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The reality of bareback
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So many profiles scream "SAFE SEX ONLY!!!". But, of course, this is all very much a spectrum. Sex isn't ever "safe" vs "unsafe" unless you are doing it in different rooms.
How are your thoughts progressing when it comes to these subtleties? From friends far kinkier and more informed than us, it increasingly feels that, in line with responsibile testing, the pill etc, there's no such thing as "safe" sex and we all need to be more intelligent and thoughtful about it all..? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many profiles scream "SAFE SEX ONLY!!!". But, of course, this is all very much a spectrum. Sex isn't ever "safe" vs "unsafe" unless you are doing it in different rooms.
How are your thoughts progressing when it comes to these subtleties? From friends far kinkier and more informed than us, it increasingly feels that, in line with responsibile testing, the pill etc, there's no such thing as "safe" sex and we all need to be more intelligent and thoughtful about it all..? "
I think 'safe sex' just means to wear condoms.
But if I were to get the all clear from a STI test, and you were too. Would you have unproteceted sex? |
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We prefer to take the obvious precautions that reduce the risk of getting itchy, scratchy or baby.
However we’re well aware that despite using condoms for sex, we are still open to collecting unwanted presents via oral or just being in close proximity to others.
Regular testing helps out our minds at rest, and the minds of those that we play with.
Oh, and knowing which end of the shower water comes out of!
If any of us were proper germaphobes, I don’t think we’d be on here!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Safe sex isnt just for the reasons of STI, im pretty sure most would rather not get pregnant by a man theyve met once for swinging.. not saying bareback is going to get you pregnant not atall,its still a risk. Pills are not guaranteed either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've often wondered about the risks involved when a guy uses the same condom with both ladies during a MFF for instance.
Like others have said, it's a case of acceptable risk, even if there was a safe way of having oral with a woman, I wouldn't want to do it "safely". |
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"I've often wondered about the risks involved when a guy uses the same condom with both ladies during a MFF for instance.
Like others have said, it's a case of acceptable risk"
This is not an acceptable risk. Condoms should always be changed between different partners. |
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AnEmotionalTampon here..yeah I've played it with many couples on here plus a couple of single women and couples wanting breeding
Most of the time with condoms but if the girl.is down for it and I'm feeling her. Yeah I'll.bang her and fill her up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"AnEmotionalTampon here..yeah I've played it with many couples on here plus a couple of single women and couples wanting breeding
Most of the time with condoms but if the girl.is down for it and I'm feeling her. Yeah I'll.bang her and fill her up."
 |
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By *abrina59TV/TS
over a year ago
moved to cuckold land |
When crossing a road we look right & left to look reduce the risks or using a designated crossing.
As someone said life has risks bu as with anything else we look minimise the risks when having sex with others |
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There is such a thing a 'safe sex' which involves monogamous relationships. The reality of bareback is borne out by the increase in STIs being diagnosed, whilst HIV infections have dropped about 40% as people are using condoms and PreP.
I'm not suggesting anyone on the scene who engages in bareback sex will automatically catch an STI, but some groups are more at risk than others (me) and you can't realistically do more than a cursory risk assessment on every potential partner you meet or insist they show you their most recent test results, which will be invalid if they've had sexual contact with anyone else in the meantime.
The kink and swing scenes are ripe breeding groups for bullshit besides asymptomatic STIs so I prefer not to take chances. Guys who will happily sleep with me and other less...discriminating CD/TV/whatever will happily jump in your bed proclaiming they are straight- that's the reality.
I'm happy using condoms and PreP as it gives me piece of mind if a condom bursts or rips or comes off. Forgive me if this has turned a little bit ranty but 'safer' sex doesn't have to be careless or indeed high risk. |
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"I've often wondered about the risks involved when a guy uses the same condom with both ladies during a MFF for instance.
Like others have said, it's a case of acceptable risk
—-
This is not an acceptable risk. Condoms should always be changed between different partners. "
This is a man selfishly protecting himself without giving a second thought for the other women who have agreed group play with him.
In a group, especially in a club where lighting can be a lot lower than normal, everyone needs to agree what they mean by safe sex. It’s all too easy for the guy to stick his dick in multiple girls without changing the condom.
When you look to see if he has a condom on, you maybe have a second or two to check and stop him if not. No time for a conversation about where that condom was 10 seconds before. Alcohol slows your reactions down as well.
This is why I prefer at least one female friend in the room as part of any play with men, we look after each other and are in a better position to jump all over shit like this. It’s simply not safe sex for the women involved.
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"I've often wondered about the risks involved when a guy uses the same condom with both ladies during a MFF for instance.
Like others have said, it's a case of acceptable risk
—-
This is not an acceptable risk. Condoms should always be changed between different partners.
This is a man selfishly protecting himself without giving a second thought for the other women who have agreed group play with him.
In a group, especially in a club where lighting can be a lot lower than normal, everyone needs to agree what they mean by safe sex. It’s all too easy for the guy to stick his dick in multiple girls without changing the condom.
When you look to see if he has a condom on, you maybe have a second or two to check and stop him if not. No time for a conversation about where that condom was 10 seconds before. Alcohol slows your reactions down as well.
This is why I prefer at least one female friend in the room as part of any play with men, we look after each other and are in a better position to jump all over shit like this. It’s simply not safe sex for the women involved.
"
Exactly  |
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"We would do bareback sex, aslong as the person coming to do it had a recent health check, and was clean, and we deemed them trustworthy and genuine. Personal pref tho"
Do you ask them to bring a certificate? And proof they haven't been near anyone since they were last tested? How do you ascertain that someone who wants bareback sex is trustworthy? The naïvety is breathtaking. |
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"We would do bareback sex, aslong as the person coming to do it had a recent health check, and was clean, and we deemed them trustworthy and genuine. Personal pref tho
Do you ask them to bring a certificate? And proof they haven't been near anyone since they were last tested? How do you ascertain that someone who wants bareback sex is trustworthy? The naïvety is breathtaking."
Well we would ask them to get one up to date, if they cant prove it tbey wear a condom, simple as that. Anyway, who are you to say we are naieve? If we choose to do it then thats our descision is it not? And as for trustworthy, surely we can gauge if someone is by meeting them |
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By *hangerMan
over a year ago
brighton |
"We would do bareback sex, aslong as the person coming to do it had a recent health check, and was clean, and we deemed them trustworthy and genuine. Personal pref tho
Do you ask them to bring a certificate? And proof they haven't been near anyone since they were last tested? How do you ascertain that someone who wants bareback sex is trustworthy? The naïvety is breathtaking.
Well we would ask them to get one up to date, if they cant prove it tbey wear a condom, simple as that. Anyway, who are you to say we are naieve? If we choose to do it then thats our descision is it not? And as for trustworthy, surely we can gauge if someone is by meeting them "
It is as you say, your decision and one that should be respected.
However a recent test result does not mean they are "clean". Some STI's take time to show on tests, so a series of tests are needed over several months. Also as has been said in other posts, have they had sex between taking the test and meeting you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believe if you are into this lifestyle you should get tested once a month.
Then results are sent to your phone and after 3 months of backup tok woukd be safe "
Is it a private company you use for text message results? My local NHS STI clinic does not provide this but you get a card with everything you have been tested for and a phone number. Call in with name and date of birth to get results only. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s all about safer sex. To be completely safe would be unrealistic. Treatable Stds are easier, I suppose to transmit some can be unavoidable through kissing like clamidia herpes strain etc
Though you do hear of some antibiotic resistant strains. It can be a minefield so I will say safer sex where possible. |
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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago
Heaven in the Midlands |
"We would do bareback sex, aslong as the person coming to do it had a recent health check, and was clean, and we deemed them trustworthy and genuine. Personal pref tho
Do you ask them to bring a certificate? And proof they haven't been near anyone since they were last tested? How do you ascertain that someone who wants bareback sex is trustworthy? The naïvety is breathtaking.
Well we would ask them to get one up to date, if they cant prove it tbey wear a condom, simple as that. Anyway, who are you to say we are naieve? If we choose to do it then thats our descision is it not? And as for trustworthy, surely we can gauge if someone is by meeting them
It is as you say, your decision and one that should be respected.
However a recent test result does not mean they are "clean". Some STI's take time to show on tests, so a series of tests are needed over several months. Also as has been said in other posts, have they had sex between taking the test and meeting you?
"
If my info is correct from the clinic lady - 10 weeks for HIV to show and 12 days for other STIs. ?? A lot of meets can happen in 10 weeks, or even 12 days. |
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The reality is most people just put safe sex on their profile and you get a different story when they message you and arrange a meet. Do what's best for you and what makes you happy some people can play bare till the day they die and catch nothing and some may play safe all the time and catch something from oral. The best thing to do is always know where you stand health wise and do your best to look after yourself |
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"I believe if you are into this lifestyle you should get tested once a month.
Then results are sent to your phone and after 3 months of backup tok woukd be safe
Is it a private company you use for text message results? My local NHS STI clinic does not provide this but you get a card with everything you have been tested for and a phone number. Call in with name and date of birth to get results only. "
I get a message from Locala saying 'your test results were normal'. This just means you didn't have an STI a fortnight before testing (I think). With HIV the window period is 12 weeks, although the veinous blood tests are accurate to 4 weeks, the finger prick tests to 8. |
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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago
Heaven in the Midlands |
"I've often wondered about the risks involved when a guy uses the same condom with both ladies during a MFF for instance.
Like others have said, it's a case of acceptable risk
This is not an acceptable risk. Condoms should always be changed between different partners. "
Condoms should also be changed between anal and vaginal sex, even with the same woman, to protect from bacterial infection, not so much STIs. |
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We'd never do a bareback meet. Ever.
Condoms for any sort of penetration. And always change a condom between individuals.
In our opinion, it's not worth risking and the idea of it isn't even remotely a turn on
People quipping back about oral being a risk are correct, but it's less likely.
We both get regularly tested, just to be sure.
The amount of people who are happy to do bareback meets is worrying. |
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By *D835Man
over a year ago
London |
"The reality is most people just put safe sex on their profile and you get a different story when they message you and arrange a meet. Do what's best for you and what makes you happy some people can play bare till the day they die and catch nothing and some may play safe all the time and catch something from oral. The best thing to do is always know where you stand health wise and do your best to look after yourself"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believe if you are into this lifestyle you should get tested once a month.
Then results are sent to your phone and after 3 months of backup tok woukd be safe "
Monthly is a waste of resources
If you are having safer sex it's recommended 3 monthly checks. Window periods are 1 month for blood borne virus and 2 weeks for Chlamydia and gonnoreah but 3 months is more conclusive.
If you are having bare back sex then I suppose monthly would be more suitable as well as taking prep but don't expect the clinic who's time you are wasting to be happy about seeing you monthly.
Everytime you contract a treatable STI you are on a course of strong antibiotics. This in turns weakens how effective the antibiotics are and inturn makes antibiotic resistance increase which doesn't just affect those shagging randoms but will affect your gran when she gets a chest infection or a child or any innocent person.
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By *hangerMan
over a year ago
brighton |
"Is it a private company you use for text message results? My local NHS STI clinic does not provide this but you get a card with everything you have been tested for and a phone number. Call in with name and date of birth to get results only. "
It may well be different in different areas. In Sussex the NHS clinic will send the results by text. They ask if it is okay to do so.
If you want them to send the results by text, it may be worth asking next time you go to the clinic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless you do oral with a condom on then you are always at risk and less likely to be tested."
That's not true. There are plenty of people who get tested after every new sexual partner and practice oral without condoms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let's be honest bareback sex is better. Condoms reduce feeling and pleasure, But having said that I always uses condom for intercourse. I don't want to catch any STI's. Hypothetically if I knew someone very well, trusted them and we'd both been tested then I'd probably go bareback. I don't have to worry about getting the lady pregnant, I had the snip about nine years ago! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it a private company you use for text message results? My local NHS STI clinic does not provide this but you get a card with everything you have been tested for and a phone number. Call in with name and date of birth to get results only.
It may well be different in different areas. In Sussex the NHS clinic will send the results by text. They ask if it is okay to do so.
If you want them to send the results by text, it may be worth asking next time you go to the clinic."
I did ask and shown them a text with negative results sent to me. I told them I was using a swingers site and would rather have regular tests and proof of results before meeting people. The nurse that I was seeing went and asked for me and I was told they don't send sensitive information out by text. That's why I thought it must be a private clinic used for this. |
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"Do you ask them to bring a certificate? And proof they haven't been near anyone since they were last tested? How do you ascertain that someone who wants bareback sex is trustworthy? The naïvety is breathtaking."
Not to specifically turn it back on you, but the feeling I'm increasingly having is that it's just too naive and overly simplistic to state "Condom = no STI", and it's all such a sliding scale, no black and white. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm it’s a trust thing.
I think once there trust established there then yeah. But until then - you could be saying 1 thing & never even got tested in the first place...
Can’t trust a persons word until you know them..
Wrapping the bad boy up.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you ask them to bring a certificate? And proof they haven't been near anyone since they were last tested? How do you ascertain that someone who wants bareback sex is trustworthy? The naïvety is breathtaking.
Not to specifically turn it back on you, but the feeling I'm increasingly having is that it's just too naive and overly simplistic to state "Condom = no STI", and it's all such a sliding scale, no black and white."
From what I've seen on this site wife's can't trust their men not to be giving them an sti and they think they know them inside and out. I think when you are open and honest with someone and can show you look after yourself it makes a difference. I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone I thought was crawling and a condom isn't going to make me change my mind about that. I will be tested every six months even though I'm only having unprotected sex with one regular male because who can you really trust except your own judgement and looking after yours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get the online NHS sex health test after every meet. It comes in 2 days and after posting back we have our results in 4 days
We use condoms for meets but Mrs likes bare cock in her mouth so we like to get tested.
There are however a lot of couples that see each other regular and therefore make the decision not to use condoms. As long as they get there tests then I see no wrong in this. At least they are responsible enough to actually have tests |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get the online NHS sex health test after every meet. It comes in 2 days and after posting back we have our results in 4 days
We use condoms for meets but Mrs likes bare cock in her mouth so we like to get tested.
There are however a lot of couples that see each other regular and therefore make the decision not to use condoms. As long as they get there tests then I see no wrong in this. At least they are responsible enough to actually have tests "
Thanks for this information. Very useful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many profiles scream "SAFE SEX ONLY!!!". But, of course, this is all very much a spectrum. Sex isn't ever "safe" vs "unsafe" unless you are doing it in different rooms.
How are your thoughts progressing when it comes to these subtleties? From friends far kinkier and more informed than us, it increasingly feels that, in line with responsibile testing, the pill etc, there's no such thing as "safe" sex and we all need to be more intelligent and thoughtful about it all..? "
I think the general consensus is if a profile says safe sex only it’s basically saying no bareback |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many profiles scream "SAFE SEX ONLY!!!". But, of course, this is all very much a spectrum. Sex isn't ever "safe" vs "unsafe" unless you are doing it in different rooms.
How are your thoughts progressing when it comes to these subtleties? From friends far kinkier and more informed than us, it increasingly feels that, in line with responsibile testing, the pill etc, there's no such thing as "safe" sex and we all need to be more intelligent and thoughtful about it all..? "
Yes condoms have a chance to fail. But what's the probability of that? It's like going on a flight. There is a chance for something bad to happen. But it is very low. So we do it. By doing bareback, you are increasing the chance of troubles. |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"So many profiles scream "SAFE SEX ONLY!!!". But, of course, this is all very much a spectrum. Sex isn't ever "safe" vs "unsafe" unless you are doing it in different rooms.
How are your thoughts progressing when it comes to these subtleties? From friends far kinkier and more informed than us, it increasingly feels that, in line with responsibile testing, the pill etc, there's no such thing as "safe" sex and we all need to be more intelligent and thoughtful about it all..?
Yes condoms have a chance to fail. But what's the probability of that? It's like going on a flight. There is a chance for something bad to happen. But it is very low. So we do it. By doing bareback, you are increasing the chance of troubles."
Just stick to good oral |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no such thing as safe sex. There is SAFER sex, which is using a condom. If you Google the many and varied things you can contract from a bit of grown up time, you will see that using a condom is wise but not foolproof. Bareback is playing with fire - but we all know the risks. I used to with a trusted fwb, but never again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get the online NHS sex health test after every meet. It comes in 2 days and after posting back we have our results in 4 days
In Leeds this is only available for under 25s."
This is ok. But to get the results back so quickly doesn't give the cultures time to grow, so you can get a false negative. Sorry I was a sexual health worker and did my time in pathology. I'm surprised the NHS approve of this. Its sloppy to say the least. |
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By *ippy68Man
over a year ago
Weymouth |
"I believe if you are into this lifestyle you should get tested once a month.
Then results are sent to your phone and after 3 months of backup tok woukd be safe
Is it a private company you use for text message results? My local NHS STI clinic does not provide this but you get a card with everything you have been tested for and a phone number. Call in with name and date of birth to get results only. "
I’m pretty sure becoming a blood donor is a good way to be “tested” regular because they only want clean blood and as such if anything shows up you would be notified. I used to have a friend who put it about back in the 90’s and he used to give blood for this reason and back then you could be refused a mortgage if you had regular HIV Tests because the banks judged you as a high risk. Not sure if it’s still the case tho now? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our NHS Clinic always send a text, I'm surprised that some don't! "
I'm surprised as well , especially after telling them my life style choice and asking that it's sent this way. You would think it's better for everyone involved and for the NHS. Prevention better than cure. I was offered condoms but they don't give me the piece of mind a clear test result gives me. Mental health just as important as sexual health. But it's Scotland. Years behind the times.  |
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