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Swinging while in a relationship with a none swinger
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Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is. |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is. "
No point in having cake if you're not going to eat it  seems to me it would transfer into a 'hotwife' dynamic fairly smoothly if he was agreeable. |
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"Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is.
No point in having cake if you're not going to eat it seems to me it would transfer into a 'hotwife' dynamic fairly smoothly if he was agreeable. "
hes not. He says is happy for me to continue as long as I never mention what I do x |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
What would being in a more official relationship change though? Nothing except that you're “officially” going steady? I’d sit him down and ask where he sees this going and explain your fears and where you see it going and reiterate again that you won’t leave the scene for him.
It’s not fair on either of you to tootle along in a relationship that you both think is ok, if there are underlying issues which are not being addressed.
But likewise, you have to be prepared for him to say ok and for him to walk away. He might currently be hoping that you’ll fall for him and will be willing to eventually walk away from the scene when you’re done.
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Sounds like he’s willing to let you carry on if it means he gets to be your main partner, imho that means he really likes you.
It may work, depends on how secure he is as a person.
You’ve been straight with him, so nobody can knock you for doing what makes you happy.
Just a question that springs to mind, would you be ok if he decided to play alone? |
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"Sounds like he’s willing to let you carry on if it means he gets to be your main partner, imho that means he really likes you.
It may work, depends on how secure he is as a person.
You’ve been straight with him, so nobody can knock you for doing what makes you happy.
Just a question that springs to mind, would you be ok if he decided to play alone?"
I've told him I'd love for him to play alone. I've also discussed my fears with him. He says it will work.. as he has no intention of asking me to stop.
He knows even if I was madly in love I wouldn't stop doing this. This has all been made crystal clear to him....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is there plans of moving in together? I only ask because if he doesnt want to know anything about you being with other men then this is where you will face serious problems. |
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"Is there plans of moving in together? I only ask because if he doesnt want to know anything about you being with other men then this is where you will face serious problems."
god no. I have kids. So he doesnt even come to mine much x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi hunny x
Sounds like this is FB/fwb more than a relationship kind of thing..and you've been upfront and honest about your wants and intentions and he's willing to go with it..I don't see an issue hun xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God, does he not know what he’s missing, by not wanting to hear about your liaisons with other guys?
That’s definitely the best part and makes sex mind blowing, hearing all the details of what you did to each other! |
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"God, does he not know what he’s missing, by not wanting to hear about your liaisons with other guys?
That’s definitely the best part and makes sex mind blowing, hearing all the details of what you did to each other!"
he doesnt like it. I'm not to mention it or where I've been x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"God, does he not know what he’s missing, by not wanting to hear about your liaisons with other guys?
That’s definitely the best part and makes sex mind blowing, hearing all the details of what you did to each other!"
100% this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"God, does he not know what he’s missing, by not wanting to hear about your liaisons with other guys?
That’s definitely the best part and makes sex mind blowing, hearing all the details of what you did to each other! he doesnt like it. I'm not to mention it or where I've been x "
It doesn't sound like a strong foundation for a sustainable, healthy relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is. "
So two of my best friends are in this dynamic and madly in love. My advice would be find out what his kinks are and indulge them as he is being super supportive of yours. |
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There's plenty of scope for it to be a 'don't ask, don't tell' relationship. It works for some (not that I have personal experience of it).
He's tried it and decided it isn't for him, he knows it's something you can't be without, and he accepts that.
He could be hoping you'll change, but equally he could be being completely genuine in his acceptance.
It isn't that uncommon a situation, though more so in a 'vanilla' relationship. How often do we hear of wives who know their husbands are having affairs yet turn a blind eye as everything else works.
You have the benefit of everything being up front and open, if he feels the need to know more he only has to ask. No sneaking around, no lies, you just need to agree what form his not knowing takes. Do you need to fake a friend you're meeting, or is he ok with you saying you're going out for a fab night? |
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You don't indicate what direction it would take if it became a full relationship. You just state that you're not prepared to give up the lifestyle. Swinging couples play with others. Is this your intention, if he came on board or are you saying that you still want to be a single lady who plays alone.
If it's the latter, then it's foreseeable there'll be issues but if you continue in the lifestyle together, it's a different dynamic and one he may well welcome. |
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"You don't indicate what direction it would take if it became a full relationship. You just state that you're not prepared to give up the lifestyle. Swinging couples play with others. Is this your intention, if he came on board or are you saying that you still want to be a single lady who plays alone.
If it's the latter, then it's foreseeable there'll be issues but if you continue in the lifestyle together, it's a different dynamic and one he may well welcome."
define proper relationship. He has no interest in swinging either as a single or together. He only wants sexual relations with me |
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"There's plenty of scope for it to be a 'don't ask, don't tell' relationship. It works for some (not that I have personal experience of it).
He's tried it and decided it isn't for him, he knows it's something you can't be without, and he accepts that.
He could be hoping you'll change, but equally he could be being completely genuine in his acceptance.
It isn't that uncommon a situation, though more so in a 'vanilla' relationship. How often do we hear of wives who know their husbands are having affairs yet turn a blind eye as everything else works.
You have the benefit of everything being up front and open, if he feels the need to know more he only has to ask. No sneaking around, no lies, you just need to agree what form his not knowing takes. Do you need to fake a friend you're meeting, or is he ok with you saying you're going out for a fab night?"
No there are no lies.. but I dont see the need to tell him where I'm going. Just that I'm not free to see him that night and most likely wont be in touch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow! By the looks of how gorgeous you are in your pics, I’d not only love to hear what you got up to, I’d love to watch you being pleasured and played with by other guys and then reclaim you afterwards! Ha ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any dynamic can work if both parties are happy with it and want it too. It won't work if either of you are saying what you think the other wants to hear and I suspect (perhaps completely wrongly) that this your fear. But you've been honest and up front about how you feel and presumably have no reason to think that he isnt being so just go with it and see how things evolve. It might go horribly wrong but it could be brilliant and you won't know if you dont try. |
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"Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is.
No point in having cake if you're not going to eat it seems to me it would transfer into a 'hotwife' dynamic fairly smoothly if he was agreeable. "
I agree with you on that, ease him in^ ....... |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
Your transparency should stand you in good stead, he knows the situation, your take on it, so he's fully aware. He'll have to like it or lump it and some guys like it. He met you on here afterall so he might just get it and be very much worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been in this situation and it’s really tough....
Met someone got into a relationship and they didn’t want to swing anymore....
The problem I hated was hiding a part of my life from someone I loved.....
I would suggest just leave things as they are currently because it’s working....
But just don’t introduce him to family , friends and Co workers...
He could spill the beans if things go bad.... |
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"I’ve been in this situation and it’s really tough....
Met someone got into a relationship and they didn’t want to swing anymore....
The problem I hated was hiding a part of my life from someone I loved.....
I would suggest just leave things as they are currently because it’s working....
But just don’t introduce him to family , friends and Co workers...
He could spill the beans if things go bad...."
all my friends.. family and co workers know  |
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"Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is. "
In a similar situation I swing. My partner does really. She's more bdsmy. I do clubs alone ATM. She attends sometimes. What's works for us is lots of communication and trust. Talk alot. Set boundaries and respect. Just talk. Keep going. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone got experience of this... I've been half seeing someone for a while now and it's worked kinda. He knows I'm on here.. he knows I go to clubs but as things stand he cant make any claims to me being his partner etc.... if it got more serious maybe he would.. and I envisage issues.
I have no intention of giving up what I'm doing or ever being monogamous.. something I have always made clear. ( in fact he met me on here and then decided swinging wasnt for him)
So does anyone else successfully manage both sides of this.. and yes I'm aware that technically I'm trying to have my cake and eat it... I have said the day he asks or expects me to give up the lifestyle is the day I walk away and end whatever it is. "
I'm married and have a gf.Love them both.
My wife is monogamous. We've been together 32 years and respectfully nonmonogamous and polyamorous for 9. We're very much in love, happy and committed to one another.
It can work.
Takes determined honesty, communication, openness and respect.
Good luck to you.
Happy to chat about this. Just message me x |
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