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Social awkwardness in clubs ...
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It really upsets us to see the shy couple in the club
it takes years of talking to get there and when they do the club gives them a quick tour as it's there first time and here's your towel then shown to a bar and left to fend for themselves lol..
We feel that clubs have got it wrong and the club should do more to know there own clients and pair couples together once there.
We are a very confident couple that doesn't have this problem and we would like to ask if other couple's see the Awkwardness in clubs.
worth talking about as we may all learn something about what others think x |
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We're not particularly socially awkward but our first time at a club we were quite reticent about approaching anybody. We wouldn't have wanted to be paired off with any random couple the club owners thought might suit us though.
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If think people in general should make an effort to be more socially inclusive though. If you're in a social situation and see someone on the margins chat to them, include them, introduce them to other people, what harm can it do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wrist bands could work well in a club as long as it’s light enough to see that is.
Red for no thank you
Yellow for maybe
Green for don’t talk to me just fuck me!!
T |
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"It really upsets us to see the shy couple in the club
it takes years of talking to get there and when they do the club gives them a quick tour as it's there first time and here's your towel then shown to a bar and left to fend for themselves lol..
We feel that clubs have got it wrong and the club should do more to know there own clients and pair couples together once there.
We are a very confident couple that doesn't have this problem and we would like to ask if other couple's see the Awkwardness in clubs.
worth talking about as we may all learn something about what others think x"
I'm not shy, but have always been pants at smalltalk...in other countries clubs employ attractive 'matchmakers' who chat to visitors and intro them people they think are a good match.
I think that's a great idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If think people in general should make an effort to be more socially inclusive though. If you're in a social situation and see someone on the margins chat to them, include them, introduce them to other people, what harm can it do. "
Agreed.
I think some don't want to make convos in case the receiver perceives it as a show of interest rather than inclusion.
Even something small like saying "there ya go buddy" and a smile (even if nervous yourself) can make a huge difference when letting someone pass in a corridor, holding a door open etc.
P
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"yeah we agree with that and that is valid however there are the couples that still face awkwardness. some of it is there own confidence to approach others too .
interesting topic is all x "
Q. How do you all actually ask if others want to progress to playing...
Any stock phrases or tips please?
And if others approach you, or are chatting to you and you're not interested, hows best to handle it, or what's best to say?
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We went to townhouse last Saturday it was our first club experience. We were very nervous and had no idea what to expect. We walked through the door instantly welcomed!! We were given the tour and then we sat at the bar where we were greeted by more staff and very friendly regulars that made us feel comfortable.
A few drink and lots of chat we were upstairs living our fantasy with no pressure no stress!!!
Cant wait to go back so i think they did a good job breaking us in. Couldnt recommend Townhouse enough for first timers  |
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This covers our experiences a lot too, we have struggled to talk in the past. What tends to happen though is that we see that really attractive couple, looking too cool and aloof to talk to. And the next morning I think to myself that they weren't cool and aloof, they were pissng bored and lonely and we toooootally should have gone talk to them.
So much so I'm wondering how often maybe we've been judged as that hot couple ourselves?
Happily my awesome wife has learned better how to put on her "centre of attention" act she often odes in "the real world" and it's suddenly feeling so much better at clubs! |
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"Cant wait to go back so i think they did a good job breaking us in. Couldnt recommend Townhouse enough for first timers "
Actually our first times were lovely too, but looking back it feels that was because we had no expectation to play with anyone, so could happily chat to anyone, attractive or not, as we were too newbie to think we could progress anything. Now we're looking for action... it suddenly felt like a very different game. |
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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon tyne |
"yeah we agree with that and that is valid however there are the couples that still face awkwardness. some of it is there own confidence to approach others too .
interesting topic is all x
Q. How do you all actually ask if others want to progress to playing...
Any stock phrases or tips please?
And if others approach you, or are chatting to you and you're not interested, hows best to handle it, or what's best to say?
"
We usually just ask if they would like to go to a (play) room to find out if they want to progress to play. If we are turning someone down and they haven't actually asked to play but insinuated, we just say I'm going to have a wander see you later.
Gem |
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Some clubs are better at this than others, for sure. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding court, waiting for someone to come and talk to me, because I don't dare approach for whatever reason.
Other times, in other clubs, I'll talk to just about anyone, because I feel comfortable. In those other clubs, the club staff have done work to encourage a social atmosphere in the bar area, and it really works. If they can bring me out of my shell... |
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"yeah we agree with that and that is valid however there are the couples that still face awkwardness. some of it is there own confidence to approach others too .
interesting topic is all x
Q. How do you all actually ask if others want to progress to playing...
Any stock phrases or tips please?
And if others approach you, or are chatting to you and you're not interested, hows best to handle it, or what's best to say?
We usually just ask if they would like to go to a (play) room to find out if they want to progress to play. If we are turning someone down and they haven't actually asked to play but insinuated, we just say I'm going to have a wander see you later.
Gem"
OK...thanks for that, it sounds so simple, but though I'm confident and happy in my skin, I'm quite a private person and find the whole exhibitionist side of clubs a turn off.
The whole environment is exciting, but kind of an overload and I struggle to mingle and stall when it comes to actually sealing the deal. Deep breaths and more tequila needed I guess.  |
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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon tyne |
"yeah we agree with that and that is valid however there are the couples that still face awkwardness. some of it is there own confidence to approach others too .
interesting topic is all x
Q. How do you all actually ask if others want to progress to playing...
Any stock phrases or tips please?
And if others approach you, or are chatting to you and you're not interested, hows best to handle it, or what's best to say?
We usually just ask if they would like to go to a (play) room to find out if they want to progress to play. If we are turning someone down and they haven't actually asked to play but insinuated, we just say I'm going to have a wander see you later.
Gem
OK...thanks for that, it sounds so simple, but though I'm confident and happy in my skin, I'm quite a private person and find the whole exhibitionist side of clubs a turn off.
The whole environment is exciting, but kind of an overload and I struggle to mingle and stall when it comes to actually sealing the deal. Deep breaths and more tequila needed I guess. "
I totally get that. While I (gem) love the exhibitionist side of clubs, J isn't too keen. We tend to find a private lockable room for playing in. |
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I think - and I'm a total hypocrite, sometimes I do find it quite hard - it really is just a matter of approaching people as people. A lot of us are out of practice approaching strangers.
Hi, how are you, how are you finding it, been here before, enjoying your night, my name is, etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It really upsets us to see the shy couple in the club
it takes years of talking to get there and when they do the club gives them a quick tour as it's there first time and here's your towel then shown to a bar and left to fend for themselves lol..
We feel that clubs have got it wrong and the club should do more to know there own clients and pair couples together once there.
We are a very confident couple that doesn't have this problem and we would like to ask if other couple's see the Awkwardness in clubs.
worth talking about as we may all learn something about what others think x"
Im shy and so is my husband but we manage alright at clubs. I/we would hate to be paired off with another couple (or single guy/fem) though, that would really put us off. So does wrist bands.
If I/we can manage to talk to others then it is possible for other shy people to do it. |
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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago
norwich |
I often think this of single men, they often look shy and lost doing twat laps around the club with their cocks in hand.
Must be quite hard to get noticed when they have so much competition.
I just want to suck them all cus I feel a bit sorry for them. Xx |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"It really upsets us to see the shy couple in the club
it takes years of talking to get there and when they do the club gives them a quick tour as it's there first time and here's your towel then shown to a bar and left to fend for themselves lol..
We feel that clubs have got it wrong and the club should do more to know there own clients and pair couples together once there.
We are a very confident couple that doesn't have this problem and we would like to ask if other couple's see the Awkwardness in clubs.
worth talking about as we may all learn something about what others think x"
a few things here...
1) any good club on a persons first visit i hope wouldn't just take their money and leave them be.... hopefully they would have been given a tour of the place and staff will make sure they are okay
2) different people go at different paces, i say to people forget about the ending, just enjoy the journey!.... forcing people on others, whilst good intended, doesn't always help...
3) we were all new once, and i think that sometimes we do forget that, so i will just go up to people and say hi and just chat and make sure they are okay, it doesn't have to be the longest chat in the world (I have gobshite in me) just enough to know at their pace at least there are people there they know a little...
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"I’ve been to a club on my own twice. Felt uncomfortable and awkward. Did have a good ol’ natter to some guy about Vauxhall Astras, so not a total waste of time  "
I know where you're coming from here mate, and speak from experience that it's usually only other single guys in clubs, who speak to single guys. There's rarely any single females in, leaving the Russian roulette option of approaching couples who may(or usually), may not be interested in a single guy. You can tell who is interested by looking around the room, and if someone catches your eye and smiles at you, then take that as an invitation to approach. I can guarantee they won't approach you first  |
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Something I find difficult to navigate, sometimes, is the line between "I'm happy to talk but I'm not sure/ I don't want to fuck you". Because some people will make it weird. Either by saying "ooh you're not our type" when I asked them how they were (sorry that wasn't a proposition, I was making small talk? that happened a lot when I was new) or jumping straight from pleasantries to "let's find a room" (I... uh... didn't express any interest I was just talking?). |
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By *scouple07Couple
over a year ago
louth, Ireland |
We wouldn't be socially shy to an extent but on our 1st visit we had the tour and left to our own devices, took us a while to settle in but eventually we got chatting to a few people.
Would hate to have been paired off with another couple by the club to start off |
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By *scouple07Couple
over a year ago
louth, Ireland |
"Something I find difficult to navigate, sometimes, is the line between "I'm happy to talk but I'm not sure/ I don't want to fuck you". Because some people will make it weird. Either by saying "ooh you're not our type" when I asked them how they were (sorry that wasn't a proposition, I was making small talk? that happened a lot when I was new) or jumping straight from pleasantries to "let's find a room" (I... uh... didn't express any interest I was just talking?)."
This was our problem on 2nd visit, wasnt until after when chatting in messages we found out that the cpl we was chatting with wanted us to join them, we found people quite hard to read in those circumstances |
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We are hugely shy in clubs, it’s awkward just approaching people! It’s also very clicky ( in some clubs) which makes it worse, we don’t do the club scene much tho I’m sure if we went every week we would be better! |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Good topic. Smaller clubs do this better in my experience , our local Purple Mamba, the owners go out their way to introduce new people to other members.
But maybe that shy couple are fine, we quite like to be sat in the corner sometimes people watching, having a drink and enjoying the atmosphere, not everyone is extrovert and needs to be meeting strangers.
Some clubs are very cliquey though. If I ran a club I’d definitely have a strategy for this and making newcomers feel part of the club, I imagine there’s a huge churn because of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We went to townhouse last Saturday it was our first club experience. We were very nervous and had no idea what to expect. We walked through the door instantly welcomed!! We were given the tour and then we sat at the bar where we were greeted by more staff and very friendly regulars that made us feel comfortable.
A few drink and lots of chat we were upstairs living our fantasy with no pressure no stress!!!
Cant wait to go back so i think they did a good job breaking us in. Couldnt recommend Townhouse enough for first timers "
We are definitely planning a weekend trip to Liverpool and Townhouse very soon heard nothing but good things about it. X
Glad you had a great night and fulfilled some fantasies as that's what it's all about. X
KJ x |
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We always here that *** club is cliquey or nobody was welcoming.
We make a point of talking to everyone we can no matter if we want to play or not. We remember what it was like out first few times so we try to help anyone who needs it. |
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By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago
newcastle |
Think it very much depends upon the club as to new people maybe feeling left alone.
In the bigger clubs the staff tend to be so busy that after the initial tour newbies are left to their own devices. Whereas in a smaller club the staff will have more time to speak to people throughout the night.
The best club we go to for the staff interacting with newbies and for the new people to feel included in the general conversation is Infusions in Blackpool when Mike is behind the bar.
Mind, apart from the general conversation you have to be prepared to give and take Mike's banter !! |
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Well, for one, clubs that make you undress and get into a towel are pressuring people so those clubs need to rethink that - it also makes you realise you wasted time getting dressed up!
And clubs should all have a social space. A place where people are encouraged to hang out before play and meet and chat with others. We love that sort of thing. |
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we go to organised party nights with a host. A good one will ensure new people get shown around and introduced to some of the friendlier regulars just as an icebreaker especially if they're in a small group because that feels a little less pressured. Spicy Minx does this particularly well at the VA bi nights.
we also echo the recommendation for Purple Mamba. C and A are really good at ensuring new people or those on their own have a chance to get into conversation. The rest is then up to them... |
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"Something I find difficult to navigate, sometimes, is the line between "I'm happy to talk but I'm not sure/ I don't want to fuck you". Because some people will make it weird. Either by saying "ooh you're not our type" when I asked them how they were (sorry that wasn't a proposition, I was making small talk? that happened a lot when I was new) or jumping straight from pleasantries to "let's find a room" (I... uh... didn't express any interest I was just talking?)."
There needs to be some kinda universal signal...something that sits on your glass that can be rotated from red to green or similar...something subtle but visible...its a bluddy minefield and I'm more viking than diplomat, so I struggle. |
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"I’ve been to a club on my own twice. Felt uncomfortable and awkward. Did have a good ol’ natter to some guy about Vauxhall Astras, so not a total waste of time
I know where you're coming from here mate, and speak from experience that it's usually only other single guys in clubs, who speak to single guys. There's rarely any single females in, leaving the Russian roulette option of approaching couples who may(or usually), may not be interested in a single guy. You can tell who is interested by looking around the room, and if someone catches your eye and smiles at you, then take that as an invitation to approach. I can guarantee they won't approach you first "
Cheers mate |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
At Club SX in Blackpool we have hosts who chat to guests and a meeter and greeter on the door who really try and ease people in. We also have a very social bar area and try our best to integrate everyone.
It's not always the easiest thing on a crazy busy night but we have regular guests who help out at times. You rarely see someone sat alone without having been approached by one or two for a convo - although some simply don't want to talk, we do do our best  |
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"It really upsets us to see the shy couple in the club
it takes years of talking to get there and when they do the club gives them a quick tour as it's there first time and here's your towel then shown to a bar and left to fend for themselves lol..
We feel that clubs have got it wrong and the club should do more to know there own clients and pair couples together once there.
We are a very confident couple that doesn't have this problem and we would like to ask if other couple's see the Awkwardness in clubs.
worth talking about as we may all learn something about what others think x"
I totally agree
I have been to clubs with my other half and we know absolutely no one there , no introductions to anyone
Thankfully I do get recognised from here so it’s easy to chat
Have to say the club we have mostly frequented make sure they put newbies with regulars and that works so well
Before long they are at complete ease
It does come down to staff asking the right questions and of course regulars helping out |
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Not everyone who goes to a swingers club are swingers.
We have friends at the club we frequent who have been going for 6 years and never had any sexual relations. They just love looking sexy and socialising.
Leave people to take their own tiny steps. Some don't like jumping in at the deep end. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"My fwb and I find it nerve wracking striking up conversation in a club with couples.
How do you approach?
What do you say to them?
Answers on a postcard please.
"
Just go over and say hello. |
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you just have to be involved and not in the same place all night a little mingle helps and what really helps is confidence.. that you both know why your there
then there is no boundaries once in there .. confident in what you want that night a couple or what ever and stick to it x .. my fella talks to everyone so we send mixed signals sometimes because we are just being friendly.
my advice to you as a couple is the Male needs to step it up and not shy away .. be the alpha and know hes your alpha and nothing gets in the way of that. just remember why you are there and go and get it x
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"Not everyone who goes to a swingers club are swingers.
We have friends at the club we frequent who have been going for 6 years and never had any sexual relations. They just love looking sexy and socialising.
Leave people to take their own tiny steps. Some don't like jumping in at the deep end. "
We know a couple that just go to a club and they eat cheese toastie lol |
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"My fwb and I find it nerve wracking striking up conversation in a club with couples.
How do you approach?
What do you say to them?
Answers on a postcard please.
Just go over and say hello. "
Just smile x show them your teeth before you show them your titts my darling x |
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"My fwb and I find it nerve wracking striking up conversation in a club with couples.
How do you approach?
What do you say to them?
Answers on a postcard please.
"
Postcard.
Just smile at them x
say hi as you do .. Your introduction has nothing to do with sex . your just saying hi and you find them attractive.. Your a lovely couple type thing .. You dont have to open with you want everyone there to suck your titts x
Smiling is the best opener x |
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"It really upsets us to see the shy couple in the club
it takes years of talking to get there and when they do the club gives them a quick tour as it's there first time and here's your towel then shown to a bar and left to fend for themselves lol..
We feel that clubs have got it wrong and the club should do more to know there own clients and pair couples together once there.
We are a very confident couple that doesn't have this problem and we would like to ask if other couple's see the Awkwardness in clubs.
worth talking about as we may all learn something about what others think x
I totally agree
I have been to clubs with my other half and we know absolutely no one there , no introductions to anyone
Thankfully I do get recognised from here so it’s easy to chat
Have to say the club we have mostly frequented make sure they put newbies with regulars and that works so well
Before long they are at complete ease
It does come down to staff asking the right questions and of course regulars helping out "
Agreed it's down to the club and staff to show them the way . I mean a newbie couple being allowed near a couple like us .. 
sounds great actually lol x
back to your point tho .. the staff should have a way of pairing them or introducing them |
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"We went to townhouse last Saturday it was our first club experience. We were very nervous and had no idea what to expect. We walked through the door instantly welcomed!! We were given the tour and then we sat at the bar where we were greeted by more staff and very friendly regulars that made us feel comfortable.
A few drink and lots of chat we were upstairs living our fantasy with no pressure no stress!!!
Cant wait to go back so i think they did a good job breaking us in. Couldnt recommend Townhouse enough for first timers
We are definitely planning a weekend trip to Liverpool and Townhouse very soon heard nothing but good things about it. X
Glad you had a great night and fulfilled some fantasies as that's what it's all about. X
KJ x "
Im sure you will have a fantastic time enjoy  |
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"Something I find difficult to navigate, sometimes, is the line between "I'm happy to talk but I'm not sure/ I don't want to fuck you". Because some people will make it weird. Either by saying "ooh you're not our type" when I asked them how they were (sorry that wasn't a proposition, I was making small talk? that happened a lot when I was new) or jumping straight from pleasantries to "let's find a room" (I... uh... didn't express any interest I was just talking?)."
This...
I can’t count the number of times people have had small talk for five mins and suddenly gone “ let’s find a room”.
I want to get s feel for the people I am talking to before I decide if I want to go further! |
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"Something I find difficult to navigate, sometimes, is the line between "I'm happy to talk but I'm not sure/ I don't want to fuck you". Because some people will make it weird. Either by saying "ooh you're not our type" when I asked them how they were (sorry that wasn't a proposition, I was making small talk? that happened a lot when I was new) or jumping straight from pleasantries to "let's find a room" (I... uh... didn't express any interest I was just talking?).
This...
I can’t count the number of times people have had small talk for five mins and suddenly gone “ let’s find a room”.
I want to get s feel for the people I am talking to before I decide if I want to go further!"
Sometimes it's not even five words |
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"Something I find difficult to navigate, sometimes, is the line between "I'm happy to talk but I'm not sure/ I don't want to fuck you". Because some people will make it weird. Either by saying "ooh you're not our type" when I asked them how they were (sorry that wasn't a proposition, I was making small talk? that happened a lot when I was new) or jumping straight from pleasantries to "let's find a room" (I... uh... didn't express any interest I was just talking?).
This...
I can’t count the number of times people have had small talk for five mins and suddenly gone “ let’s find a room”.
I want to get s feel for the people I am talking to before I decide if I want to go further!
Sometimes it's not even five words "
Exactly..
Guess the art of flirting and enjoying someone before you “enjoy” them is dead! |
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By *MNJCouple
over a year ago
Nuneaton |
Being paired with another couple sounds like a nightmare to me and would probably make us only more awkward, Mrs being a smoker certainly seems to help and we've always been very fortunate that other people are more confident and have approached us, without them we'd probably struggle tbh but thankfully never have. I'd imagine providing the whole club isn't filled with shy people it always works out ok. |
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It is always straight forward to spot thos who haven't been to a club previously.
I'm a bit chatty and very sociable, thus I'm happy to say hello. I remember my own first club visit, and I was fortunate to meet and chat to nice folk.
My point is having a good natter in the social areas and a littme mild flirting is what makes the club visit so fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well, for one, clubs that make you undress and get into a towel are pressuring people so those clubs need to rethink that - it also makes you realise you wasted time getting dressed up!
And clubs should all have a social space. A place where people are encouraged to hang out before play and meet and chat with others. We love that sort of thing."
Some people prefer clubs where you can undress and use a towel straight away. I personally prefer it and i never go to a club where you have to stay dressed or (even worse) wear lingerie.
People would simply use a club that had the dress code they prefer. Theres something for everyone |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
This has an hint of sympathy shagging.
I’m lucky, have a stunning and social wife. I’m socially confident.
Our social values might not be the same as others, our sexual values have to align.
I think people like to be around people like themselves.
Just an opinion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Can I get a badge, 'i'm new, cum talk 2 me' I'm only half joking haha I would actually wear one and feel more confident approaching someone wearing one knowing they were open to being randomly approached for just chat. |
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"Can I get a badge, 'i'm new, cum talk 2 me' I'm only half joking haha I would actually wear one and feel more confident approaching someone wearing one knowing they were open to being randomly approached for just chat. "
For all my anxieties I must admit I've never spoken to anyone in a club and it clearly be unwelcome... I don't know what I'm worried about... but I still am... |
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