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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"You're kidding?
The huge majority of females on the site, whether single or in a couple are submissive.
Try finding a domme, that's hard!"
I work with a domme lady and she says they are much much rarer to find.
I consider myself a sub but I dont sub to just anyone!! |
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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"Or should I say a true sub.
Some women say they are but when you surged to things they say no way."
Depends on what you mean. I'm a sub but I still have my absolute hard limits and safe words!! Yes I will do as I'm told (eventually sometimes haha) but i wont do just anything because I've been told to
If that makes sense.
Theres also a hell of a lot of doms who claim to be Dom and are just abusive assholes. Not saying you are btw. But weve come across a couple of them on here and I ended up very badly hurt because he wouldn't listen to me!! |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Or should I say a true sub.
Some women say they are but when you surged to things they say no way."
Ah you want a twue sub. One who does everything you say with no limits. 
Yeah. If you are looking for one of those, that's most of the sane submissives out of the question.
Submissives have limits, opinions and are, surprisingly. People.
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"Getting very hard to find a true honest sub female these day.
Anyone interested ??"
we are around but take it from me we are a one man sub and yes love to be usaed but in the right plasses and time lots of me think we are total sluts all the time and they can use us any time they want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A 'true' sub will only submit to a Dom that is worthy of that submission and trust. Any Dom that doesn't realize he has to earn that submission isn't a 'true' Dom!! |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"A 'true' sub will only submit to a Dom that is worthy of that submission and trust. Any Dom that doesn't realize he has to earn that submission isn't a 'true' Dom!!"
Does a true sub adore assertiveness attention? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A 'true' sub will only submit to a Dom that is worthy of that submission and trust. Any Dom that doesn't realize he has to earn that submission isn't a 'true' Dom!!"
brilliant definition  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What exactly is a true sub? What makes you a true Dom? I’m a sub, but only with my partner, and only after we discussed it at length and I felt secure in giving myself to that extent, and he felt secure that it was what I really wanted. Trust us a big issue. I would never trust just anyone, and kind of find people criticising others as not being a true Dom/true sub to be a little disrespectful, and to me doesn’t show a level of understanding of the dynamics that I would trust. What makes one person the perfect Dom/sub differs from person to person and dynamics x
Viv xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t think I’ve ever spoken or meet a Dom lass in my life every1 I no and myself r all very sub just the way we love it x  "
I’m a switch. Before I met Mr I was only ever a Domme, meeting him made me look at the other side of myself and explore it. With him I trust being submissive. To anyone else, no.
Lol, my first date with my ex was a dungeon. He did exactly as he was told, like a good boy should- all limits, safe word, etc discussed before hand, and must have worked, we were together two and a half years. Dommed a few guys on here, but prefer my situation now- its the man though, the perfect Dom for me, may not be for others x
Viv xx |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"What exactly is a true sub? What makes you a true Dom? I’m a sub, but only with my partner, and only after we discussed it at length and I felt secure in giving myself to that extent, and he felt secure that it was what I really wanted. Trust us a big issue. I would never trust just anyone, and kind of find people criticising others as not being a true Dom/true sub to be a little disrespectful, and to me doesn’t show a level of understanding of the dynamics that I would trust. What makes one person the perfect Dom/sub differs from person to person and dynamics x
Viv xx"
Think true is the word that doesn’t explain the dynamic. Kisses |
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"In way what does it take to be a true honest sub then?
Absolute obedience! Bit like marriage vowels use to be in the 50s  lol
As a brat type sub that's me out then hahah "
Haha same here, I'm more of a switch, only dom with my hubby x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
The thing is OP there is no such thing as a "true" sub, any more than there is such a thing as a "true" Dom/me - there is however what you define to be a "sub" and how you think of yourself as a Dom - the key is finding someone whose definition of themselves, and their idea of a Dom, matches your definition...
....and that is the "hard" part |
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I agree in the most submissive in general are difficult to find , and when you do it's a viscous circle in getting there trust to meet as you have very little certifications and so on and so on it goes .
well Maybe it's just me |
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" a true honest sub female"
Your issue might be your definition.
I steer away from anyone who uses the term "true sub" as it tends to be used by those who have a very narrow definition of what a sub is. And that definition is often totally unrealistic.
Often they expect a "true sub" to be someone who will do anything for anyone who happens to consider themselves a Dom/mme. Total obedience is built on a lot of trust which takes time. And many of us subs care about our own mental and physical well-being and safety.
Someone who demands total obedience without spending a long time getting to know each other can't care about the sub's safety as they don't know what that sub needs.
Thus, most sub's won't touch them with a barge pole. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A 'true' sub will only submit to a Dom that is worthy of that submission and trust. Any Dom that doesn't realize he has to earn that submission isn't a 'true' Dom!!"
This exactly. I feel my total submission is a special gift and the dom I give it to should be worthy of it |
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"A 'true' sub will only submit to a Dom that is worthy of that submission and trust. Any Dom that doesn't realize he has to earn that submission isn't a 'true' Dom!!
This exactly. I feel my total submission is a special gift and the dom I give it to should be worthy of it "
You took the words right out of my mouth. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"A 'true' sub will only submit to a Dom that is worthy of that submission and trust. Any Dom that doesn't realize he has to earn that submission isn't a 'true' Dom!!
This exactly. I feel my total submission is a special gift and the dom I give it to should be worthy of it "
I have problems with the sentiments of both contributors.
I would say everyone is entitled to their view of D/S or kink and I am no more right or wrong than the contributors. But I would like set out a reasoned alternate view.
If a "True Sub" only gives her submission to a worthy dom. Is she still a "True Sub" if she got it wrong and the dom turns out to be a dick? Or whilst she is deciding to give her submission to the dom is she a "True Sub"?
What is meant by a "True Sub or True Dom" is it like being a "True Knight" which was the highest example of behaviour? Because doing kink is not by society's standard the highest form of behaviour. Also history shows there were only a few "True Knights" and even Lancelot the truest knight slipped but he of course was fantasy and a warning.
I would suggest using "True sub or True dom" is comparable to when people say "you are not true swinger". For all I care you could say to me "You are not a true angler" being a "True swinger, true angler or true dom" are not titles of honour to me. What is a title of honour is when a sub says to me "I want you to be my Dom" or I say "I want you to be my sub". This for me is a personal and important and relies on criteria personal to me and the person involved. Or in other cases the dom and sub involved.
Because of my interests I need to know someone well. But if someone's kink is boot blacking or service, or some non impact non sexual kink the trust requirements would be different.
Being a Dom or a Sub is not a competitive sport, you are not competing against other doms and subs.
Now I accept that the contributors were really trying to emphasise safety. But the reality is people do dangerous things like one night stands or the bdsm equivalent which is pick up play. Just because people decide not to go down a particular trust route does not mean it is not a dom/sub situation and that they are not doms or subs.
There are no guardians that control what is defined as a dom/sub relationship. People are entitled to self identify as sub/dom. Also they are not to be barred from using the terms by others, nor are they to be labelled by others. At the end of the day what other people call themselves is irrelevant, it is how a person feels about their own relationship, or how a person feels about themselves that counts.
Additionally gifts by their nature are not returnable whereas submission is always revocable. Therefore I take the view submission is something precious given to hold on certain conditions but not a gift.
Akechi Denki an important Japanese riggers said:
"SM is about the heart, it cannot be a superficial thing. If you could find one submissive woman, she is a treasure. You have to embrace everything about her. For example, listening to her for things on her mind. I have been saying this again and again."
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