FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Fetishes/kinks- why you like them

Fetishes/kinks- why you like them

By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Following on from the kinks you don't 'get' thread, I think that there is a huge lack of understanding as to why people enjoy something or what it is that turns them on about specific kinks.

Without kink shaming, deriding or putting others down, perhaps we can build a little understanding.

If people are willing to discuss openly and freely, in the spirit of education and learning then that might make things a little clearer.

If you're curious about a kink or fetish then post what you're curious about, hopefully someone who is into that will post explaining what or why they enjoy it.

Here's hoping to some non judgemental discussions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just like what i like and dont try to understand why i just enjoy it, turns out i like foot worship, which i didnt know until i got a taste of it last night

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a straight guy who likes his ass played with. It felt very taboo at first even mentioning it to a woman, but now it's not such a big deal to me. Plus I now have a collection of plugs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm a straight guy who likes his ass played with. It felt very taboo at first even mentioning it to a woman, but now it's not such a big deal to me. Plus I now have a collection of plugs

Could you please explain to me how it works in a practical sense? When does it happen and where? I always tend to focus on the practicality of things...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not tried it before

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm a straight guy who likes his ass played with. It felt very taboo at first even mentioning it to a woman, but now it's not such a big deal to me. Plus I now have a collection of plugs

Could you please explain to me how it works in a practical sense? When does it happen and where? I always tend to focus on the practicality of things..."

Lol I might insert a plug while i play solo at home, or when with a lady I like to have a plug in my butt while having sex. It's just something that gets me horny. I'm currently trying a first and "wearing" one at work today. Not sure if I'm gonna be able to keep it up there all day plus my thighs are soaked in precum

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

"Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

I can only speak from the male perspective but I enjoy sounding. While it isn’t painful, if it’s done right, it isn’t organically pleasurable either. It’s more of a mental turn on. It’s fulfilling a bit like being able to scratch an itch in the part of the brain that finds it a turn on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm a straight guy who likes his ass played with. It felt very taboo at first even mentioning it to a woman, but now it's not such a big deal to me. Plus I now have a collection of plugs

Could you please explain to me how it works in a practical sense? When does it happen and where? I always tend to focus on the practicality of things...

I find wearing a thong helps keep it in if youre going about your daily business

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm a straight guy who likes his ass played with. It felt very taboo at first even mentioning it to a woman, but now it's not such a big deal to me. Plus I now have a collection of plugs

Could you please explain to me how it works in a practical sense? When does it happen and where? I always tend to focus on the practicality of things...

I find wearing a thong helps keep it in if youre going about your daily business

Lol I'm beyond the smaller ones now, this things only coming out when I take it out

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"I'm a straight guy who likes his ass played with. It felt very taboo at first even mentioning it to a woman, but now it's not such a big deal to me. Plus I now have a collection of plugs

Could you please explain to me how it works in a practical sense? When does it happen and where? I always tend to focus on the practicality of things...

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I just like what i like and dont try to understand why i just enjoy it, turns out i like foot worship, which i didnt know until i got a taste of it last night

That's good to hear (especially after so many said they don't get it) not to push you but can you express why it was a turn on?

I do realise that it's a difficult thing to articulte

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Not tried it before"

Not tried what before?

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

Thanks for that!

I must admit that I've wondered about it, is it painful?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love to be spanked. No idea why.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

I like a tongue waggled in my ear, it makes my fanny flutter.

I also like my feet adored, though if you suck my toes i will giggle, it tickles.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I would also like to add; can people please not try to be 'funny' about this topic. I realise that the urge to be flippant about subjects that make us uncomfortable can be quite strong but these are very personal subjects for those posting. Respect and thought would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont see things as fetish or kinks there just things some folks like

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

"Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

Thanks for that!

I must admit that I've wondered about it, is it painful? "

I don’t find it painful, although other people say it is. Just be careful if you try it. Go slow.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I like a tongue waggled in my ear, it makes my fanny flutter.

I also like my feet adored, though if you suck my toes i will giggle, it tickles."

The ears, I understand as that's pretty common. What is it about having your feet adored that you enjoy?

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

"I like a tongue waggled in my ear, it makes my fanny flutter.

I also like my feet adored, though if you suck my toes i will giggle, it tickles.

The ears, I understand as that's pretty common. What is it about having your feet adored that you enjoy? "

It’s extremely sensual. And relaxing. So they’re turning you on whilst chilling you out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just like what i like and dont try to understand why i just enjoy it, turns out i like foot worship, which i didnt know until i got a taste of it last night

That's good to hear (especially after so many said they don't get it) not to push you but can you express why it was a turn on?

I do realise that it's a difficult thing to articulte "

As my name suggests i'm quite submissive but since my life entered a downward spiral and pretty much everything of who i was has been stripped away (seriously, family,job,home you name it its all gone) ive found myself feeling rather lost in a world of curiosities, however foot worship wasnt one of them, i cant stand feet, but a situation arose and i was on my knees faced with a ladies bare foot, and for some reason unbeknown to me my heart started racing and i felt the need to satisfy her desire which just made me even more excited.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I dont see things as fetish or kinks there just things some folks like "

That's actually a very good attitude

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Generally we have tried the majority of kinks going. Something that may appear repulsive at first but when tried it is absolutely awesome. The adage of dont judge a book by its cover. There aren't many we haven't tried but are always willing to try. Experiencing different things is good.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would also like to add; can people please not try to be 'funny' about this topic. I realise that the urge to be flippant about subjects that make us uncomfortable can be quite strong but these are very personal subjects for those posting. Respect and thought would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you. "

Well said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Generally we have tried the majority of kinks going. Something that may appear repulsive at first but when tried it is absolutely awesome. The adage of dont judge a book by its cover. There aren't many we haven't tried but are always willing to try. Experiencing different things is good."

Fantastic attitude the pair of you

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I agree with you on that. I think that "no, never" is a very limiting attitude for the person saying it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t know if this thread will help but a woman that I was talking to asked me if I like camish I didn’t know what camish is lol please help

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t know if this thread will help but a woman that I was talking to asked me if I like camish I didn’t know what camish is lol please help"

That's a new one for me!

If there's one thing I've learnt though on fab it's not to ever Google a new term!

Perhaps someone can help with this?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t know if this thread will help but a woman that I was talking to asked me if I like camish I didn’t know what camish is lol please help

That's a new one for me!

If there's one thing I've learnt though on fab it's not to ever Google a new term!

Perhaps someone can help with this? "

Ill do it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t know if this thread will help but a woman that I was talking to asked me if I like camish I didn’t know what camish is lol please help

That's a new one for me!

If there's one thing I've learnt though on fab it's not to ever Google a new term!

Perhaps someone can help with this?

Ill do it

Best google can find is the feeling of being tired or lazy

that was an anticlimax

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t know if this thread will help but a woman that I was talking to asked me if I like camish I didn’t know what camish is lol please help

That's a new one for me!

If there's one thing I've learnt though on fab it's not to ever Google a new term!

Perhaps someone can help with this?

Ill do it

Brave!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

Thank you for the thread OP and to those sharing

I’m naturally curious, so this will feed my imagination and education. I’m in the never say never camp, you don’t know until you’ve tried it, with two exceptions which are phobias/dislikes of mine in everyday life

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For a lot kinksters fetishes are just not about sex, although I accept there is a crossover in some cases. Fetishes can be about extreme sensation, trust, control, power exchange,exploring human boundaries, satisfying other needs like sadism, masochism, dressing urges, dark fantasies and in some cases cathartic. I have a play partner who will remain anonymous, whom I have no interest in having sex with nor them with me. We are exploring sensory deprivation and it's fun, it ticks my sadistic box and it's interesting to see what happens then discuss it afterwards.

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By *uckslut and MCouple over a year ago

Poole

"Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

Domme point of veiw and why, sounding is total dominance over a cock. You have it in your hand, your are munipulating to how you want. You can read the subs face and body to how they are reacting to the pain and pleasure of the act.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Thank you for the thread OP and to those sharing

*doffs cap*

I think that just as many will shout loudly about being put off, there are more that read intently regarding many aspects.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dont see things as fetish or kinks there just things some folks like "

I like this.

Calling them kinks or fetishes makes them sound grubby.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"For a lot kinksters fetishes are just not about sex, although I accept there is a crossover in some cases. Fetishes can be about extreme sensation, trust, control, power exchange,exploring human boundaries, satisfying other needs like sadism, masochism, dressing urges, dark fantasies and in some cases cathartic. I have a play partner who will remain anonymous, whom I have no interest in having sex with nor them with me. We are exploring sensory deprivation and it's fun, it ticks my sadistic box and it's interesting to see what happens then discuss it afterwards."

I find that really interesting, thank you!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"I don’t know if this thread will help but a woman that I was talking to asked me if I like camish I didn’t know what camish is lol please help

That's a new one for me!

If there's one thing I've learnt though on fab it's not to ever Google a new term!

Perhaps someone can help with this?

Ill do it

Best google can find is the feeling of being tired or lazy

that was an anticlimax"

To add to the explanation ‘not wanting to move or be physically active espcially when something is close by’.

So could it be no matter what is put before, you cannot move or touch them or yourself, just watch? A type of tease ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I dont see things as fetish or kinks there just things some folks like

I like this.

Calling them kinks or fetishes makes them sound grubby. "

I think that's possibly your association with the word rather than the acts though.

Many people call them dirty, it's an understandable response to that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank you for your help guys

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'."

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dont see things as fetish or kinks there just things some folks like

That's actually a very good attitude "
doesn't mean some of the stuff folks get up to isnt a bit weird to me mind u but thats there beezwax not mine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

Thanks for that!

I must admit that I've wondered about it, is it painful?

I don’t find it painful, although other people say it is. Just be careful if you try it. Go slow. "

I found it uncomfortable and psychologically I was worrying about giving myself a UTI so only tried it out once. I got no pleasure at all from the experiment, unlike many of the others.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'm not sure some of what I enjoy is what I would describe as a kink or just something that is an intrinsic part of who I am - but can see that others would call some of it "kinky" - it's also difficult to explain some of it without walking a fine tightrope around forum rules but lets just leave it that some of it goes back to a very young age and formative experiences I suspect.

I would say I am extremely open minded and experimental when it comes to all things sexual and always have been - sex and sexuality fascinates me on both an intellectual level and a more practical one.

I make no secret of the fact that I have an interest in BDSM and spanking (which are of course linked but can also be separate) and they are probably my main "kinks" - the former can of course cover a wide range of activities and individual elements some of which I enjoy others I am open to exploring and understanding.

I'm naturally submissive and come at it from that side of the coin completely (although if you take D/s out of the equation can indulge in what would be considered "dominant" activities as part of "kink play") and think it's that which was informed by formative experiences.

For years I didn't understand or know or even recognise my submissive side for what it was - was only 20 years or so ago when chatting with someone who was into BDSM that I had a lightbulb moment where everything truly fell into place and made sense - and I started to explore and understand more from there, and accept myself for what I was.

With any "kink" the key is understanding it and being able to discuss it - to give an example, watersports would always have been a taboo for me and something that didn't interest me in the slightest, but a couple of conversations with people that are into it on here and I understand the appeal more - I wouldn't necessarily place it on a bucket list now, but if I met someone that was into it and wanted to indulge it wouldn't be a definite no for me either.

This has been a bit of a long winded ramble but I guess my point is that being able to be open and honest, as well as not being judgemental, and being willing to discuss and understand are the key to most kinks even if you have no interest in them at all - so nice one OP - great thread and way to encourage that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oohhh I have an immediate one actually...

Would love to understand how sounding is used during sex? From both a male and female perspective...

Ok, but is it purely the act of inserting the tube that provides the pain/pleasure or is it combined with sexual stimulation? Sorry if it’s a daft question but that’s the bit I was wondering about most really

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm not sure some of what I enjoy is what I would describe as a kink or just something that is an intrinsic part of who I am - but can see that others would call some of it "kinky" - it's also difficult to explain some of it without walking a fine tightrope around forum rules but lets just leave it that some of it goes back to a very young age and formative experiences I suspect.

Thanks for the ramble GM

I do think that an open, frank and non judgemental discussion is helpful for everyone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My kinks are all really at the experimental stage as with one exception I’ve not had the opportunity to practice them with a partner and even then only once or twice.

I enjoy anal play and get considerable pleasure from it when with a partner. I have less success solo as I can’t get relaxed enough or in a comfortable enough position to get the same enjoyment. With a partner it can cause me to ‘tap out like a submitting wrestler’ in ecstatic pleasure.

I love foot worship and toe sucking but haven’t had many opportunities to do that. I think the mental side is because I am quite orally fixated and love the feel of it in my mouth. I particularly enjoy it while fucking. I think there is also something quite phallic in my mind about it and have on accession fantasised I was sucking a cock while doing it.

I enjoy a bit of sensual BDSM play but I’m a novice at it as I enjoy the effect it has on a partner who enjoys it. I love seeing a woman writhing in ecstasy and anything that can enhance that experience for her I find a turn on. I’m yet to submit to similar treatment due to lack of opportunity.

Other things I’d be willing to try are purely fantasies at the moment. They’ll likely remain so too given how much progress I’ve made on the others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Apologies if I am posting too much but one more general question to folks. I’ve seen sensory deprivation mentioned. I’m a big fan myself but have only really dabbled in blindfolds etc. I would love to try visual and auditory combined at some stage. I was wondering are the any other sensory deprivation methods people are fond of and could recommend?

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"My kinks are all really at the experimental stage as with one exception I’ve not had the opportunity to practice them with a partner and even then only once or twice.

Other things I’d be willing to try are purely fantasies at the moment. They’ll likely remain so too given how much progress I’ve made on the others."

Thanks for your input doc, nice to read your post on the forums, just as with GM, you've been missed!

I agree entirely with what you say; 'tap out like a submitting wrestler' made me chuckle!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Apologies if I am posting too much but one more general question to folks. I’ve seen sensory deprivation mentioned. I’m a big fan myself but have only really dabbled in blindfolds etc. I would love to try visual and auditory combined at some stage. I was wondering are the any other sensory deprivation methods people are fond of and could recommend? "

Plugging or gagging your nose or wearing gas masks, disguising tastes by eating strong flavors them sweet flavors, etc.

Others is heightening one sense while being deprived, which is where sight/sound is cut off and you use things like wartenberg wheels on a persons body or other sensory enhancing equipment/tools to stimulate someone.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I don't think it's possible to comment too much on threads (spamming rules notwithstanding). Curiosity is welcome, at least here!

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Plugging or gagging your nose or wearing gas masks, disguising tastes by eating strong flavors them sweet flavors, etc.

That's really interesting! Thanks for that!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Plugging or gagging your nose or wearing gas masks, disguising tastes by eating strong flavors them sweet flavors, etc.

Many thanks

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By *ocodoughnutgirlWoman over a year ago

Sea of jelly and doughnuts

Food play / sploshing Its sensory for me, the textures of certain foods on my skin. Temperature of the food item also plays an important part and its not all foods.

Its mostly foods that are smooth, runny, or can change form with a temperature change.

Not entirely sure why I like it so much, but I think it derives from having everything 'just so' in its place neat and tidy. So food play enables me to be less controlled and messy.

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"Food play / sploshing Its sensory for me, the textures of certain foods on my skin. Temperature of the food item also plays an important part and its not all foods.

Its mostly foods that are smooth, runny, or can change form with a temperature change.

Not entirely sure why I like it so much, but I think it derives from having everything 'just so' in its place neat and tidy. So food play enables me to be less controlled and messy. "

Do you incorporate sexual acts with the sploshing or is it what it is in itself? Do you get sexual pleasure from it or is it purely a sensory experience?

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Food play / sploshing Its sensory for me, the textures of certain foods on my skin. Temperature of the food item also plays an important part and its not all foods.

Its mostly foods that are smooth, runny, or can change form with a temperature change.

Not entirely sure why I like it so much, but I think it derives from having everything 'just so' in its place neat and tidy. So food play enables me to be less controlled and messy. "

Thank you for this very open explanation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *ocodoughnutgirlWoman over a year ago

Sea of jelly and doughnuts

"Food play / sploshing Its sensory for me, the textures of certain foods on my skin. Temperature of the food item also plays an important part and its not all foods.

Its mostly foods that are smooth, runny, or can change form with a temperature change.

Not entirely sure why I like it so much, but I think it derives from having everything 'just so' in its place neat and tidy. So food play enables me to be less controlled and messy.

Do you incorporate sexual acts with the sploshing or is it what it is in itself? Do you get sexual pleasure from it or is it purely a sensory experience? "

The act is akin to foreplay for me so I do get to a heightened state of arousal. I might add a butt plug during and finish with clitoral stimulation. I've yet to experience sploshing with another person be it male or female, but its something I'd like to experience further with others.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

It’s more a non sexual power exchange for me, but in a sexually charged environment. I’ve always said that the most powerful part of my kink is the waiting.. the clear mind mixture of anticipation, fear, excitement that is only achievable with someone you absolutely trust. It’s very much about the chemistry between 2 people and not something I can describe or actively search for. Likewise boundaries and types of play also depend on the other person and their levels of enjoyment. It’s something I’ve always known about myself and I’m lucky enough to have experienced what I wanted in my twenties. These days I’m not looking for any specific acts as such, but I do require a connection that’s gets right inside my head. If there’s no sexual connection it’s completely obvious and I just can’t get past that. Hence why I don’t meet... I’ll know when I see it. Until then I’d rather not bother.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more a non sexual power exchange for me, but in a sexually charged environment. I’ve always said that the most powerful part of my kink is the waiting.. the clear mind mixture of anticipation, fear, excitement that is only achievable with someone you absolutely trust. It’s very much about the chemistry between 2 people and not something I can describe or actively search for. Likewise boundaries and types of play also depend on the other person and their levels of enjoyment. It’s something I’ve always known about myself and I’m lucky enough to have experienced what I wanted in my twenties. These days I’m not looking for any specific acts as such, but I do require a connection that’s gets right inside my head. If there’s no sexual connection it’s completely obvious and I just can’t get past that. Hence why I don’t meet... I’ll know when I see it. Until then I’d rather not bother. "

I think what you touch on there about trust, is a really important aspect of power dynamics and definitely something that is intrinsic for me. Trust and kink often goes hand in hand.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Ok certain things in BDSM are not allowed on the forum and they will be removed if posted.

If you want to dispute that you will need to do that to the owners who make the rules from the CONTACT button

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By *osmosgirlWoman over a year ago

Wetherby

For me, the combination of being restricted during impact and sensation play, with a trusted play partner, sends me to my happy place. When the endorphins and adrenaline kick in I fly high. The after care while I come back down to earth is important though.

I'm submissive, a masochist and an exhibitionist so this type of play suits my needs very well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok certain things in BDSM are not allowed on the forum and they will be removed if posted.

If you want to dispute that you will need to do that to the owners who make the rules from the CONTACT button

Ta"

Real sorry about that, wasn't thinking and I should know better. Won't happen again

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

I like them because I love to push my own boundaries.

I tend to stress a lot and overthink to crazy levels. To me a lot of what we do as a couple is to switch off from the world and a bit like a reset button for me. The anticipation of what we're going to do is a massive focus. And when we engage in play there is only that moment in time, you have to switch off from the external environment. That for me is an amazing feeling.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"For me, the combination of being restricted during impact and sensation play, with a trusted play partner, sends me to my happy place. When the endorphins and adrenaline kick in I fly high. The after care while I come back down to earth is important though.

I'm submissive, a masochist and an exhibitionist so this type of play suits my needs very well. "

There's quite a lot in your post that's intrinsic to the question of 'why' people engage in kink play.

The endorphins associated can really be amazing. As can the feeling of release and euphoria as well. I find that power dynamics and that 'giving' is intoxicating. As you say though; aftercare is paramount.

Thank you.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I could ramble on for days here, so I'll try and keep to the main points!

Kink or fetish for me mean acts which are out of the ordinary. I know it's impossible to define what's "normal" when it comes to sex but I think of kink or fetish as more specific aspects of sex. Does that make sense?!

For us, the bond between us when I submit to Mr is incredible. I am completely in the moment and lose all sense of time passing. It's very relaxing and intensely erotic, even if I'm just kneeling naked at his feet whilst he watches TV! I think it's the giving over of control to someone else who I trust. If there's no trust there, it doesn't work for me.

Mrs TMN x

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By *osmosgirlWoman over a year ago

Wetherby

I'm submissive, a masochist and an exhibitionist so this type of play suits my needs very well.

There's quite a lot in your post that's intrinsic to the question of 'why' people engage in kink play.

Thank you."

My pleasure.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I could ramble on for days here, so I'll try and keep to the main points!

Mrs TMN x "

I agree, much as I've written ^^ trust and power dynamics can sit at the heart of a lot of the draw of kinks and fetishes, as well as the taboo aspects.

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex. "

I agree, but that's my point. Perhaps some of the wariness about kinks etc is due to a primal instinct that tells them sex is only for procreation. Why would people have sex for fun. Where is the line between sexual fun and non sexual. Does there need to be a line.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right)."

Valid questions and I think several of them have been answered on this thread.

I do think that some people get very 'penetration and orgasm' focused, in terms of pleasure and what they 'get'.

As others have posted and touched upon though, there are a whole other world of sensations and pleasure triggers beyond P in V and sometimes physical pleasure can be brought about from a transfer of power or external stimulus.

Much as many 'don't get it', actually asking how, why or what the thrill is, is invaluable to exploration and understanding.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

Valid questions and I think several of them have been answered on this thread.

I do think that some people get very 'penetration and orgasm' focused, in terms of pleasure and what they 'get'.

Much as many 'don't get it', actually asking how, why or what the thrill is, is invaluable to exploration and understanding. "

Yep, power dynamics are at the heart of it for both of us. Recently we've been experimenting with Mr not touching me... Drives me wild! The denial only builds the anticipation. He loves having me like putty in his hands.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I find that sort of thing really intriguing and it's something that Ive explored in the past. It's part of something that I have worked on in the past regarding words and their power, beyond touching. Quite a deep thing though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My kinks are all really at the experimental stage as with one exception I’ve not had the opportunity to practice them with a partner and even then only once or twice.

Other things I’d be willing to try are purely fantasies at the moment. They’ll likely remain so too given how much progress I’ve made on the others.

Thanks for your input doc, nice to read your post on the forums, just as with GM, you've been missed!

I agree entirely with what you say; 'tap out like a submitting wrestler' made me chuckle! "

Thanks TM I was concentrating during a challenging period of work. But back until I need to get my head down again

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

Valid questions and I think several of them have been answered on this thread.

I do think that some people get very 'penetration and orgasm' focused, in terms of pleasure and what they 'get'.

Much as many 'don't get it', actually asking how, why or what the thrill is, is invaluable to exploration and understanding. "

More that they are thoughts than questions.

Like phone sex or sexting. Some people love it. Some love the power over another, making them horny in a situation where they can't do anything about it. All in the mind.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Worked on in a professional sense?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love threads like this. It’s an excellent example of one of the key reasons that I have been a regular on the forum for 6 years - education through open, respectful exploration and inquiry into each other’s experiences thoughts and feelings. Thanks TM and everyone who has posted

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Kink or fetish for me mean acts which are out of the ordinary. I know it's impossible to define what's "normal" when it comes to sex but I think of kink or fetish as more specific aspects of sex. Does that make sense?!

Mrs TMN x "

I kind of touched on this point in my earlier ramble and have also been reflecting on it a little since then.

Certain acts are often defined as "kinks or fetishes" in a generalised way, but surely one person's "normal" is another person's "kinky"?

So it could be said that for some the simple act of penetrative sex is actually "kinky" but something like being spanked is completely normal.

I guess because an act is not "mainstream" that I'd when it gets labelled as a kink or fetish though - bizarrely I had a thing in my earlier years (late teens and through my 20s and beyond) for shaven genitals - and used to think it quite kinky and would actually be told it was so if ever I suggested it to girlfriends and the like - these days of course it's quite the norm!!

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Worked on in a professional sense? "

Haha! No, worked on and explored with a previous partner. The power of words as tools and their impact during play, beyond touch and sensation

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Mrs TMN x

I kind of touched on this point in my earlier ramble and have also been reflecting on it a little since then.

Certain acts are often defined as "kinks or fetishes" in a generalised way, but surely one person's "normal" is another person's "kinky"?

So it could be said that for some the simple act of penetrative sex is actually "kinky" but something like being spanked is completely normal.

I agree with you, although I think that's a very different discussion!

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I love threads like this. It’s an excellent example of one of the key reasons that I have been a regular on the forum for 6 years - education through open, respectful exploration and inquiry into each other’s experiences thoughts and feelings. Thanks TM and everyone who has posted

I agree, it's been really good to read the experiences and thoughts of people.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

Valid questions and I think several of them have been answered on this thread.

I do think that some people get very 'penetration and orgasm' focused, in terms of pleasure and what they 'get'.

Much as many 'don't get it', actually asking how, why or what the thrill is, is invaluable to exploration and understanding.

More that they are thoughts than questions.

Like phone sex or sexting. Some people love it. Some love the power over another, making them horny in a situation where they can't do anything about it. All in the mind.

That's an interesting point and yes in some ways it is about power too

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right)."

My understanding is that the pleasure centre in the brain covers sexual pleasure, food pleasure and other things that excite us. Therefore you can have a form sexual pleasure without sex.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I agree, it's been really good to read the experiences and thoughts of people. "

Absolutely. It's what I really love about the forums - the freedom to explore, learn, and be entirely candid and open when the mood takes me

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By *wickermanMan over a year ago

Staines

"I would love to try visual and auditory combined at some stage. I was wondering are the any other sensory deprivation methods people are fond of and could recommend? "

Clingfilm or pallet wrap mummification. The even pressure all over removes or at least severely reduces tactile input whilst the body wrap bondage can induce a "possum" state of being unwilling to move. Combined with a good blindfold and either ear defenders/plugs or my favourite headphones playing white noise or other blocking sounds, the recipients mental processes turn inwards and wander. Time sense goes fairly quickly.

If after a time one or more small areas are exposed they become extremely sensitive

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By *wickermanMan over a year ago

Staines

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right)."

If you are their Dom/me then it is correct to call them sub but if it is just play, there is no significant ongoing relationship then perhaps Top and bottom are good terms?

Why would a D/T give pleasure without sexual pleasure in return? Because they enjoy being trusted as they have to be to be in that position of control? Because they enjoy being able to use their skills and abilities in a positive way whilst also perhaps extending their experience. Or maybe because sex is common and the intimate moments of connection that result from "kink" play are rarer and hence more valued?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

If you are their Dom/me then it is correct to call them sub but if it is just play, there is no significant ongoing relationship then perhaps Top and bottom are good terms?

I like this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think some of the confusion can be about the term 'sex'.

Sex = penis into vagina, in out, in out, in out....

'Anything else isn't sex'.

Penetration isn't the only act of sex.

Someone ^ asked if their food play was sexual or sensory enjoyment. Or where is the fun in sounding if there is no orgasm. (Examples)

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

My understanding is that the pleasure centre in the brain covers sexual pleasure, food pleasure and other things that excite us. Therefore you can have a form sexual pleasure without sex.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Mrs TMN x

I kind of touched on this point in my earlier ramble and have also been reflecting on it a little since then.

Certain acts are often defined as "kinks or fetishes" in a generalised way, but surely one person's "normal" is another person's "kinky"?

So it could be said that for some the simple act of penetrative sex is actually "kinky" but something like being spanked is completely normal.

I agree with you, although I think that's a very different discussion! "

Oh it is for sure - was just me musing on Mrs TMN's point and besides a thread staying on track? Are you mad?

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

If you are their Dom/me then it is correct to call them sub but if it is just play, there is no significant ongoing relationship then perhaps Top and bottom are good terms?

A very valid and well articulated point.

Many years ago after one of my only truly D/s experiences I asked the Domme what she had got out of it as it concerned me that she had remained clothed throughout, apart from kisses had not been touched or sexually played with by me and it appeared to me that I was the only one who had received any pleasure.

Her response was that "knowing" she controlled me, and what would happen, knowing she was bringing me pleasure and knowing that I would do whatever she wanted (within pre-defined boundaries and limits) was a powerful thing and stimulated her mind more than any form of physical stimulation ever could - it was all about the control and power she held over the situation and that was her pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As you can see by my username I find soft clothing a turn on. A bed with a thick fur throw on, feeling a woman's breasts through woollen sweaters, teasing a lady with soft faux fur gloves, light touches arouse the body. I do like any form of sex though it doesn't have to be like this but it's nice when it happens x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

An interesting read and some new things learnt and to research.

Thank you to all those that shared the why and what it means to them, that is something you can’t get from research just the how to

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By *abonWoman over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham

Can you really ‘understand’ a kink if you don’t feel it yourself? I think you can understand the concept of things feeling nice, sexual, fun and we all find different things cause these responses in us...and it’s really interesting to find what I am able to relate to in this thread. Like I can empathise with someone grieving even if I haven’t experienced a close death because I can relate to loss...but I can’t experience what they are experiencing.

I think there’s a massive spectrum for each sense - highly sensitive through to not sensitive, and either end as well as the middle ground can be pleasurable or horrible to an individual. It’s all about how our brain interprets those inputs. Unique wiring

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would love to try visual and auditory combined at some stage. I was wondering are the any other sensory deprivation methods people are fond of and could recommend?

If after a time one or more small areas are exposed they become extremely sensitive

Oh wow now this does sound interesting. Thank you I’ll definitely ponder this one...

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Can you really ‘understand’ a kink if you don’t feel it yourself? I think you can understand the concept of things feeling nice, sexual, fun and we all find different things cause these responses in us...and it’s really interesting to find what I am able to relate to in this thread. Like I can empathise with someone grieving even if I haven’t experienced a close death because I can relate to loss...but I can’t experience what they are experiencing.

I think you can "understand" something on an intellectual level for sure and that is one of the things I like about this site and threads like this - it gives you a chance (if you're open minded enough to do so) to gain a level of understanding about something you may not otherwise have understood, or have written off, or may have found off putting even.

I agree though that *some* kinks and fetishes come very much from within or are informed (as some of mine are) by things that happened in our formative years, or are even nature vs nurture at work.

I do think however that by reaching a level of intellectual understanding that it's entirely possible to then want, or be open, to get a deeper more practical understanding.

The example I gave earlier of watersports is a personal example of this - if you'd asked me 3-4 years ago if I'd consider peeing on someone, or letting them pee on me, I'd have said an outright "no" - however having talked about it on here with a couple of people that are into it, I understand the appeal a lot more and that it can actually have a very intimate and sensual side - it still wouldn't be top of my list to try or even necessarily be something I would suggest trying with a partner *but* if it was suggested to me I wouldn't necessarily dismiss it either

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I agree though that *some* kinks and fetishes come very much from within or are informed (as some of mine are) by things that happened in our formative years, or are even nature vs nurture at work.

I do think however that by reaching a level of intellectual understanding that it's entirely possible to then want, or be open, to get a deeper more practical understanding.

A key example of how understanding something can broaden your interests. Also, though, having a better understanding of why others enjoy something, will lead to a less judgemental attitude. Better understanding and more respect should be an aim for us all, I think.

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I would love to try visual and auditory combined at some stage. I was wondering are the any other sensory deprivation methods people are fond of and could recommend?

If after a time one or more small areas are exposed they become extremely sensitive

Oh wow now this does sound interesting. Thank you I’ll definitely ponder this one..."

Have you thought of vac beds? They are in a way similar to being cling wrapped and I am sure a blindfold and ear plugs can be added. Twisted at VA used to have at least one.

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

Why do some people enjoy BDSM play where they only give but don't receive. -Perhaps Dom/mes who don't get touched sexually by their prey (not the right word I know but 'sub' doesn't seem right).

If you are their Dom/me then it is correct to call them sub but if it is just play, there is no significant ongoing relationship then perhaps Top and bottom are good terms?

Everyone has different understanding of terms, so I will add my understanding.

I was lead to believe in kink and certainly in regard to applying sensation a Top is someone directed by the bottom and is done mainly for the bottom. Normally this is where there is casual play and the dominant does not have licence to go out of narrow boundaries. But topping arrangements can go on for years.

Whereas a one off D/S meet can be emotionally intense.

A real life example, some years ago there was a place where there were plenty of subs but few reliable doms. The subs arranged amongst themselves to give each other flogging or to do rope. The sub giving the flogging or doing the tying was not really feeling it, but knew the situation would be reversed as it was all about the sub.

However I know in the gay community topping and bottoming are used differently.

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