FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Be nice...
Be nice...
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
I posted this a few days ago with a different title, which may not have attracted the attention of those intended. So here it is again, with a different title...
We don't block single guys, partly because I don't like to tarnish all with the same brush.
This means we do receive the occasional message, most just want to compliment pictures or profile, some try to garner interest.
A small minority are chancers who spam lots of profiles hoping one will reply to meet immediately. I just delete these, then usual block them also.
It is this last situation which causes me to understand why others do indeed block single guys.
However, as nobody is meeting at the moment, and there are lots of single guys on here self-isolating or not able to socialise, maybe people should consider the 'be nice' concept and remove the restriction until we come out there other end of Corona?
What's the worst that could happen?  |
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"I've removed my block for exactly the same reason... Its a great time to chat and keep each other sane.. Well at least no more nuts than I already am  "
Cool! It's good to see others are of the same mind, it seems some on here though are a little hypocritical.
It's obvious there are NHS workers on this site, and they will need some escapism over the next few weeks - maybe through this site. I wonder how many profiles were outside clapping at 8pm yesterday, but still won't let a lonely guy say 'Hello'...
Side note, I don't know what you mean about 'nuts'… I've looked at your pictures and can't find any. Are they hidden in your bra?  |
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I reply to 95% of posts saying interested or not for us sorry. The 5% I don't reply to are those who obviously haven't read our profile or are foul mouthed. I only delete if someone is persistent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I posted this a few days ago with a different title, which may not have attracted the attention of those intended. So here it is again, with a different title...
We don't block single guys, partly because I don't like to tarnish all with the same brush.
This means we do receive the occasional message, most just want to compliment pictures or profile, some try to garner interest.
A small minority are chancers who spam lots of profiles hoping one will reply to meet immediately. I just delete these, then usual block them also.
It is this last situation which causes me to understand why others do indeed block single guys.
However, as nobody is meeting at the moment, and there are lots of single guys on here self-isolating or not able to socialise, maybe people should consider the 'be nice' concept and remove the restriction until we come out there other end of Corona?
What's the worst that could happen? "
well,i always try to be nice...but some dont really deserve that if im honest. |
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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago
Blyth |
If I message anyone, which isn't very often to be fair cos I'm lazy, I always try to put some effort in, I'm always respectful and never rude.
Sometimes I'll get a nice response sometimes it's nothing and blocked. I've only ever had one nasty message and that was from a guy who messaged me and I said no thanks.
I always work on the premise of treat others as you like to be treated. Would be nice if everyone was the same but I also understand that some people get inundated with messages and responding to all is not practical, however, any response should be polite. |
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"I reply to 95% of posts saying interested or not for us sorry. The 5% I don't reply to are those who obviously haven't read our profile or are foul mouthed. I only delete if someone is persistent. "
Yep, this is pretty much the same for us. I don't tend to receive rude or abusive messages that often, maybe one or two per year, but I simply block them....
Or I string them along for my own enjoyment |
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"I posted this a few days ago with a different title, which may not have attracted the attention of those intended. So here it is again, with a different title...
We don't block single guys, partly because I don't like to tarnish all with the same brush.
This means we do receive the occasional message, most just want to compliment pictures or profile, some try to garner interest.
A small minority are chancers who spam lots of profiles hoping one will reply to meet immediately. I just delete these, then usual block them also.
It is this last situation which causes me to understand why others do indeed block single guys.
However, as nobody is meeting at the moment, and there are lots of single guys on here self-isolating or not able to socialise, maybe people should consider the 'be nice' concept and remove the restriction until we come out there other end of Corona?
What's the worst that could happen?
well,i always try to be nice...but some dont really deserve that if im honest."
I agree, some don't. However, it's a pity the vast majority are put in the same category as the few small minded idiots |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
I'm generally polite and friendly unless they've clearly not read my profile or send an inappropriate message.
Whilst I'm all for "being nice", the problem is that a lot of men then misconstrue the niceness and see it as a green light. I'm happy to chat with people from all walks of life, but I'm not some sort of entertainment charity for bored guys wanting a wank. |
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By *69_maleMan
over a year ago
Market Deeping / Chertsey |
Reading the above comments, it must be my profile that makes people not reply.
I am a very visual person, enjoying the female body first and foremost. I enjoy giving compliments and generally if a "status message" is a Question that begs a reply, I may often reply regarding their Status Message.
BUT, I rarely get a reply, either from couples or from females. If I do get reply its usually no more than a "thank you".
As you can see i am not shy with words and have decency and manners, but guess that this counts for nothing at all.
If I faked my images, with sexy middle aged bods, used rather more upfront language on my profile, and show lots of profile pics, then I might have more luck in getting replies.
Its sad that FWB, ie. F in friend doesnt mean anything but more Fuck buddy is more appropriate.
Very disillusioned |
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I think there is nothing that would cheer a single guy up more than receiving a message.
It doesn’t happen very often, and if anyone else feels the way I do it’s always hugely appreciated. I think that would be much more ‘nice’ than just unblocking.
Can’t wait to hear from you all. |
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By *uts123Man
over a year ago
Nr Ipswich |
"I posted this a few days ago with a different title, which may not have attracted the attention of those intended. So here it is again, with a different title...
We don't block single guys, partly because I don't like to tarnish all with the same brush.
This means we do receive the occasional message, most just want to compliment pictures or profile, some try to garner interest.
A small minority are chancers who spam lots of profiles hoping one will reply to meet immediately. I just delete these, then usual block them also.
It is this last situation which causes me to understand why others do indeed block single guys.
However, as nobody is meeting at the moment, and there are lots of single guys on here self-isolating or not able to socialise, maybe people should consider the 'be nice' concept and remove the restriction until we come out there other end of Corona?
What's the worst that could happen? "
What a lovely idea. Let’s hope men don’t fuck it up!! |
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So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well. |
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By *uts123Man
over a year ago
Nr Ipswich |
I think the main issue is that most men don’t receive the fraction of or if hardly any messages that ladies and couples receive. (I have read that some women receive in excess of 300 messages daily)
If we did then we might see how tiresome and annoying the one word, one line messages are and how annoying the rude and inconsiderate ones really are! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the main issue is that most men don’t receive the fraction of or if hardly any messages that ladies and couples receive. (I have read that some women receive in excess of 300 messages daily)
If we did then we might see how tiresome and annoying the one word, one line messages are and how annoying the rude and inconsiderate ones really are! "
True ! Going from a single male to a couples profile the change in attention is crazy and yeah all those message get annoying haha |
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"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well. "
Really? You’ve already decided you’re going to be not interested in absolutely everybody??!
I’d have thought (with a bit more time on your hands), this would be the perfect opportunity for the women and couples to search through a few profiles and send out the odd message to guys that they are interested in.. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
People should be nice and caring in any situation
People are saying do this do that look after the vunrable that should be a given lots of old people are neglected now everyone's saying look after each other what happens after the virus people will go back to their old ways old and homeless neglected again. |
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You always get some idiot though who gets abusive or freaks someone out. Most of my few friends on here block men because too many of them are weird.
Corona aside, an idiot is still an idiot, and weirdos will be weirdos.
The other thing is that single women get far too many messages to warrant unblocking!
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well.
Really? You’ve already decided you’re going to be not interested in absolutely everybody??!
I’d have thought (with a bit more time on your hands), this would be the perfect opportunity for the women and couples to search through a few profiles and send out the odd message to guys that they are interested in.."
That's not what was being suggested though. The OP was suggesting turning off filters and then "being nice" in response to the messages that come in. |
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well. "
What's wrong with telling them at the start?
Since creating this thread, we've had about eight single guys message us. With the exception of one, I've told them all that a meet is unlikely to happen, I also tell them it is only the male half who uses this site. Four of those guys have continued to message. It might only be three or four messages before the communication drops off, but a few messages from several different couples or females could mean quite a bit to somebody. |
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"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well.
What's wrong with telling them at the start?
Since creating this thread, we've had about eight single guys message us. With the exception of one, I've told them all that a meet is unlikely to happen, I also tell them it is only the male half who uses this site. Four of those guys have continued to message. It might only be three or four messages before the communication drops off, but a few messages from several different couples or females could mean quite a bit to somebody."
We have lifted our restrictions too, our experience is very similar. We need to all get through this, if we can help by 'being nice' why not!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well.
What's wrong with telling them at the start?
Since creating this thread, we've had about eight single guys message us. With the exception of one, I've told them all that a meet is unlikely to happen, I also tell them it is only the male half who uses this site. Four of those guys have continued to message. It might only be three or four messages before the communication drops off, but a few messages from several different couples or females could mean quite a bit to somebody.
We have lifted our restrictions too, our experience is very similar. We need to all get through this, if we can help by 'being nice' why not!?"
Agreed there, yes we would all like meets when this sorry mess is over but also sone just like communication |
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I react to a message on face value. I’m nice but a couple of weeks ago I was receiving vile nasty abuse and being blocked so I could not reply. These guys should be kicked off the site. I’ve only just unhidden my profile due to these Dingbats.
Be nice folks! |
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"You always get some idiot though who gets abusive or freaks someone out. Most of my few friends on here block men because too many of them are weird.
Corona aside, an idiot is still an idiot, and weirdos will be weirdos.
The other thing is that single women get far too many messages to warrant unblocking!
"
Yep there are idiots, but they are few amongst many who are not. It takes seconds to block them.
Also single women get far too many message because guys are normally chancing it and trying to meet immediately. There are no meets at the moment, so far less chancers. Also if they are messaging to meet, the option to report for such is now available, whereas it wasn't before. This would be a good opportunity to reduce those profiles on here. |
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"You always get some idiot though who gets abusive or freaks someone out. Most of my few friends on here block men because too many of them are weird.
Corona aside, an idiot is still an idiot, and weirdos will be weirdos.
The other thing is that single women get far too many messages to warrant unblocking!
Yep there are idiots, but they are few amongst many who are not. It takes seconds to block them.
Also single women get far too many message because guys are normally chancing it and trying to meet immediately. There are no meets at the moment, so far less chancers. Also if they are messaging to meet, the option to report for such is now available, whereas it wasn't before. This would be a good opportunity to reduce those profiles on here. "
A cull has always been required but now it needs to happen! I’m seeing statuses from desperate men asking for meets. |
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"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well.
Really? You’ve already decided you’re going to be not interested in absolutely everybody??!
I’d have thought (with a bit more time on your hands), this would be the perfect opportunity for the women and couples to search through a few profiles and send out the odd message to guys that they are interested in.."
The OP is talking about removing the single guy filter and replying to messages from single men, not looking for men to send messages to. I already get messages from single men, and I’m not interested in at least 95% of them. Why have a conversation with someone who sends you a message like “wanking over ur pics” (this morning’s example)? Why have conversations with people 100s of miles away? And why do you think I’ve got more time on my hands, anyway? I’m still working, even if it is from home, so I don’t have that much more free time than usual.
Besides, I’m hardly getting any messages because most single men on here don’t seem to want a conversation if they know they’re not going to get their leg over any time soon. |
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"So we should spend the lockdown talking to people who we have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and then when it’s over, what? Say bye then I was never interested anyway? That’s going to go down really well.
What's wrong with telling them at the start?
Since creating this thread, we've had about eight single guys message us. With the exception of one, I've told them all that a meet is unlikely to happen, I also tell them it is only the male half who uses this site. Four of those guys have continued to message. It might only be three or four messages before the communication drops off, but a few messages from several different couples or females could mean quite a bit to somebody."
I don’t have a filter on anyway. I’m getting a lot less messages than usual because most guys only want to meet and if they don’t think they’ll meet soon, they don’t bother. And of the messages I’m getting, almost all of them are as bad as ever. Are you really suggesting we should “be nice” to people who send us gross initial messages? Maybe they should “be nice” when they message?
And frankly, with work stress, worry about my family, and my own mental health taking a nosedive, I’m struggling to keep going myself. I don’t have anything spare for the emotional labour you’re suggesting. Why should women take on the burden of making men feel better? Who’s going to make us feel better? |
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"I'm generally polite and friendly unless they've clearly not read my profile or send an inappropriate message.
Whilst I'm all for "being nice", the problem is that a lot of men then misconstrue the niceness and see it as a green light. I'm happy to chat with people from all walks of life, but I'm not some sort of entertainment charity for bored guys wanting a wank. "
Very much this.
I'll save my energy and niceness for those who show me a minimal amount of respect (not deference, respect. The politeness and consideration I'm due as a fellow human, no more). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have removed single male filters to.
If we do get one who is been rude or anything we just block them.
But happy to chat and having some good fun and laughter with people during these strange times we find our selfs in.
You never know might meet some nice people too  |
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By *riple S OP Couple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"Are you really suggesting we should “be nice” to people who send us gross initial messages?"
Nope, where have I suggested that?
"And frankly, with work stress, worry about my family, and my own mental health taking a nosedive, I’m struggling to keep going myself"
Then if I was you, I would be asking myself the questions;
a) should I be active on this site at the moment?
b) if so, should I be replying to posts in the forum which are clearly not directed towards me?
"Why should women take on the burden of making men feel better"
I didn't specify women in my initial post, admittedly I referred to couples and females further down, but there is no expectation for women to 'take the burden' |
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At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often."
Oh yes I've been getting those. "Please help cheer me up during lockdown" I just think no, fuck off and make your own entertainment, as I delete their messages. |
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"At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often.
Oh yes I've been getting those. "Please help cheer me up during lockdown" I just think no, fuck off and make your own entertainment, as I delete their messages. "
Yup. I'm no performing monkey, never was. Go read a book. Maybe a dictionary. Start with "reciprocity" |
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I'm having a great time in lockdown! Catching up on all my series and ones that have been recommended, working out and doing odd jobs round the house. I do miss meets and club events but at the minute I'm perfectly content |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"... I'm all for lifting others up, but FFS I'm a vulnerable person here and it's a two way street.
Would you like a virtual hug?
Mutual support is always welcome"
In that case sending lots of ((((vHugs)))) your way. |
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"... I'm all for lifting others up, but FFS I'm a vulnerable person here and it's a two way street.
Would you like a virtual hug?
Mutual support is always welcome
In that case sending lots of ((((vHugs)))) your way. "
Thank you, and likewise |
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"At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often."
That’s exactly how I feel, but apparently that’s not ok and I shouldn’t be on here, so go figure. |
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And just to add, in the past I have been nice, when people have messaged me to comment on pics or a status. And inevitably they start getting sexual and expecting more from me, however often I make it clear that I’m not interested in that. |
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"At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often.
That’s exactly how I feel, but apparently that’s not ok and I shouldn’t be on here, so go figure."
How dare you have preferences, mere woman |
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"At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often.
That’s exactly how I feel, but apparently that’s not ok and I shouldn’t be on here, so go figure.
How dare you have preferences, mere woman "
There’s a lot of that here isn’t there! |
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"At the moment I'm getting a lot of messages from random people asking me to help them feel better. It's just another iteration of being made to feel like I'm an accessory in men's lives. Except now remotely rather than in person.
I'd feel differently if these people even gave lip service to giving a shit about my wellbeing. As it is, I delete early and often.
That’s exactly how I feel, but apparently that’s not ok and I shouldn’t be on here, so go figure.
How dare you have preferences, mere woman
There’s a lot of that here isn’t there!"
Isn't there just. |
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