It's all very well saying don't go to dogging spots if you don't want people coming up to the car, but this is kinda missing the point a bit.
When we go to dogging spots it's because yes, there is a good chance that we may want to have somebody to come up to the car. But just because we are there doesn't mean that we are willing to let every Tom, Dick and Harry watch/join in, no matter what they are like. I know some women who go will go with anything with anyone, but they are the exception. Most women, my wife included, have certain standards/preferences, and can be quite choosy. That is their right. Just because a woman/couple is there doesn't mean she is a piece of meat there to be used/abused by all, and treated in any way shape or form, and shown no respect.
I would imagine most women/couples are also very nervous when they first start going. I know we were. Even now my wife still likes to take a little time to assess the situation and see who is there, relax, and get in the mood. There is therefore nothing more off-putting than to be pounced on as soon as you get there, or as often happens for a guy to straight away move to park right next to you and then sit there constantly staring. This is off-putting and intimidating for a lot of women, especially if they already feeling quite nervous/vulnerable. In such cases we often just move off elsewhere, whereas if a little respect and restraint had been shown then she may have relaxed enough to be in the mood to play. Whilst there have always been a few idiots like this around, unfortunately in some places this type of behaviour has become much worse and much more prevalent. I have even had occasions where we have been hounded/followed by individuals or groups of men, even after they have been told clearly and firmly that we are not interested. One even managed to follow us home on one occasion, which my wife found very disturbing and scary. Just because a couple visits a dogging spot does not give wierdos a right to treat them like that. Is it any wonder that couples get put off doing anything or going again?
As regards couples not giving clear signals, this can be a problem. However it could be that they are new to dogging, and may not be too sure of the etiquette and what to do. However if they are treated as above there is a good chance they will be scared off before they have chance to give any. I have seen many cases where couples have been scared off before they have got going due to this type of behaviour. Usually that is the last they are ever seen, as it puts them off for good. In our experience if they are left alone to relax and get going it usually becomes pretty obvious if they are in the mood to be watched/joined. I'm pretty sure from the amount of fun that we have had over the years that it must be pretty obvious when my wife is relaxed and in the mood for a little fun. However if there is nobody there who is of interest to her, or she is treated like described above, then you would never see any 'signs' from her, clear or otherwise. Maybe it's the prevalence of the above behaviour and the complete lack of respect and boundaries shown to couples in a lot of places these days that is the reason for them not giving any clear signals? |
