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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some people in this world are really selfish - dont care what they say or do and have no regard for others feelings. I was wondering if its a trait that actually cant be helped, maybe its genetic. Maybe selfish people are born missing a gene cause if thats the case, its not really their fault. What Im really saying is, why cant people just be nice!! Anyone else think it might be genetic?? |
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"Some people in this world are really selfish - dont care what they say or do and have no regard for others feelings. I was wondering if its a trait that actually cant be helped, maybe its genetic. Maybe selfish people are born missing a gene cause if thats the case, its not really their fault. What Im really saying is, why cant people just be nice!! Anyone else think it might be genetic??"
I'd feel mean to talk about them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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scentifically, your idea is totally right - selfishness is in the genes. it stems from the basic survival instinct, "them or me". Nature designs us to look out for ourselves. We are designed to kill and eat other animals (shape of teeth etc)!!
it is only a degree of civilisation and understanding that more can be done by working together that overcomes this natural instinct to protect what you have.
There was a semi-famous philosopher/scientist who decided to try to overcome this selfish instinct and live by rules of altruism - all his decisions were based on whether the outcome was better for the other person, rather than himself. he went from high academia, comfort and security to dying penniless on the street in a fairly short time. |
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"scentifically, your idea is totally right - selfishness is in the genes. it stems from the basic survival instinct, "them or me". Nature designs us to look out for ourselves. We are designed to kill and eat other animals (shape of teeth etc)!!
it is only a degree of civilisation and understanding that more can be done by working together that overcomes this natural instinct to protect what you have.
There was a semi-famous philosopher/scientist who decided to try to overcome this selfish instinct and live by rules of altruism - all his decisions were based on whether the outcome was better for the other person, rather than himself. he went from high academia, comfort and security to dying penniless on the street in a fairly short time."
Actually genetics tells us alturism is hard wired to ensure our dna is passed on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"scentifically, your idea is totally right - selfishness is in the genes. it stems from the basic survival instinct, "them or me". Nature designs us to look out for ourselves. We are designed to kill and eat other animals (shape of teeth etc)!!
it is only a degree of civilisation and understanding that more can be done by working together that overcomes this natural instinct to protect what you have.
There was a semi-famous philosopher/scientist who decided to try to overcome this selfish instinct and live by rules of altruism - all his decisions were based on whether the outcome was better for the other person, rather than himself. he went from high academia, comfort and security to dying penniless on the street in a fairly short time."
Where were all his friends and family, or were they all selfish too and didnt want to know him because he was skint? lol
Wish a scientist or chemist would come up with a medication to treat the selfish defect.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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he refused help from his family as that would ruin his theory/experiment.
Jemima, passing on your genes is not altruism - it's the selfish act of ensuring YOUR genes get passed on instead of someone else's. Think of animals/monkeys all trying to impregnate the lone female at breeding season. It's where the idea of the 'alpha male' comes from, that you have to fight off your competitors to get the shag and ensure survival of YOUR dna
A new male lion joining a pride will often kill all the cubs sired by the previous male. that's selfish, no? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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self-sacrifice to save a family member (thus allowing them to as on their genes) is altruism. Imagine a car full of people accidentally driving into a deep lake. Who would you save, your granny/mother or your child? would you help our child escape even if you knew that by doing so, you would be unable to escape yourself?
However, if you were on a coach full of strangers in the same position, i bet you would be saving yourself.....(unpleasant but most likely true) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you also research "maslow's hierarchy of need"....you will find that qualities are learnt from a very young age in order to be fully 'self actualised' (the best person you can be). maybe these people the OP is talking about, didn't quite have the lower order needs input from their parents or care givers!?!?
anyhooooo, i wouldn't waste precious time thinking about people who piss you off...not worth the hassle 
peace out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if you also research "maslow's hierarchy of need"....you will find that qualities are learnt from a very young age in order to be fully 'self actualised' (the best person you can be). maybe these people the OP is talking about, didn't quite have the lower order needs input from their parents or care givers!?!?
anyhooooo, i wouldn't waste precious time thinking about people who piss you off...not worth the hassle
peace out"
Bit hard when your married to him lol.
So, if there are any scientists out there that could come up with a potion to cure it, id be forever in yr debt, truly xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No matter how much you tell them, they don't listen nor care; I have a mother who is, its like talking to a brick wall and of course it is always me that is  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
anyhooooo, i wouldn't waste precious time thinking about people who piss you off...not worth the hassle
peace out
Bit hard when your married to him lol.
So, if there are any scientists out there that could come up with a potion to cure it, id be forever in yr debt, truly xx"
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"if you also research "maslow's hierarchy of need"....you will find that qualities are learnt from a very young age in order to be fully 'self actualised' (the best person you can be). maybe these people the OP is talking about, didn't quite have the lower order needs input from their parents or care givers!?!?
anyhooooo, i wouldn't waste precious time thinking about people who piss you off...not worth the hassle
peace out"
Aren't many of the 'self actualised' actually being selfish? |
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We all all selfish!!
We all only do what we want/keeps us happy !
What distinguishes us is what makes us happy /we desire.
It is selfish to want pleasure for another as this want makes us(the self) happy !
This as a philosophical debate has been established , it is only that selfishness has been tainted as a negative.
However what is it that influences what we want and makes us happy, i would suggest as many personality traits it is a blend of both nurture and nature Only perhaps in the case of extreme autistics could one rule out nurture !
I would suggest that actually instead of regarding a person who has no interest in pleasing another as "selfish" it is better to consider them as lacking empathy for it is this skill that leads us (me) to selfishly want to see others pleasured and happy !
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you also research "maslow's hierarchy of need"....you will find that qualities are learnt from a very young age in order to be fully 'self actualised' (the best person you can be). maybe these people the OP is talking about, didn't quite have the lower order needs input from their parents or care givers!?!?
anyhooooo, i wouldn't waste precious time thinking about people who piss you off...not worth the hassle
peace out
Aren't many of the 'self actualised' actually being selfish?"
don't know....is there a body of research to suggest they are? the only problem with theories, is that they are just perspectives on what the theorist thinks through their body of research! the human mind and every facet that embodies it, is in my opinion, far too complex to truly understand. therefore....if someone is being selfish, don't try to pinpoint the origin, just move on (i should establish the "individualism" perspective) and become rich  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is wrong with being selfish?"
ahhhh, i can answer that one....it's detrimental to other which can impact on their self esteem...which results in a change of the afforementioned "self actualisation" lol however, this only applies to those that dislike selfishness....in a sexual way, i don't mind females being selfish as i'm completely 'unselfish'....which in my eyes, results in some kinda equalibrium 
(god....i've just realised that i write some rubbish in these forums lol) |
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don't know.... "
I ask as many people who go off to be 'the best they can be' do so by attempting activities which push them to the very limits... often dangerous or potentially life threatening.
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"What is wrong with being selfish?
ahhhh, i can answer that one....it's detrimental to other which can impact on their self esteem...which results in a change of the afforementioned "self actualisation" lol however, this only applies to those that dislike selfishness....in a sexual way, i don't mind females being selfish as i'm completely 'unselfish'....which in my eyes, results in some kinda equalibrium
(god....i've just realised that i write some rubbish in these forums lol)"
You have not answered the question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
don't know....
I ask as many people who go off to be 'the best they can be' do so by attempting activities which push them to the very limits... often dangerous or potentially life threatening.
"
if that is the case, then are they truly at 'self actualisation'? if they were, then they would be aware of their potential and the limitations of that potential!  food for thought x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is wrong with being selfish?
ahhhh, i can answer that one....it's detrimental to other which can impact on their self esteem...which results in a change of the afforementioned "self actualisation" lol however, this only applies to those that dislike selfishness....in a sexual way, i don't mind females being selfish as i'm completely 'unselfish'....which in my eyes, results in some kinda equalibrium
(god....i've just realised that i write some rubbish in these forums lol)
You have not answered the question."
hmmmm, i thought i did  basically...it can affect others, either negatively or positively x and it's wrong if it effects the former x |
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"if you also research "maslow's hierarchy of need"....you will find that qualities are learnt from a very young age in order to be fully 'self actualised' (the best person you can be). maybe these people the OP is talking about, didn't quite have the lower order needs input from their parents or care givers!?!? "
We've come a long way since Maslow, in understanding the human mind, the brain and behaviour. Maslow's theory was a largely business/individualistic society based theory, and has received some criticism since it was proposed a long time ago - he also noted that ' the unrestrained expression of any whim, the direct seeking for "kicks" and for non-social and purely private pleasures...is often mislabelled self-actualization' - and we'd uniquely interpret self actualisation for ourselves, so it's somewhat vague, though I tend to hold with the concept to a great degree.
Anyway, back to selfish behaviour. I can imagine that it's a mix of genetic make-up and learned behaviour. It could also be linked to ability/willingness to feel empathy for others - and this seems to have a genetic basis, based on research. Not really into selfish people - they have their own path, and it doesn't cross mine. |
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"What is wrong with being selfish?
ahhhh, i can answer that one....it's detrimental to other which can impact on their self esteem...which results in a change of the afforementioned "self actualisation" lol however, this only applies to those that dislike selfishness....in a sexual way, i don't mind females being selfish as i'm completely 'unselfish'....which in my eyes, results in some kinda equalibrium
(god....i've just realised that i write some rubbish in these forums lol)
You have not answered the question.
hmmmm, i thought i did basically...it can affect others, either negatively or positively x and it's wrong if it effects the former x"
I am quite an introspective person and as such I need ‘me time’ away from other people to be me at my best generally. I am and need to be selfish and be on my own. I need to do some things on my own and so will do them on my own. When free will and the situation allow the choice, I will not do something I don’t want to do just to keep someone else happy; I do what I like when I like. I am selfish in that I endeavour to fill ‘MY’ time with the things which make ‘ME’ happy.
Yet I can be selfish without it having any negative impact on anyone else it may involve by appropriate selection.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people in this world are really selfish - dont care what they say or do and have no regard for others feelings. I was wondering if its a trait that actually cant be helped, maybe its genetic. Maybe selfish people are born missing a gene cause if thats the case, its not really their fault. What Im really saying is, why cant people just be nice!! Anyone else think it might be genetic??"
too many people think of themselves and take for granted the things they have always had that may make them appealing or help them get their own way with others! and dont really think of others when it comes to getting what they want.
guess thats one thing i thinks totally made me different, with us being 25 stone before, never really had alot of attention or been with loads of people before i was 30, but lost it all and even though ive changed things ive never changed myself so still the nice guy i always was and still greatfull for those that come into my life and treat em right coz i remember when i never had that,
i think those that had it forever dont realise they are lucky to have it and dont apprechiate it and misuse it!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
We've come a long way since Maslow, in understanding the human mind, the brain and behaviour. Maslow's theory was a largely business/individualistic society based theory, and has received some criticism since it was proposed a long time ago - he also noted that ' the unrestrained expression of any whim, the direct seeking for "kicks" and for non-social and purely private pleasures...is often mislabelled self-actualization' - and we'd uniquely interpret self actualisation for ourselves, so it's somewhat vague, though I tend to hold with the concept to a great degree.
."
good reply. i'm aware that maslow's theory is slightly dated...but the underlying principles have been the foundation for more recent perspectives, especially in education. therefore, still relevant when thinking about potential in people. Empathy is the obvious focus for the OP's thread. it still baffles me how people can respond to situations in an exaggerated way. as for selfishness...depends on what each person perceives as 'selfish'  |
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I take it you all live on the very least money possible and donate a large % of your income to helping those who have nothing? Or are some of you a little more selfish when it comes to money and your standard of living? I am sure you may well have a great deal of empathy for people forced to live in a cardboard box after a natural disaster took their home, job and family away..... but then again empathy is cheap and doesn't make deductions from your bank account. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I take it you all live on the very least money possible and donate a large % of your income to helping those who have nothing? Or are some of you a little more selfish when it comes to money and your standard of living? I am sure you may well have a great deal of empathy for people forced to live in a cardboard box after a natural disaster took their home, job and family away..... but then again empathy is cheap and doesn't make deductions from your bank account."
i work within education and actually help charities within the school by generating funds for those in need, but the special facet of charity work, is not the financial side, but the social togetherness of helping others. that is true empathy. but, maybe you are more materialistic than you first seemed to be. my overall point is to not be too judgmental as there is a reason behind every action. many of those reasons are out of the person's control. empathy has many forms, but i'd rather know that people feel sad and empathise those less fortunate as well as wish there was something they could do, rather than be loaded with money and donate or have no money and put them and their families under financial stress due to donating. there is always a bigger picture that we find hard to see  |
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"I take it you all live on the very least money possible and donate a large % of your income to helping those who have nothing? Or are some of you a little more selfish when it comes to money and your standard of living? I am sure you may well have a great deal of empathy for people forced to live in a cardboard box after a natural disaster took their home, job and family away..... but then again empathy is cheap and doesn't make deductions from your bank account.
i work within education and actually help charities within the school by generating funds for those in need, but the special facet of charity work, is not the financial side, but the social togetherness of helping others. that is true empathy. but, maybe you are more materialistic than you first seemed to be. my overall point is to not be too judgmental as there is a reason behind every action. many of those reasons are out of the person's control. empathy has many forms, but i'd rather know that people feel sad and empathise those less fortunate as well as wish there was something they could do, rather than be loaded with money and donate or have no money and put them and their families under financial stress due to donating. there is always a bigger picture that we find hard to see "
Do you mean there is a line you would not cross to help others and would not expect others to cross? Why is going without to give to someone with nothing the same as financial stress?
Would you do the same work if you had to do it on your own without 'the social togetherness of helping others'... or is that bit the payback?
You may rather know that people feel sad than give money, but do you think the child scavenging in a rubbish tip prefers to know those eating their takeaway meal and scraping the left-overs in the bin have empathy?
Show me a dozen people on here who say they are never selfish and I’ll show you 11 people who are either deluded or liars ... the 12th one is probably a doormat.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Show me a dozen people on here who say they are never selfish and I’ll show you 11 people who are either deluded or liars ... the 12th one is probably a doormat.
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lol thank god for the doormat's generosity
i can understand your points, but again, it comes down to experiences. i know people who are genuine when it comes to helping others...but that's not to say that they would help others before themselves. if we didn't first look after ourselves, how on earth would we be in a state to help others!?!?! nonetheless, that is not what i would deem as selfishness (others might). it relates to my points about poerspectives. however, you don't seem to account for others perspectives on life and experiences, which is why your justifications for lack of empathy are not fully valid in my eyes....although i do feel you have some good points to make.  |
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Show me a dozen people on here who say they are never selfish and I’ll show you 11 people who are either deluded or liars ... the 12th one is probably a doormat.
lol thank god for the doormat's generosity
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Who said the doormat was generous? May be they just lack the self confidence to ask people to stop shitting on them. |
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