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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Female Ejaculation
The process females go through to reach the point of ejaculation is basically the same as with men - arousal followed by release in the form of an orgasm / ejaculation.
Before a[ttempting to achieve an ejaculation, let's go over some female ejaculation facts:
Female ejaculate is NOT urine. It is a combination of glucose and fructose (natural sugars), PSA (prostate specific antigen) a chemical produced by the prostate, and low levels of creatine and urea, two chemicals which are found in urine but which are extremely diluted in female ejaculate.
A first attempt to ejaculate may take an hour or more. This is because a) the female needs to be very aroused and b) it may take time for her to relax the right parts of her body and to let go and allow herself to release the fluid. Remember, you cannot touch a mans penis for several minutes and then just expect him to ejaculate if he's not ready. The same goes for women. Think arousal, arousal, arousal. The goal here is great sex!
Female ejaculate, just like male ejaculate is expelled through the urethra, the tube through which women and men both urinate.
With so much talk of 'the urge to pee' it's important to remember that if you simply try to pee while having sex that is exactly what you are going to do, pee. The urge to urinate at the onset of ejaculation is caused by the fluid in the urethra and that is why you get that sensation. It is not related to having a full bladder or needing to 'pee'.
Some women do not need direct clitoral or g-spot manipulation to ejaculate. I have heard from many women who have ejaculated without this type of hands-on attention, however, if you are just learning to ejaculate or have only done it a few times you may require a more direct approach.
Efforts to ejaculate may be easier or more difficult than what is described here, depending on many factors including how sensitive you are and how easily you learn to relax your body and enjoy the sex.
When you feel the urge to bear down (or if you've never had children, it feels like your muscles are trying to push your insides out through your vagina) go ahead and push. This pushing, while relaxing the urethra and allowing yourself to go ahead and 'pee' are the key to ejaculation, at least in the beginning.
It may just be a tiny amount but the feeling that comes with it will make it all worth while. Unlike clitoral orgasms which leave you needing something, needing more, g-spot orgasms and ejaculation leave you feeling completely satisfied.
Step 1 in Learning to Ejaculate - Communication
Yes, I said communication.
Believe it or not this is the most important thing for any female wishing to learn how to ejaculate. Why? In order to ejaculate women need not just good but great sex and there is nothing that can ruin great sex more than a lover who does all the wrong things.
Both men and women need to be able to talk to our partners about sex. This becomes even more important if our partners are inexperienced or have little knowledge of anatomy. We need to be able to say what feels good and in keeping with the bad lover syndrome, what doesn't. If you're a women who is trying to ejaculate for the first time, this is especially true. Why?
Some women have very sensitive g-spots. Maybe direct or hard/fast manipulation is just too much for us. Perhaps the vibration of a vibrator is what we need. Maybe the feeling starts but then we need them to go faster and harder. Maybe your partner brings you close then wonders off and begins doing something else.
Human beings are not mind readers and we can't rely on our partners to read our physical cues - they have things going on too!
Not only do we have to experiment to discover what works for us, we all need to convey this to our partners. Whether you ejaculate or not, the improved communication in your relationship will not only strengthen your relationship but open up a whole new world between you and your partner sexually.
Learning to Relax the Urethra
Women are programmed to act properly, especially when it comes to 'bathroom manners' and plain and simply, ejaculation conflicts with that.
For those who are battling the subconscious resistance of our bodies to close everything up tight when we're about to ejaculate, nothing is more important than re-teaching our minds. After all it is our minds that control our muscles.
In the case of female ejaculation the part of our body that needs to be re-taught is the urethra. It allows urine to pass and just as with men, it allows ejaculation to occur. We've spent a lifetime teaching it to hold things in while we're in bed, now we have to teach it to let things out.
So how do we do this?
I would suggest that you begin by learning how to relax the urethra and urinate in places and in positions that you're not accustomed to. Here are some examples:
- Standing
- On your hands on knees
- Laying on your back
- Any position, while you're touching yourself
- In front of your partner (if this is generally difficult for you)
I would suggest the bathtub for most as it makes for a quick and easy clean up. As long as you learn how to relax your urethra at will, you have half the battle won.
Learning to Relax
When a woman who does not regularly ejaculate comes close to ejaculation for the first time she may a) tense up, arching her back and forcing her hips into the bed ultimately stopping it or b) pull away stopping the sensation completely. This happens because of the intense feelings being brought on and because often the urge to 'pee' kicks in, causing a mental panic.
I suggest that for your first effort you explain to your partner that you need to focus on you and your efforts to learn this new skill. It's not selfish to do this, your partner will ultimately benefit too and almost all men I've talked to will be more than happy to do whatever it takes to help.
Begin by giving yourself permission to just lie back and enjoy. For many of us this is hard. The more aroused we get the more attention we want to give our partners. For this exercise you can't. You need to lie still and focus on enjoying the sex, the feelings, and learning to relax during those sensations.
If you're worried about being a 'dead lay', explain to your partner beforehand that it's not that you're not enjoying what they're doing and it's not that you're going to sleep on them but that you need to relax and that you need to practice. Trust me, they won't mind.
Then, when you get close to ejaculation you may be tempted to tense up, pull away or force yourself into the bed. Stop. Relax. Focus on the muscles that have tensed up and will them to soften, to melt. Melt into the feelings.
If you suddenly have an overbearing urge to bear down, allow your body to do it. If you suddenly have an overwhelming urge to pee, go ahead. Trust in the knowledge that it isn't urine. It isn't.
Preparations For Your Partner:
Wash hands well. Trim fingernails.
Have a towel ready but don't insist on putting it under your partners butt immediately. If she's been struggling to learn to ejaculate this may only add to her performance anxiety.
Have some KY Jelly or other lubricant handy. At some point additional lubrication may be necessary, even if she is having heavy orgasms and climaxes.
Set aside enough time. The first successful ejaculation may take an hour or more.
It may be wise to exercise your hands, fingers, and arm for several days prior to this exercise. The motions necessary can become quite tiring after a while if you are not in good physical shape.
Reassure your partner that there is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. Women fear men's reactions to ejaculation so maybe even telling her how much it would turn you on would be a good idea and would help put her mind at ease.
If you're trying to make her ejaculate with your fingers, you should feel her clamp down as she gets close. Since the movement of the fluid through the urethra will initially feel exactly like when she starts to pee, this is very important. The reflex to stop peeing will immediately abort the ejaculation, so she needs to be told to relax, and allow the fluid to pass. In other words when she feels like she is about to pee, she should go ahead and pee. Only it really won't be pee, it will be an ejaculation, and within a couple of seconds it will be very obvious to her that this is something quite different.
The natural instinct at this point is for her to raise her hips and hold it in. At this point put your hand on her pubic bone and gently ease her back down, reminding her to relax and let it happen.
Technique:
Written for your partner but the same techniques can be modified for masturbation.
Start slow. Use typical foreplay. Stimulate the clitoris. Once you are sexually aroused, look for an area about 2 inches inside the vagina, which should be somewhat enlarged. This is the G spot. It lies directly along the urethra, and is located almost directly behind the clitoris. Slowly stroke this area. It should start becoming more enlarged.
Ejaculation is almost always triggered by stimulating the G spot. Clitoral stimulation can often assist in helping her reach an ejaculation, and also can make it more intense. But stimulating the G spot is usually necessary at least initially. Once she starts ejaculating easily, she may find that clitoral stimulation alone is sufficient.
Stroking can be done a number of ways. The two fingers can rub the area as a unit, or they can take opposite strides, similar to walking. A third method involved sliding the two finders out a fraction of an inch, and pushing them back in, similar to the in-out motion of intercourse, but with smaller strokes. Initially pace the stimulation somewhat slow. Alternate with clitoral stimulation either with the thumb, other hand, or mouth/tongue. Also try simultaneous stimulation of the clitoris and G spot. Watch her reactions.
Simultaneous may be too intense for some but necessary for ejaculation for others. Take your cues from her. When she starts bearing down, and you feel the vagina contract, begin pumping rapidly. When she is in the middle of an orgasm, stimulate the clitoris at the same time, and pump the G spot gently, but very rapidly. Talk to her. Say, "your getting it, go for it, don't worry, relax and let it come" or other similar words. She may need reassurance that if she drenches you, you will not be upset. Tell her how erotic you find it for her to ejaculate. Make her comfortable with both you, and the idea of ejaculation.
This actually is not the best position. If she does not succeed after a short time, have her roll over on her stomach, and get up on her knees. You will find stimulating the G spot much easier in this position, and she will most likely respond much better.
With the two fingers turned down, slide your two fingers back into her vagina. Find the G spot and continue stimulating the G spot. You may use the other hand to stimulate the clitoris. If after a couple of orgasms, using rapid pumping on the G spot during orgasm, she still has not ejaculated, then turn the hand around, putting the thumb into the vagina.
The thumb will likely not reach the G spot, but don't worry, it should come up to meet the thumb during orgasm. Take the two fingers and lay them down on the clit. Allow the entire curve between the thumb and forefinger to lie along her from the vagina to her clitoris, and begin pumping with the thumb, and rubbing the clit at the same time. When she starts an orgasm, start pumping the entire hand rapidly. At this point she will most likely ejaculate. The trick is to massage the area where the urethra comes out, while stimulating the clitoris and G spot. This will help to override the feeling she is about to pee, and allow her to let it pass.
Be aware that the female is not only capable of multiple orgasms, but also multiple ejaculations. It is not unusual for her to have from 3 to 5 ejaculations before depleting her supply of cum.
Once she has ejaculated one or more times, you can continue with intercourse. Entering from behind will stimulate the G-spot more easily than missionary style, and often additional ejaculations will occur during intercourse. Even if they don't, she will be highly excited, and very sensitive. The final result will most likely be the most intense and pleasurable sex she has ever had.
Anal Stimulation and Female Ejaculation:
One area often overlooked when it comes to female ejaculation is the anus. In truth this is a highly erotic area and will often contribute greatly to the orgasm leading to ejaculation or the ejaculation itself.
It's important to note that some women enjoy anal manipulation and anal penetration and some don't. It depends on the female, their body and their taste. Some women are able to ejaculate just by anal stimulation.
If this is something new or something you would like to experiment with it is important to use LOTS of lubrication and to be very slow and gentle. Begin by stimulating the outside of the anus with just one finger, rubbing small circles, or putting slight pressure. If the sensation is pleasurable you can slowly work towards inserting a well lubricated finger into the anus.
It is vital that you are careful doing this in the beginning. Too rough, too dry or simply rushing into it can be painful. If it's done properly it is certainly something that will add to your sexual experience.
If Manual Stimulation or Intercourse Don't Work:
Depending on the sensitivity of the g-spot, the first ejaculation or even the first dozen, can be exhausting work for a man.
In his 'how to' video Seymore Butts suggests that men work on arm exercises for a period beforehand because of how strenuous this can be. I thought this was rather cute and even comical until I discovered for myself that it was true.
Why?
It isn't the in / out action of the hand that causes the strain but the fingers bent / in / out motion for any length of time that does it. If you're both new to this, this may present a challenge and could even ruin the experience. It's very difficult for a woman to maintain her arousal or to ejaculate if her partner is in obvious physical pain and struggling to maintain his rhythm.
So what can you do?
If after attempting to ejaculation you find that it just isn't working, I would suggest buying a g-spot vibrator that your husband could use on you to either get you close or use once he's reached his breaking point.
A g-spot vibrator is basically a normal vibrator with a curved end, designed specially to hit the g-spot. They come in all shapes and sizes and all price ranges. They can be purchased online or just a local sex shop.
Masturbation Tips For Females
1. If you are learning to ejaculate through masturbation, laying on your back in a normal position is not the easiest way to go about it. If you do need to lay on your back, bend your legs up towards your chest or even try a sitting type position so that you have better access to your g-spot.
2. Consider buying a g-spot vibrator. It will be much easer to get the right area's stimulated while allowing you the freedom to focus on other areas such as your clit or anus.
3. Don't be afraid to experiment. Faster, slower, harder, softer. Find the technique that works the best then you can teach your partner without all the trial and error.
4. Remember that ejaculation is all about the sex, the feelings. Don't lie down and expect that you're just going to play with yourself until you ejaculate if you're not in the mood. Make sure you're at least a little horny to start with, use fantasies or movies if they help and then enjoy yourself.
Kegal Exercises
Kegal exercises, also called pelvic floor muscle exercises, have many benefits for both men and women when it comes to sex, orgasms, and ejaculation. They increase blood flow to the genital area and improve the capacity to orgasm in both intensity and frequency.
How do I find my PC muscles?
Go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. In the middle of your stream of urine, stop and start the stream several times. The muscles you use to do this are your PC muscles. At first, you may find that you are also squeezing your anal muscles; as you become experienced with kegel exercises, try to separate out the muscle groups that you are able to exercise by squeezing.
Now that you have located your PC muscles, you can exercise them while your bladder is completely empty. (It is not recommended to do kegal exercises while urinating as it could increase the likelihood of a bladder infection.)
First, try squeezing your PC muscles as hard as you can for a count of three seconds. Then let them relax. To begin with, see how many times you can do this before the muscles feel tired. Now figure out a suitable exercise routine just as you would if you were trying to tone and strengthen a different muscle group by going to the gym every other day. For example, suppose you start by being able to do only five strong squeezes; try doing three sets of five once or twice a day for a week, and then try increasing this to three sets of eight strong squeezes.
Experiment by varying the type and timing of the PC squeezing you do as you train these muscles: slow clenches, many quick flutters, and so on. This will make you more familiar with these muscles ? notice also when your abdominal muscles or your anal muscles feel like they also want to join in the exercise.
Now go and get wet !
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