, and as much as it might be frustrating for them both, now isn't the time. |
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If I was happy to have him move in, without covid 19, then I would allow him to stay now.
Obviously moving all his stuff right now is not advisable but he is allowed to change households, even at this time.
The last thing I would want to do is cause them extra stress by trying to keep them separated but that's me. My daughter is an adult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say he needs to stay put. I get its hard on your daughter not seeing him, but we are all going through the same thing. My kid is in uni and can't come home. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"If I was happy to have him move in, without covid 19, then I would allow him to stay now.
Obviously moving all his stuff right now is not advisable but he is allowed to change households, even at this time.
The last thing I would want to do is cause them extra stress by trying to keep them separated but that's me. My daughter is an adult. "
This is the exact same stance Mrs N is taking. The person who asked does she work, she has been furloughed, she works in a restaurant so could be a long time before she returns, she's also at university and studying at home.
For me it's the increased risk, he will be mixing in close contact with others at work, I am as well as mother but why introduce another who does the same? There isn't for me a logical reason why he should be in this house, I'm taking it the daughter is missing him terribly which I understand, afterall myself and mother have each other but their situation is different, they have to be separate to keep their households safe. Almost feel like they're being quite selfish but also questioning myself hence the thread. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"If she's that desperate, ask her to move in with him. Definitely a no if it were us, I haven't seen my family in 5 weeks  "
She's seriously considering that which I don't want, the status quo is what I reccomend and as far as I know is the stance we should all be taking. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"We are meant to be in lockdown, not even allowed to visit family members.
Having someone move in during this time goes against the guidelines set out and risk putting you and your family at risk. "
 |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I would definitely say NO!
I live alone, I am now working from home, I am feeling totally isolated, I have had a few mini breakdowns from lack of contact, but why risk your entire family? You daughter is asking for too much on unreasonable terms!
Yes we are in lockdown, but it isn't going to last forever, so tell her to grow up and get over her own selfishness, if she wants to be treated like an adult then act like one! |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I wouldn't move him in now or anytime for that matter. "
Now I understand but anytime is a different matter, it would depend upon the situation at the time. Just to add, he's a nice person with a family we know, it's a long term relationship.
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I would definitely say NO!
I live alone, I am now working from home, I am feeling totally isolated, I have had a few mini breakdowns from lack of contact, but why risk your entire family? You daughter is asking for too much on unreasonable terms!
Yes we are in lockdown, but it isn't going to last forever, so tell her to grow up and get over her own selfishness, if she wants to be treated like an adult then act like one! "
My stance precisely. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I would definitely say NO!
I live alone, I am now working from home, I am feeling totally isolated, I have had a few mini breakdowns from lack of contact, but why risk your entire family? You daughter is asking for too much on unreasonable terms!
Yes we are in lockdown, but it isn't going to last forever, so tell her to grow up and get over her own selfishness, if she wants to be treated like an adult then act like one!
My stance precisely."
Then stand by it  |
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"I wouldn't move him in now or anytime for that matter.
Now I understand but anytime is a different matter, it would depend upon the situation at the time. Just to add, he's a nice person with a family we know, it's a long term relationship.
"
Yeah but you said he had a job so they should really get their own place imho |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"Our daughter went to stay with her bf just before lockdown.
She hasn't been home since.
It's been difficult to deal with.
Why is it so important that he moves in right now op?"
Enjoy your thread inputs.
I don't know is the honest answer but guessing they are missing each other. For me it isn't important at all and the the social distancing is paramount as well as not mixing household even though I get where she's coming from feelings wise.
We both feel for you about not seeing your daughter for five weeks. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I wouldn't move him in now or anytime for that matter.
Now I understand but anytime is a different matter, it would depend upon the situation at the time. Just to add, he's a nice person with a family we know, it's a long term relationship.
Yeah but you said he had a job so they should really get their own place imho"
Too young for that, he's an apprentice, she's a first year university student. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I would definitely say NO!
I live alone, I am now working from home, I am feeling totally isolated, I have had a few mini breakdowns from lack of contact, but why risk your entire family? You daughter is asking for too much on unreasonable terms!
Yes we are in lockdown, but it isn't going to last forever, so tell her to grow up and get over her own selfishness, if she wants to be treated like an adult then act like one!
My stance precisely.
Then stand by it "
Yep! |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"If it is a long term relationship why didn't they move in together just before the lockdown ?"
Hindsight is a great thing. As I've said they're too young. Apprentice and a first test university student financially it isn't wise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it is a long term relationship why didn't they move in together just before the lockdown ?
Hindsight is a great thing. As I've said they're too young. Apprentice and a first test university student financially it isn't wise."
No but the time to do it was at the start of the lockdown in March not now. The government even said this at the time that couples living apart either stay apart or one moved in with the other ASAP |
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You can move in or out ... long as you then follow isolation for a while x
Its just the constant moving between houses you cant do... as in you can move somewhere else as long as your not planning to then go somewhere else
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"If it is a long term relationship why didn't they move in together just before the lockdown ?
Hindsight is a great thing. As I've said they're too young. Apprentice and a first test university student financially it isn't wise."
would you not rather they move in with you than her decide to move out to be with him? |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"If it is a long term relationship why didn't they move in together just before the lockdown ?
Hindsight is a great thing. As I've said they're too young. Apprentice and a first test university student financially it isn't wise. would you not rather they move in with you than her decide to move out to be with him? "
I (he) personally think it would be safer for her to move into his as he is the only one coming in and out of the house as opposed to me and her Mum who are I contact with people every single day. Him moving in here makes it three people doing that increasing the risk. Truth is I want it to remain as it is and keep the households separate. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"How could he safely isolate in the house if he is coming in and out from work every day ?"
That's my argument.
Neither can I or Mrs N but we have no choice but to go to work, he for me increases the risk. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"Why would she want to do that ?"
You tell me. Bonkers!
Can only say she terribly misses him but for me it's crazy. I remember being a young teenager, me and Mrs N were together as school kids so I get that but this is a whole lot different. I really do feel for her but will not encourage it. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
As you said it's a risk with him going out to work mixing with potentially people who are asymptomatic (sp?). It's just not worth the risk. Does your daughter understand that?
We had to tell our 18yr old son that he couldn't go out to the snooker club literally the day before lockdown, he took it wuite badly. Blanked us for a few days but soon got over it.
She would probably rather stay at yours rather than go to his especially if his parents are going to be there.
She's obviously won the wife over so feels like she's on side so will probably go on and on until you cave in but really you know you should stick to your guns. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"As you said it's a risk with him going out to work mixing with potentially people who are asymptomatic (sp?). It's just not worth the risk. Does your daughter understand that?
We had to tell our 18yr old son that he couldn't go out to the snooker club literally the day before lockdown, he took it wuite badly. Blanked us for a few days but soon got over it.
She would probably rather stay at yours rather than go to his especially if his parents are going to be there.
She's obviously won the wife over so feels like she's on side so will probably go on and on until you cave in but really you know you should stick to your guns."
Thank you.
Absolutely sticking to it, it's just not going to happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You think you have had it but not sure!
You are all working so might come into contact with someone with it and bring it home!
He's working so may be in contact with someone and bring it home!
No brainer! It's a no, no, no. Google or You ube someone on a ventilator and that might give her a better idea on why you don't want him there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The clear advice at start of lockdown was if bf/gf make decision then....either move in permanent or stay apart.
Currently advice is not to do it now....
In the end it's your choice but take great care....I assume he doesn't work on same site as you...so another potential source of infection... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope!
And as for whoever it was who said you can move as long as you isolate. That’s poppycock.
You shouldn’t be moving to stay at one house and then another. You stay in your household with no visiting others unless you are a carer. Stop telling people bullshit.
I say this repeatedly what do people not understand about these restrictions?? Just stay the fuck at your own house. |
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"I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance."
Well you did ask for consensus
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"I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance."
I wouldn't need to justify or seek approval of who I allowed to live in my house. If you'd have said yes prior to the lockdown, what's the problem?
If you just don't want to be the bad guys and be besties instead of parents: not my monkeys, not my circus. |
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By *estivalMan
over a year ago
borehamwood |
i would say no dont let him.we been told not to mix households.if he had moved in at start fair enough but not now.if u not allowed to mix with family serms a no brainer about letting him move in.was my oldest daughters bday tuesday just gone.would i of liked to see her and my grandson.of course i would instead had to make do with a fonecall |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance.
I wouldn't need to justify or seek approval of who I allowed to live in my house. If you'd have said yes prior to the lockdown, what's the problem?
If you just don't want to be the bad guys and be besties instead of parents: not my monkeys, not my circus."
Calm down a bit, lol.
I was questioning myself yesterday thinking I was losing the plot and not getting why we were even having that particular conversation. Put a thread up which as I expected the consensus is exactly the stance I'm at. No approval needed, just curious.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh young love..... that or daughters missing the D, either way not a chance two bad things could happen one he could bring the virus home to you, and two do you really want to hear some lad banging your daughter every night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would definitely say NO!
I live alone, I am now working from home, I am feeling totally isolated, I have had a few mini breakdowns from lack of contact, but why risk your entire family? You daughter is asking for too much on unreasonable terms!
Yes we are in lockdown, but it isn't going to last forever, so tell her to grow up and get over her own selfishness, if she wants to be treated like an adult then act like one! "
 far too harsh saying her behaviour smacks of acting like a child. If you don't ask, you don't get - I don't see a problem in her asking at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We wouldn't do it. Not for any great moral grounds but it is a bit of a rod for your own back. They will get too comfortable and ask yourself do you really want to be woken up in the middle of the night to the noises of them banging away at it, Your daughters boyfriend using your home like it was his. I bet he wont pay his way either.
£ 100/week minimum as you are about to take on the roll of landlady. They need to pay for it. Daughter too if you ask me.
Good luck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We wouldn't do it. Not for any great moral grounds but it is a bit of a rod for your own back. They will get too comfortable and ask yourself do you really want to be woken up in the middle of the night to the noises of them banging away at it, Your daughters boyfriend using your home like it was his. I bet he wont pay his way either.
£ 100/week minimum as you are about to take on the roll of landlady. They need to pay for it. Daughter too if you ask me.
Good luck.
"
I believe in children paying their way but if a stranger told me how much and a uni student to pay also, I'd have strong words to say, especially as it wasn't asked for. |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"I know this will piss people off just by asking but hear me out please. Daughter wants her boyfriend to move in, he works in construction so there's a possibility he could bring in the virus at any time. I (he) also work in the same field and at work daily, Mum is a key worker and is out working every day. I'm getting serious earache for not letting him move in but in my mind he's from another household, he's an extra danger interms of bringing in the virus, am I wrong in saying 'no way can he be part of our home?'.
To give credence, we think we've all had it, had a rough time did we all but we couldn't be tested as not hospitalised so in my opinion we carry on as if we haven't (no proof) hence my stance."
Don't let him move in till afterwards. Better safe then sorry, he may not have it but you may pass it on to him if you have and if he goes to work he could pass it on to anyone he works with which is the point of self isolating and just because you have had it doesn't mean you won't get it again with worst symptoms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We wouldn't do it. Not for any great moral grounds but it is a bit of a rod for your own back. They will get too comfortable and ask yourself do you really want to be woken up in the middle of the night to the noises of them banging away at it, Your daughters boyfriend using your home like it was his. I bet he wont pay his way either.
£ 100/week minimum as you are about to take on the roll of landlady. They need to pay for it. Daughter too if you ask me.
Good luck.
I believe in children paying their way but if a stranger told me how much and a uni student to pay also, I'd have strong words to say, especially as it wasn't asked for. "
Ha ha, I learnt this lesson the hard way I'm afraid. My old man did exactly the same thing to me. It's hard but in the long run does you good to be told no. It's what being a parent is all about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We wouldn't do it. Not for any great moral grounds but it is a bit of a rod for your own back. They will get too comfortable and ask yourself do you really want to be woken up in the middle of the night to the noises of them banging away at it, Your daughters boyfriend using your home like it was his. I bet he wont pay his way either.
£ 100/week minimum as you are about to take on the roll of landlady. They need to pay for it. Daughter too if you ask me.
Good luck.
I believe in children paying their way but if a stranger told me how much and a uni student to pay also, I'd have strong words to say, especially as it wasn't asked for.
Ha ha, I learnt this lesson the hard way I'm afraid. My old man did exactly the same thing to me. It's hard but in the long run does you good to be told no. It's what being a parent is all about. "
I agree - children have to learn responsibility and the exact value of money, but to be told by a stranger the amount, errrrmm, unless asked for, is a no! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ignoring the fact I mentioned a sum for which I do realise was very bad, what the OP could do if the pressure is too great to resist from the daughter is put half of the sum by every month so that in 6 to 12 months time and when peeps have perhaps decided it wasn't such a good idea a deposit for a flat is put aside and everyone can live happily ever after
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its sad the number of people that have mentioned the daughter missing sex
Are we all so jaded that we can’t believe she loves him and is missing the emotional connection of having someone close
Even the OP said it was a long term relationship and, and he and his wife had been together since teens
That said if the OP feels the risk is too high then so be it, but perhaps if that is the real reason then by the same logic it is actually safer for the daughter to move to his where only one person leaves the house daily |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I think its sad the number of people that have mentioned the daughter missing sex
Are we all so jaded that we can’t believe she loves him and is missing the emotional connection of having someone close
Even the OP said it was a long term relationship and, and he and his wife had been together since teens
That said if the OP feels the risk is too high then so be it, but perhaps if that is the real reason then by the same logic it is actually safer for the daughter to move to his where only one person leaves the house daily "
Totally hit the nail on the head for me with your post and her moving in with him is the only option if she was to make the wrong decision to move out. I have an inkling she's decided that her moving out or him moving in (which isn't an option) is the wrong decision either way. But yes, I totally get where she's coming from, must be like a bereavement, probably get hammered for using that word but it'll definitely feel like a loss for her.  |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I would definitely say NO!
I live alone, I am now working from home, I am feeling totally isolated, I have had a few mini breakdowns from lack of contact, but why risk your entire family? You daughter is asking for too much on unreasonable terms!
Yes we are in lockdown, but it isn't going to last forever, so tell her to grow up and get over her own selfishness, if she wants to be treated like an adult then act like one!
far too harsh saying her behaviour smacks of acting like a child. If you don't ask, you don't get - I don't see a problem in her asking at all. "
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"I think its sad the number of people that have mentioned the daughter missing sex
Are we all so jaded that we can’t believe she loves him and is missing the emotional connection of having someone close
Even the OP said it was a long term relationship and, and he and his wife had been together since teens
That said if the OP feels the risk is too high then so be it, but perhaps if that is the real reason then by the same logic it is actually safer for the daughter to move to his where only one person leaves the house daily "
Oh fuck it, you've swung me. Let him in OP. |
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By *evaquit OP Couple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"I think its sad the number of people that have mentioned the daughter missing sex
Are we all so jaded that we can’t believe she loves him and is missing the emotional connection of having someone close
Even the OP said it was a long term relationship and, and he and his wife had been together since teens
That said if the OP feels the risk is too high then so be it, but perhaps if that is the real reason then by the same logic it is actually safer for the daughter to move to his where only one person leaves the house daily
Oh fuck it, you've swung me. Let him in OP. "
Name's not down, so he ain't coming in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its sad the number of people that have mentioned the daughter missing sex
Are we all so jaded that we can’t believe she loves him and is missing the emotional connection of having someone close
Even the OP said it was a long term relationship and, and he and his wife had been together since teens
That said if the OP feels the risk is too high then so be it, but perhaps if that is the real reason then by the same logic it is actually safer for the daughter to move to his where only one person leaves the house daily
Totally hit the nail on the head for me with your post and her moving in with him is the only option if she was to make the wrong decision to move out. I have an inkling she's decided that her moving out or him moving in (which isn't an option) is the wrong decision either way. But yes, I totally get where she's coming from, must be like a bereavement, probably get hammered for using that word but it'll definitely feel like a loss for her. "
Its hard and just because she is young her feelings and emotional needs shouldn’t be belittled, but with all the technology they should be able to stay in close contact at least and hopefully she will not hold it against you guys when you are just trying to do what you can to protect the family
I imagine she wants nothing more than to curl up in the arms of someone she loves right now while going through this weird time ... those cuddles just now might just have to come from mum and dad |
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