FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > A Unicorn’s Guide To Finding A Unicorn : PART 2
A Unicorn’s Guide To Finding A Unicorn : PART 2
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 Yes, not all couples are the same, but most of you will appreciate this guide and can do with the help (again, just being funny here).
WHAT IS A UNICORN?
A ‘Unicorn’ is a single woman who is part of the swinging community. Most of us are bi-sexual which makes us even rarer.
We are called Unicorns because we are rare like unicorns I didn’t think up the name, I don’t condone labelling people and this is not my personal choice to be called the same as a fictional creature. I don’t even like labelling myself as ‘bi-sexual’ but unfortunately, it is what it is. Society loves it’s labels and there are worse things I’ve been called, so I’ll take being a ‘Unicorn’ lol. For the purposes of this guide, Fab and swinging in general, this is the definition of a Unicorn. Please feel free to take it up with the Powers That Be if you don’t like it! If you REALLY don't think the term, then substitute 'single woman who might be bi and who likes swinging' for Unicorn
1. The first and best piece of advice to find a fabled Unicorn is to get yourself to swinging clubs and events. These are excellent places where we hang out and we often do the ‘hunting’ ourselves here. Feedback from my first post made this the first choice of places where you can meet a Unicorn in the ‘wild’. It’s safe for us and we get to chat to lots of different people. We also often go there knowing we can shag pretty much anyone, so you might be lucky there - see my extra info below. There are socials run all over the country via Fab and these are brilliant to get out there without having the pressure to play. I try to get to all my local ones in Bristol and love meeting couples here. Have your Fab profile name written down or get the Unicorn’s Fab name then and there are send them a message asap to remind them who you are. I’ve met loads of amazing people at socials who I can’t verify the next day because I can’t remember their Fab names after a few gins (and Fab names are weird).
2. Yes, we want to see both of you at the same time in the same place at least once - a video chat will do but most likely a face-to-face/social BEFORE we arrange a meet. If you can’t/won’t do this then we’ll assume you’re fake and won’t take it any further. Make sure you have photos of both of you on your profile and be prepared to send at least one photo of both of your faces pretty early on in your chat with the Unicorn. Also, make sure you’re photo verified on Fab - this is the basic filter and one I always have on so without this you won’t get very far.
3. You might need to get your hands in your pocket. Yes, this might mean getting a babysitter, travelling, getting a hotel, going to a club etc. We’re in demand and meeting you on our own so you can’t act like entitled snowflakes. You are the ones looking for US and not the other way around. There are thousands of you and hundreds of us - please see my other point on this subject at the end of this guide.
4. There has to be sexual attraction to both of you. This is totally subjective and down to our own preferences so you might be turned down/ignored/ghosted if we don’t like the look of one or either of you. It’s not personal, just down to taste and we can afford to be picky
5. We will want to play with both of you and we are not a toy. We will assume we can kiss and have penetrative sex with both of you (as it were). If you put rules down, then it’s unlikely we’ll take it any further - there are plenty of couples who won’t put rules in place and we are not a plaything. Having said that, feel free to discuss boundaries, limits and your sexual preferences. These should be the same for everyone is what I’m trying to say.
6. As a single female, we are travelling/meeting you on our own. Please put yourselves in our shoes and understand how difficult this is at times and could be potentially unsafe for us. We don’t know you, we could be meeting you somewhere we don’t know and could be putting ourselves in danger. Be flexible and understanding.
7. You might need to answer some pretty personal questions and analysis of your relationship. We do not want to be stuck in the middle of a drama or a domestic and will look to make sure we are happy that you are in a strong position before we meet you. I’ve put some questions below that you can consider to help.
8. We have lives, kids, work, family, friends and other commitments outside of our sex lives and are often single mums. We can’t drop everything and rush to meet you so we need to plan in advance and our schedules can be limited. Conversely, sometimes we find ourselves with a few hours spare and might be able to meet you at the drop of a hat! Again, understanding and patience is appreciated here. We don’t expect you to drop everything but we don’t expect abuse or twatiness if we let you know that we’re suddenly available and you’re not. We understand that you might not be available, but we’ll always ask, just in case.
9. Most of us are fully bi and will expect to play with BOTH of you. If the female of the couple is only bi-curious and/or not been with a woman before then make this VERY clear as soon as possible. Some Unicorns won’t appreciate popping bi cherries and we are not toys or robots to act on your whim and for only your benefit.
10. We don’t mind answering questions and are usually very open, but there is often a lot to find on our profiles - read everything, be interested in us as actual human beings and that will get you a long way.
11. Don’t get offended if you get ghosted or ignored. We are busy and in demand (also often single working parents) and we don’t have time to reply to everyone. Especially if you don’t fit our preferences, can’t accommodate, won’t travel, aren’t available when we are, don’t look like our type, have a shit profile etc etc
12. Make the time to read our profiles and ensure you fit in with our preferences before you message. This is the first thing we’ll look at and probably won't even reply if you don’t check those boxes. These can include: looks, body shape, location, smoking, piercings, tattoos, hair, accommodate, travel, availability, accents, colour of your eyes and anything else! Again, we can afford to be fussy and we often are...
13. We sometimes know other unicorns and have FWBs but we can’t just magic them up if you fancy a gangbang/orgy. Get yourself to clubs and events if this is something you want to try, or at least build a relationship and have one meet before broaching this as a serious suggestion.
14. We tend to carry a lot of sway in the swinging community, so try to be nice and respectful. Don’t act like twats. We will warn other unicorns about you if you are abusive/fake/liars so keep that in mind.
15. A verification on Fab from a unicorn will really help you meet others so try to meet us for a social - even at a social event is good (see Number 8)
16. Sometimes people pretend to be Unicorns (to get you to meet them and not notice that they are a guy?? Who knows!). If they’re too good to be true, then they probably are. Be aware of who you might be arranging to meet or invite your house. If you think you’re talking to a unicorn and they DON’T ask to see you as a live couple, then this should sound major alarm bells.
17. Ask us how long we’ve been swinging, how long we’ve been a unicorn and what our own experiences are. We’re rare but that doesn’t mean you should invite someone into your house/bed/relationship without asking important questions. I wouldn't be offended at being asked anything like this. It shows that you’ve thought about what you’re doing and are taking it seriously (as you should!)
18. An experienced unicorn won’t mind taking the lead in contact, making arrangements etc but newbie unicorns can be very shy and find the whole thing just as overwhelming as you can so think about what you want/need and how that’s going to work for socials and meets to play.
19. Never expect sex - this is SO important. I am always VERY clear when I meet up for a social that this is just a social and we can arrange to meet for play on a separate occasion. This is something I’ve had to do due to past awful (and scary) experiences. The more you do to reassure the Unicorn that you don’t expect sex, the more likely she is to meet you.
20. Think about who’s going to contact the Unicorn in the first instance. Most couples seem to nominate the Mrs to do this and I would agree that this is probably a good start - especially if you are new, or the Unicorn is new. Personally, I don’t mind if the Mr approaches me first but I would expect to see both of you before we meet anyway (see Number 1).
21. Don’t send winks or friend requests on Fab - I get loads every day and don’t even look at them. Read my profile, send me a decent message and we’ll go from there.
22. When you first contact the Unicorn (after making sure you meet their preferences and are prepared to meet them at least halfway), focus on building a friendship before jumping in with the sex talk. Unicorns don’t necessarily want to just have a one-off 2 hour session with a random couple and never see them again. Often, we’re looking for friendship, respect and people we can socialise with outside of swinging.
23. If you’re telling the Unicorn that you want to look for someone to have regular couple fun with and/or a friendship in the long term then think about what this means for you as a couple.
24. Totally forgot to mention this last time, but Unicorns would expect total protected sex and would assume that this is something you’ve considered. Does the Mr wear condoms for both women? Does he change condoms between partners? What about oral sex on the Mr and Mrs? Please think about this and be prepared to answer questions (or ask them!) on this subject.
25. You don’t have to put us on a pedestal, treats us as special, a toy or a plaything . We are normal human beings and treating us as anything other than that will put us off. We know we’re in demand but we just want to have fun and get our freak on like everyone else ??
Additional questions that have come up and could do with considering for any couple:
Who’s going to contact the Unicorn away from Fab?
Do you have a group chat?
What if only two of the three want to chat - is this ok?
Will one of you be happy to meet her on your own for a play, if so when and where?
Do you three go on socials together or is it just sex?
What happens if one of you starts getting feelings for the Unicorn or vice versa?
Are you ok hearing about the Unicorn meeting other couples or singles?
Are you the jealous type?
Are you Poly? If so, mention this asap as this is a different dynamic for the Unicorn.
Feedback from my first thread led to me/us being called entitled and implying that we weren’t prepared to pay our way. To some extent, this is probably true. Our time is in demand so you can increase your chances of making yourself available as much as possible, offering to travel a little further, offer to pay for a hotel if you can’t accommodate etc in order to look more attractive out of the hundreds of other couples looking for a Unicorn. You don’t have to do this, but this is a guide and this is something that’s a BIG part of the practicalities of arranging a social or a meet.
As bi women, when we go to a club or a social we can probably have sex with most of the people in the room. This is just how swinging works - if you get your knickers in a twist about this, then you need to get your head out of your arse and appreciate that this is what it means to be a single bi woman anywhere (not only swinging). But this also means we have to deal with double the shit from men, women and couples trying to find decent partners lol. We are human beings and like to chat to people and see if there is any chemistry before we jump into bed with them. If you’re genuinely a nice couple, honest and open then you won’t have any problem finding a single woman to join you in a club. I appreciate that there is an element of confidence and experience required so don’t expect too much on your first few visits to a club or a social. Never expect sex and you might get some lol.
Wasn’t sure where to put this but someone commented on my other thread implying that couples shouldn't act entitled as if Unicorns are privileged to share a sexual experience with them. I actually disagree with this. I think having sex with anyone is a privilege - certainly not an entitlement. I am so lucky that I get to have these amazing experiences with men, women and couples and feel incredibly privileged if a couple asks me to share this part of their lives with me. I would hope that the majority of Unicorns would agree with me in this and I hate that something which would be an enjoyable and fun experience almost has to complete a checklist in order to happen.
We don’t want to steal your man - we can get our own if we wanted one. We also don’t want to steal your woman. You might think we’re egotistical and that probably says more about you than us. We have to deal with double the shite, double the abuse and double the work in order to get our kicks (triple if you think we sleep with single women, single men AND couples) so you try managing all that as well as ‘normal’ life and don’t come across as a cranky bitch sometimes. lol.
A fair but of negativity was thrown at me/us on the previous thread and I hope this has counteracted many of those comments but if you've read all this and STILL feel like posting something about us being entitled/egotistical/seeking to be on a pedestal etc etc then I'll just kindly ask you to fuck off  | |||
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"I agree with all this, we are looking for a girl but really struggling "You might find age counting against you. Clubs are your best bet. | |||
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"I really think this should be in the FAQ section. We often don't get to see things from the lady's point of view. Thank you again for taking the time to put this together. I'm sure there are a lot of single ladies (not just unicorns) who will appreciate this. " | |||
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"I do love this so much and I can't believe the previous thread got so much negative attention. " It always amazes me how the most beautiful thread with the best intentions in the world will eventually get someone pissing all over it. To be fair most of the negativity came from one straight single person for whom this thread is not applicable anyway. Lots of support from unicorns as well as couples in search of unicorns. Putting that together must have been a lot of work and I think it will help a lot of people. To me that's what forums are all about | |||
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"I just want to add to this thread a version of what I put in the previous one by the OP because I think it's very important. Aim to meet people you like and get on with and who like you. Don't aim to meet people for sex. Don't view people as opportunities to tick something off your list. The swinging community is one where people are open to having sex outside of what society might call "normal" for sexual relationships, but they are only likely to do that with people if they like them. Look for that chemistry. You can have that chemistry with multiple people so don't stop looking for it. At some point when the time and place is right it can all happen. It is very unlikely without you finding that chemistry to start with. We have been invited to meet various single women who rule out meeting couples on their profile. Why? Because they feel comfortable with us. We don't meet them with an agenda. We don't talk sexually with them. We just have normal conversations (although sex can be a subject). We met somebody recently and spent several hours with her and we got on really well. We had a lovely day and nothing sexual happened. Were we disappointed? No. Would we be disappointed if nothing ever happened with her? No. Why? Because sex is not our goal. Meeting fun people is our goal and we did that. We have others (one in particular) who are up for meeting us. We will take the same approach. If the circumstances are right something will happen. However, if the worst thing that happens is that we make a new friend, what's not to like? This doesn't just apply to couples looking for unicorns. It also applies to couples meeting couples, and and singles meeting couples or singles. Put the person ahead of your sexual goals and your chances of you reaching your goals improve greatly. " I have been saying the same thing, but not as eloquently, for years. There are so many people on fab complaining about not getting meets and blaming everyone but themselves. They think because this is a sex site it's simply a case of finding someone free and bam that's it. Like ordering a pizza. I'm a guy who goes to a lot of clubs and gets loads of fun there so I'm on fab mainly to socialise and make inane comments. As a matter of course I chat to people, almost never about sex, and friendships develop, and inevitably sex. I probably have more sex not trying to have sex than those who pursue sex relentlessly. I am living proof of what you say is true. I've sent many messages this last week to single women and couples and all but one have replied. I have also had a lot of single women and couples initiate contact with me which I am given to understand is rare. Thanks to everyone for making this thread so positive! | |||
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"I agree with all this, we are looking for a girl but really struggling "Probably add a bit more about you and your relationship to your profile. Add what you will/can do to make meets easier for a single lady - will you travel? How far? Are you flexible on when you can meet? Some thing I've added to mine is what events I am going to next. When are you planning to go to a club? What socials have you planned to attend? Make your profile stand out. You're clearly young and hot, so that's a good thing! Also add some photos of Mr to your public photos. | |||
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"I just want to add to this thread a version of what I put in the previous one by the OP because I think it's very important. Aim to meet people you like and get on with and who like you. Don't aim to meet people for sex. Don't view people as opportunities to tick something off your list. The swinging community is one where people are open to having sex outside of what society might call "normal" for sexual relationships, but they are only likely to do that with people if they like them. Look for that chemistry. You can have that chemistry with multiple people so don't stop looking for it. At some point when the time and place is right it can all happen. It is very unlikely without you finding that chemistry to start with. We have been invited to meet various single women who rule out meeting couples on their profile. Why? Because they feel comfortable with us. We don't meet them with an agenda. We don't talk sexually with them. We just have normal conversations (although sex can be a subject). We met somebody recently and spent several hours with her and we got on really well. We had a lovely day and nothing sexual happened. Were we disappointed? No. Would we be disappointed if nothing ever happened with her? No. Why? Because sex is not our goal. Meeting fun people is our goal and we did that. We have others (one in particular) who are up for meeting us. We will take the same approach. If the circumstances are right something will happen. However, if the worst thing that happens is that we make a new friend, what's not to like? This doesn't just apply to couples looking for unicorns. It also applies to couples meeting couples, and and singles meeting couples or singles. Put the person ahead of your sexual goals and your chances of you reaching your goals improve greatly. " Thanks for this your comment got a lot of good feedback last time too! | |||
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"I just want to add to this thread a version of what I put in the previous one by the OP because I think it's very important. Aim to meet people you like and get on with and who like you. Don't aim to meet people for sex. Don't view people as opportunities to tick something off your list. The swinging community is one where people are open to having sex outside of what society might call "normal" for sexual relationships, but they are only likely to do that with people if they like them. Look for that chemistry. You can have that chemistry with multiple people so don't stop looking for it. At some point when the time and place is right it can all happen. It is very unlikely without you finding that chemistry to start with. We have been invited to meet various single women who rule out meeting couples on their profile. Why? Because they feel comfortable with us. We don't meet them with an agenda. We don't talk sexually with them. We just have normal conversations (although sex can be a subject). We met somebody recently and spent several hours with her and we got on really well. We had a lovely day and nothing sexual happened. Were we disappointed? No. Would we be disappointed if nothing ever happened with her? No. Why? Because sex is not our goal. Meeting fun people is our goal and we did that. We have others (one in particular) who are up for meeting us. We will take the same approach. If the circumstances are right something will happen. However, if the worst thing that happens is that we make a new friend, what's not to like? This doesn't just apply to couples looking for unicorns. It also applies to couples meeting couples, and and singles meeting couples or singles. Put the person ahead of your sexual goals and your chances of you reaching your goals improve greatly. I have been saying the same thing, but not as eloquently, for years. There are so many people on fab complaining about not getting meets and blaming everyone but themselves. They think because this is a sex site it's simply a case of finding someone free and bam that's it. Like ordering a pizza. I'm a guy who goes to a lot of clubs and gets loads of fun there so I'm on fab mainly to socialise and make inane comments. As a matter of course I chat to people, almost never about sex, and friendships develop, and inevitably sex. I probably have more sex not trying to have sex than those who pursue sex relentlessly. I am living proof of what you say is true. I've sent many messages this last week to single women and couples and all but one have replied. I have also had a lot of single women and couples initiate contact with me which I am given to understand is rare. Thanks to everyone for making this thread so positive! "Awesome! | |||
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"Really well written and insightful post unicorn princess... I do think a lot of these points apply to couples (and single males) too. I think quite a lot of people on fab and in the real world consider treating others with respect and dignity (and being treated the same in turn) to be the key to building trust and a lot of us get nervous about who we’re talking too and would be more than willing to chat via FaceTime etc. to help build up that trust. Thanks for the updated guide and happy fabbing! x"I guess it does apply to everyone but I just see things from my point of view in this instance. Single guys get such a bad reputation on Fab, but they don't really do themselves any favours lol. There's a fine line between entitled and deserving and I can understand trying to tread that is very hard. BUT it's just as difficult for us to find the diamonds too - only from a different perspective. Couples have a different set of issues as they are often hunting and being hunted lol. We all just need to take a step back and focus on what we CAN control and what we CAN offer rather than think about why we're not getting chosen and why everyone hates us. Once you change that mentality, then you'll be much more successful. Put yourself in someone else's shoes and see what they see on your profile. Ask for feedback from people on the forum and GET TO EVENTS!! | |||
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